Longtime OWA Regular and All Around Good Guy Comes out of the Basement and Makes Good!June/2007
From the OWA P.R. Office in Toast, N.C.
Photo:
Gleach's First Pitch at the MMPUSFor Press Release:
Legendary lurker and lessor half of OWA's wedded couple (achieved years before "The Bachelor" managed to cough up a wedding) was honored at MMPUS Tuesday night. Amid accusations of ballot-stuffing,
gleach's name was pulled out of
Drayton's ar... hat, and so he was given the ball to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for June 12th's opener against the A's. While this, being interleague play, was not really a proper game, gleach carpe diemed, even to the point of marking off 60' 6" in his back yard and having allison catch for him. There's no confirmation that
allison made him wear a garter belt, or later tied him up and read him Walt Whitman. No confirmation whatsoever. Nada. None.
With Tuesday's first pitch rapidly approaching, gleach eschewed numerous and varied clothing suggestions, declining even to accessorise with queso. He chose, instead, to go with a bold fashion statement of an Astros' golf shirt, dockers and pumps. The dockers, of course, chosen so as to not interfere with his legendary high leg kick. With an entire chorus of old people looking on from short CF (they would later sing the shortest anthem ever at MMPUS, then dash off to the bathroom), gleach strode purposefully to the mound.
All the way to the mound! This wasn't going to be a 40' chicken job, nor a bullshit
Larry the Cable Guy ephus pitch as seen the day before at Wrigley. gleach was going for a fastball, right down the pipe, from the rubber. He was practiced and appropriately dressed; what could go wrong? Without so much as a pause to soak in the atmosphere, gleach surmounted the pitcher's mound, whirled and let fly.
Chris Sampson, gleach's designated catcher (settle down,
Alkie) made a valiant effort for someone not used to that position. As the cripple fastball bounced wide of the left-hand batter's box he tried to reach across his body and pick it. Alas his normal length human arms prevented him from making the play, so he sprung from his crouch and chased the ball all the way to the backstop. As it transpired, this unscheduled exercise was excellent training for Sampson who would, the next night, be able to score easily from 1st on Pence's double, without breaking a sweat. "I ran further and harder last night!" he wouldn't say later.
His ceremonial pitch passed, in all sense of the word, gleach shoved Sampson away as Chris tried to console him and give him the ball. Later the flare up would be dismissed as a storm in a teacup by Garner, while both gleach and Sampson remained silent under a gag order from
Tim Purpura.
This is how our man on the street report was filed by recap contributor
mihoba on the incident:
A long time TZ dweller, the esteemed gleach, had the opportunity of a lifetime as he bribed won a chance as a season ticket holder to throw out the first pitch. Confidently climbing the hill, he went into his windup and drilled a FB past the 'catcher' Chris Sampson all the way to the backstop. Was it his mechanics? Not trusting his stuff? Speculation abounds in the TZ.
Some of the early comments on gleach’s performance by longtime OWA contributors and baseball experienced veterans ran the gamut of emotions. "I was speechless when I saw the pitch fly out of his hand" said
Mrs. gleach (aka allison) when asked to comment on her husband’s achievement "I am proud of him of course, but how can I sit near Drayton McLane ever again. I don't think we'll be able to face the others near us any more. We're making plans to move somewhere in this country where they don't understand baseball and will never ask us about this episode in our life. We think Pittsburgh will do." “Best example of opening up I've seen... damn, that was ugly!" -
Coach Raup. "Had I been his catcher, I'd do a cup check after the first practice pitch." -
Hudson Hawk. “I don’t know what the fuss is all about, he looked good, threw the ball well, was not helped by his offense at all and he just had some bad luck working against him. Go get ‘em tomorrow is what I say!” –
Andyzipp, soon after receiving his free duckets from gleach for Thursday’s business fan special.
Front. Row. Seats.
Others comments heard in the Astros dugout as the valiant gleach launched his historic two seamer: "He throws kind of weird" -
Hunter Pence. "I think I can hit that!" -
Morgan Ensberg. “He looks like the guy who keeps coming to my house wanting to sell me digital cable” –
Luke Scott. And of course, what better analysis than that provided by Ivy League catcher and soon to be manager in the big leagues
Brad Ausmus "Stop following me around, leave me alone... alright!" We think he was kidding of course, but that's the last time we will allow Budgirl to interview him.
Congratulations to gleach as the OWA’s first official ball tosser who performed on the big stage in a manner befitting what we all stand for here at this illustrious fansite: two hops, one skip and nowhere near the plate.
