Astros @ stRangers on my birthday!!!

[Mr. Happy]

Happy birthday to me! Here are your starting lineups:

Astros

CFJordan Schafer
2BJose Altuve
SSJed Lowrie
1BBrett Wallace
3BChris Johnson
RFBrian Bogusevic
DHJ.D. Martinez
LFJustin Maxwell
CChris Snyder

stRangers

2B Ian Kinsler 
SS Elvis Andrus 
DH Michael Young 
3B Adrian Beltre 
RF Nelson Cruz 
LF David Murphy 
C Mike Napoli 
1B Mitch Moreland 
CF Craig Gentry 

[Ron Brand]

Happy Happy, Mr. Happy!

[OregonStrosFan]

Happy birthday to me!

And in honor of your birthday today Mr. Happy, I am going to subject the game to national blackout so you can't watch it! - W. Huber Selig

That said... happy birthday Paul!

[Bench]

Happy to Happy.  Just happy Happ isn't pitching. 

[Mr. Happy]

And in honor of your birthday today Mr. Happy, I am going to subject the game to national blackout so you can't watch it! - W. Huber Selig

That said... happy birthday Paul!

Doesn't that just suck? FYB didn't get the memo that it was MY fucking birthday! A guy has an inalienable right to watch his team on his birthday!

[Mr. Happy]

And to add insult to injury, Fox is showing the FTC and BoSux. Oh the horror.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Happy Birthday, Mr Happy.

[Mr. Happy]

Happy Birthday, Mr Happy.

Thanks, Sphinx and Bench, and I am happy that Happ isn't pitching today, but I know nothing about Keutchel, who is pitching tomorrow, so we'll have to see.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Yea Jed! Too bad it wasn't a two run shot.

[Mr. Happy]

Yea Jed! Too bad it wasn't a two run shot.

Damn shame. We could have used another run against this juggernaut, even without Hamilton.

[believin]

Happy Birthday, Mr. Happy!

[chuck]

Schafer is a fucking idiot.

[Mr. Happy]

Schafer is a fucking idiot.

Of course he is. I didn't get to see the play, but with Lowrie at the dish, I'm inclined to let him stay at 1B. But I can't fault him too much for trying to swipe a bag.

[chuck]

These might be my favorite throwbacks. The cap is definitely my favorite.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

End of one inning and the Astros lead one to nothing. Lowrie's homerun was 13 of the season. The most any Astros shortstop has hit in a season was Thon with 20.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

These might be my favorite throwbacks. The cap is definitely my favorite.

Reminds me of those great '80 and '81 teams.

[Mr. Happy]

These might be my favorite throwbacks. The cap is definitely my favorite.

What are they wearing today? Fucking Fox. We're watching Storage Wars because I refuse to watch the FTC/BoSux on my birthday. Yuuuup!

[Bench]

These might be my favorite throwbacks. The cap is definitely my favorite.

It manages to be both classic and colorful.  It's a great uniform.

[chuck]

Of course he is. I didn't get to see the play, but with Lowrie at the dish, I'm inclined to let him stay at 1B. But I can't fault him too much for trying to swipe a bag.

Not only is he a terrible bunter but he is a terrible base stealer. His jump was awful. The catcher had a tough pitch to deal with and made a PERFECT throw but any reasonable jump would have resulted in a stolen base.

I bet you I've seen Schafer caught stealing more than I've seen either Astro catcher throw out all opposing base runners.

[chuck]

What are they wearing today? Fucking Fox. We're watching Storage Wars because I refuse to watch the FTC/BoSux on my birthday. Yuuuup!

I'm looking around for a stream of the game for you. If I find something I'll let you know.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Of course he is. I didn't get to see the play, but with Lowrie at the dish, I'm inclined to let him stay at 1B. But I can't fault him too much for trying to swipe a bag.

It took a great throw by Napoli.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

CB Bucknor strikes again. Cocksucker.

[geezerdonk]

Watching Johnson and Bogusevic is painful.

[Mr. Happy]

Not only is he a terrible bunter but he is a terrible base stealer. His jump was awful. The catcher had a tough pitch to deal with and made a PERFECT throw but any reasonable jump would have resulted in a stolen base.

I bet you I've seen Schafer caught stealing more than I've seen either Astro catcher throw out all opposing base runners.

I find his baseball instincts to be particularly poor.

[roadrunner]

Love these throwbacks.

You guys are going to hate me even more, but I am totally buying into the Rangers rivalry next year.  I can't stand the ball licking they receive from all of baseball.  Their fans look like they should be at a Nascar race.  And it's Dallas.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

End of two and the Astros lead 1-0.

[Mr. Happy]

Love these throwbacks.

You guys are going to hate me even more, but I am totally buying into the Rangers rivalry next year.  I can't stand the ball licking they receive from all of baseball.  Their fans look like they should be at a Nascar race.  And it's Dallas.

Contrarian. But it sounds like your hate for the Rangers and their fans is in the right place, so welcome!

[jbm]

Rarely see a play that nice by the Astros.  Heads up by both Altuve and Harrell.

[OregonStrosFan]

Doesn't that just suck? FYB didn't get the memo that it was MY fucking birthday! A guy has an inalienable right to watch his team on his birthday!

Worth watching webgems tonight I'd imagine.  Altuve just made an awesome play to end the 2nd (Wallace dove well right and got a glove on it, slowed it down with a bit of a change in direction, Altuve backing him up barehanded the ball and shuffled it underhand to Harrell who beat thr runner to 1B for the out. VERY NICE).

[jbm]

Fucking strikeout machines.  Congrats to Snyder for making contact.

[Mr. Happy]

Are we making a kid who is making his big league debut look like Cy Young? That's what it appears to be on GameTrax.

[jbm]

Are we making a kid who is making his big league debut look like Cy Young? That's what it appears to be on GameTrax.

He has a good hook, but the typical AB is to take a hittable fastball for strike one, get behind and swing at a hook in the dirt for strike three.  Almost as predictable as Schafer's fake bunt on pitch one.

[jbm]

Bogey cutting that hit off probably saves a run.  Those little things.

[hostros7]

The game is on in Santa fe.  I'm attributing this to the rangers but enjoying nonetheless

[moriartp]

Oh god dammit that was so close.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Altuve misses a HR by two feet.

[Ron Brand]

How can you not love Altuve?

[jbm]

Nice job by Jed.  Do your part Wally.

[OregonStrosFan]

Wow, Altuve with one off the top of the padding on the left center field wall (the way the wall is marked it was a foot or so below being a homerun).

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Last pitch was high and outside for a strike?!?!?!

[Ron Brand]

Fox guys are convinced that Mike Napoli is the best parts of Mickey Cochrane and Johnny Bench.

[strosrays]

Weird. I am getting the game on the national (regional) Fox feed.  If it was on FSSW, it would probably be blacked out.

Happy birthday, Paul.  You are doing a fine job here and with the recaps, by the way.

[jbm]

Fox guys are convinced that Mike Napoli is the best parts of Mickey Cochrane and Johnny Bench.

It is genius to let your pitcher know to throw the 0-2 hook in the dirt.

[Ron Brand]

Weird. I am getting the game on the national (regional) Fox feed.  If it was on FSSW, it would probably be blacked out.

Happy birthday, Paul.  You are doing a fine job here and with the recaps, by the way.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's on the national Fox feed.

[Ron Brand]

It is genius to let your pitcher know to throw the 0-2 hook in the dirt.

They aren't lacking for any hyperbole at all.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fox guys are convinced that Mike Napoli is the best parts of Mickey Cochrane and Johnny Bench.

He's not a bad catcher for a firstbaseman.

[Ron Brand]

I guess Grimm has Strasburg's curve from the way the Astro batters are reacting to it.

[Mr. Happy]

He has a good hook, but the typical AB is to take a hittable fastball for strike one, get behind and swing at a hook in the dirt for strike three.  Almost as predictable as Schafer's fake bunt on pitch one.

And Schreefer isn't even good at faking a bunt. It's a half-hearted effort. I'm souring on him quickly. He got off to a decent start and can field his position, but we need more production out of him or i say go with the pop of Maxwell in CF while we wait for our prized prospect.

[chuck]

Lowrie, Altuve and a bunch of fucking minor leaguers. Goddamn this team sucks.

[Mr. Happy]

Fox guys are convinced that Mike Napoli is the best parts of Mickey Cochrane and Johnny Bench.

Who's that? That baseball genius Dick Stockton? Please.

[strosrays]

They aren't lacking for any hyperbole at all.

I don't know who the color anal-ysts are, but I like Dick Stockton, who it sounds like is the p-b-p guy.

[Mr. Happy]

Weird. I am getting the game on the national (regional) Fox feed.  If it was on FSSW, it would probably be blacked out.

Happy birthday, Paul.  You are doing a fine job here and with the recaps, by the way.

Thanks, Dark Star!

[jbm]

Why the fuck is Abe killing vampires?  Doesn't he have a nation to save.

[Ron Brand]

Why the fuck is Abe killing vampires?  Doesn't he have a nation to save.

He's a multitasker.

[Mr. Happy]

We'll see how good Harrell is with the second time through the lineup.

[strosrays]

Why the fuck is Abe killing vampires?  Doesn't he have a nation to save.

Vampires were part of the Knights of the Golden Circle, and helped Jesse James hide money everywhere - in caves and shit - to support the Confederacy.  The History Channel should be preparing a special on this, with a marketing tie-in to the movie, as we speak.

[Ron Brand]

I can't wait to get my set of Confederate Vampire glasses from Burger King.

[Ron Brand]

Looks like Beltre took a ricochet to the nads on that one. Ha.

[moriartp]

I don't know who the color anal-ysts are, but I like Dick Stockton, who it sounds like is the p-b-p guy.

Tom Verducci.

[Ron Brand]

Harrell is lucky Beltre didn't hit that one to Euless.

[chuck]

Harrell is lucky Beltre didn't hit that one to Euless.

I'm not sure why Maxwell didn't catch it.

[Ron Brand]

Putting a liter of water in my overheating Camaro always gives me a case of priapism.

[Ron Brand]

I'm not sure why Maxwell didn't catch it.

I didn't see his jump (or lack thereof) but it was hit over his head.

[strosrays]

I can't wait to get my set of Confederate Vampire glasses from Burger King.

These were before the metrosexual Twilight-type vampires, I am pretty sure. At least I hope so.  I don't think I can stand another prepubescent vampire craze, man.

[Ron Brand]

These were before the metrosexual Twilight-type vampires, I am pretty sure. At least I hope so.  I don't think I can stand another prepubescent vampire craze, man.

I can't hang with the stupid shit they're doing with zombies these days. These stupid Marie Antoinette vs. The Zombies books drive me up the wall.

[Ron Brand]

A lot of high-fives for that groundout? You imbecile.

[chuck]

Maxwell's fixin to yoke one of these jerky ass curve balls into the upper deck.

[Ron Brand]

Maxwell's bat is AL-ready.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Maxwell is a hitter.

[jbm]

Look at this team with clutch hits. I guess Napoli can only do so much.

[Ron Brand]

Off to work, I'll check back later.

[strosrays]

If Grimm grooves one this AB, Altuve will not miss it.

[Mr. Happy]

Maxwell is a hitter.

He appears to be.

[strosrays]

Ok, Stockton.  This has been a mediocre debut for Grimm, at best.

[Mr. Happy]

Off to work, I'll check back later.

Who's got the recap tonight? I'd do it if I could watch the game some way other than GameDay on mlb.com.

[strosrays]

I know he was an admirable player and all, but you know what?  Cal Ripken can kiss my ass.

[strosrays]

Who's got the recap tonight? I'd do it if I could watch the game some way other than GameDay on mlb.com.

I can do it if no one else can. I was hoping maybe RB would take it.

[hostros7]

Must be a fox gun if harrel clocks at 94

[Mr. Happy]

Must be a fox gun if harrel clocks at 94

I think that is accurate. I've seen him reach 95 in a previous start.

[moriartp]

Never change, Astros. Never change.

[chuck]

Fucking minor leaguers.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Ouch! Leave it to the Astros to screw up a run-down.

[roadrunner]

Fantastic.

Love this tweet from Levine:

"Jim Crane should make the ballpark experience as much about him as the Rangers Ballpark experience is about their owner."

[HudsonHawk]

Well that escalated quickly.

[roadrunner]

Fontana is about to start on ESPN....

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Shit. One fuck-up and the flood gates open.

[Mr. Happy]

Shit. One fuck-up and the flood gates open.

That's what happened last night.

[94CougarGrad]

So I'm at Frisco-Corpus, and first the scoreboard said Astros 5 Rangers 3, then a few minutes later, it said Astros 3 Rangers 5. Bleh.

Had no idea Lee would be here tonight. Taking photos for Facebook. Top 4, tied at 0.

[Ron Brand]

I can do it if no one else can. I was hoping maybe RB would take it.

No one has Fridays or Saturdays. I've got Sundays.

[Ron Brand]

Gee, glad I could step out for a bit.

[HudsonHawk]

The Rangers have now claimed Earl Campbell?  What assholes.

[Mr. Happy]

Gee, glad I could step out for a bit.

It's all your fault.

[Ron Brand]

The Rangers have now claimed Earl Campbell?  What assholes.

How much of this is a scorched-earth policy by Ryan, and how much of it is luck and opportunity?

[Ron Brand]

It's all your fault.

Yes, I am the real Drayton McLane.

[HudsonHawk]

How much of this is a scorched-earth policy by Ryan, and how much of it is luck and opportunity?

It's been a 30-year "fuck you" from Ryan. And the Astros just said "thank you sir, may I have another".

[Mr. Happy]

How much of this is a scorched-earth policy by Ryan, and how much of it is luck and opportunity?

Yep. Scorched earth it is.

[chuck]

The Rangers have now claimed Earl Campbell?  What assholes.

I can't wait to see who wins the race between Jim Crane and Tony Dorsett at MMP. I'm going to give the edge to Crane because he's likely going to find himself being chased by creditors and EEOC lawyers.

[chuck]

It's been a 30-year "fuck you" from Ryan. And the Astros just said "thank you sir, may I have another".

At least the Astros get Vito Corleone while the Rangers are stuck with Fredo.

[chuck]

How the fuck does Chris Snyder get to put on a major league uniform every day?

[Ron Brand]

How the fuck does Chris Snyder get to put on a major league uniform every day?

He was our Johnny Bench a couple of weeks ago.

[94CougarGrad]

Middle 4, Corpus 3, Frisco 0.

[Ron Brand]

Middle 4, Corpus 3, Frisco 0.

About damn time you showed up.

[chuck]

He was our Johnny Bench a couple of weeks ago.

Being the best defensive catcher on the Astros' roster is a lot like being the toughest guy in the ballet.

[Ron Brand]

Being the best defensive catcher on the Astros' roster is a lot like being the toughest guy in the ballet.

At the time, he was hitting too.

[94CougarGrad]

About damn time you showed up.

I've been here since the previous page!

[Ron Brand]

I've been here since the previous page!

I know, I meant before tonight.

[Mr. Happy]

I know, I meant before tonight.

She's probably been busy with kiddos and school.

[Ron Brand]

She's probably been busy with kiddos and school.

Oh, excuses, eh?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Altuve and Lowrie looked bad on those last at bats. Now Wallace is going to strike out be hit by a pitch and Johnson is going to strikeout ground out.

[Mr. Happy]

RB, I'm betting the fantasy house tonight against Phil Humber out in LA N, starting all three of my Dodger players against that almost 6 ERA. I played Saunders tonight too on an ERA play against Lincecum, whose ERA is 6 even.

[chuck]

Outstanding approach by Johnson.

[Ron Brand]

RB, I'm betting the fantasy house tonight against Phil Humber out in LA N, starting all three of my Dodger players against that almost 6 ERA. I played Saunders tonight too on an ERA play against Lincecum, whose ERA is 6 even.

That's probably not going to bite you in the ass if it fails though.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Cruz, has given up at least one homerun in each of his last four appearances.

[Ron Brand]

Cruz, has given up at least one homerun in each of his last four appearances.

And he was pretty good in spots early on too. Not now.

[Mr. Happy]

And he was pretty good in spots early on too. Not now.

I've seen enough to send him back.

[Mr. Happy]

Shitfuck. Pound the ole Budweiser and try to avoid being broomed tomorrow. Maybe our debut pitcher will throw as well as their debut pitcher did today.

[94CougarGrad]

Oh, excuses, eh?

Ya wanna take dis outside?

End 7, same score in Frisco.

[Ron Brand]

Ya wanna take dis outside?

End 7, same score in Frisco.

No, I'm glad you're back. We missed you.

Beat the hell outta Frisco!

[Ron Brand]

Sorry about your birthday present, Mr. Happy.

[Ron Brand]

Lee activated, Wallace sent down.

[94CougarGrad]

Lee activated, Wallace sent down.

That explains why he didn't take the field in the 8th inning, I guess?

Mid 9, Hooks 5 Riders 0. Go Hooks!

[94CougarGrad]

The AA team does its part for Happy's birthday:

Hooks 5 14 1
Riders 0 2 1

Ballgame.

[moriartp]

The AA team does its part for Happy's birthday:

Hooks 5 14 1
Riders 0 2 1

Ballgame.

Hot damn, 2-hit shutout for Cisnero. He's had quite a good month.

[Mr. Happy]

Sorry about your birthday present, Mr. Happy.

It's alright. My wife got me an awesome ice cream cake from Marble Slab Creamery, so it was a great day despite the loss. Who's going to do the recap?

[Ron Brand]

It's alright. My wife got me an awesome ice cream cake from Marble Slab Creamery, so it was a great day despite the loss. Who's going to do the recap?

I haven't heard. Maybe Dark Star.

[Mr. Happy]

I haven't heard. Maybe Dark Star.

I'm happy to do it even though I only watched it on GameDay. Let me know ASAP and I'll do it.

[strosrays]

I'm happy to do it even though I only watched it on GameDay. Let me know ASAP and I'll do it.

Got it, M-Hap.  Enjoy your ice cream cake. Tomorrow is all yours.

[Mr. Happy]

Got it, M-Hap.  Enjoy your ice cream cake. Tomorrow is all yours.

Actually, tommorow is Ron Brand's. I'm back up on thursday. Thanks!

[Ron Brand]

Got it, M-Hap.  Enjoy your ice cream cake. Tomorrow is all yours.

Hey, 52. It is too goddamn early, same age as my dad when he went. Fuck cancer.

[Mr. Happy]

Hey, 52. It is too goddamn early, same age as my dad when he went. Fuck cancer.

Amen to that, RB.