Astros @ Jakes, 5/13/10 DAY GAME!

[Ebby Calvin]

Bourn
Kepp
Puma
Kabong
Janitor
Happy Pete
Kaz
Q
Norris

vs

8 Shitbirds and a Carpenter.

[austro]

Bourn
Kepp
Puma
Kabong
Janitor
Happy Pete
Kaz
Q
Norris

vs

8 Shitbirds and a Carpenter.

Let's hope it's time to update Carpenter's wikipedia page again.

[Lurch]

Read somewhere that last night's 33rd game saw the Astros 32nd different lineup.

[Matt]

Fuck the Jakes!

[Matt]

Nice AB there Spaz

[Rebel Jew]

I love day games!  It makes me forget that I'm teaching America's failing youth at one of America's failing schools

[Rebel Jew]

PBP from my job:

Kid comes in to my room, comes up to my desk, yells "Man, fuck Cubales!" referring to to the teacher of his swimming class.  I ask what's wrong and he tells me how there's a rule that you have to show up to swimming class by 8:20 or you fail for the day, and if you show up late four times you fail for the semester.  So he showed up at 8:25 today, and the teacher wouldn't let him swim.  Afterward, he was told that he would fail for the semester (this kid is a senior who needs this class to graduate) because that was his fourth time late.  He told me that he pleaded with the teacher, and the teacher gave him one more chance.  "So what's the problem then?"  I ask.  The kid shrugs.

America in action

[Ebby Calvin]

"Man, fuck Cubales!"

I agree, Fuck the Cubales.

[Ebby Calvin]

Following online (no audio or video):

Top 3.

Puma singles in Bourn.
1-0 Astros.  2 on, 2 out for Pence.

[Andyzipp]

Can't tell from listening to Do-Ray.  What does Carpenter have his panties in a wad about?

[chuck]

Doink.

[Ty in Tampa]

PENCE!!! goes yard! 3-run HR!!

[Ebby Calvin]

Wow.

[Matt]

Can't tell from listening to Do-Ray.  What does Carpenter have his panties in a wad about?

He was mouthing off at Lee after Lee popped up so Lee tried getting into his face. Benches cleared. Carpenter then was saying something to somebody else on the Astros once the benches cleared.

[EasTexAstro]

Can't tell from listening to Do-Ray.  What does Carpenter have his panties in a wad about?

Being a Co-ard?

[Matt]

And it looks like Carpenter got a little too flustered.

[Andyzipp]

Another stupid question.  On mlb.com/gameday, what is PFX supposed to represent?

[Matt]

This is so enjoyable!

[Ebby Calvin]

He was mouthing off at Lee after Lee popped up so Lee tried getting into his face. Benches cleared. Carpenter then was saying something to somebody else on the Astros once the benches cleared.

What started all of this?

[Lurch]

Another stupid question.  On mlb.com/gameday, what is PFX supposed to represent?

"Pitch-f/x" is the distance between the location of the actual pitch thrown over the plate, and the calculated location of a ball thrown by the pitcher in the same way, with no spin. Or, in more common terms, this is the amount of "movement" the pitcher applies to the pitch. A faster, straighter pitch like a fastball will have a higher Pitch-f/x value than a slower, breaking ball like a curveball, which will have a higher Break value."

[Craig]

Can't tell from listening to Do-Ray.  What does Carpenter have his panties in a wad about?

After Lee popped out and yelled at himself in disgust, Carpenter walked toward the first base line and started jawing at Lee. Yadda Yadda Yadda got between them and Berkman, who was on base, walked over and gave everyone some sunflower seeds. Benches cleared but JD said "This is the mildest bench-clearing I've ever seen."

Then Pence came out and jacked a three-run homer, Carpenter walked the next batter on four pitches, and now he and LaGenius are bickering at each other in the dugout.

[EasTexAstro]

Another stupid question.  On mlb.com/gameday, what is PFX supposed to represent?

The Pitch-f/x or 'PFX' value is the distance between the location of the actual pitch, and the calculated location of a ball thrown by the pitcher in the same way but with no spin; this is the amount of 'movement' the pitcher applies to the pitch.

http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/gameday/index.jsp

[MusicMan]

"Pitch-f/x" is the distance between the location of the actual pitch thrown over the plate, and the calculated location of a ball thrown by the pitcher in the same way, with no spin. Or, in more common terms, this is the amount of "movement" the pitcher applies to the pitch. A faster, straighter pitch like a fastball will have a higher Pitch-f/x value than a slower, breaking ball like a curveball, which will have a higher Break value."

How many hit points does that give you?

[Matt]

What started all of this?

I think it was Bourn walking and then coming around to score. Lee was frustrated at the pop up and probably said "Fuck!"

[Noe]

Another stupid question.  On mlb.com/gameday, what is PFX supposed to represent?

The end of human kind as we know it.

[Ebby Calvin]

...Berkman, who was on base, walked over and gave everyone some sunflower seeds.

This had me laughing.

[EasTexAstro]

Another stupid question.  On mlb.com/gameday, what is PFX supposed to represent?

The Pujols function: How far the bile rises in your throat when you hear his name, measured in inches.

[Froback]

Is it so wrong of me the cheer for a massive hot streak from Pence to boost his trade value?

(not that I won't enjoy the Astros winning some along the way, but priorities...)

[MusicMan]

MLB At-Bat rant:

If I'm going to pay $15 for audio, then stop blowing out my headphones every time the commercials start.

[T. J.]

Top 5.  Keppinger hits first pitch up the middle.  1 on, no outs.

(Can do PBP for about 10 minutes here.)

[Limey]

After Lee popped out and yelled at himself in disgust, Carpenter walked toward the first base line and started jawing at Lee. Yadda Yadda Yadda got between them and Berkman, who was on base, walked over and gave everyone some sunflower seeds. Benches cleared but JD said "This is the mildest bench-clearing I've ever seen."

In soccer parlance, this is called "handbags".

[T. J.]

Berkman also hits the first pitch up the middle for a base hit.  Puma has been on base 9 straight times.  Team record is 13, held by the Great Billy Spiers.

Men on 1st and 2nd, nobody out.

[Limey]

MLB At-Bat rant:

If I'm going to pay $15 for audio, then stop blowing out my headphones every time the commercials start.

Seconded.

[Matt]

Didn't Carpenter start jawing at Bourn last year when he was on base? It seems like he's regular whiny bitch.

[T. J.]

Caballo up.

Strike, ball, ball, strike, ball,

Smokes one on a line to right, but caught.

1 out, men on first and second.

[T. J.]

Spaz.

Fouls off first pitch.
Grounds second one to second.  4-6-3 DP.  3 outs.

Middle of the 5th, 4-0 good guys.

[T. J.]

If nothing else, this "Grand Slam for Youth Baseball" commercial has finally allowed me to figure out whose voice annoys me on the radio.  It's Dolan.

[Froback]

Spaz.

Fouls off first pitch.
Grounds second one to second.  4-6-3 DP.  3 outs.

Middle of the 5th, 4-0 good guys.

And the inconsistency continues... so much for my hope.

Thanks for pbp though!

[T. J.]

JD figures out why Norris dominates the Cards.  It's the name "Bud", just like "Miller" dominated the Brewers.

Bottom 5.  Grounder to short, 1 out. 

[MusicMan]

If nothing else, this "Grand Slam for Youth Baseball" commercial has finally allowed me to figure out whose voice annoys me on the radio.  It's Dolan.

They both annoy me.

[T. J.]

Freese up, 1 out nobody on.  Astros up 4-0.

Strike swinging
Ball
Check swing roller to first, two outs.

[Matt]

JD points out that Bud dominates at Busch like Wade Miller dominated at Miller Park.

[MusicMan]

JD points out that Bud dominates at Busch like Wade Miller dominated at Miller Park.

Shut up, JD.

[BudGirl]

Shut up, JD.

at least it wasn't me.  i've seen enough of HH's boobs.

[MusicMan]

at least it wasn't me.  i've seen enough of HH's boobs.

And he didn't even show you everything.

[T. J.]

Colby Rasmus to bat.  Quintero out to talk to Bud.

Foul ball straight back into Q's face.
Ball outside
Pop foul back, Q gives chase, over the screen.
  -50 pitches for Bud to this point
Ball just outside
K swinging.

On to the 6th.  4-0 astros



Gotta go for now.  May be back for PBP later.

[Limey]

And he didn't even show you everything.

He's such a tease.

[Ebby Calvin]

They both annoy me.

I actually met Dolan a couple weeks ago and talked to him for a bit.  Really nice guy.
I didn't mention SnS.

[Froback]

  -50 pitches for Bud to this point
Ball just outside
K swinging.

On to the 6th.  4-0 astros

Back to the game...

That is some efficient pitching by Bud!

[BudGirl]

I actually met Dolan a couple weeks ago and talked to him for a bit.  Really nice guy.
I didn't mention SnS.

Are you ashamed of SnS?  Is that why you didn't mention it/us?

[Bench]

Are you ashamed of SnS?  Is that why you didn't mention it/us?

Of course. 

[MusicMan]

DoRay are applying every jinx to Bud they can think of.

[BudGirl]

They are such cub homers they can't help themselves.

[Limey]

Norris responds to the GZ praise, by plunking Molina.

MLB At-Bat now blowing out MM's eardrums mid-inning too.

[Ebby Calvin]

Are you ashamed of SnS?  Is that why you didn't mention it/us?

No, but I didn't want to get my ass kicked in case he reads SnS.  Not a lot of fans of his on here (me included).

[Limey]

Green Ks on an unchecked check swing.  Carpenter up, with 1 on, 1 out.

ETA: Carp showing bunt.

[Limey]

Carp bunts hard to Berkman,  Twinks throws low to 2nd, gets the lead runner but Kepp had to work to make the out and the return throw for a DP wasn't going to happen.

[Lurch]

Helluva game by Bud.  He done?

[BudGirl]

Haven't you heard?  He's only thrown 68 pitches.  He should have ~32 in him yet.

[Limey]

Schumakkker grounds out to Twinkie.  End of 6, 4-0 Astros.  Norris at 68 pitches.

MLB At-Bat Gameday box is running about 2 pitches ahead of the audio feed.

[Limey]

Helluva game by Bud.  He done?

Nope.  He's leading off the 7th.

[Limey]

Norris G/O 6-3.

[Limey]

Bourn G/O 4-3.

[Limey]

Kepp tries to Charlie Brown Carpenter, but he makes a reflex catch.  Mid 7, 4-0 Astros.  Norris still at 68 pitches.

[MusicMan]

"It's like Carpenter is doing everything he can to make quick work of everyone else so that he doesn't have to face Berkman with men on base" - DoRay.

Or, it could be that he sees his job, as the pitcher, to prevent EVERY batter from reaching base.  Just a thought.

[Gizzmonic]

On the wings of love, we can do anything!

Even beat the Cardinals!

[Limey]

The previously hitless Ludwick (nice one DoRay you tossers) drops a single into CF.

[Lurch]

On the wings of love, we can do anything!

Even beat the Cardinals!

BudGirl called...

[BudGirl]

I hate these radio guys.  Bragging about how Ludwick was 0-2 in the game.  Just asking for him to get a hit.

[Froback]

He may be a whiney Jake, but Carpenter is a helluva pitcher.

And I agree with MM, kind of a pitchers job to get people out!

[BudGirl]

BudGirl called...

I just need to send him the photo of HH's boobies.

[Limey]

Buttholes takes a 2-0 pitch and turns it into an FC, beating the relay at 1st while a doe-eyed La Fuckwad looks on adoringly from the dugout.

[BudGirl]

norris at 80 pitches

[Limey]

Norris wild pitches Sphincterboy to 2nd.  Holliday brings him home on a single to CF.  4-1 Astros

ETA:  Pooholes ran through a large stop sign at 3rd.

[BudGirl]

do-ray comments that no card had made it to third, so, pujols scores.

[MusicMan]

Pujols runs through a stop sign, scores anyway.

[Ron Brand]

Just when Bud's ERA was about to dip below 6...

[MusicMan]

do-ray comments that no card had made it to third, so, pujols scores.

I really hate them.

[Limey]

do-ray comments that no card had made it to third, so, pujols scores.

How to we shut these clowns up.  I have some connections in Mexico...

[BudGirl]

norris at 86 pitches

[Limey]

Freese goes down swinging.  2 out, 1 on.

[BudGirl]

How to we shut these clowns up.  I have some connections in Mexico...

what are you waiting for, june?  need to start a paypal account?  what?

[BudGirl]

now the jokers are wanting bud to go 8, you know what that means.

[MusicMan]

How to we shut these clowns up.  I have some connections in Mexico...

Plant a lost iPhone 4.0 on them.

[T. J.]

I'm back and can take over PBP if anybody wants/needs it.

[Limey]

Rasmus grounds to Kaz.  End 7, 4-1 Astros.  Norris at 90 pitches.

[Limey]

I'm back and can take over PBP if anybody wants/needs it.

Iggity-aggity-ooh.  Ah-ah!  It's yours.

[BudGirl]

Hey Limey, Neil T wants to know when the next game watch by SnS is?

[T. J.]

Top 8.  Berkman up.  Astros up 4-1.

Looping curve, strike one looking.
Looping curve, strike two swinging.
Looping curve, outside ball 1.

Smacks a hard shot to 1st.  Pujols picks it up to finally retire Puma after nine straight reaching base.

1 out.

[T. J.]

Lee.

Ball outside.
Strike swinging.
Ball
Hard grounder to short, 2 out.

[94CougarGrad]

What a shitty day at work. Maybe I'll make it home to catch the bottom of the 9th.

[T. J.]

PENCE!  1-3 with a 3 run HR today.

Ball inside
Strike called
Fastball just low
Fastball also low, but called strike 2
And Pence swings at a breaking ball in the dirt.  Shocker.  3 out.

[Jacksonian]

And Pence swings at a breaking ball in the dirt.  Shocker.  3 out.

It's almost a cliche now.

[Lurch]

Lee.

Ball outside.
Strike swinging.
Ball
Hard grounder to short, 2 out.

And back below .200 he goes...

[T. J.]

Bottom 8, Bud still in. 4-1 Astros.

Molina hits first pitch into right field.

Man on first, nobody out.

[Froback]

And back below .200 he goes...

Oh wait, you were talking about his average...

[T. J.]

Greene.

Ball outside
Next pitch hit hard to left for a hit.  Pitch was left up in the zone.

2 on, nobody out.

[Lurch]

Lysol and Listerine please

[Limey]

DoRay repeating the "Cards only got one man to 3B today" meme, because it worked so well last time.

Oh yeah, back-to-back base hits ensue.  Furniture in my office is cowering in fear.

[T. J.]

Jon Jay up.  Arnsberg to the mound to give the pen time to warm up.

[MusicMan]

Does anything look dumber on GameDay than a player named "J. Jay"?

[Limey]

Oh wait, you were talking about his average...

He waved 200lbs buh-bye decades ago.

[T. J.]

Jon Jay.

Bunts first pitch for a sac.  Good bunt. 

One out, men on 2nd and 3rd.

[Froback]

He waved 200lbs buh-bye decades ago.

Actually there were so many ways I could go with that, I chose to make it open-ended so people could fill in their own ideas on where it could have gone.

[MusicMan]

LaRussa pinch-hitting for Carpenter, only to bunt, is a classic .093 move.

[T. J.]

Schumaker.

JD and Brownie surprised at the sac bunt down 3 late in the game.  Larussa.

Breaking ball fouled off for strike 1
Breaking ball low, swinging strike 2.  Nice pitch.
  -Calls Q to the mound to talk it over.
  -96 pitches so far.
High, ball 1
Low, ball 2

Holy shit!  Slow roller to first, Berkman grabs it, steps on first, throws home for a collision-tag by Q.  Bagwellesque double play!

[Froback]

LaRussa pinch-hitting for Carpenter, only to bunt, is a classic .093 move.

But you see this is why the tank commander is thought to be such a genius... cause nobody can figure out why he does the shit he does... if he hadn't won much he would be considered a fucking idiot... oh wait, we already think of him that way... nevermind

[T. J.]

Between innings commercial says "Astros look to settle an old score with Aubrey Huff and the Giants."  WTF?

[BudGirl]

how many pitches did bud throw?  work got in the way.

[MusicMan]

how many pitches did bud throw?  work got in the way.

99 thru 8.  Let the kid go 9.

[T. J.]

Top 9.  Feliz up.  Franklin in to pitch.  Astros up 4-1.

Replays show an UGLY-ass slide/fall by Molina on the play at the plate.

Ball
Strike
Curveball drops in for strike 2.
Ball
Shot through the middle.  Nice play by Schumaker to pick it off right in the middle and throws him out.  1 out.

[T. J.]

Matsui.  1 out, nobody on.

Strike looking
  -Lindstrom warming up
Breaking ball low, ball 1.
Breaking ball even lower, swung on strike 2.
Foul
Foul
Foul
Ball low
  -JD telling story about somebody diagnosing themselves (correctly) with appendicitis using their iPhone.
Ball
Bouncer up the middle, Schumaker makes the play again.  2 outs.

[T. J.]

Q.

Broken bat fly ball on first pitch to left.  7 game hitting streak for Quintero.

2 out, man on first.

[BudGirl]

Matsui really is sucking at the plate, isn't he.  I didn't realize it was that bad.

[BudGirl]

99 thru 8.  Let the kid go 9.

nope, blum hitting.

[MusicMan]

Matsui really is sucking at the plate, isn't he.  I didn't realize it was that bad.

Even by this team's standards.

[Froback]

Even by this team's standards.

And THAT is saying something!

[T. J.]

Blum pinch-hitting for Bud.  Bud strikes out 8, no walks, 1 run (earned), hit a batter.  Nice game.

Ball one.
Strike called.
Ball
Bouncer to Shumaker who ties the record for putouts in an inning.  3 out, on to the bottom of the 9th.

[MusicMan]

Blum pinch-hitting for Bud.  Bud strikes out 8, no walks, 1 run (earned), hit a batter.  Nice game.

Ball one.
Strike called.
Ball
Bouncer to Shumaker who ties the record for putouts in an inning.  3 out, on to the bottom of the 9th.

Record for assists.  [/nitpick'd]

[Froback]

I knew this girl once who was going for the record number of putouts in an inning...

[MusicMan]

Jesucristo, at least get the score right, DoRay!

[BudGirl]

Jesucristo, at least get the score right, DoRay!

I hope Limey contacts his contacts soon.

[T. J.]

Bottom 9.  Looking for the first sweep in St. Louis since 2004.  Astros up 4-1.  Lindstrom pitching.  8 of 8 in save opportunities.

Strike 1 looking (96 mph)
Strike 2 looking on a breaking pitch
Breaking ball outside
Same pitch as the last one, ball 2.
Fastball inside.  Ball 3.
Grounder to short.  Keppinger handles it easily.  1 out.

[T. J.]

Pujols, 0-3 on the day, comes to the plate.

Grounder deep at third, throws to first, 2 outs.  Suck it.

[austro]

Lindstrom pitching.

Is his arm going to fall off? Isn't this 5 appearances in 6 days?

[94CougarGrad]

Is his arm going to fall off? Isn't this 5 appearances in 6 days?

Aw, shit. Now you went and done it.

[Froback]

It certainly feels like he has gotten all his saves in the last week.

[Ron Brand]

Thanks for the PBP, y'all.

[T. J.]

Holliday, who should've been the quarterback for Oklahoma State, comes up.

Ball 1 in the dirt on a breaking pitch.
Fastball just outside, ball 2
Fastball inside, ball 3
Ball 4 low. 

Man on first, 2 out.

[Alkie]

Jesucristo, at least get the score right, DoRay!

I am quite literally listening to DoRay for the first time since their first season.

These guys are terrible.   Why are they still here?

[BudGirl]

I don't dislike Milo as much as these two.

[MusicMan]

I don't dislike Milo as much as these two.

At least he has a good voice.

[BudGirl]

Good Job Bud!!!

[T. J.]

Freese.

Breaking ball watched for strike 1.
  - When Astros have lead after 7 innings, they're 7-0 this year.
Strike 2 looking
Breaking ball in the dirt, ball 1
Ball lifted to deep right, Pence can't make the play even though the ball stays in the park foul.  Not much foul territory.
Breaking ball low and inside, ball 2
Fastball low, full count, runner will be moving
Strikeout on a breaking ball. 

SWEEP!  Great game Bud.

[Ebby Calvin]

Sweep!

[Lurch]

Fuck the cards!

[94CougarGrad]

I don't dislike Milo as much as these two.

Hear, hear. Pluck the Turdinals!!!

[matadorph]

Is his arm going to fall off? Isn't this 5 appearances in 6 days?

4 pitches last night, 13 the night before, and a day off earlier this week. he all right.

[MusicMan]

Looking for the first sweep in St. Louis since 2004. 

OK, so what outfielder can we get from KC for Towles and Lyon?

[BudGirl]

Does anyone listen to the spanish broadcast?  I wonder if those guys are good.  It seems like they are.

[Limey]

Pujols, 0-3 on the day, comes to the plate.

Grounder deep at third, throws to first, 2 outs.  Suck it.

Golf clap.

[Limey]

Does anyone listen to the spanish broadcast?  I wonder if those guys are good.  It seems like they are.

That's all well and good, but regardless of what alternative you listen to, DoRay are still running pantless through the BBGs' flower beds on the Flagship.

[BudGirl]

OK, so what outfielder can we get from KC for Towles and Lyon?

their starting outfielders

9 David DeJesus L-L 5'11" 190 Dec 20, 1979
6 Jose Guillen R-R 6'0" 215 May 17, 1976
12 Mitch Maier L-R 6'2" 215 Jun 30, 1982
22 Scott Podsednik L-L 6'0" 185 Mar 18, 1976

[BudGirl]

That's all well and good, but regardless of what alternative you listen to, DoRay are still running pantless through the BBGs' flower beds on the Flagship.

but at least we would know what is happening on the field.

[austro]

their starting outfielders

9 David DeJesus L-L 5'11" 190 Dec 20, 1979
6 Jose Guillen R-R 6'0" 215 May 17, 1976
12 Mitch Maier L-R 6'2" 215 Jun 30, 1982
22 Scott Podsednik L-L 6'0" 185 Mar 18, 1976

Which one plays rover?

[BudGirl]

Which one plays rover?

obviously Maier, the young one.

[Froback]

Which one plays rover?

Say no to all of them!

[MusicMan]

But you see this is why the tank commander is thought to be such a genius... cause nobody can figure out why he does the shit he does... if he hadn't won much he would be considered a fucking idiot... oh wait, we already think of him that way... nevermind

Tanked Commander threw his player under the bus and said he was bunting for a hit.

[chuck]

Does anyone listen to the spanish broadcast?  I wonder if those guys are good.  It seems like they are.

Yes. I wouldn't compare them with Vin Scully or anything but they are infinitely less annoying than the Bobbsey Twins.

Here's what I liked about today's game: Bud Norris, 0 BB.

[Limey]

Tanked Commander threw his player under the bus and said he was bunting for a hit.

Which is borderline retarded.  I say "borderline", because I don't want to offend retards.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I like this insight from DoRay, or maybe it was DoRay, but anyway, one of them said that if you're the visiting team, you want to see the home team bat in the bottom of the ninth.

[Limey]

I like this insight from DoRay, or maybe it was DoRay, but anyway, one of them said that if you're the visiting team, you want to see the home team bat in the bottom of the ninth.

This comes from their (Fuck the) Cubs past.  The comment is that tickets for Wrigley Field are good value because you always see play in the bottom of the ninth.

[juliogotay]

That's all well and good, but regardless of what alternative you listen to, DoRay are still running pantless through the BBGs' flower beds on the Flagship.

Last Sunday I was on the road during the home finale against San Diego and chose to listen to this pair on Sirius. It was mid-game when Milo was on his break and as an inning ended one of them (I think it was Raymond) said to the other Bobbsie, thinking the mic was dead and they were in commercial, " Would you pay to see this?". That was when it appeared the team was headed for yet another loss and perhaps shutout and you could hear the frustration in his voice. Did anyone else hear this?

[Ron Brand]

I don't remember that specifically, but I do remember those fucksticks giving up on the season and bitching their disinterested way through the last month or so. I hate them.

[OregonStrosFan]

Arriving a little late to this party, so may I just add SWEEP. AGAINST THE JAKES. AT TURDINAL STADIUM!

[94CougarGrad]

Arriving a little late to this party, so may I just add SWEEP. AGAINST THE JAKES. AT TURDINAL STADIUM!

Yes indeedy. How pissed those Turdinals must be.