Author Topic: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted  (Read 1910 times)

JaneDoe

  • Contributor
  • Pope
  • Posts: 8603
  • Missing in Action
    • View Profile
Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« on: September 01, 2008, 01:51:38 pm »
If a Cub falls out of a tree in the middle of a forest, can you hear everyone laughing their donkey off?
"My hammy is a little tight. I wish I was like Ausmus. He's Jewish and isn't allowed to have a pulled hamstring."

BudGirl

  • Contributor
  • Illuminati
  • Posts: 17776
  • Brad Ausmus' Slave
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2008, 02:12:19 pm »
Uh oh, some jackdonkey messed with your kid.  Reason enough for the BBGs to punish them another season.
''I just did an interview with someone I like more than you. I used a lot of big words on him. I don't have anything left for you.'' --Brad Ausmus

Well behaved women rarely make history.

OregonStrosFan

  • Double Super Secret Pope
  • Posts: 12328
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2008, 02:29:11 pm »
Good read, thanks JD!
In the end, my dissolution with the game of baseball will not be a result of any loss of love for the game, rather from the realization that I can no longer bear the anger its supposed stewards cause to be built up in my soul. -Lee (01/08/2013)

Craig

  • Key Member of the Conspiracy
  • Posts: 3289
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2008, 02:58:45 pm »
What she said! Fuck the Cubs!

Great job, JD.

MikeyBoy

  • Key Member of the Conspiracy
  • Posts: 2572
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2008, 03:37:37 pm »
Fuck that cubbie cocksucker, Jane.

Great preview.
"Buenos Dias, shitheads."

mihoba

  • Contributor
  • Pope
  • Posts: 6840
  • R.I.P. Mike. The boy inside you is now free.
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2008, 03:39:39 pm »
Funny stuff, Jane!
"Baseball is simply a better game without the DH. "

JimR

  • Contributor
  • High Order of the Ferret
  • *****
  • Posts: 29345
    • View Profile
    • McGinnis, Lochridge & Kilgore, LLP
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2008, 03:41:44 pm »
a good 'un
Often wrong, but never in doubt.

strosrays

  • Guest
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2008, 06:07:48 pm »
Quote
I have one particular Cub fan that has flaunted his team in my face all season.  I see him at the gym several times a week and he always greets me with, “How about them Cubs?”  He is the local Elementary school principal who grew up in Chicago on the Sox side of town, but has been a Cubs fan all his life.  Not that this isn’t enough to make me dislike him, he also coached one of my sons in Little Dribblers basketball, and in one particular game, was yelling and putting down my son so much that he was crying while running down the court.  My son was 6 years old.  I, like any good mother was pissed.   I mean, he wasn’t screaming at his chubby little son who couldn’t make it down the court, but because my son was his “star player” he berated him incessently this game.   In a moment of loss of good judgement, I stood up in the gym and yelled across the court for him to stop yelling at my son.  I may have looked like an ass, but won brownie points with my son.  He never yelled at my son like that again, however has gone out of his way to rub any Cub success down my throat since then.  I really can’t wait for this year’s Bartman moment to occur and shatter his hopes for this season.  So, Fuck the Cubs.


I think just about everyone has a Cub fan story similar to this.  It is just the nature of their fans to also suck cock, I guess.

BTW, the Cubs suck.

***************

Nice preview, written under a hurricane watch, too.

Ty in Tampa

  • Contributor
  • Pope
  • Posts: 9111
  • You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2008, 06:34:57 am »
Jane, they'll fuck it up somehow and you'll have a year to rub it in, or they'll win it all and you can kick him square in the junk. That'd be a tough choice.

Nice preview!
"You want me broken. You want me dead.
I'm living rent-free in the back of your head."

Gizzmonic

  • Key Member of the Conspiracy
  • Posts: 4588
  • Space City Carbohydrate
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2008, 12:14:00 pm »
If a Cub falls out of a tree in the middle of a forest, can you hear everyone laughing their donkey off?

Cubfan angst.  It's fun!
Grab another Coke and let's die

Taras Bulba

  • Contributor
  • Key Member of the Conspiracy
  • Posts: 3988
    • View Profile
    • Wing Attack Plan R
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2008, 12:29:37 pm »
I strongly urge you to physically harm and humiliate that Cub motherfucker.  A kick to the nut sack at a minimum.
Purity of Essence

MusicMan

  • High Order of the Ferret
  • *****
  • Posts: 25931
  • Thanks for 2015
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2008, 01:14:14 pm »
Are Cub fans capable of humiliation?
I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, torture of Bud Selig.

austro

  • Fantasy Team Owner
  • Illuminati
  • Posts: 19637
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #12 on: September 02, 2008, 01:15:47 pm »
Are Cub fans capable of humiliation?

Only when they're sober. So, no.
I remember all the good times me 'n Miller enjoyed
Up and down the M1 in some luminous yo-yo toy
But the future has to change - and to change I've got to destroy
Oh look out Lennon here I come - land ahoy-hoy-hoy

JackAstro

  • Key Member of the Conspiracy
  • Posts: 3824
    • View Profile
    • Twitter
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2008, 12:23:15 pm »
Sooooo. Did you have a chance to chat with Principal Cockface at the gym yesterday?
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?"
Say hi on the Twitter

Duman

  • Contributor
  • Pope
  • Posts: 5446
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2008, 12:31:19 pm »
Sooooo. Did you have a chance to chat with Principal Cockface at the gym yesterday?

Yes we need the rest of the story
Always ready to go to a game.

JaneDoe

  • Contributor
  • Pope
  • Posts: 8603
  • Missing in Action
    • View Profile
Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted
« Reply #15 on: September 05, 2008, 06:16:44 pm »
Sooooo. Did you have a chance to chat with Principal Cockface at the gym yesterday?

No. Strangely enough, he has not shown up since the series started, and usually he is Mr. Clockwork.  I imagine he's hiding in the back of his closet holding his balls in one hand and sweezing his butt cheeks together while sniveling, "Oh, no. Not again. Please not again."

I am about to head out to the gym, and as satisfying as a swift kick between the legs would be, I'd rather let the BBG's have their way with him.

"My hammy is a little tight. I wish I was like Ausmus. He's Jewish and isn't allowed to have a pulled hamstring."