Quick, tension breaker

[ASTROCREEP]

What's you're favorite Deep Thought by Jack Handy?



"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy."

[Bill McLuggage]

If you're an ant and you're walking across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

[Astros Fan in Big D]

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

[astrojo]

Quote:
What's you're favorite Deep Thought by Jack Handy?

Some funny ones:

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy

[ASTROCREEP]

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

[Astros Fan in SoCal]

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.

[Golden Sombrero]

"The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you." --Jack Handy

[Gulf Coast Playboy]

I've always liked:

"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."

[hostros7]

I liked one that went something like this:

"When I see an old lady slip and fall on the pavement, my first instinct is to laugh.  Then I stop and think, 'what if I were an ant on the pavement and that old lady crushed me.'  Then it isn't quite so funny anymore."

[cuban]

I have this quote on a coffee cup:

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."