Good Guys Vs. Fuckers 07-27-09

[jonbloozy]

Astros
Bourn
Matsui
Tejada
Lee
Blum
Pence
Coste
Quintero
Wandy

Fuckers
Johnson
Theriot
DLee
Errormiss
Bradley
Soriano
Baker
Hill
Zamboner

[Alkie]

I hate Carlos Zambrano.  I've always hated Carlos Zambrano.  I'll always hate Carlos Zambrano.

[Alkie]

End of 1.   They got a hit.  We didn't.  0-0.

Hope the GZ picks up significantly.

[Rebel Jew]

I hate Carlos Zambrano.  I've always hated Carlos Zambrano.  I'll always hate Carlos Zambrano.

he's like a venezuelan clemens

[jonbloozy]

El Kabong!

[moriartp]

I hate Carlos Zambrano.  I've always hated Carlos Zambrano.  I'll always hate Carlos Zambrano.

And I'll never forgive him for the death of my boy.

[Alkie]

GET THE FUCK OUT!

[Savage]

Suck that you fat fuck.

[Rebel Jew]

cubfans everywhere pissed they couldn't throw it back

[jonbloozy]

Do pepperoncinis go bad?  Or do the sulfites keep them indefinitely?  Just curious.

[Matt]

Carlos knocked the piss out of that ball!

[jonbloozy]

I missed what happened with Zambrano and DLee.  What happened?

[Rebel Jew]

I missed what happened with Zambrano and DLee.  What happened?

they're both trannys

[jonbloozy]

they're both trannys

Yeah, well JD was laughing at something.  Can't be that, everyone already knows.

[Rebel Jew]

first pitch double play for soriano the golfer

[juliogotay]

I missed what happened with Zambrano and DLee.  What happened?

Shitforbrains fielded a ground ball and threw a high and hard one to Lee who wasn't expecting it. No need for that shit as the batter was barely out of the box. Lee walked the ball over to the mound and said something to shitforbrains. JD commented on shitforbrains immaturity.

Zambrano is the best pitcher I can think of that I am glad is not an Astro.

[Rebel Jew]

wandy with the mf'ing k to end the inning.  beautiful goddamn curve,

[jonbloozy]

Soriano named 6th worst MLB Trade Value

Soriano's career is sort of like a Dickens novel: there were the best of times (his early years, when he put up big numbers, frustrated at times with the flaws in his game, but was a huge positive due to a low salary), there were the worst of times (the current years, when he puts up mediocre numbers, frustrates most of the time with the flaws in his game, and is a bit of an albatross due to his high salary). Soriano will make $18 million a year for five more seasons starting in 2010. He'll be 34 next year. No thank you.

Our very own El Caballo made this prestigious list at #12.

[Alkie]

they're both trannys

You sir, are my first nomination.   Ever.

[Rebel Jew]

T3
-Quintero following the Raul Chavez school of hitting inexplicably shows bunt, works the count, goes down swinging on classic Zambrano diving fastball
-Wandy pays no attention to two shit pitches, takes a FB down the pipe, gets a good swing at an identical FB but lines out to center
-Bourn takes a couple of pitches, one in/one out, takes close low outside fastball for ball 2, then fouls off low inside FB for strike 2, outside FB to get to 3-2 then gets the walk on a very high FB

JD and BB shitting on Zlemens no-hitter.

-Matsui takes a low sinker, Zlemens almost picks off Bourn after JD praises his pickoff move, low and inside FB, low and outside to get to 3-0, Bourn caught stealing on 3-0 fastball perfect throw perfect pitch for the catcher, JD questioning the decision to send

1-0 good guys

[jonbloozy]

Forgot to add this when I started the thread, but make sure you read GreatBagwellsBeard's excellent series preview:

Et tu, Brute: Astros at Cubs Preview

[jonbloozy]

Fuck Wrigley Field

[Rebel Jew]

B3

-Wandy works to Koye Hill.  DESTROYS HIM on four pitches.
-now big fuckhead up at the plate.  5 fucking homers this guy has hit career versus houston.  5!  and of course he crushes a double to straight center just off the glove of bourn.  jd reminding us that the wrigley wall is straight brick beneath that ivy, so bourn maybe not as aggressive on that catch as he would normally be

[Lurch]

Bourn just wanted to see what it felt like to not make the spectacular play.

[Matt]

And people bitch about how "dangerous" the hill is at MMP. That brick wall is dangerous.

[Rebel Jew]

B3

"all in all just another brick in the wall" says JD.  chris berman makes a post on fatfucks.com about JD being his favorite announcer, way better than that old fag vin scully

-wandy strikes out some cub shitbag.  don't know why he was toying around with zambrano throwing fastballs
-wandy throws some good curves to get ahead 1-2, doesn't get the call on a good high fastball then just decides to go with the curve and gets the bounceout 4-3

1-0 good guys, matsui, tejada, caballo up

[juliogotay]

Good job, Wandy getting out of the 2nd and stranding shitforbrains.

[Matt]

That ivy is fucking ugly too. What is wrong with those people?

[jonbloozy]

Good job, Wandy getting out of the 2nd and stranding shitforbrains.

For a moment there, I was hoping they were playing the "peg" rule.  Would have been nice.

[Rebel Jew]

T4

-JD making excuses for Bourn's caught stealing, as Matsui goes fishing for some crazy zambrano pitches.  strikes out on the same call wandy didn't get in the previous inning, but matsui should have been protecting

-starts off tejada with a great changeup, throws a couple of diving fastballs that tejada fouls off, then bounce out 4-3

-Lee flies out to left

Zambrano works at a faster and more aggressive pace than any pitcher i've ever seen.  it's like, i don't know, he's on some kind of, i don't know, some kind of drug

1-0 astros

[Alkie]

Anus.

[Rebel Jew]

B4

-Jesus Louisus wandy!  meatball to end all meatballs on 0-2, and Lee hits it out of the stadium

1-1

[Rebel Jew]

-didn't see what wandy threw there, but it didn't look like much and aramis hits it to the wall in deep center for a double

-wandy with a good changeup and bradley bounces out 6-3 and gets booed

JD ragging on Bradley's candor about the fairweather cubfans in the local fishwraps, sounds like he made some insightful comments though

-wandy gets ahead soriano and then makes him look stupid on a curve in the dirt.  why would soriano ever expect wandy to give him a fastball there?

-wandy falls behind 2-0 to baker, baker gets a good swing on a change that blum knocks down and throws to first for the out

1-1, blum, pence, and coste up for the noble few

[jonbloozy]

Joey, which guy are you in the band?

[Rebel Jew]

Joey, which guy are you in the band?

bassplayer

[Rebel Jew]

sorry, missed a couple of frames but took some more meds and got a palace record off the shelf for later, got back in time to see wandy strike out some cub jackass who then bitched about it

1-1 still, going to the 6th

[Rebel Jew]

T6

-Zlemens walks Q, Wandy bunts him over, walks bourn, JD talking about how astros have an opportunity, matsui double play

1-1

[Alkie]

YOU FUCKING MORON.

Five straight balls.   Coaching visit. 

AND YOU SWING?!   

Idiot.

[Rebel Jew]

YOU FUCKING MORON.

Five straight balls.   Coaching visit. 

AND YOU SWING?!   

Idiot.

coop gave him the green light, you know he did

[Alkie]

coop gave him the green light, you know he did

Well sure.  You wouldn't want to load the bases for Tejada and Lee.  You have to let Deep Fissure swing there.

[Rebel Jew]

B6

-wandy making some cub shitbag look not good, bounce out 1-3

-derek lee up, wandy not throwing him curves trying to get him to chase outside fastballs but he doesn't, fouls off a curve, then a curve nowhere near the zone, just walk him wandy, and he does

-aramis up, come on wandy don't get cute and you've got a double play, fouls off a curve then another, throw the change-- and he does and it's a DP!!!

[Mr. Happy]

When Brocail comes back, I guess that Fulchino goes down? I've liked him. But you have to keep Arias.

[Alkie]

Z throwing a 1 hitter into the 7th.........and we're tied.

I just have one piece of advice for Wandy the rest of the game.

Bear down, throw strikes, don't walk this guy.

[Rebel Jew]

When Brocail comes back, I guess that Fulchino goes down? I've liked him. But you have to keep Arias.

fulchino's been fantastic.  maybe a position player goes down?

[94CougarGrad]

Gunter with the grounder smacked up the middle! Look at that large man run to 3rd!

[BatGirl]

terrible, coste.

[Alkie]

terrible, coste.

Well, well.  Look who decided to wake up.

[Rebel Jew]

T7

-Tejada chopper in the hole at short, 6-3 putout

-Lee hard single through the same hole

JD calls Zambrano "a little stubborn"

-Blum up, takes characteristic crazy Z pitches after giving up a hit to get to 3-0.  "Blum a good fastball hitter" says JD, but he takes, swings at 3-1 but flies out to deep center.

funny looking craig biggio t-shirt for upcoming giveaway  "that's a different look" says BB, holding his tongue, "red trim."  I WANT ONE!!!

-Pence up 3-1, swings over a good slider, then gets a single through the hole up the middle

-Coste looks a little overmatched but god bless him he's hanging in, swings at a slider in the dirt and zambranos is methed up pumped up

1-1

[Alkie]

Cards just exploded on the Dodgers. 

Get some fucking hits, stros.

[jonbloozy]

Just caught the license plate of that guy from the Texaco commercial (ya know, I spent more on accessories than on the original car):

2SHBAG

[BatGirl]

Well, well.  Look who decided to wake up.

who?

[94CougarGrad]

Just caught the license plate of that guy from the Texaco commercial (ya know, I spent more on accessories than on the original car):

2SHBAG

That's some makeup job by the film crew. It doesn't even look like Zambrano in that commercial.

[Rebel Jew]

B7

-Wandy strikes somebody out?

-Strikes out Soriano, and what a shock, he bitches about it

-Baker doubles to right over the head of nonchalant Pence.

-IBB to Hill, which to me is fucking stupid

Byrdak and Arias warming up

[Savage]

I don't think I like this walking Hill to face Zambrano.  

[94CougarGrad]

I don't think I like this walking Hill to face Zambrano.  

Whew. We lucked out on that'n.

[Rebel Jew]

-groundout 6-3 on the first pitch and we go to the 8th.  if you're Coop someone intelligent, do you pinch hit for wandy here?

[94CougarGrad]

-Strikes out Soriano, and what a shock, he bitches about it

Wah effing wah, wash the sand out of your special places and get over it, Fonso.

[Rebel Jew]

Zambrano out, Heilman in.  Matt Kata pinch hitting for Q

[BatGirl]

zambrano gone
let's go, boys!

[Rebel Jew]

pudge pinch-hitting for wandy, boooooo i say

[Lurch]

 if you're Coop someone intelligent, do you pinch hit for wandy here?

I'm not, but I dont.

[Mr. Happy]

pudge pinch-hitting for wandy, boooooo i say

I'd have let him go another frame, meself.

[Rebel Jew]

I'd have let him go another frame, meself.

aha!  wandy threw 101 pitches.  that explains it.  sorry for being such a fairweather boobird you guys.  seriously, wandy was DOMINATING the cubs today.  he;s the best pitcher on the staff this year.  what fucking more does he need to do?

[austro]

I'd have let him go another frame, meself.

But this gives you a chance to bring in the guy who just had an MRI on his back!

[Jacksonian]

That's some makeup job by the film crew. It doesn't even look like Zambrano in that commercial.

That's because it was Michael Barrett.

[Rebel Jew]

fuck coop.  why do i get the feeling like we have no goddamned chance of winning this game?  wandy should still be in this game, pitcher's spot should be up first, cubs should have decisions to make.  instead, we get either arias or hawkins to give up a homer to some cub shithead.  i hope i'm wrong, but there is little reason to be confident

[Rebel Jew]

it's latroy

[Rebel Jew]

how is that not a strike???  he ran through the bunt halfway to first base?

[Rebel Jew]

B8

-Hawkins gets Johnson to bounce out to second on 3-2
-THeriot up, Hawkins keeps throwing the same high fastball.  DO NOT THROW THAT SHIT TO LEE OR RAMIREZ, good FB on the corner to get to 1-2, can't get the call on the change, fouled back of the umps head, good diving fastball but theriot doesn't bite, same pitch again and again a bounce out to second

great, BB and JD talking about hawkins is not moving well and "working his way through a back issue as he pitches"

-hawkins with two more high fastballs, decent fastball in but doesn't get the call, meatfuckingball changeup (JD says "baby slider") on 3-0 Lee doesn't swing, walks him on another high fastball

[Mr. Happy]

C'mon LaTroy! Get that command.

[Alkie]

Cards win.

[Rebel Jew]

-Hawkins starts off Aramis with a helluva curveball, throws another curve that looked pretty good to me, bitched about the noncall and gets ejected??

[Savage]

This umpire is a douchebag.

[austro]

I wonder if dumbfuck is concussed.

[Rebel Jew]

Valverde in now.

[Matt]

Coop is good at going out there and twirling his foot around in the dirt while Pudge talks to the umpire.

[SaltyParker]

When Brocail comes back, I guess that Fulchino goes down? I've liked him. But you have to keep Arias.

Wright goes down is my guess

[94CougarGrad]

What the hell?!?!?

[Mr. Happy]

LaTroy might have gotten squeezed on one call, but his command wasn't there. You can't tell HPU to get back behind the plate.

[Lurch]

Jackass pulled out to yell at Hawk who waved him back behind home plate.  Absurd toss.

[Rebel Jew]

apparently hawkins thrown out for directing the ump to get back behind the plate after the ump walked completely out of the box to look at him

[BudGirl]

i hate the cubs but this shit that got hawkins tossed is weaker than something i'm not going to say.

asshole

[Rebel Jew]

aramis 0-6 with 5 k's lifetime against valverde.  slow grounder to matsui, flip to short and we're going to the 9th.  caballo's up, and that's all that matters.

[BudGirl]

Wright goes down is my guess

that's what i thought also.  but wright is a lefty

[94CougarGrad]

Coop is good at going out there and twirling his foot around in the dirt while Pudge talks to the umpire.

It's all about keeping up appearances.

[Astroholic]

LaTroy might have gotten squeezed on one call, but his command wasn't there. You can't tell HPU to get back behind the plate.

Looked to me like he got squeezed on at least three pitches.  That curve broke over the plate.  It was a strike.  

[Mr. Happy]

I must take up for HPU with Hawkins. Hawkins showed him up pretty good. Hawkins let his own command problems get him run.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I don't think the Astros have ever hit Marmol.

[BudGirl]

I don't think the Astros have ever hit Marmol.

tonight's a good time for it to start then.

[Astroholic]

I must take up for HPU with Hawkins. Hawkins showed him up pretty good. Hawkins let his own command problems get him run.

I agree with him getting tossed.  I also agree with Hawk being pissed about the missed calls.

[Mr. Happy]

Looked to me like he got squeezed on at least three pitches.  That curve broke over the plate.  It was a strike.  

He went 3-2 on the first two hitters and then walked the next batter on a 3-1 pitch. I didn't see any command.

[Astroholic]

He went 3-2 on the first two hitters and then walked the next batter on a 3-1 pitch. I didn't see any command.

So a pitcher is not allowed to gain his command while on the mound.  Strike is a Strike.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Marmol is the best set-up man in the game.

[94CougarGrad]

I must take up for HPU with Hawkins. Hawkins showed him up pretty good. Hawkins let his own command problems get him run.

Yeah, whatever calls you don't get, if you obviously dis the HPU, he's gonna toss ya.

[BudGirl]

fucking ivy

[Rebel Jew]

T9

Carlos "nice fucking" Marmol in for the Cubs

-Matsui takes a good curve for strike 3 after flailing at a slider nowhere near the zone

-Tejada with a double in the gap!!  Cub outfielder risks the IPHR by not even trying to pull the ball out of the ivy, ruled a ground rule double

[Lurch]

I must take up for HPU with Hawkins. Hawkins showed him up pretty good. Hawkins let his own command problems get him run.

He could have ended it.  Hawk was done with the argument and the ump stepped out unnecessarily.  It's a tight game, a lot of tension all around.  No need to blow it up into something bigger.  As JD stated, a batter could have gotten away with that argument.

[Astroholic]

Marmol is the best set-up man in the game.

That is almost perfect timing.

[jonbloozy]

I still don't understand why Hawk was in in the first place.  Shingles?  Lower back pain?  Arrived after the game had already started?  Shit.

[94CougarGrad]

tonight's a good time for it to start then.

Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggy

[Mr. Happy]

Marmol is the best set-up man in the game.

Filthy stuff.

[Savage]

Yeah, whatever calls you don't get, if you obviously dis the HPU, he's gonna toss ya.

But the HPU is the one who escalated it by stepping out from behind the plate.  You can't come out with the quick hook because you lost control of yourself.

[BudGirl]

But the HPU is the one who escalated it by stepping out from behind the plate.  You can't come out with the quick hook because you lost control of yourself.

apparently that does not matter.

[Mr. Happy]

So a pitcher is not allowed to gain his command while on the mound.  Strike is a Strike.

A relief pitcher doesn't have the luxury of finding command.

[Bench]

But the HPU is the one who escalated it by stepping out from behind the plate.  You can't come out with the quick hook because you lost control of yourself.

You can when you're the umpire.

[Rebel Jew]

-Lee slapper down the third base line.  Ramirez charges in on it (might have gone foul) and makes the play, closer than it seemed it would be

-JD jinxing Blum like crazy, gets behind 0-2, 1-2 then takes a low fastball for strike 3

1-1

[Astroholic]

A relief pitcher doesn't have the luxury of finding command.

dis agree.

[jonbloozy]

Nice job on the PBP Joey

[Mr. Happy]

He could have ended it.  Hawk was done with the argument and the ump stepped out unnecessarily.  It's a tight game, a lot of tension all around.  No need to blow it up into something bigger.  As JD stated, a batter could have gotten away with that argument.

No way a hitter gets away with a gesture motioning HPU back behind the plate.

[Savage]

You can when you're the umpire.

Of course you "can", but it makes you a lousy ump and a douchebag.

[Astroholic]

No way a hitter gets away with a gesture motioning HPU back behind the plate.

did you notice pudge grabbing for the umps leg.  Looked like he was trying to gentle push him back.

[Lurch]

No way a hitter gets away with a gesture motioning HPU back behind the plate.

Re-read.

[Mr. Happy]

dis agree.

A starter can try to find command of one or two of his pitches and then gradually find command of his other pitches. Relievers today often just have one or two pitches, so if you don't have command of any pitch, you're going to be going deep in counts and probably walking people. Then the chance of grooving one increases.

[Reuben]

Of course you "can", but it makes you a lousy ump and a douchebag.

With a shitty concept of the strike zone.

[Astroholic]

A starter can try to find command of one or two of his pitches and then gradually find command of his other pitches. Relievers today often just have one or two pitches, so if you don't have command of any pitch, you're going to be going deep in counts and probably walking people. Then the chance of grooving one increases.

but with hawk, as his back loosened up, his command might have been improving.

[Mr. Happy]

Valverde doesn't have command here wither.

[Astroholic]

Valverde doesn't have command here wither.

he is not even close.

[BudGirl]

No way a hitter gets away with a gesture motioning HPU back behind the plate.

you see a lot more batters talking back to umpires than pitchers.  didn't an umpire almost toss randy johnson for showing emotion on the mound, talking into his glove or something?

[Lurch]

Valverde needs to wave at the ump.

[Mr. Happy]

but with hawk, as his back loosened up, his command might have been improving.

That begs the question of whether he should have been out there in the first place. Just off an airplane and a cab ride.

[Astroholic]

Valverde needs to wave at the ump.

Maybe that is how the players are taking over the management of the team from coop.  Forced ejections!

[Rebel Jew]

B9

-Valverde gets Bradley to 3-2 with a hard inside FB after not getting calls on a couple of sliders, walks.  JD points out that Bradley has a .374 OBP

-Soriano up.  I wonder if he's ever bunted in his entire career.  Lee can't get his breaking pitches to locate.  Or his fastball.  2-0 on a wild and crazy pitch way high and outside.  Dewey Robinson out.  Carlos Lee playing in front of the track.  Valverde with a FB way inside.  Here comes the 3-0 and Soriano takes.  I don't care what the count is, do not give this guy a FB to hit!  3-1 good fastball on the outside corner fouled away.  BB jinxing him talking about all the dp's he's hit into.  Strikeout, but Bradley steals a base.  Looked like a hit and run.  Weird how Pudge sometimes doesn't get much life on his throws

[BudGirl]

the astros should send tomorrow's hpu a cookie bouquet tonight.  or a hooker.  whichever they think would be better.

[Rebel Jew]

-Haufpauer pinch hitting, but the obvious intentional walk

-Fukudome up

[Savage]

the astros should send tomorrow's hpu a cookie bouquet tonight.  or a hooker.  whichever they think would be better.

A hooker could deliver a cookie bouquet.  

[Lurch]

Forced ejections!

In NYC, you can get that on the subway.

[Mr. Happy]

you see a lot more batters talking back to umpires than pitchers.  didn't an umpire almost toss randy johnson for showing emotion on the mound, talking into his glove or something?

Hitters usually express their displeasure by asking where'd you see that one? It's easier for a hitter to be discrete about it too. It is much harder for a pitcher 60 feet away to do much gesturing toward HPU and stay in a ball game.

[Bench]

the astros should send tomorrow's hpu a cookie bouquet tonight.  or a hooker.  whichever they think would be better.

Both.

[BudGirl]

A hooker could deliver a cookie bouquet.  

i got your cookie right here.[/end sexy voice]

[BudGirl]

astros are going to lose this and i'm going to be pissed.

[austro]

Please, God, let us get to the 10th. I want to see Fox catching.

[Astroholic]

astros are going to lose this and i'm going to be pissed.

x2

[jonbloozy]

A hooker could deliver a cookie bouquet.  

Or BatGirl could show a boob or two.

[Bench]

astros are going to lose this and i'm going to be pissed.

Ye of little faith.

[Rebel Jew]

-Ball one splitter way low and inside, ball two splitter way low and inside, ball three straight fastball low and inside and FD chases, same pitch same spot but FD lays off, high and away fastball and FD walks

-Bases loaded for Fontenot

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Gack, Papa Grande can't find the zone.

[Lurch]

Listen for the deafening silence of chicago after the double-play.  No sweeter sound in baseball.

[Mr. Happy]

I've seen enough Cooper.

[Astroholic]

I've seen enough Cooper.

Nice. = missed squeeze.

. 

x100 per coop.

[Lurch]

"Fans" clapping but not sure why.  Awesome.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

holy shit!!! Squeeze play goes a foul.

[Rebel Jew]

-Here we go.  great fastball on the low and inside corner for strike one, tries it again but can't hit the spot again, Fontenot missed the SQUUEEEZE SIGN!!!  out at home, but Pudge dicks around and forgets to get the out at 3rd

[austro]

How perfectly Cubby!

[94CougarGrad]

But the HPU is the one who escalated it by stepping out from behind the plate.  You can't come out with the quick hook because you lost control of yourself.

Oh, I fully agree that the HPU shouldn't have stepped out, but regardless of whether he's right or wrong, he's gonna win the argument. It wasn't right of him to toss Hawk, but in the heat of the moment, Hawk forgot the If The Umpire Doesn't Like How You Talk To Him, He's Gonna Toss Ya rule.

I had flashbacks of that encounter between Angel Hernandez and Wandy out in Anaheim... except without the manager rushing out to boisterously defend his hurler.

[Lurch]

Win or lose, that was fun to watch.

[Bench]

Wow.  That was dramatic.

[Rebel Jew]

-oh mercy, replay shows that cubbie on second hesitated going to third should have been easy out.  fontenot flyout to center!!!  cubfan shitbags crying yard, but on we go to the 10th.


WIN THIS FUCKING GAME!

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Extra innings baby, and who is the Cubs catcher?

[chuck]

Wow. What an idiot.

[SaltyParker]

This is why Sampson should have pitched the 9th yesterday. Then Arias would be available.

[BudGirl]

seems to me that inning got marmol out of the game and extra innings.  the astros can win it now, maybe.

[Lurch]

Extra innings baby, and who is the Cubs catcher?

They all take turns.

[Bench]

They all take turns.

Zing!

[Rebel Jew]

This is why Sampson should have pitched the 9th yesterday. Then Arias would be available.

 do not do not do not take valverde out for the 10th.  arias will lose this game

[Astroholic]

Extra innings baby, and who is the Cubs catcher?

Fox

[SaltyParker]

do not do not do not take valverde out for the 10th.  arias will lose this game

Arias is not coming in. Sampson, Wright or Burdak. I say he brings in Byrdak.

[Rebel Jew]

T10

someone named Jeff Stevens in to pitch for the shitbags, pence up for the good guys

-Stevens with some really good fastballs, but not getting the calls.  surprising curveball strikes out pence.

apparently stevens is from berkeley.  fuck that freak

[94CougarGrad]

Arias warming up for Houston, per Brownie.

[chuck]

Arias.

[Lurch]

Cy Young.

[94CougarGrad]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Michaels!!!

[BudGirl]

how fast is this guy tossing?

awesome fielding by the cubs.

[chuck]

Fuck yeah.

[Lurch]

JD, mid-pitch, calls Jason's hit

[Bench]

Uh... glad that worked out Dave and Jason. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Lucky break on a wild throw.

[Rebel Jew]

-stevens embarasses coste.  JD echoing everyone's sentiments:  "just what these guys need, another great arm in the pen"

-Michaels in to PH, which means we get Arias in the 10th.  stevens with great life on his fastball.  michaels hits a low fastball hard into the gap, bradley takes a horrible path to the ball trying to cut it off.  clark waves michaels to third.  good throw would have gotten him, but throw gets away.  pitcher backs it up.  pudge up

[austro]

JD says it's not worth it with two outs, but I think the fact that Fox is behind the plate has something to do with it.

[Lurch]

how fast is this guy tossing?

awesome fielding by the cubs.

94-95 darts.  Until Jason's hit, he was making them look silly.

[Ron Brand]

Sounds like you guys are watching an enjoyable game. I can't type on my BB just how horrific the Pirates have been, but it's an abbatoir out here. Lincecum looks like Koufax, if Koufax looked like Wiley Wiggins in Dazed and Confused. And righthanded.

[94CougarGrad]

Well, shit.

[Mr. Happy]

Pudge can't hit the high heater any more.

[Rebel Jew]

-stevens now throwing the curveball to pudge after the michaels FB, lays off one, swings at another, then a highg fastball that the cubfans coax a checkswing call out of, goes way high for strike three and pudge swings through it

B10, still 1-1.  Arias in, not sure what part of the cub order we're at with all the pinch hitters in the last inning

[BudGirl]

so, was that more/less of a swing than the one that got called a ball for the cubs?  I don't remember who doray said was at bat.  i think it was bottom of the 8th.

[austro]

How the fuck is it that the both the Cards AND the Cubs got better in that DeRosa deal?

[Astroholic]

-stevens now throwing the curveball to pudge after the michaels FB, lays off one, swings at another, then a highg fastball that the cubfans coax a checkswing call out of, goes way high for strike three and pudge swings through it

B10, still 1-1.  Arias in, not sure what part of the cub order we're at with all the pinch hitters in the last inning

top of order I believe

[Matt]

Fuck. 

Around the league: Joe Saunders, LHP for the Angels looks like Lance Berkman's younger brother.

[Lurch]

Around the league: Joe Saunders, LHP for the Angels looks like Lance Berkman's younger brother.

Grossly malnourished?

[Rebel Jew]

B10

-Arias in to face Johnson at the top of the order.  2-1 count hits a chopper to short.

-Theriot up, fouls off a FB, great curve from Arias for strike 2, throws it again fouled off, high curve, beauuuuuutiful curve for strike 3

-Lee up and I'm going to stop watching

[Astroholic]

this ump sucks bad.

[Matt]

Grossly malnourished?

Not as robust as Lance but they have similar faces and Saunders looks like he's entering his blossom years in the snacks department.

[Astroholic]

got him

[BudGirl]

just score some damm runs already astros.

[Rebel Jew]

-Lee looks at a curve, no-call on a good fastball, no-call on a good curve,  WHAT THE FUCK???  maybe if the shithead cubfans starting ooohing and aahing you'd have called it, green light on 3-0 fouls it off, nice ballsy curve right in the zone for strike 2, come on alberto don't give in!  good low curve popped up to right.  brief shenanigans from pence but he makes the catch

T11 we go, top of the order on the horizon

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

this ump sucks bad.

He is also one of those cocksuckers that puts his right hand up to the catcher on every pitch.

[Rebel Jew]

alright this is the time you assholes!  you've seen what this pitcher can do, lively fastball, curve is his out pitch, stay patient and sit on the FB

[94CougarGrad]

"Welcome to the friendly confines of Wrigley Field."

Can the Astros maybe get a shot OUT of the friendly confines of Wrigley Field and put this one to bed already?

[94CougarGrad]

Note to Stros: Stop hitting towards Soriano. He can catch.

[Rebel Jew]

-Bourn hits FB pretty good, Soriano makes realtively easy catch look hard but he had to look out for the shoulder-dislocating brick wall

-Matsui stays patient, works the count to 3-2, again hits the fastball pretty well but again just a flyout

-Tejada gets ahead 2-0, fouls off fastball, takes inside fastball, rips a fastball to left for a double

Man, do i know what i'm talking about with my half-assed scouting

Come on Lee!

[chuck]

Come on, Carlos.

[94CougarGrad]

Miggy with a SHOT to far LF for a 2-out double!

Oh, look, Lou P's coming out for a chat.

[jonbloozy]

I'll bet Lee walks

[Rebel Jew]

Pinella comes out to talk to his man, probably to walk Lee.  Smart move as this is a home run waiting to happen.  Blum staying in it looks like, lefty Sean Marshall coming in.  come on coop, don't outsmart yourself here, blum needs to hit, not kep

[94CougarGrad]

Marshall coming in for the Scrubs with Blum heading to the plate.

C'mon! Blum the Cubs!

[BudGirl]

i only need a basehit.

[Ty in Tampa]

motherfuck!

[Bench]

Mother. Fuck.

[Rebel Jew]

-Blum up, takes a hittable curve to start out for strike 1, fouls off anothe curve, swings late on an outside fastball

B11, Ramirez, Soriano, and some other asshole up for the cubs

[MusicMan]

Arias juuuuuust a bit outside.

[MusicMan]

Did Kaz catch a cleat there or something?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Crap a dick.

[chuck]

That was horrible.

[94CougarGrad]

Just got a call from my local Cubs fan friend. I figure she's calling to throw some smack, but instead, she tells me that she flipped over to the Rangers game to check on them. They'd just won, and apparently their last pitcher had something good to do with it. TV guys were interviewing Ian Kinsler to ask how he felt about the win, blah blah blah, and he was so excited that he told the reporter, "That's why I was fisting my pump!" Kinsler started laughing and couldn't recover and the interview had to be stopped.

[Mr. Happy]

Did Kaz catch a cleat there or something?

That's what it looked like.

[Matt]

Just got a call from my local Cubs fan friend. I figure she's calling to throw some smack, but instead, she tells me that she flipped over to the Rangers game to check on them. They'd just won, and apparently their last pitcher had something good to do with it. TV guys were interviewing Ian Kinsler to ask how he felt about the win, blah blah blah, and he was so excited that he told the reporter, "That's why I was fisting my pump!" Kinsler started laughing and couldn't recover and the interview had to be stopped.

I think Alkie saw somebody doing that on the subway.

[Bench]

Soriano is such a cub. 

[MusicMan]

That was horrible.

Let's save suplerlativesl ike that for the HPU, bases-loaded squeeze plays, Coop's managing, and Soriano's hustle.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Soriano is a dumbass.

[BudGirl]

what do you think cooper is telling arias?

[94CougarGrad]

Soriano is such a cub. 

Wah wah wah. "You just shot off my pinky toe!"

[BudGirl]

Soriano is a dumbass.

yeah, but he's their dumbass.

[chuck]

Let's save suplerlativesl ike that for the HPU, bases-loaded squeeze plays, Coop's managing, and Soriano's hustle.

Coop looks like a fucking genius tonight compared to Sweet Lou.

[Matt]

Soriano was born to be a Cub.

[Rebel Jew]

Arias still in

-bounces first pitch slider, JD speculating he sort-of did it on purpose to set it up for an out pitch later,  great pitch on 2-0, then Aramis with a hard grounder that gets under the glove of Matsui for a single.  BB suggesting that MAtsui didn't have to slide to make the play

-Bradley swings halfheartedly at an outside sinker/classic double play ball and gets flak from JD, taps out to second on the second pitch, man this guy just doesn't try some times

-Soriano up, and I imagine that the fans are chanting "fuck the Cubs!"  man, these meds are good.  of course, they're really saying "wear hats backwards!"  weird play, soriano tapper just in front of his foot to blum and he doesn't even try to run it out.

Coop out to talk about something he just pulled out of his ear in the dugout.  Coop to Arias:  "I'm gonna buy one of those earwax kits you get at Wallgreens"

-Intentional walk

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

what do you think cooper is telling arias?

Don't let them score.

[austro]

Don't let them score.

See, that managing thing isn't so tough to figure out.

[Matt]

what do you think cooper is telling arias?

He's relaying orders from Blum.

[MusicMan]

what do you think cooper is telling arias?

"Blum just gave me the signal to come out of the dugout."

[94CougarGrad]

Arias still in

-bounces first pitch slider, JD speculating he sort-of did it on purpose to set it up for an out pitch later,  great pitch on 2-0, then Aramis with a hard grounder that gets under the glove of Matsui for a single.  BB suggesting that MAtsui didn't have to slide to make the play

-Bradley swings halfheartedly at an outside sinker/classic double play ball and gets flak from JD, taps out to second on the second pitch, man this guy just doesn't try some times

-Soriano up, and I imagine that the fans are chanting "fuck the Cubs!"  man, these meds are good.  of course, they're really saying "wear hats backwards!"  weird play, soriano tapper just in front of his foot to blum and he doesn't even try to run it out.

Coop out to talk about something he just pulled out of his ear in the dugout.  Coop to Arias:  "I'm gonna buy one of those earwax kits you get at Wallgreens"

-Intentional walk

This is the best pbp post of the night. Need me to run to CVS and refill your meds?

[Rebel Jew]

-Andres Blanco in to PH for the shitbags.  Hasn't seen live pitching in 6 days says JD.  Bounce out and we go to the 12th

Pence up first.  Damn, I wish Stevens was still pitching

[SaltyParker]

what do you think cooper is telling arias?

Get through this and I'll let you pitch another

[Matt]

The best thing about MLB.TV is I can take the laptop with me if I need to take a dump.

[MusicMan]

Smarfasfzfzdsfzdsa in to pitch.

OVER-RATED.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Isn't that some kind of infection, Samardzija?

[MusicMan]

Hunter's fans tonight are well below attractive.

[BudGirl]

Isn't that some kind of infection, Samardzija?

he did pitch at notre dame, so maybe

[Rebel Jew]

Hmmm, Samarzia in for the cubs.  not sure why they didn't keep marshall in.

-pence fakes bunt on the fastball that he should have blindly swung at like only hunter can, then takes a hittable curve to get behind 0-2, swings tentatively at another hittable FB hard bouncer to first

-Coste crushes a first pitch FB foul, fouls off another, then pops out.  Man, put Hunter's 'talent' in Coste's body and you have a HOFer.  

-Keppinger pinch hitting.  Swing for the fences Kep!  okay he did, but broken bat single is what he got

[94CougarGrad]

Isn't that some kind of infection, Samardzija?

Athlete's foot of the Smurfy kind.

[chuck]

I remember this cork soaker from his football days! Wow. I do everything I can not to watch Notre Dame football yet I remember him clearly.

[Reuben]

I like how you guys are averaging exactly one GZ page per inning. Thanks for all the excellent PBP Joey, by the way.

[BudGirl]

damm, he should have been playing all night, he's got the hot bat tonight.

[94CougarGrad]

Brownie is just not letting go of that failed Cubs' squeeze.

[Matt]

Brownie is just not letting go of that failed Cubs' squeeze.

Well it was pretty funny.

[Rebel Jew]

-Pudge up, this game is winnable right here if pudge can get on base.  samardjia doesn't have much but a straight fastball.  bounce out and it's B12 for the cubs.  Lee up fourth, not sure who will pitch for houston maybe Byrdak

[SaltyParker]

Sampson

[chuck]

Brownie is just not letting go of that failed Cubs' squeeze.

That move was well beyond the realm of Cooperian stupid. It should be ridiculed for weeks.

[Alkie]

FINALLY.   Someone in to pitch that I can root for.

[jonbloozy]

Well it was pretty funny.

You took your laptop with you while you took a dump.  No wonder the squeeze was funny.

[Rebel Jew]

Sampson in and i'm starting to lose it for real.  i'm about 10 minutes from throwing on this palace record and calling it a hazy, wakeful dream-filled night

[Matt]

You took your laptop with you while you took a dump.  No wonder the squeeze was funny.

Mostly a necessary squeeze.

[Mr. Happy]

FINALLY.   Someone in to pitch that I can root for.

Who? Sampson?

[chuck]

FINALLY.   Someone in to pitch that I can root for.

"Promote your website or business by sponsoring this page for $10 on Baseball-Reference.com."

[MusicMan]

Trade Tejada!

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

MMMIIIGGGGGGYYY!!!!

[Lurch]

No arm.

[Rebel Jew]

holy crap, whatta play from tejada.  reminded me of everett for a moment.  sampson has the sinker working.  this game could go 20

[Matt]

That's how you play fucking baseball you cock suckers!

[BudGirl]

i'm just glad sampson didn't come in with anyone on base.

[MusicMan]

FINALLY.   Someone in to pitch that I can root for.

Pretty sure he's the "actress" you keep referring to.

[Bench]

Guess what everybody?  We just received a TEX-MESSAGE!  Hooray!

[Mr. Happy]

Trade Tejada!

NO range.

[Rebel Jew]

i'm just glad sampson didn't come in with anyone on base.

you have 8668 posts.  that's cool

[Lurch]

Bourn time.

[BudGirl]

you have 8668 posts.  that's cool

not anymore.

bourn's first hit tonight.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Bourn is stealing.

[MusicMan]

Let Bourn take 2b.  THEN bunt.

[BudGirl]

why wouldn't he run on fox?

[SaltyParker]

Steal second and bunt him to 3rd dumbass

[Lurch]

what a waste.

[Bench]

Bourn is stealing.

JD says the bunt is dumb and Bourn should just take the base from the non-catcher.

Shocker, Coop is dumb.

[BudGirl]

Let Bourn take 2b.  THEN bunt.

cooper says no. 

[Rebel Jew]

Samardsjazi sitll in.  this game will be won right here, either way it's my last inning

-Bourn with leadoff single into outfield

-Matsui looking bunt, and gets good one down in front of pitcher  Bourn on second for Tejada and Lee

-

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Bunting for a wasted at bat with fox behind the plate.

[Mr. Happy]

Why sacrifice when they have a makeshift catcher in the game and the league leading base stealer on first base?

[Lurch]

JD silent!

[94CougarGrad]

That move was well beyond the realm of Cooperian stupid. It should be ridiculed for weeks.

Verily, I come to praise Brownie, not to bury him.

[BudGirl]

why are we blaming cooper? i thought blum was the manager.

[Rebel Jew]

Why sacrifice when they have a makeshift catcher in the game and the league leading base stealer on first base?

why is wandy still not pitching?

[BudGirl]

why is wandy still not pitching?

he threw a 100+ pitches?

[Rebel Jew]

-Tejada goes to 3-0 quickly, now 4-0

This pitcher has nothing.  Lee up.  This game needs to end and be over

[chuck]

Here we go, come on, Carlos.

[Mr. Happy]

he threw a 100+ pitches?

101 to be exact. I would have run him out there for the eighth. We got lucky in that frame.

[94CougarGrad]

Nice job tonight, JT. I'll take over when you're out.

[jonbloozy]

Do you think 3B coaches are good at charades?

[BudGirl]

that could have been fun.

[Bench]

Do you think 3B coaches are good at charades?

About half the time.

[BudGirl]

fuck that bunt, wasted out.

[Rebel Jew]

-Lee takes hittable fastball, fouls off another fastball, 0-2 count, fastball wayyyyyy high, JD and BB criticizing astros for not challenging Fox the noncatcher


double play

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[Bench]

Once again: Mother. Fuck.

[Twoniner]

  Nice work Coop.  

[Ebby Calvin]

Shit.  Bourn steals, Kaz moves him to 3rd...completely different inning.  Idiocy.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Piss a turd.

[chuck]

FUCK

[Mr. Happy]

Do you think 3B coaches are good at charades?

Yes.

[Rebel Jew]

Nice job tonight, JT. I'll take over when you're out.

cool.  i'm out.  arise therefore and slow life here i come

[Lurch]

why are we blaming cooper? i thought blum was the manager.

I spent the day in muni court for Jury Duty.  A very young woman decided to defend herself against a failure to yield ticket.  She seemed to make every possible procedural mistake and let us all know in no uncertain terms how unqualified she was to drive a car, much less defend herself in court.  The judge was beyond helpful in keeping this young lady in line, to the point that we all could probably pass a good portion of the bar exam based merely off what we learned from him today.  Even with tremendous help, though, stupid is still stupid.  Don't blame Blum.

[BudGirl]

i don't feel good about this ab

[Ebby Calvin]

i don't feel good about this ab

For good reason.

[SaltyParker]

This is not good

[Alkie]

Please walk Aramis and give up a hit so I can go to bed already.

[Bench]

Five straight balls.

[Lurch]

Please walk Aramis and give up a hit so I can go to bed already.

It's only 10:50 in Texas.

[Alkie]

It's only 10:50 in Texas.

So I should move to Hawaii?

[BudGirl]

So I should move to Hawaii?

and give up the subway?  no way.

[Lurch]

So I should move to Hawaii?

No subway.

[Alkie]

and give up the subway?  no way.

A handjob on the beach isn't as cool as it sounds.   There's a lot more sand.

[Ebby Calvin]

JD still going on about the failed Bourn steal opportunity.

[Alkie]

L - Sampson.

I'm going to bed.   Peace yous all.

[BudGirl]

JD still going on about the failed Bourn steal opportunity.

kind of bad move like that squeeze attempt.

[Lurch]

JD still going on about the failed Bourn steal opportunity.

He must have muted himself after the bunt.  He went quiet for a few mins immediatly after.

[chuck]

JD still going on about the failed Bourn steal opportunity.

He should, that was Cooper-stupid.

Fucking four pitch walk to Lee.

[T. J.]

Call another squeeze.

[BudGirl]

so, fulchino and byrdak are for tomorrow?

[Alkie]

walk off walk

[Alkie]

or walk off slam.

fuck me.

[Ebby Calvin]

Well fuck me.

[BudGirl]

walk off walk

hahaha you're wrong

fuck!!!!

[BudGirl]

had to be that asshole also.

[Lurch]

Soriano shows how to do a subway jerk while rounding the bases.

[Mr. Happy]

Shitfuck.

[Ebby Calvin]

Fucking prick stood and watched it the whole way too.

[Savage]

I hate that fucking song.

[94CougarGrad]

Bottom 13:

D. Lee- 4-pitch walk. Fuck.

Aramis- Ball way outside, Pudge out to settle his pitcher. Ball, ball pretty darn inside, called strike in the middle, called strike, checked swing foul, single shot out to LF to put Lee (who's been already going) on 3rd.

Bradley- IBB. Pudge and Robinson out to the mound for a serious chat. HPJackass courteously comes out and reminds them that they've gotta let the game continue. All exeunt.

Soriano- Grand slam straight over center field. Way to go, Coop. Ballgame.

FuckTheCubs 5, Astros 1

[Matt]

Soriano knows how to work a dick.

[BudGirl]

I hate that fucking song.

i turned it off already

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I'd dust that fucker tomorrow.

[jonbloozy]

Please walk Aramis and give up a hit so I can go to bed already.

I doubted you (or the character you play) the other night, but, still, fuck you.

[BudGirl]

I'd dust that fucker tomorrow.

only to have oswalt get tossed by the hpu?

[94CougarGrad]

Yeah, yeah, Texaco Star Performer of the Game, we fucking know, blah blah blah. Fuck the Cubs.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

only to have oswalt get tossed by the hpu?

Not hit him, just come inside hard. If he gets in the way, so be it.

[chuck]

Plunk Soriano tomorrow? How about just not walk the leadoff hitter and then not throw a fucking meatball to whoever's up with the bases loaded?

[JimR]

I'd dust that fucker tomorrow.

why? what did he do wrong? he won the game for his team as he is paid to do.

i'm glad we did not score in the top of the 13th. that give-it-up by Sampson would have been much more painful to watch.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

why? what did he do wrong? he won the game for his team as he is paid to do.

Today, I agree. 

Last night it just seemed like he started this whole planned out choreographed routine with the standing around admiring the hit, then the finger pointing, then the hand waving in front of his face gesturing. It was real nice and pretty and all that, and he gets paid to do that fancy shit too, I guess. But it seemed lacking and canned, missing something. I was thinking a dance routine in his first at bat next game might be fulfilling. Something around the ankles. But that was last night.

Hey, he hit a walk off extra inning grand slam. Go crazy folks, go crazy!!! That's some exciting shit. Just the context is wrong.