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Messages - Foghorn

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1
Talk Zone / Re: Beltran and McCann
« on: November 02, 2017, 05:26:04 pm »
Can't have Beltran around as a player....literally we need to give the ABs and playing time to Fisher/Tucker.  If he'd be willing to be a coach that would be awesome.

His double off of Kimbrel was huge.  Ended up we needed that run after the weird ITBP home run

2
Talk Zone / Re: Thank You
« on: November 02, 2017, 05:22:29 pm »
Hot Damn!!!  Can't believe it finally happened.

To the ones who've been around forever, to the newer fans on the band wagon, to the ones who never thought it was possible.  Feel fucking great.

But, I would be remiss, if I did not include a list of people who don't get a thank you.  To these ass hats, you don't get a thank you, but rather a fuck you....

To Arterial Thoracic Outlet Syndrome....which best I could tell on a quick search is what caused JR Richard's stroke.  Phillies ain't shit.  Them bitches are owed a pounding at some point.  Love to meet up with them in a WS one of these days.  Luck ass 1980 mother fuckers.

To Tommy Lasorda and the rest of the LA Dodgers of the 70s/80s....loved it when Fletch punched the Chief's picture of Fat Ass Lasorda.  Eat a big of shit tubby.

To the entire 1986 NY Mets....one of the all time great degenerate teams...Gooden, Strawberry, Dykstra, Hernandez.  For all the (rightful) shit getting thrown Gurriel's way, remember that Hernandez was to be suspended for the entire 1986 season for distributing cocaine to other players.  Damn drug dealer playing 1B, with coke heads all over the diamond.  Fuck everyone associated with the 1986 Mets. 

To Walt Weiss....nuff said.

To LaRussa, Poo holes, Big Mac, Anaheim Jimmy and the rest of the steroid stuffed Cardinals.  Make no mistake....Tony LaRussa was the figurehead behind the massive steroid abuse in MLB.  He started it with the A's and he took it with him to St. Louis.  Fuck that guy.  hope his pecker falls off.

To Drayton McLane--Drayton, you were a shitbag owner.  You were.  Glad you are gone



Any how....congrats to the 2017 Houston Astros....who had the most difficult path to a World Series champ since at least 2001.  Overcoming 3 strong teams and $711M in combined payroll.  Eat shit fuckers!!!!


3
Talk Zone / FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!
« on: August 31, 2017, 11:22:18 pm »
!!!!!!!!!!

4
Talk Zone / Re: August 31
« on: August 31, 2017, 09:04:37 pm »
Luhnow has been clear.  He's not going to mortgage the future for the present.

Luhnow could add a Britton, or a Gray, or a JD Martinez or even a Verlander without mortgaging the future.

Now if they want Whitley and Tucker.....fuck em.

5
Talk Zone / Re: August 31
« on: August 31, 2017, 04:55:43 pm »
I like the Maybin pick up.  Costs us a spot on the 40-man roster and $1.5M, but thats it.  I gotta believe the Astros are among  the worst base running teams in the league and this gives the team a legit PR option.  If its a 7th reliever or a PR on the playoff roster, give me the PR who can create havoc on the bases.

Now lets pull off a Daz Cameron /Rogelio Armenteros  for Verlander and 25% of his salary deal and call it a day.

6
Talk Zone / Re: Games this week
« on: August 28, 2017, 12:13:37 am »
Both teams have off on Monday, Sept 18th.  You could do a double header that day.  Only problem is the Rangers are in LA on Sunday and have to be in Seattle on Tuesday.  Thats really a no-go.

Both teams are off on Thursday, Sept 7th....but you get the opposite.  Astros are in Seattle on Wednesday and have to be in Oakland on Friday.

It would make the most sense to switch the 2 series, but Rangers are gonna cry foul because they wouldn't be given a lot of notice in order to accommodate such a switch.  Said differently, they are gonna cry foul cuz they're pussies.

Seems to me this is what we are going to see happen...Astros play 3 games this week in Arlington and Astros play 3 games in Arlington in late September. 

7
That's the fourth time in the last week an Astros has been hacking 3-0 and popped up on the infield.

Baseball in 2017....leadoff hitter swinging on a 3-0 count with 2 outs and a runner on base.

8
Talk Zone / Re: You wan the good news first, or the bad news?
« on: August 24, 2017, 12:15:55 pm »
I was hoping the Astros would make the last 4 games in Boston this season meaningless.  Doesn't appear to be the case. 

To me, the worst news in recent days/weeks is that AJ Hinch makes some really awful decisions at seemingly the worst possible time.

(1)  August 5th versus TBJ.  Tied game in the B7, single, double...runners on 2nd and 3rd no outs.  McCann pops up.  Here come JD Davis in his debut to the plate.  Marwin Gonzales is on the bench.  Hinch lets Davis bat (strikes out for the 2nd time that game).  White strikes out.  Go ahead Run never scores.  Astros lose in extra innings.

(2)  Giving JD Davis 28 plate appearences in 8 starts.  Astros are 1-7 in games where JD Davis starts.  Its not his fault.  He should still be at CC or perhaps Fresno.  Even with Correa injured, between Bregman/Marwin/Gurriel you have 3B covered.  With a day off on Monday 8/21, why sit Gurriel in favor of Davis on Sunday 8/20?  Yuli was off about 9 days prior on 8/12, and had a day off scheduled for the next day.  Beltran was also off that day (versus a righty).  Shocking we only scored 2 runs that day and lost 3-2.

(3)  Bunting with Marwin the other night.  ANother 1-run loss.

To me the 2nd worst news is that Luhnow seems to think we have not been in need of another bat.  With the run of injuries, Stassi/Centeno/Davis/Reed/White have all had way too many at bats lately.  I'd be tempted to throw Fisher into this group as well.  Meanwhile, the Dodgers add C Granderson, the Indians add J Bruce.  Z Cosart and B Phillips have both cleared waivers.  Any of those guys are upgrades over what we've been running out there. 

I forget who said it, but I do subscribe to the belief that what makes the Astros offense so damn good is that from 1-9, there was never a break.  Never a chnace for the pitcher to catch his breath.  But lately, the 7-8-9 spots have been a black hole.  Gettis back MCCann and Gattis will help.  Getting back Correa will help.  But in the mean time, the lead over BoSox is slipping and if you are playing for October, you want the WC in the first round.  Otherwise, you get a dose of Sale X2 + Kimbrel, or Kluber X2 + Miller in a 5-game series.  Fuck a lot of that.

9
Talk Zone / Re: addiction
« on: August 20, 2017, 01:04:37 pm »
everytime the  Astros seems to be having an ok season there seems to be posters who show up and one and done. whimps

I lost my fastball several years back.  Had to hang it up.  Full props to those of you who can keep chuckin' it in there at 95 mph.  Love seeing the team do well, and the GZ is a life saver having cut the cord.

Let's rip off about 10 wins in a row, get healthy, and tear the rest of MLB a new asshole

10
Talk Zone / Re: addiction
« on: August 18, 2017, 03:45:07 pm »
speaking of long lost TZ legends.

how about long lost non-legends?

11
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 15, 2013, 04:46:29 pm »
Bryant is certainly a possibility.  I'm looking at Gray still.  I think it will be easier for Luhnow to find a thumper elsewhere in the draft or via trade than it will a #1 type starter.

I disagree.  Thumpers are in short supply, and from what I can tell Bryant seems to be the biggest, baddest thumper in the draft class. 

I'm not against Gray, or Appel, especially since I think they should be "major league ready" by mid-2015.

12
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 15, 2013, 12:56:56 pm »
Villar and Fontana are the same age.  Fontana should be proving himself at AA by now.

Tell it to Luhnow.  He's a college player you took with a 2nd round draft pick.  His career OBP is about .460 in A Ball.  Time to move him up.

I'm starting to think the Astros are not going to take a pitcher with the #1 pick.  Rather theres the big HR hitter from San Diego (edit:  Kris Bryant) who I've seen mentioned as a 3B/OF prospect.  That's who I'm focusing on.  You can get him a little cheaper than you can the big 2 pitchers and you can address an organizational need for another bopper.

13
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 14, 2013, 05:26:27 pm »
Didn't the guy saying "Almost there..." miss the target and then get blasted to smithereens?

Yes, and thanks for catching the quote.

14
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 14, 2013, 05:25:41 pm »
The Astros have about 7 players who are currently performing very well for their league/age:

Springer
Altuve
Cosart
Santana
McCuellers
Folty
Fontana

Singleton would be added to that group based on last years stats.  And Correa is doing fairly well in low A as an 18 year old.    Ruiz is struggling.  Oh well...

If you mix in the 2013 First Pick Overall (say Appel to keep it simple) and the 2014 First Pick Overall (call him Player X), then you have a pretty solid core of players who will be ready to contribute to a winning team in 2016.  None of which will be older than 27.

C--Not sold on Castro, who will 29 in 2016.  Probably need to grab a decent somewhere, or perhaps one develops.
1B--Singleton
2B--Altuve
SS--Fontana/Correa
3B--Dominguez/Correa/Ruiz
LF--Santana
CF--Springer
RF--TBD

SP1--Appel
SP2--Cosart
SP3--McCuellars
SP4--Player X
SP5--Folty

Find a catcher, find another OFer with some pop, grow a reliever or two.  

15
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 14, 2013, 04:49:07 pm »
Guys who graduate college (or at least complete their college eligibility) tend to be ready for the majors a lot sooner than later. And that is typically because they are older for the leagues they are assigned to. I don't think you're too far off when it comes to Springer. In my mind, I had him, Singleton, and Cosart as September callups this year. The time table may as well be accelerated since they have nothing else to try with this current crop of 'Stros.

BTW - word I hear is Nolan Fontana is really impressive and the Houston brass are really liking this kid.

Springer is crushing it in CC.  Not sure what more time in the minors is going to do for him.  Same with Cosart.  Once you pass the Super 2 Arbitration cut off, theres no reason to keep them down (provided they continue to excel).

Singleton would have been my choice to win the job in spring training if not for the suspension.  Again, I don't know what we think he'll learn at OKC that he couldn't learn in Houston.  

Fontana's BB% is crazy.  He's a college kid who should be fast tracked up the system.   I would expect him to finish the year in AA.  I'd plan on him to join the big club, if all goes well, mid-season next year.  1st half of 2013 in High A.  2nd half of 2013 in AA.  1st half of 2014 in AA/AAA.  2nd half of 2014 in the majors.



16
Talk Zone / Re: Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 14, 2013, 02:39:10 pm »
I don't know if we'll see Springer that soon.  I'd bet he'll be in OKC by then for sure, but nothing we've heard out of Luhnow indicates that they're willing to rush him, even in the measured way that they did with Altuve and Pence.

He'll be 24 in September.  Its not "rush"ing him.  I believe he's older than Altuve.  He's older than Jordan Lyles. 

17
Talk Zone / Almost there....alomst there....
« on: May 14, 2013, 01:46:57 pm »
By my calculations (and no, I won't show you the math), the Astros are about 60 days away from being interesting for the first time in years.  Not the Astros system, but the actual big league team.  In the next 60 days, I suspect the following things will happen:

(1)  Jonathan Singleton suspension will be over and he will take over at 1B for the big club after a biref stop in the minors.

(2)  Jared Cosart will be in the majors, taking a normal turn in the rotation.  (Don't give me any of that bullpen shit for Cosart.  If we have more than enough starters, sure I'll entertain the idea.  But for now, he's a starter).

(3)  George Springer takes a spot in the OF, playing everyday even if he strikeouts as often as Rick Ankiel.

(4)  Altuve makes his second straight All Star team, and continues to be amongst the league leaders in hitting.

Thats 4 players, none of which would be older than 23.5 years of age.  4 players to watch develop and grow (if you can get CSNH). 

Meanwhile, other kids in the system keep working their way up.  Domingo Santana...kid isn't even 21 yet and he's hitting 247/360/546 in AA.  He'll be ready to join the big club in about 12 months.  Nolan Fontana...he's about ready to kill the Giovanni Meier experience.  He's hitting 326/462/489 in Lancaster.  But Foggy...everyone hits well in that stadium.  You gotta take park effects into account.  Oh yeah Poindexter?  He's hitting 375/518/500 ON THE ROAD.  How about Folty?  getting the bump to AA and he's taking it in stride.  between lancaster and Corpus he's got a 2.83 ERA and 39 K's in 35 IP.  And he's only 21.5.  Give him another 12-18 months of seasoning and he'll be ready to join Cosart in 2015.  McCuellers will probably join them in 2016. 

The worst is behind us, my friends.  In 60 days it will be more fun to read the Astros box score then to read the Hooks or RiverBandits boxscore.  We are almost there!!!!

18
It's supposed to be hard.  If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.
The hard... is what makes it great.

Raising kids is hard.

Keeping a strong and loving marriage is hard.

Working 40 to 50 hours (or more) a week for a living is hard.

Being a fan of a baseball team should not be.


19
(1)  Worst team in baseball for the 3rd year in a row.  This may actually be the worst of the 3 teams.

(2)  The AL fucking sucks.  The DH fucking sucks.

(3)  MMPUS has the worst customer service I've ever seen.  When the park is half full there should not be long lines at the concession stands.  I want to give you $8 for some nachos.  Is it too much to ask for the chips not to be stale and the queso be hot?  Can I get a $5 hot dog that wasn't cooked the day before?  Can an usher actually provide decent directions?  Can the bathrooms be clean?

(4)  I have zero desire to watch an over-matched group of has been's, never were's, and aint never gonna be's.  Its like watching SD Jones take on King Kong Bundy.  Sure, Special Delivery will make a valiant effort, and perhaps get one or two good shots in.  But the match is ending with the big splash, and a three five count.  Not going to pay main event pricing for a squash match.

(5)  Can't even enjoy the game at home, since we don't have Comcast.

(6)  Crane better be making $50M or so this year, cause when we get good again I expect that sumbitch to support a $150M payroll and not bitch about it.  If we need to rent a player for 2 months, then let's do it.  If we gotta sign Yadier Molina to a high free agent contract because we can't develop a catcher, then do it.  Pinch your pennies now, I get it.  But you better have an open wallet in the future.

(7)  There arent cheap free agent pitchers we can get to build a decent bull pen?  Not saying we need to sign Papelbon or some shit like that, but damn.  This bull pen sucks.

Real hard to be an Astros fan right now.

20
Talk Zone / Re: Strasburg and the "innings limit"
« on: August 23, 2012, 11:37:52 am »
Did the Nats think they weren't a playoff contender when the season started?  Seems like if they thought they'd be in the hunt they would have started Strasburg a month later and have him pitch May - October, rather than April - September.


21
Talk Zone / Re: Happy Trails.....
« on: August 19, 2012, 12:02:40 pm »
I understand this, and actually agree, and if this had gone down before the fire sale, I would have found it understandable for these exact reasons.  However, after completely gutting the team and filling it with rejects, it now has all the appearances of pettiness.  Bottom line for me at least, once the GM and owner had given up on the team, blaming the manager is real bad form.  But, we have seen it before.  

Has Jordan lyles developed?  Has bud Norris taken a step forward, or a step backwards?  Did mills get anything out of Schaefer? 

He was toast in 6 weeks.  He hadn't done a thing to earn the right to finish the season.

22
Talk Zone / Re: Happy Trails.....
« on: August 19, 2012, 10:18:31 am »
1. I'm not sure what Mills has done to think he's a good manager

2. I'm not sure why this is surprising to anyone.

3. I don't get the outrage and the character assassinations of Crane and Luhnow  over this.

agree 100%

Oooh, the heartless bastards fired a guy who hasn't done jack shit in 3 years.  How dare they.

23
Talk Zone / Re: Happy Trails.....
« on: August 19, 2012, 10:08:41 am »
Who would want to work for these these guys after this?



Anyone who would want to make a kick ass salary and be the manager of a major league baseball team.

24
The Bus Ride Discussion Forum / Re: Updated top 20 prospect list
« on: August 19, 2012, 12:20:12 am »
BP's preliminary rank of the Astros' new top 10 players under 25 (including major leaguers):

1. Singleton
2. Correa
3. Springer
4. Altuve
5. Lyles
6. Cosart
7. DeShields
8. Cain
9. Folty
10. Grossman


deshields too low.

springer too high.

santana needs to be on the list

25
Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Cubs Series Preview is now up
« on: August 13, 2012, 11:36:08 pm »
The cubs fuckin' suck.
Old style beer tastes like urine.
Losers, all of them

26
Talk Zone / Re: Heck out
« on: August 13, 2012, 10:14:25 am »
Heck did a better job than you are giving him credit for. 

2008 - Castro and Lyles.  Probably see Seaton sooner or later.  Shuck had a cup of coffee

2009 - Probably their worst draft given their top picks have been dissappointing so far.   But they still have major leaguers in Keuchel and JD Martinez

2010 - DeShields, Folty, Velasquez, Wates.  Outside shots: Doran, Buchanan, Shirley


2011 - This draft is looking real good out the gate.  Springer and Tropeano are impressive.  You also have arms: Houser, Armstrong, Perez. 

2012 - If Luhnow kept Heck till now because of the draft, then I don't see how Heck doesn't get credit for this year as well. 

Plus you have to give Heck credit for the guys they picked up out of trades.  Other than the Bourn trade, they've done quite well getting players from other team's farms.


This was Luhnow's draft all the way around.  I suspect Luhnow kept Heck around to have another voice in the discussion, but the decisions were likely all Luhnow's.  On the recent drafts...

2008 was OK, nothing special.

2009 was poor.

2010 was OK, maybe a bit above average.

2011 was OK.

Now, this isn't all on Heck.  He had Wade/McLane to deal with as well.  But there is nothing from the 08-11 drafts that screams that Bobby Heck knows what he is doing. 

27
Game Zone 2012 Archive / Re: Nats @ Astros
« on: August 07, 2012, 07:29:29 pm »


This is the day of reckoning we all knew would come.  Yes, they're bad.  It was predictable, we all knew there was NOTHING of value on the farm.

I am The Angel of Death.  The Day of Purification is at hand.

28
Talk Zone / Re: Astros v Nationals Series Preview
« on: August 06, 2012, 05:30:39 pm »
Who was the KLOL DJ in the afternoon in the 90s? I used to listen talk about Metallica videos with weird Mexican guys as I drove my car with no air condition back and forth to my job in the The Woodlands.

I have been re-watching Game of Thrones and its better the second time knowing what's going to happen. I'm kind of pissed at what happened in the last episode of the Season 2, but still great bloody television.

In its heydey in the late 80's, KLOL went something like:  Stevens/Pruitt, to Dana Steele, to Moby, to GregO (who was thier first DJ doing "outlaw radio").  At some point GregO left and they brought in Outlaw Dave.  Then Grego came back.  Then Lanny Griffith got paired with Dana Steele.   

Houston radio sucks.  Just last week or so we lost 103.7 (which is still the only station in town that's played the Avett Brothers or Bon Iver, at least as far as I've heard) for another Christian station.

I thought S2 of Game of Thrones was much worse than Season 1, with the exception of the Battle of Blackwater which is the series high in my view.  That said, the 2nd book is clearly the worst of the series.  I hear they are taking the next book and breaking it into 2 seasons, which makes sense considering the ground that 3rd book covers.

29
Talk Zone / Astros v Nationals Series Preview
« on: August 06, 2012, 02:44:28 pm »
Astros vs Nationals (August 6 -9, 2012) Series Preview


NOTICE--Persons attempting to find a motive in this Series Preview will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.


Introductory Nonsense
Longtime Houstonians may remember this.  Back in the late 70’s and early-to-mid 80’s, Houston had 2 rock stations on the radio—KLOL 101.1 and KSRR 97 Rock FM.  The #1 morning show was Moby and Matthews on 97 Rock.  This would have been from about 81-85, if a quick internet search is to be believed. Moby either moved to Dallas when the station became top 40, or he moved to Dallas, the ratings tanked, and the station switched formats.  I don’t recall.  Anyway, Houston was down to 1 rock station by 1988 when KLOL announced that Moby was coming back to Houston radio, this time in the afternoon.  KLOL had Stevens & Pruitt in the morning, with Dana Steele in the mid day, leading up to Moby coming back at 3:00.  16 year old Foghorn was stoked!!!

They had a contest before he came back.  Guess what song he would play first and you could win a trip to Hawaii.  Hell, that easy.  I recalled he was a fan of Aerosmith and what better song than “Back in the Saddle”.  So I submitted an entry and eagerly awaited his first day back.  Sure enough, he played “Back in the Saddle”.  Visions of Hawaii danced in my head (hot hulu chicks in grass skirts!!!  16-year old Foghorn had wild imaginations about what would happen in the islands).  Turned out, about 1500 people submitted “Back in the Saddle” and I didn’t get dick.

Well, now its my turn to make a triumphant (ha!) return to the Series Preview and to Spikes and Stars in general.  It only seems fitting that we crank up a little “Back in the Saddle” to get things going.  Actually, scratch that.  Seems that over the past 10 years or so I have lost all affinity for anything Steven Tyler or Aerosmith related.  Can’t stand any of their songs.  Wouldn’t waste a squirt of piss if they were on fire standing next to me.  Actually find myself feeling that way with a lot of the old KSRR and KLOL bands.  Van Halen….fuck ‘em.  Hagar.  Roth.  Cherone.  Fuck every one of them.  Only song I can half way stomach from them is Unchained.  Ozzy? Wish the bat he chewed on had rabies and killed the fucker at the height of his popularity.  He and his worthless family helped usher in this reality tv crap.  His last good CD was Diary of a Mad Man.  That was 30 years ago.  Rush…respect the musicianship but hate the music.  I’d rather listen to the sound of my testicles getting punctured than hear Geddy Lee try to hit the high notes in Closer to the Heart. 

However, there is one late 70’s/early 80’s rock band I still like and still listen to.  And wouldn’t you know, one of there songs is appropriate for this Series Preview.  So…let’s begin.  {Cue to the muffled rhythmic guitar intro…6 times, then pause for 2 beats….then start the famous intro…}

Back in black
I hit the sack
I’ve been gone too long I’m glad to be back
Yes I’m, let loose
From the noose
That’s kept me hanging about
I keep looking at the sky
Cause its getting me high
Forget the hearse cause I never die
I got…9 lives
Cat’s eys
Using every one cause I’m running wild

And I’m back (x4)
Back in Black
Yes I’m Back in Black

What’s up Astros Fans?  How does a 2nd straight year of sucking feel?  Actually, it feels damn sweet.  I love this year.  I’ve enjoyed this season more than just about any season in a long time.  Why?  Because Drayton McKeck is gone.  Jesus H Christ, praise the lord!!!!

Now that The Grocer is long gone, things can start turning around.  Though he did manage to stick it in up our back side one last time, leaving us with a shitty team, a shitty farm system, and a move to the fuckin’ AL.  What a cock suck.  Worse than John McMullen!!!  Yeah, I said it.  Lemme say it again.

WORSE THAN JOHN MCMULLEN!!!!!

Someone had to say it.  Don’t care about the record or any of the playoff successes.  Fuck that.  Someone else did the hard work…he got the glory.  He rode the coat tails of work done prior to his buying the team.  Astros acquired Bagwell and Biggio before his time, and they were the heart of our championship teams.  The cock sucker didn’t want to spend the money to sign Berkman outta Rice.  The Hun had to talk him into it.  Venezuela Academy…started before McNeck.  Harris County voters built him a stadium and gave him a sweetheart lease. 

So as a brief parting shot to Drayton McLane, let me just say this (channeling the great David Naughton from Hot Dog…the Movie):

“Hey Drayton!  You can kiss my ass.  Not on zis side, or on zhat side, but right in zee middle!”

Now that we’re done with the pleasantries, let’s make our way to….

What’s on tap?
Coming off a weekend trip in Atlanta, where apparently the video board guy got a little jab in on the Astros (per a Levine tweet, something about “can’t spell Disastrous without Astro” or something).  The boys may be thirsty in Atlanta, and there is beer in Texarkana, but those chodes can drink fuckin’ Billy Beer for all I care.  Not going to miss playing those assholes on a yearly basis.  Will really miss the loser Brave fans who used to show up at the Dome/MMPUS.  I’ll miss those fuckers like I’d miss jock itch, my first kidney stone, and Mama’s Family.  Unfortunately, they’ll be replaced with Yankee and Red Sox fans.  Guido, the Mooch, Sully and Murph.  Not even a better class of asshole.  Can’t.  Fuckin’.  Wait.

The NL East leading Nationals are in town for 4 games.  As always, Astros.com has all the news you need to know.  Here’s the link

http://houston.astros.mlb.com/mlb/gameday/index.jsp?gid=2012_08_06_wasmlb_houmlb_1&mode=preview&vkey=preview_web_home&c_id=hou

What intrigues me about he Nationals is how lucky they’ve been.  They managed to have the worst teams at the exact right time.  They suck real bad and they get the #1 overall pick.  Just so happens the greatest college pitcher since…forever…was available.  Stephen Strausburg…come on down.  Suck ass again, and get the #1 overall pick for a second time.  Just so happens the greatest high school hitter since…forever…was available.  Bryce Harper…come on down.

Compare that to the Astros.  Carlos Correa and (presumably) Mark Appel.  Its not just sucking really bad, its sucking really bad at the exact right time.  When/if the Nationals ever do something worth a shit, remember that luck had as much to do with it than anything else.  Taking nothing away from the other good players they’ve developed (Zimmerman and Zimmerman) or traded for (Gio Gonzales) but when in about 10 years when we look back at the Nationals, Harper and Strausburg are going to be their version of Bagwell/Biggio.

Hey, Houston area fans.  School is about to start up.  Football season is about to start up.  Attendance is only going to get worse from here on in.  Let’s all try to get to at least one more game this year.  Not as a group, just you and your friends/family.  Let’s get our asses in the stadium, buy a couple of beers, and let Jim Crane know we understand the situation.  We’ll take our lumps.  We’ll take the move to the AL.  Because one day, our youngsters will hit their prime, and when we’re one player away and need Crane to open his checkbook, I want him to remember we supported him when we had a middle of the road AAA team for 2 years.  MMPUS is still a fine place to watch a game, even though they have something against silence.  Do we really need some noise and stupid tom foolery between every innings or pitching changes?  Sometimes, less is more.  Let us enjoy the sounds of the ball park. 

How Foghorn spent the 2012 Season
Absolutely love www.milb.com.  Can’t live without it.  Before going to bed each night, I do a quick check of how the kids in the minors are doing.  Check out Corpus to see what Singleton is up to.  Lancaster has George Springer and (as I was pleasantly surprised to see) Domingo Santana who is having a great season.  Lexington?  Can probably count on seeing Delino DeShields Jr. stealing a base or two.  He’s having a strong season.  Love, love, love it.  And once he signed, I have enjoyed looking at Nolan Fontana’s progression.  Anytime you are rocking an OBP near .500, you got my attention.

I never had a clear understanding of Short Season A Ball or the Rookie Leagues, until this year.  Tri City has been awesome, with likely League MVP Andrew Alpin leading the league in both OPS and SBs.  Several pitchers there have crazy K/BB ratios to go along with solid ERA and WHIP numbers.  Greenville has been the D’andre Toney watch for me.  Was hoping to see a bit more from him in 2012, but given that we only gave up Quintero and Burgois, how good could he be?  And the GCL Astros with McCuellars (now at Greenville), Ruiz, and Correa?  Am always excited to check out those box scores.  Question for the group—I take in the GCL doesn’t play games on Sundays?  Why not?

Anyway, I became a more knowledgable fan this year.  Had to bone up on the rules of the draft.  Had to learn the minor leagues.  Had to put in some time on the ‘net searching things out.  But I’m a better fan for it. 

All in all….I had a pretty fun year in 2012.

What’s on Foggy’s mind
(1)  So, have you heard about the porn stars in Miami giving away free blow jobs?  A couple of Miami-based valtrex-laced skanks said that if the Heat win the NBA title, they’d give away a ton of free hummers to anyone who would show up (provided they bring along an STD test, wear a condom, and agree to be filmed for the DVD that is soon to be released).  #TeamBJ for you folks on Twitter.  Seriously.  Un-freaking-believable. 

There are a couple of pole dancers who will do the same thing here in Houston if the Astros win 5 more road games this season.

(2)  We are living in the golden age of television right now.  In particular, television drama.  Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Justified, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Homeland.  All kick much, much ass.  I can’t put into words how much I love Mad Men.  The writing on that show is stunning.  Matthew Weiner is up there with Aaron Sorkin (loved the Social Network script, and Sports Night and early West Wing were awesome) and the Davids (Milch, Simon, and Chase) as the best television writers of all time. 

In fact, I would argue that for the most part, television is better than film these days.  Yes, I am excited to see Daniel Day Lewis in Spielberg’s Abraham Lincoln and Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master looks awesome.  But the amount of depth that the tv shows can go into that the movies can’t.  I loved the Battle of Helm’s Deep in The Two Towers but the Battle of Blackwater in Game of Thrones was just as much to watch.

For the record, I’ve done my best not to litter Game of Thrones quotes throughout this entire review.  No “Winter is Coming”.  No “I will take my crown.  I will pay the iron price”.  No “stick them with the pointy end”.  Not even “a Lannister pays his debts”. 

Have to say that while Tyrion has most of the best lines, my favorite character is probably Arya (Arry/Weasel/Cat/whatever 50 other names she goes by).  SPOILER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ONLY SEEN THE TV SHOW AND NOT READ THE BOOKS.  I am trying to figure out how she rejoins the main narrative.  I’m assuming she will be sent to assassinate someone.  I also imagine she’ll meet up again with Jaquen H’ghar at some point.  Have always felt that she is the one who needs to kill Littlefinger, as he is one of the main instigators of the entire war(s).  Arya kills Littlefinger and reconciles with Sansa before returning to the House of Black and White awaiting her next job. 

(3)  The Olympics are on.  I’ll watch swimming.  I’ll watch Usain Bolt.  But I have no desire to watch the Dream Team 2012.  No desire to watch the gymnastics.  Can’t say I would watch a round of boxing, though it would be interesting to watch a guy get knocked down 6 times in a fight and still be declared the winner.  Amateur athletics is rotten to the core.



Well, that’s about it for me.  Thanks to Dark Star for reaching out to me.  This Series Preview isn’t coming together as I had hoped, but its been fun for me to write.  Hope you enjoyed it as well.  I held back on the f bombs, and I don’t think I called anyone a Mother Fucker.  I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because they are going to try an sivilize me and I can’t stand it.  I been there before.

30
Beer and Queso / Re: Random Question
« on: August 06, 2012, 10:11:06 am »
I had thought it was the top 5 earners in terms of salary/bonus/options for the senior executives.  But I could be wrong.

31
Talk Zone / Re: Future of SnS
« on: November 17, 2011, 11:59:06 pm »


It feels good to walk away.  Life is truly too short to worry about self-important morons like Selig and Ryan and McLane.  They all deserve each other, anyway, but I don't have to watch.  In case anyone besides Sphinx hasn't noticed, there are plenty of enjoyable things to do around these parts on summer evenings, rather than watch a lousy baseball team not compete in a foreign league.

T.S. Eliot may have been a fucking BFiB, but he was right.  Not with a bang, baby; but a whiny fucking whimper.

I know my opinion doesn't count for shit, but I've always enjoyed your writings.  If you are going to walk away, hope you find something worthwhile to replace the lost passion you had for the Astros. 

How does the world end?  Hopefully with a thousand itchy-cocked pygmies gang banging Selig and McLane. 

32
Talk Zone / Re: Get it out of your system now...
« on: August 04, 2011, 12:52:41 am »
Who the hell's Alkie?

Some geek who has my left nut

33
Yes they could.  Great owners are falling off trees these days.

You don't have to be a great owner to be better than McLane. 

He's the worst owner in Houston pro sports right now.  His style ran off the best GM we've had in 30 years.  He goes through coaches/managers like Tiger Woods does cocktail waitresses.  Despite the tremendous economic success he enjoyed at the hands of the Harris COunty tax payers, he's cheap when it comes draft time.  As an organization, the Astros are just about the worst in baseball.  They didn't become that way in spite of the leadership/management from the owner's box. 


34
Houston could do a lot fucking worse than Drayton McLane for an owner.

Houston could do a lot fucking better than Drayton McLane for an owner.

35
Of course, now, it's totally different...

fair point.

36
you fuckers who demand a championship team to convince you to be a fan mystify me. it is BASEBALL, MFers, and the fucking HOUSTON ASTROS. that's always been enough for me and always will be.

play ball.

i don't need a championship team to follow.  hell, my continued support of the abortion that is TAMU football is testament to that. 

I'm not a "battered wife" fan, who despite years of watching the team do things that piss me off, still loves my team 100%.  I can't do that.  Not any more. 

One of Drayton McLane's  business unit doesn't always get first dibs on my excess emotional capital. 

37
Goddamn it.  Well, at least you got the year right this time.

I am happy to see your return, even though it fucks up totally this long, elegiac poem I had been composing, based mostly on The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, commemorating your death, which is the only reason I could figure why you stayed away so long.  I had you getting crushed on a slick freeway by a jackknifing tractor-trailer rig.  It was to make up the bulk of my initial Series Preview for this year, due out in a few weeks.

But not anymore.  Now I have to come up with something else.  But I am glad you're back, really.  Seriously.

Dare I eat a peach?  I think it was Redding who had me think about ol' J. Alfred. 

The reason behind my hiatus isn't anything as bitchin' as a jack-knifed tractor trailer rig.  The Astros, at one time, were a passion of mine.  Over time, I realized I was becoming more of a hater than a passionate fan, that is I hated that cock chugging douchebag Tony LaRussa more than I loved Scrap Iron, or Cooper, or any of the Astros.  That I would be as happy if Poo Holes tested positive for PEDs than I would if Bagwell was elected to the HOF.  That watching the Cubs circle the drain again was as fun as watching the Astros go .500.

Over time, I simply quit giving a shit about the Astros.  They were not a joy to watch...station to station, crappy defense, running out Chris Sampson and Brian Moehler and other losers every 5th day.  I pretty much disagreed with every decision McNeck made.  We haven't had a competent front office in about 10 years.  We were counting on veteran presence and leadership from guys who can't hit .250 and slug .400.  Fuck a lot of "good clubhouse guys".  How about "good in the batter's box" guys?

So I said "fuck it".  Seriously.  I announced out loud "fuck it" and turned my back on the team.  I'd rather play with my kids, or do a line of coke, or shave 4 inches off my pecker with a power sander than actually give a shit about the Astros.

At the time, I didn't want to be a casual fan, because casual fans suck slimey donkey dicks.  Fan is short for fanatic.  Go hard or go home.  Don't want to be one of the pickle-dicks showing up at MMPUS for the $8 beers, hoping to move close enough behind the backstop where I can text/call my buddies saying "lookee me, I'm on tv".

Basically everything that was great about the ol' BFT, crazy ass motherfuckers who bled orange whoop ass, was what identified with.  That died sometime during the 2006 season, and I limped along for awhile, but it was gone.  Maybe it was bagwell's retirement.  Maybe it was being sick of clemens.  Maybe it was the refusal to fire Milo.  Who the fuck knows.

But I'm back, for now at least.  Won't last long, but for now the fire is burning strong in my belly, like a Sheriff Blaylock bender washed down with room temperature Lone Star Dry. 

Plus now I can go to MMPUS and yell at Big Mac to pop his back zits.

38
Fuck em All.

Astros will win the World Series in 2010!!!  If you ain't down with that, then fuck off.

I'd titty fuck Pam Gardner if it would help the good guys win a series.  Hell, I'd titty fuck Milo if it meant we'd win The Series.

39
Talk Zone / Re: Maybe Pence needs a new glove...
« on: July 03, 2007, 05:30:47 pm »
He's way more under control in the batters box.  Quick hands too.  It has been a real surprise to me the number of fundamental things that he seems not to have picked up.  How to run when you're intending to catch any kind of ball, foot or base, seems basic to me.

He does seem to get his hands through the hitting zone fairly quickly.  He can turn on an inside pitch and keep it fair.  At first I thought it was his height that made him look so "goony".  But its not his height.  He's just an awkward athlete, as weird as that seems.  I think an offseason of ballet and blinking lessons are in order.

40
Talk Zone / Re: Maybe Pence needs a new glove...
« on: July 03, 2007, 05:06:57 pm »


Well I'm fine with that if the club believe he needs it. I'm not fine with it if its a hysterical move made in fear of his crappy defense. And that's only because it'd probly be Burke in center.

Nobody wants to see Burke in CF less than me.  I was one of the few here clapping loudly when Hunter got the call up simply because Burke in CF was a nightmare.  Turns out Hunter hasn't been much better, at least in the field.  

Me, I'd run Hunter out there everyday and when it looks like he could use a day off, I'd give him a rest.  I'd also hire Terry Puhl or someone like Puhl to teach the kid how to play the OF properly.  He's a bit of a goony bird out there.  Hell, he's a bit of a goony bird in the batter's box as well.  But I think he has enough natural ability you could teach/coach the goony bird out of him.

41
Talk Zone / Re: Maybe Pence needs a new glove...
« on: July 03, 2007, 04:54:55 pm »
Alright. I'm officially on the "you are delusional" side of the debate.

I think Legs of eggs (stupid name by the way) is wrong, but not horribly so.  Just that sitting Pence is not a sign of quitting.  Few players play every game each year.  Sitting Pence down is not the end of the world.  

42
Talk Zone / Re: Maybe Pence needs a new glove...
« on: July 03, 2007, 02:12:03 pm »

I like Pence!! and all.  I've been mostly positive about him in the Previews and such.  But I am made a little uneasy by his most ardent supporters' tendency to fall into messianic comparisons when discussing him.


You will not question PENCE!!!! nor those who deify Him.  Those who do question PENCE!!! will have their names recorded on the Scroll of the Damned, forever sentanced to watch nothing but Reds/Pirates games for all eternity.

43
Talk Zone / Re: Biggio vs. Yount = HOF
« on: June 29, 2007, 04:49:04 pm »
his whole argument is that bidge "only" hit .282 and he isnt regarded as a power hitter.  every time he gets another hit, walk, run scored, etc. it seems like he passes somebody that is in the HALL OF FAME.  sounds like Bill Conlin and his " i dont think Ryan is a first ballot HOF'er because I wouldnt pick him to start game 7 of the World Series" debate.

you dissect and try to pick apart what's left and what's left is still HOF worthy.

The problem with this dipshit is he has made up his mind that Biggio isn't HOF worthy and has gone out in search of evidence to support his opinion.  In fact, I'd wager a plate of Sheriff Blaylock's finest nachos that the dickwad doesn't even have that opinion...that he's just trying to stir shit up.

I mean, if you are going to talk about stats, how they hell do you leave off:

1800+ Runs Scored (Top 20 of All Time...Here's the list of guys that have scored more runs than Biggio--FRobinson, Ott, speaker, Gehrig, Musial, Anson, Mays, Rose, Ruth, Aaron, Cobb, Henderson and Bonds)

600+ Doubles (Top 10 of All Time...Here's the list of guys that have hit more doubles than Biggio--Brett, Cobb, Rose, Speaker, Musial)

You can then mix in All Star games, Gold Gloves, HRs, the HBPs, everything else.  Then compare him to other HOFers like Molitor and see how well he stacks up.

If you don't think it is an open and shut case for the HOF then you are wrong and should be ignored.

44
Talk Zone / Re: Biggio vs. Yount = HOF
« on: June 29, 2007, 03:04:02 pm »
Unfortunately, there is a debate. Buster Olney, who has a HOF vote, said this morning on "The Mike & Mike Show" that Biggio isn't a HOFer because "he's never been one of the Top 5 players in the NL."

On the other hand, Bill James had said Biggio was the best player in the game for the 1990s.

I say there shouldn't be a debate, but there is plenty of debate.

It's not only an indictment against those outlets -- it's a conviction.

Bill James said Biggio was 2nd behind Bonds, and that the Biggio was closer to #10 than to #1.

45
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura: The way we're going is not acceptable
« on: June 28, 2007, 10:56:37 am »
Much of what he does, IMO, will depend on whether they push to contend for the central this year or attempt to reload for next.  I won't go further because that would involve what I'd do and that isn't important.  The next 30 days will be very entertaining.

You gotta reload.  The worst thing to do is to stay in no man's land and get nothing for Lamb, Loretta and Jennings.  This is/was a winnable division.  The bully turning to shit and the bad offensive first half of Berkman/Scott/Ensberg/Everett has killed this season.

But there are playoff teams that could use guys like Lamb and Loretta and Jennings.  The Hun consistantly made under the radar trades that worked out well for the Astros (Hudek for C4, ???? for Wheeler, Ginter for Loretta and so forth).  Time for Purp to do the same.


46
Talk Zone / Re: 2,996
« on: June 25, 2007, 04:08:03 pm »
even there, he hit 3 HRs in one game!

How many of those did you catch?  You were at that game weren't you?

47
Talk Zone / Re: 2,996
« on: June 25, 2007, 03:51:02 pm »
I've never understood the whole "tarnishing his legacy" shit that writers and sportscasters and talk show douche bags spout off.  Willie Mays stumbling around the outfield as a Met seems to be the example everyone uses.

Fuck you, you selfish egotistical shit-for-brains.  The player doesn't exist for you.  The player doesn't have to abide by the way you want to remember him.  The player can do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

Biggio isn't tarnishing his legacy.  Nobody with an ounce of integrity can say, "yeah, Biggio used to be real good but the last 2 years of play are more important than the first 18 years".  

Fuck the haters.  Biggio ain't a saint.  Theres a good chance he's an asshole.  But please, spare me the "I hate Biggio" shit.  If he was blocking the second coming of Joe Morgan I could understand the hate.  But its fucking Chris Burke.

48
Talk Zone / Re: Jocketty likely to leave Co-ards after the season
« on: June 22, 2007, 02:47:45 pm »
Where's he going to leave them?  On a nice farm with kids and goats?  Where they can run free?

Daisy Hill Puppy Farm

49
Talk Zone / Re: June 22, 2002
« on: June 22, 2007, 10:58:35 am »
Also, you could probably do something more interesting with Hampton than trading him to the Mess in 2000.

Yeah, but hampton became Dotel and Dotel became Beltran.  Plus no Hampton also meant no Operation Shutdown.

50
Talk Zone / Re: June 22, 2002
« on: June 22, 2007, 10:52:08 am »
RIP, Darryl Kile.

Hard to believe it's been 5 years.

Its funny, not ha ha funny, to think about what would have happened if he re-signed with the Astros after the 1997 season.

Would we have traded for The Unit in 1998, meaning Guillen/Halama/Garcia would have been Astros. 

The 2001 pitching staff could have been Kile, Oswalt, Miller and Garcia who went a combined 64-28 with an ERA around 3.10. 


52
Series Previews 2007 / Astros at Rangers 6/22-6/24
« on: June 22, 2007, 01:52:07 am »
Astros at Rangers – Fantastic Four:  Rise of the Silver Boot Edition


Rangers Ballpark in Arlington

Friday, 7:35 PM on FSSW
Saturday, 2:55 PM on FOX (sweet, we get to see Jeanne Zelasko, owner of the biggest set of man hands this side of Rachel Ray)
Sunday, 7:35 PM on KNWS

Notable giveaways

In honor of Sammy the Clown’s 600th Home Run, the Rangers are giving all fans 16 and older a free 10cc injection of Durabolin.  There are other festivities planned as well to celebrate the Hippy Hoppy Bunny’s historic HR, including: 

--a pre-game demonstration on proper bat corking techniques
--loud salsa music blared over the PA to the annoyance of everyone else
--premature HR celebration/trot on fly balls to the warning track
--and much, much more.


Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/probable_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

If this were 2000 or so, we’d be in deep trouble.  Thankfully, the days of Tha Thong Song and Who Let Tha Dogs Out are long gone.

Friday:  Woody Williams versus Kevin Milwood.

Milwood has a fine career ERA of 3.38 (and WHIP of 1.07) versus Houston, but its a little deceiving as he hasn’t done jack shit versus the good guys in a few years.  We smacked him around twice last year and twice in 2002.  He had a solid outing in 2003 but most of his real damage came in the late 1990s and 2000/2001.  Here’s how has fared versus the individual Astros batters over the years.  http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/5848/batvspit;_ylt=AgQz2heKnUkGsKsk598FcwWFCLcF?year=career&type=Pitching

Saturday:  Roy Oswalt versus Jamey Wright.

I’ll always remember Jamey Wright for the game he pitched against the Astros as a Brewer in 2001. It was late August/early September and Wright was mowing down the Astros—double digit strikeouts.  Up 2-1 in the 9th inning when the Mexican Mullet hit a 2-run bomb with 2 outs to propel the Astros to a 1 run victory.  I always thought Wright was going to be a real player based on that night.  Little did I know he would eventually lose 12 in a row to the Astros until beating them last year.

Sunday:  Chris Sampson versus Robinson Tejada

Kevin Milwood—7.62 ERA
Jamey Wright—10.57 ERA
Robinson Tejada—6.29 ERA

Same old Rangers.  Can’t pitch for shit. 

Injury Report

Texas –  Mark Teixeira is out for a little while longer, with on-going speculation he’s on the trading block.  Tell you what, I’d give up Troy Patton, Lidge and a couple other minor league pitchers for Tex.   Though I doubt the Rangers are dumb enough to do it.

Hank Blalock is out with something called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome.  No idea what it means though I did find this website... http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/fact/thr_report.cfm?Thread_ID=206

Remember the old Blalock for Wade Miller discussions?  Those were the days!!!

Houston – Lidge has an oblique strain/pull.  No definitive timetable has been set for his return.  AE is out another 5-7 weeks with a Flapjack induced fracture of the fibula.  El Caballo needs to pull his head outta his ass, and start fielding the position.  He’s making me wish Biggio was still out there in LF.

I Marky, Jerry and little brother Tommy

In a town that loves its sports (as long as they are winners), the Rangers have always been the little brother.  Right now, the Mavs are a success (at least in the regular season) and the Cowboys are a playoff team.  And the Rangers are....well, the Rangers are the Rangers.  And Tom Hicks can’t sit back and let Mark Cuban and Jerry Jones hog all the headlines so Hicks had to do something.

Earlier in the week he dropped this...http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070620/ap_on_sp_ba_ne/bba_rangers_gonzalez_steroids;_ylt=AiNnm692u.ZJ11adD5wQKyHMWM0F

Tommy, considering your teams history of steroid abuse (Canseco, Palmeiro, IRod) in addition to your current employment of “No Speakie Eenglessh” Sammy Sosa, perhaps its best for you to remain mum on the subject.  Your team has been a disaster for nearly 40 fucking years, with the only bright spot being when half the everyday lineup was on the juice.  Go play with your soccer team and do a better job keeping the Longhorn football team outta jail.

The Clown

I hate Sammy Sosa.  Always have.  He’s a Grade A cock sucker, a fake who makes Curt Schilling seem genuine.  A horrible teammate who quit on his team when things didn’t go his way.  A juicer of the highest magnitude.  Just a complete piece of shit.

Well, the douche bag hit his 600th HR this week so there were lots of stories about him, most dealing with his chances at getting into the HOF.  A majority of those included some form of “he helped save baseball in 1998 with his pursuit of the HR record.”  This is an urban myth.  Sosa/Big Mac didn’t save baseball.  Baseball saved baseball.  Attendance was already rising before the flood of HRs.  What happened was all the fans who said they were through with the game after the 1994 strike eventually came back.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s look at the attendance figures.

1990—54.8M
1991—56.7M
1992—55.6M (first time in 8 years there was a decrease from the previous season)
1993—70.25M (Rockies/Marlins were added who combined for 7.5M, making the same store attendance 62.75m)
1994—50.01M (in 70% of a season, meaning they were on pace for just over 71.4M)
1995—50.5M (in 89% of a season, meaning they were on pace for a total of 56.7M, about a 20% drop from the 1994 pace)
1996—60.1M (a 6% increase from the 1995 adjusted numbers)
1997—62.9M (a 5% increase from the previous year)
1998—70.6M (see, there’s a huge jump in attendance, due to Sammy and Big Tweet.  Bull shit.  Arizona and TB joined that year.  Back out those two teams and you get a same store attendance of 64.5M.  Thats an increase of just 2.5% over the previous year).
1999—70.1M (hey, they were still hitting HRs in 1999, wheres the attendance increase?)

No, what Sammy and Mac did was spike attendance at their home ball parks, though some of the nearly 500,000 increase at Wrigley would have occured simply because the Cubs were winning and were headed to the playoffs.  But their HR chase didn’t cause the 700k increase at Anaheim Stadium, or the 300k increase at Yankee Stadium, or the 500k increase at Jack Murphy in San Diego. 

So fuck Sammy Sosa.  He didn’t save baseball.  He didn’t do anything other than inject his body with anabolic steroids, cork his bat, quit on his teammates and pretend he couldn’t speak English when appearing on Capitol Hill.  Hope he dies a horrible death with as much pain and suffering as is humanly possible.  Maybe he can upset Uggie Urbina and Urbina will set him on fire and whack him with a machete.

Other Random Shit

Good to see the DQ get bukkake’d by the Rockies.  10.5 behind the Red Sox. 6.5 behind the Wild Card leaders. Enjoy the summer, dickhead.

Exactly why did the Rangers trade Adrian Gonzales (295/363/534) AND Chris Young (6-3, 2.26 ERA, 1.12 WHIP) for 1 year of Adam Eaton and Akinori Otsuka?  By the way, if the Rangers are selling I’d like to nab Otsuka. 

Current Favorite show on TV...Man Versus Wild.  Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is solid as well (and new episodes start next month).

Horrible story about a girl getting her feet lopped off at a Six Flags...http://www.wlky.com/news/13547817/detail.html

This You Tube still cracks me up   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2v-AkSj260.  Now, I gotta lotta bitches to plow, so you can fuck-a me later, but you should fuck-a me now...

Still going to say Biggio gets #3000 on 6/28 versus the Rox. Get your tickets, now!!!!

53
Talk Zone / Re: Milton Bradley available -- anyone interested?
« on: June 21, 2007, 05:21:23 pm »
In a word, fuck no.

I'll take him.  He hits lefties at a nice clip and would make a nice platoon mate for Scott in RF.

I'd rather have him as the 5th OFer than Burke.

54
Talk Zone / Re: DQ=4.86 E.R.A.
« on: June 21, 2007, 05:10:15 pm »
keep bringing me all the bad news you can.

DeLoss Dodd to fire Mack Brown and hire Dennis Franchione

55
Talk Zone / Re: Houston Introduces Congestion Tax (Non-BB)
« on: June 21, 2007, 02:31:41 pm »
I am choosing to move closer to work.  But I am not assuming that the current state of affairs will remain unchanged in the future.

ETA:  John Q. Taxpayer is being committed to paying for ever increasing road construction costs, as well as suffering ever longer commutes and wasting ever larger amounts of ever more costly gasoline.

I hear you but my concern with dumping tons of money into public transit is that at the end of the day the public transit doesn't do much of anything.  For instance, I doubt I'll ever ride on the Light Rail.  I've helped pay for it, but I ain't ever gonna use it.  And there's a lot of people like me who live, work, play in the suburbs.  I don't care 290 is a clusterfuck.   I don't care if 59 is a madhouse.  And becuase I don't care I don't want to pay for anything to remedy that problem.

56
Talk Zone / Re: Houston Introduces Congestion Tax (Non-BB)
« on: June 21, 2007, 02:15:28 pm »
I don't understand why John Q Taxpayer has to subsidize someone else's hatred of sitting in traffic.  YOU don't like traffic, either move closer to work or work closer to home.  Or carpool, or vanpool.  But don't make me pay more tax dollars because you're being a big pussy.

57
Talk Zone / Re: Houston Introduces Congestion Tax (Non-BB)
« on: June 21, 2007, 11:22:30 am »
We need to expand freeways some, but seriously no matter how wide you make them traffic will still back up terribly on entrance and exits and cross streets.  Rail is the way to go.  The money we spend on it now will seem like a bargain in 30 years.


And herein lies one of the problems.  For "rail" to work, your're going to need the co-operation of more than just Harris County.  Montgomery COunty (read:  The Woodlands) is not going to pay a single dime to facilitate development of a mass transit system for Houston/Harris County.  The Woodlands is becoming more and more self-contained every day.  New office buldings are being constructed, and more and more businesses are moving up there.


58
Talk Zone / Re: Houston Introduces Congestion Tax (Non-BB)
« on: June 20, 2007, 04:45:11 pm »
I live in Spring.  I work at Greenspoint.  If I want to take public transportation to work, I drive to the nearest park and ride which is 15-20 minutes away (due to traffic and the lights).  I am now about an additional 10 minutes away from my office, but of course the bus doesn't go from the park and ride to my office.  It goes from the park and ride to downtown then I'd need to hop on another bus to to get back to Greenspoint.

For public transportation to work I'd need a place to hop on within 5 minutes of my house, which then takes me to a mini-hub on the northside, which then would take me to my office.  There is zero chance there will be a place to hop on within 5 minutes of my house.  And if there is, with all the nieghborhoods surrounding me it would be non-stop stops of people getting on going to the northside mini-hub.

This is an automobile city.  Trying to adapt a public transit system is just a massive waste of money.

59
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 03:39:59 pm »
Agreed Re- the shows.

If I was forced to listen to the radio all day (sports talk only) 3 months ago I'd go with:

John and Lance in the morning till 11:00. Jim Rome for an hour until 12:00. Dan Patrick until 3:00. Then CP until 6 and the night pervs on 610 until 10:00. Also like Doug Gotleib on ESPN Radio- but not sure if the local's pick him up or if it's just an XM thing.



Gotleib isn't bad (he's on 97.5 FM starting at 6:00).  The guests that the World Wide Leader can wrangle up is amazing.  They had their ex-Sports Business guy (now at CNBC) Derren Rovell on the other night and he was bringing it strong.  Then they had on someone else whose name I forgot who was bringing it on the NBA.  ESPN Radio should be the be all end all.  That they aren't says a lot about the business.

60
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 02:52:25 pm »
Honestly, are there any good sports stations anywhere? I've yet to listen to one.


I think hoping for a good station in unreal, but certainly hoping for a good 3-4 hour show isn't too much to ask for.  I don't mind Palillo, I think he's the best of a bad group here in town. 

I think the folks on ESPN Radio suck but they have the name to get pretty awesome guests which can make things worth listening to.  For instance, I like Andy Katz for college basketball and Kirk Herbstreet for college football.  Jaworskie is the man for pro football.


61
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 01:34:43 pm »
Mmmmmmmm...... I lost ya there.  Even among the wasteland of Houston radio, John Lopez hosting his own show has to be the absolute bottom of the barrel.

Its quite fascinating.  The little gimp refers to Lopez as "J Money" and Lopez calls the gimp "Quagmire".  I'm assuming its from Family Guy and further assume its because the gimp has a crush on Taylor Hanson. 

Anyway, there are now 3, soon to be 4, all sports stations in Houston and they all pretty much suck.

62
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 01:26:33 pm »
You've got to be kidding me.  This is an epidemic of stupid, evin by Comical "standards".

This was from his radio show.  Started saying that for those who wanted to trade Brad Lidge, to start thinking again.  And that "forearm" is code for elbow trouble.  His cohost the little bag of shit Ted DeLoser said, "well its his oblique".  Cuntface replies with "and thats code for shoulder".

Wrong shoulder though Johnny, wrong shoulder.

63
Talk Zone / Re: Houston Introduces Congestion Tax (Non-BB)
« on: June 20, 2007, 01:19:37 pm »
Besides the indications that the project was well planned, the addition of the toll lanes also secured a nice chunk of Federal change, which is likely the single most significant factor in the project being ahead of schedule.

Mass transit won't work in Houston.  Ever.  Its not in our culture as a town.  Everyone here drives.  People love their cars/trucks/SUVs in Houston.  They aren't going to give it up.  

Complicating matters is the lack of zoning in the city.  We have a boat load of  pockets of business districts rather than one main one downtown.  There's downtown, the galleria, Greenway Plaza, the Energy Corridor, Westchase, Greenspoint, the Woodlands, and more.

More roads means more people on the roads.  

64
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 01:09:23 pm »
When did "strained oblique" become the trendy injury? I don't ever remember hearing about this stuff 20 years ago (or even 10), but maybe that's because the only detail we got was "he's got a hurt leg/arm/other".

Cuntface John Lopez says "strained oblique" is code for "shoulder injury".

65
Wait!  Is THAT where Carrie Underwood came from??  She fucking sings at every other ballpark it seems and I keep asking people "who the fuck is Carrie Underwood?"

Carrie Underwood is what American Idol is all about.  Good looking blonde girl from rural oklahoma who can SING.  Get her to Hollywood, have her drop 15 pounds, start dressing her a bit more slutty, and have the music industry machine write and pick songs for her to sell to EVERYONE--Christians, teenage girls, new country fans, adult contemporary, and pop. 

Knee high boots, a host of clevege-revealing tops, and suddenly the horny old men are tuning in to watch her videos. 

Simon Cowell would kill every little starving kid he met in Africa for another Carrie Underwood to walk into the audition room.

66
I know half you people are closet Idol fans. Half of Sanjaya's votes came from Alkie's phone....some people say.

Yeah, I watch the early rounds when I can . I don't schedule my life around it, and I quit watching about the time they expect the competition to actually be serious.

It helps my self esteem to look at the pathetic performances in the early rounds, knowing that I perform much better in the shower each morning just for the love of it, not because I want someone to see me...I sing in the shower sometimes, too.

Besides, I only get 3 channels at the house, and if I blocked Idol, 33% of my viewing choices would be gone for most of the year, it seems.

Idol is nowhere close to slowing down.  Yeah, that douchebag Taylor Hicks has a career half life of a jelly donut at a Weight Watchers meeting, but Idol is still #1 in the ratings.  And this was a shitty season. 

As long as Carrie Underwood and that bald headed screecher Chris Daughtry sell millions of albums, we're going to see this shit for a LOOONNNNGGGG time.  I say sit back and enjoy the ride.  Occasionally you get a good singer/performer, the unintentional comedy is usually at record heights, and the female final 12 ALWAYS contains a few hot pieces of tail. 

Plus my daughter likes it.

67
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 11:00:24 am »
(Actually, I asked Garner specifically and he didn't say anything about the injury Monday night. Moreover, he admitted Tuesday that in the past if he had a dominant closer he would have used the closer instead of a situational lefthander. Garner purposely hid the injury so he could buy himself a day to see how Lidge would bounce back. But, yes, it was a vote of no-confidence for Wheeler. JJO)

WOW!  This is really a shitty answer, especially about Wheeler.  Let's recount the specifics about the inning, shall we.  Borkowski (RHP) is already in and has two outs logged in the books.  Willits gets a base knock off of him, so up steps Chone Figgins who has 5 hits so far this night hitting *left handed*.

Dan Wheeler is warming up when the inning started in case Borkowski proves he can get *no one out* from the right handers he's facing.  Only Willits, a left hander, gets a knock off him.  So Garner has Miller warming up now in case he needs to get Borkowski out and have Miller face *one* batter... Chone Figgins *before* he puts in Wheeler to go get Cabrera and/or Vlad Guerrero.  That's not a couple of no-names he is saving Wheeler to go get either.

How, in heavens name, is this a vote of no-confidence by the manager?  And second to that, how is taking out one RHP pitcher justifiable by putting in another RHP and then *THAT* is not seen as a vote of no confidence in Borkowski?

I swear, they're making shite up at the Chron now a days.  They don't even watch the games for goodness sake!

See, I don't think its a vote of no-confidence in Wheeler.  I just think Garner wanted to turn Figgins around no matter what (and I strongly disagree with that).  Hell, Wheeler has been crappy lately but Miller hasn't exactly been Lights Out either.

68
Talk Zone / Re: What to do?
« on: June 20, 2007, 10:56:09 am »
Right.

Who's in charge of making the peel-off graphic of Alyssa Milano?

Seriously, this needs to be done. 

69
Talk Zone / Re: What to do?
« on: June 20, 2007, 10:27:20 am »
Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.


You got that right.

70
Talk Zone / What to do?
« on: June 20, 2007, 10:09:22 am »
FACT.  This division is winnable.  The teams ahead of us ain't shit.  We still have 12 games left with the Brewers.

FACT.  The team is much better offensively with Loretta/Lamb than Everett/Ensberg.  Berkman won't suck as much all season.  Biggio's playing time will be reduced (a bit) after #3000. 

FACT.  Lidge is out, Wheeler has been scuffling and Qualls has been garbage the last month or so.  Miller is a gas can and Rick WHite is a fat old guy who has been on the DL twice this year already.

FACT.  The farm system is not stocked with players in the upper minors that other teams covet.

We seem to be in no man's land.  The outside forces (read:  the rest of the NL Central) say we can win this thing.  The internal forces (read:  the  bully breaking down, barren farm system with which to make a key deadline deal for another bat or arm, the inevitable crash of Hunter Pence down from his current production) say this isn't our year.

Lidge is going to be untradable while hurt.  Jennings has missed 50 games this season on the DL.  Ensberg is playing his way out of MLB.

We don't have the ability to make a big deal to improve the team.  We don't have players anyone else would want to get prospects for the future.

I guess we are going to have to play it out with the current group of guys.  Though I'd imagine Purp gets another bully arm for some middle of the road minor leaguer.

Thoughts?

71
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 09:38:33 am »
nope, especially now we know Lidge was not available.

No way. I'd rather have White, Wheeler, Bork, Jason Lane, Chester Charge, Jose Lima, Paris Hilton or ANYONE ELSE but Miller versus a RHB.

Miller should not face a right handed batter in 9th inning of a tie game with the winning run on base.  EVER.

72
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge to DL - strained oblique
« on: June 20, 2007, 09:32:37 am »
Foggy owes Phil a BIG apology.

Horseshit.  Wheeler would have been a better option.  Leaving Bork in was a better option.  ANything but Miller versus a right hander was a better option.

73
OK Garner, you no good cock sucker.  Think you can have Wheeler and Lidge enter the  this time?


74
Talk Zone / Re: The AE Fallacy
« on: June 19, 2007, 05:23:32 pm »
We're fine.  Go back to your bedrooms and lock the doors and don't come out until we say it's fine!

:)

See, I blame this on Garner for not putting Lidge in to face Chode Faggins. 

75
Talk Zone / Re: The AE Fallacy
« on: June 19, 2007, 05:19:40 pm »
Done.

Quit fighting in front of the kids.  They'll think you are fighting about them.

Hug it out, bitches.

76
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:46:09 pm »
Can't field it for them.  That dp was tailor made.  Biggio usually turns it.

The way they lost the game last night was amazing.  "Ground ball with eyes", "baltimore chops", and other shit going right for the Halos.  bad calls, shitty defense, atom balls, questionable managerial moves hurting the Astros.

In terms of regular season losses, this is the worst one I can recall since the blown lead in the 9th at Shittsburgh back in 2001.

77
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:35:23 pm »
If Biggio can't play 2nd up by 5 in the 7th then they may as well not play him in the field at all.   That brings up a whole nother discussion.  One which does not have an answer.

Its seems that with Qualls out there and runners on base, it would make sense to get a double play combination out there.

I do find it odd that in a game where the DH is allowed, we found room on the field for both Lamb and Biggio.

78
Talk Zone / Re: The AE Fallacy
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:22:58 pm »
Also off topic:

Alexei Lalas loses his damn mind.

I saw that and started laughing my ass off.  Man U would destroy a best of MLS team.  Hell, West Ham would probably destroy a best of MLS team.

79
Talk Zone / ladies...gentlemen...we have a winner
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:21:13 pm »
"Jason Jennings, Albers, and ensberg for Carl Crawford, and Scott Kazmir"

from a reader on Pinwheels blog.

Whichever one of you got the Chron to post that on their website...I salute you.


80
Talk Zone / Re: The AE Fallacy
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:15:49 pm »
Tom Hicks will sign him for Liverpool.

Off topic but my daughter and I are really getting into soccer.  We enjoyed the hell outta the England/Brazil friendly and are eagerly anticipating the start of the EPL.

Go Spurs!!!!

81
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 04:13:41 pm »
Bidge will get #3,000 next homestand.  After that, all bets are off.

Also, while in an AL park, pinch-hitters are virtually irrelevant so defensive moves can be made without fear of shortening the bench.  Gar brain-fucked a few things last night; this being one of them.

I'm glad this point was brought up.  Up by 5 with 3 innings left, don't you flip the switch to "play good defense at the expense of offense" mode?  Especially with the heart of the order coming up.

82
Talk Zone / Re: The AE Fallacy
« on: June 19, 2007, 03:57:20 pm »
And what if they both perform the same? They allow runs at the same rate. Which one wins more games?

The team that I don't root for.  Is that an OK answer?

Fuck talking about hypothetical bull shit.  Let's talk about real bull shit.  

After we fire Garner, will Purpura be next in line?

83
Talk Zone / Re: How many Pooholes does it take to spell ESPN?
« on: June 19, 2007, 03:16:04 pm »
Perhaps.  But, they're in first, and I bet they add at least one more starting pitcher, like Mark Buehrle, and an outfielder.  They aren't going to give up the lead because it's summertime.

They are going to give it up because that is what hookers do...they give it up.  The 2007 Brew Crew are nuthin' but a bunch of $2 crack whores, sucking dick for a hit or two.  Prince Fielder has been sucking so much dick, his tongue is blistered.

The dog days are a-comin', oh yes they are.  The dog days are a-comin'.

84
Talk Zone / Re: How many Pooholes does it take to spell ESPN?
« on: June 19, 2007, 02:10:18 pm »
What do the Brewers need?  Is that available?  And, can/would they get it/them?

The Brewers need experience of surving the dog days of summer with a lead.  As the pressure mounts, those cock sucks are going to fade.  Sheets is due for an injury soon.  And CoCo ain't this good.

Brewers.  Ain't.  Shit.

85
Talk Zone / Re: How many Pooholes does it take to spell ESPN?
« on: June 19, 2007, 02:06:31 pm »
why would anyone beleive that this team should be serious about winning, this year?

Lidge and Jennings need to get spun off for 3b, 2b, Catcher and Maybe RF of the futurer  Set in Left, Center SS (when AE gets back) and 1b. And I like the arms in the minors.

But those other four positions, not so much.



have you SEEN this division?  Its pathetic.  Each and every Astros team (except for 2000 but that year never actually happened) from 1993-2006 would win the 2007 NL Central.

86
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 02:04:03 pm »
So you would have gone with plan B.

Me?  I wouldn't have been in that situation since I don't let Sampson start the 7th.  But then again, I'm 145-0 from my living room so....

87
Talk Zone / Re: How many Pooholes does it take to spell ESPN?
« on: June 19, 2007, 02:01:55 pm »
I'm not going to disagree with that generality, but this particular team has holes at 2b, 3b, RF or CF, (soon to be) C, and one SP.

To me, a team like that can't afford to keep a closer that might fill 2 or 3 of those holes.

Problem is, this "division" is entirely winnable.  Ain't nobody in this division worth a shit.  If we add one more bat, I think we would be the best team from that day on out.  Question remains if we'd have enough time to make up the ground.

88
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 01:59:13 pm »
Anybody read this?

Garner said. "I wanted to see him from the right side instead of the left side. He got a bunch of hits tonight on the left side. You want to keep Willits at first base. That's why I brought a left-hander in."
Link

There was no "magic bullet" for Figgins.  We seemed to have cobbled together the psychotic mirage that Figgins was going to be the 3rd out.  No way was that going to happen, no matter who was pitching.  I've seen Lidge give up hits.  What Garner was trying to do was get Figgins on the other side so he could hold Willits.   That triple was only the 3rd extra base hit of the night.  Keep Willits on 1st, give Figgins his single, runners 1st and 3rd, instead of Figgins gets his single and Willits scores after stealing 2nd.   Then bring in Wheeler for Guillen.  Figgins was the only batter Miller was going to face.



Garner is full of shit.  2 outs.  Don't worry about the runner.  Get the guy at the plate and the guy at 1B, or 2B, or 3B doesn't matter.  Fuck the runner at 1B.  Get the guy in the box holding a big hunk of wood.

And fuck "giv[ing] Figgins a single".  If we're resigned to not even attempting to get him out, and instead just insure that his single won't score the winning run from 2nd base, then put the magic bullet in a chamber and blow my head off.


89
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 01:21:40 pm »
I forgot to add "on the road".  You manage your bullpen differently on the road.  Inserting your closer in a tie game on the road is basically insuring that you're going to use him for two innings, not just one.  That is minimum because your offense has to score a run the next half inning to insure *only* two innings from your closer. 

Yes, I am cool with using Lidge for one or 2 batters in the 9th and then again in the 10th.  Better that than Trever Miller versus a right hander.  I mean, if trever only walked Faggins, big Vlad was up next and you'd have to use Lidge/Wheeler then.

The decision to use Miller was 100% wrong. 

90
Talk Zone / Re: Lineup for Tonight
« on: June 19, 2007, 01:08:41 pm »
How about this...

1  Someone who gets on base
2  Pence
3  Berkman
4  Lee
5  Someone to drive in runs
6  Someone to drive in runs
7  Someone to drive in runs
8  Someone with above average speed, baserunning and defensive ability
9  Ausmus

91
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 01:05:41 pm »
Well, he did what he thought was right at the time, so he fucked up with every intention of getting out of the inning.  If Lidge is the closer, you don't use him in a tie game.  The option would be to leave Borkowski in to face Figgins left handed or Miller to face Figgins left handed.  Dan Wheeler was available, but the move then is Wheeler (RHP) over Borkowski (RHP) and Figgins still bats left handed.  So is Wheeler more apt to get Figgins in your mind than Borkowski or should Garner use his stats line that said Figgins was a weaker right handed bat?

After all that, you can see Garner wasn't asleep at the wheel while managing, he was thinking okay on that one.  But Miller is just horrid when pitching to a right hander... it's like throwing batting practice and that's not good.


OK, Noe.  We're going to go to fisticuffs here.

"You don't use your closer in a tie game." 

Bull.  Shit.  The game is on the fucking line.  Tied game.  9th inning.  Runner on base.  You bring in your best reliever available to get the fuck outta the inning still tied.  Any other move other than bringing in Lidge is wrong.  period.  End of discussion.  You don't get out of that situation, THAT SITUATION RIGHT THERE, game is over.  Garner was saving his best for a time that never came.  His magic bullet is still the the chamber becuase he never saw a chance to use it.

His plan was to have Trever Miller retire a right handed hitter.  As much a Miller pisses me off right now, and again not to go all Denny Green, but Miller is who we thought he was.  He has exactly one viable skill--pitching to, and retiring, left handed batters.  That is it.  He has nothing else.  Asking him to retire a right handed hitter, with the winning run on base in the 9th inning when you have better options available is CRAZY.  Fuck, I'd rather see Coach Raup out there go after guys than Miller facing a right hander.

Garner put Miller in a position to fail.  That earns a giant blue star FUCK YOU from Foggy.

In-fucking-excusable move from Garner.  Just completely indefensable.

Listen, I am an expert on shitty coaching.  I know shitty moves when I see one.  You don't watch 15+ years of RC Slocum and Bitch Tits Franchione getting owned by anyone with a pedigree more advanced than Pop Warner and not pick up on things. 


ARRRRAGRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!

How the fuck did we lose this game!!!!!

92
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 11:12:50 am »
JD mentioned that Chone was 5-5 batting lefty, worth a shot to turn him around. Didn't work.

And there is no guarantee Lidge gets him out either.  See Podsedni, Scott.

But the point is not the outcome but rather the decision.  Chode was 5 for 5.  Good for him.  Garner willfully and negligently chose the lesser of 2 options.  He fucked up.  

Garner fucked up.

93
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 11:04:25 am »
Garner has one move to Soscia's two moves in the ninth.  Chone Figgins was hitting like a lightweight right handed, so the choice was Figgins hitting left handed or right handed and Garner chose right handed.  But Chone Figgins isn't Lance Berkman all of sudden to worry about turning him around (IMHO), so it was a calculated mistake on Garner's part.  But not one without reason.

Horseshit.  There is no reason.  There are 2 options:

(a)  Lidge versus a lefty Figgins
(b)  Miller versus a righty Figgins

Option B NEVER makes sense.

94
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 10:56:44 am »
Right handers can see Miller's 87 mph fastball really well.  Even if tries to spot it on the outside corner, they're going to see it well enough to hit it hard to right field.

Hence the 370/487/519 line against him.

I would never want Miller pitching to a right handed hitter with a runner on base in the 9th inning of a tie game.

NEVER.

95
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 10:53:24 am »
How so?  They were ahead in the 7th when Qualls came in.  Borkowski for the tie and Miller on to turn around Figgins, game still tied. 

Thats it.  They were ahead by 5 runs when Qualls came in and before he left the game the score was tied.  

And if the choice is Wheeler/Lidge versus a lefty hitting Figgins or Miller vereus a right hitting Figgins, I'm choosing Wheeler/Lidge.

Trever Miller in 2007 versus Right Handers...370/487/519


96
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 10:41:03 am »
Wasn't Berkman DHing because of the flu?

And I definitely thought Lamb should have been at first on that high chopper. 

On the flu, possibly.  Though if Lance can muster up the strength to swing the bat, he can muster up the strength to play 1B.  Plus with as much lip flapping as he does, he'd get the entire LAAAAAAA Angels of Anaheim sick with the same shit he has.  Cough on Chode Faggins a few times and see if he goes 6 for 6.

97
Talk Zone / Re: I Went to Bed at 11:35, Up 9-4. We Won, Right?
« on: June 19, 2007, 10:34:33 am »
I read that too.

What I'm asking isn't "what plays occurred in the field of play after I retired for the evening?" 

I am asking "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?"

I'll tell you what happened.

Garner had his head up his ass.  Sampson had gone 6 shitty innings, allowing 12 hits and 2 walks.  The Top of the 7th was long and any momentum Sampson had from a relatively quiet 6th inning was gone.

He had zero business going out there to face the meat of the lineup in the 7th.  

Garner also had some reason for having Lamb play 1B and Berkman DH.  On Figgins high chopper, Lamb should have been standing on the bag waiting for the throw but instead he was in no man's land.  Lamb should not be in the field over Berkman.

Garner lost a 5 run lead in the last 3 innings and neither of his 2 best relievers threw a single pitch.

Loretta doesn't cover much ground at SS, Biggio's arm makes Henri Stanley look like Dave Parker cicra the 1979 All Star Game.  The check-swing before the sac fly wasn't close.  

Lotsa guys screwed the pooch on this one, but Garner was the one doing the most deep dickin'.

98
Talk Zone / Re: Garner in the postgame
« on: June 19, 2007, 08:45:39 am »
It was that way all game. Tough loss. The Angels are fast and are good fundamental contact hitters. Figgins is really seeing the ball well right now. I felt badly for Qualls. Sampson really battled out there.

Fuck Qualls.  Fuck Sampson.  Fuck Garner.


Do.  Not.  Blow.  5.  Run.  Leads.  In.  The.  7th.

99
Talk Zone / Time to whip some ass on the west coast, bitches!!!!!
« on: June 18, 2007, 03:07:44 pm »
Fuck Fuck Fuck, fuck fuck the Angels
Fuck Fuck Fuck, fuck fuck the Angels

Slap-em with ya dick, slap-em with ya dick

Fuck Fuck Fuck, fuck fuck the Angels


If Jim Edmonds played for you, you suck.  FACT!!!!  You know you are visiting some shitty places on a roadie when Anaheim is the best city you encounter.  What a worthless collection of zip codes--Anaheim, Arlington and Milwaukee. 

I'd rather shave 3 inches off my pecker than spend 3 minutes in any of those shit towns.  Fuck, can't we go back to Pittsburg or Atlanta or something?



100
Talk Zone / Re: Trade ponderings
« on: June 11, 2007, 04:47:51 pm »
I didn't remember that about Dunn.  Makes sense in hindsight.

Chris still has a great arm.  What he lacked (or lacks?) is the ability to slow the game down enough to make quick decisions.  He reminds me a lot of Carr - great arm, good guy by all accounts, tough as nails, but ultimately not a great QB.

Wrong.

He lacks a spleen.


Bwwahahahahahahaha hahahahhaha.


I'll be here all week.

101
Talk Zone / Re: Sopranos (non-BB)
« on: June 11, 2007, 03:05:29 pm »
I don't watch much of The Office regularly...

But I saw an episode the other day where they gave a bird a Viking funeral. It was one of the funniest non-animated things I've seen on TV in a loooong time.

The Office (American Version) = Bill Walsh or Bill Parcells (you pick)

Both Walsh and Parcells won Superbowls but as great as those teams were, each coach has a long legacy of former assistants who have gone on to greatness.  From Bill Walsh you can trace George Siefert, Mike Homgren, Steve Mariucchi, Andy Reid, Mike Shanahan and so forth.  The Bill Parcells family tree includes Bill Belichek, Charlie Weis, Romeo Crennel, and so forth.

The Office has an incredible staff of writers.  Greg Daniels (executive producer and writer/director) penned some of the best Simpsons episodes and also worked on Seinfeld and SNL.  Paul Lieberstein (Toby the HR guy) was a writer for King of the Hill.  Larry Wilmore (Mr. Black from Season One's Diversity Day) won an Emmy for his work writing for the Bernie Mack Show.  BJ Novak (Ryan the temp) wrote Diversity Day, Sexual Harrasment and The Fire (Ryan started the fire...).  Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor) wrote The Dundies and The Injury.  Michael Schur (Cousin Mose) wrote Office Olympics, the Season 2 Christmas Episode and others.  These guys will eventually all be given their own show to produce/write. 

Best.  Show.  on.  Television.

102
Talk Zone / Re: Sopranos (non-BB)
« on: June 11, 2007, 02:41:42 pm »
I'm catching up with the US version of The Office on Netflix.  I thought Season 1 was solid and I liked that, while the bulk of the characters are the same, the scripts are entirely new after the first show.  I'm half-way through Season Two now, and it's really hitting it's stride.  The opening vignettes are incredibly funny - especially those involving Jim and Pam's tormenting of Dwight.  The exercise ball and the vending machine are classics.

The Cold Open has pretty much been funny every time even through Season 3.


103
Talk Zone / Re: Sopranos (non-BB)
« on: June 11, 2007, 02:24:02 pm »
Blockbuster Online was created for these shows on DVD.  Its the only way to go to play "catch up".  This summer I'll plow through the two 24 seasons I haven't seen and will finish off the last 2 seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  The British version of The Office is also all queued up.

104
Talk Zone / Re: Sopranos (non-BB)
« on: June 11, 2007, 11:19:21 am »
Tony bought AJ, just like he bought Carmela with the spec house.  The world was a meaningless and horrible place, until AJ got a cool job, a BMW and a new girlfriend.  Each of the four family members had a chance to break away, but in the end  none of them could part with the lifestyle the mob provided.

Does the artist owe anything to the world?  To his customers?

Thomas Harris basically gave the world a giant "fuck you" when he wrote Hannibal, turning Clarice into Hannibal's brain eating buddy.

Rock stars all the time attmept to break away what is expected and deliver what they want to (Dylan plugging in is probably the most famous example).

David Chase wanted to end it this way.  Without closure and with a lot of lingering questions.  Its his show.  They are his creations.  Does he have a responsibility to the audience?

105
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman uses the "D" word
« on: June 11, 2007, 11:11:15 am »
Good god, man, don't they allow books on your airline?? "Wild Hogs" is that movie where Martin, Travolta, and Jim Belushi or someone similar ride around on Harleys musing about middle-age or some shit, right? I'd rather spend two hours studying the emergency crash procedures diagrams.

Solid. 

106
Talk Zone / Re: From Left Field - strosrays style!
« on: June 11, 2007, 11:09:37 am »
A very nice piece--that strosrays guy is a damn fine writer and probably also has a fine tenor voice.

Made me wonder whatever happened to Diane (and Bjorkman).



FUCK.  ME.

Awesome job.

108
Astros at Rockies – Foggy Lays an Egg Edition

For starters, I suck.  I typed this bad boy up on Monday night, but didn't plan on posting it until Tuesday morning before heading off to the airport.  Well, one thing led to another (we're selling our house and buying a new one) and I didn't post it before leaving.  So I somehow managed to get upgraded to First Class on the flight so I finish up the preview, with full intentions of posting it when I got to the hotel (I'm in Ty's territory, Brooksville, FL to be exact).  Problem is I got on the phone dealing with the inspectors for the house we are buying back home and I lost track of time.  So bottom line there isn't a good story to go along with the tardiness.  No DDs were involved.  Just general ineptness. 

Coors Field (5210 feet above sea level)

Tuesday, 8:05 PM on FSSW
Wednesday, 8:05 PM on FSSW
Thursday, 2:05 PM on FSSW

In the wake of that douche bag from St. Louis getting all liquored up, smoking some weed, driving over the speed limit, while talking on the phone, not wearing the seatbelt and then killing himself, there’s been a lot of talk of clubs banning alcohol in the clubhouse.  What a crock of shit.  MLB sells itself to every beer company out there (Busch Stadium, Miller Park, and Coors Field) like a 3-dollar crack whore in the need of a quick fix.  Its easy to picture Selig, walking around in a daze calling representatives from Shiner, Dixie and Pabst Blue Ribbon sayin “Come on, come on, I need a fix. I’ll suck yo’ dick…”


Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/probable_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Woo Hoo.  Hirsch and Buchholtz!!!  Woody and Wandy.  Over/Under on total runs scored…37.
 
Injury Report

Colorado –  Nuthin’ worth mentioning.

Houston – I gots a fever, a fever that can only be cured by More PENCE!!!!!  Other than that and Wide Load Rick White, the Astros are OK.


Judgment Day for the Count
if Willy T, Hirsch and Buccholz have a good series, you can bet the vultures will start circling for the Count on local talk radio and the Chron.  Me, I say it was a good deal.  Hirsch and Taylor ain’t shit, and Willy T for Jennings is a move I’d make over and over again. 

Fuck’em Timmy.  Keep your head up and get us another bat. 



Not Your Older Brother’s Rockies
Gone are the days of Vinny C, Dante B, Ellis B and the Big Cat.  These Rox actually have another dimension…speed.  Willy T and Kaz Matsui (if healthy and getting regular playing time) would probably swipe north of 80 bases.  It’s a sad day when the Astros are more one-dimensional than the Rox.

And Holiday and Atkins seem to be legit players, even away from Coors.  Helton has lost his power, so perhaps that radio guy knew what he was talking about when he alleged Helton was on the juice.

Wonder if Helton and Burke will break into a rousing rendition of Rocky Top when the Lady Vols win the Softball World Series.  That chick they have pitching for them is dealing some serious shit!!!!

Foggy’s Miscellaneous Ramblings

I’m in the middle of selling our house and moving into a new one.  As such, I haven’t been able to follow the Local 9 as closely lately.  With that caveat, I must say that this team is about as much fun to watch as a Japanese Spelling Bee.  Buncha out machines with no speed, a big fat guy hitting, a big fat guy not hitting, and one kid who looks like he’s going to jump outta his skin if given the chance.  As good as the starters have been, I just can’t get excited about a 6.1 inning, 3 run outing by Wandy, or Sampson.  Thankfully Lidge is wildly unpredictable (anyone doesn’t think he’s due for a bad stretch soon?) which always makes it interesting to see which Lidge we get.

I don’t mind the station-to-station, wait for a 3-run HR offense if the 3-run HRs eventually materialize.  But with the 2007 Astros, the 3-run homers aren’t there and their inability to get around the bases in a proper manner is frustrating to watch.  Players take the Magellan route around the bases, coaches send runners who have no chance of scoring, and a lack hustle seems to permeate everything.

We need our own version of a pissant, make-things-happed guy.  Let’s go after Ryan Freel. 

College Baseball is getting ready to head to Omaha.  Of local note, it seems Rice and TAMU are battling it out this weekend for a birth in Omaha.  Here’s my prediction, guaranteed to come true.  Whichever side loses will attempt to make itself feel better by saying, “Well, we got further than Texas did”.

Knocked Up.  Go see it.  If you don’t laugh your ass off then you are a loser.  FACT!!!

Religion is sometimes a taboo topic, but I gotta get this off my chest.  The single greatest development in modern religion is Vacation Bible School.  Bar none.  And the best part is that all the local churches stagger it around.  Basically, it’s a way for parents to unload their youngsters for about 5 hours a day for a week at a time.  Our church’s VBS isn’t until the end of the month, but my sister-in-law’s church has theirs this week.  Our neighbor’s church has it the following week.  My wife’s friend’s church has theirs the next week and then its our church’s turn.  That’s 4 weeks straight of being kid-free.  Praise Jesus!!!  That the kids get to learn about the Bible and such is an added bonus. 

June 28th versus Colorado.  Buy your tickets now.  Biggio gets #3000.

109
Talk Zone / Re: Under Purpura's Watch
« on: June 04, 2007, 05:35:48 pm »
Foggy went with 99-03 so I did too.  2004 was Hun's best draft post '98 by far.  Most of that talent is just making it's way to AA though so the final outcomes for that draft aren't as easily measured as the previous drafts.  I think Foggy's point though was that the lack of younger homegrown talent in Houston and the upper minors sits squarely on Hun's shoulders.

My main point for doing 1999-2003 was because to me your "hits" from the 2003 draft should be in the majors, but it is reasonable for some of the 2004 draft "hits" to still be in the minors.  So if 2003 was my end point, I just went back 5 years.

The list of draftees from 1999-2003 is horrid.  Only Chad Qualls is a regular contributor to the Astros, though you could claim that Burke should be. 

From a 5-year period the best the Astros can claim is their 7th inning guy. 

Piss.  Fucking.  Poor.

110
Talk Zone / Re: Under Purpura's Watch
« on: June 04, 2007, 09:09:17 am »
1999--Gallo, Lane, Sampson
2000--Qualls, Bruntlett
2001--Burke, Saarloos, Alberts
2002--McLemore
2003--Hirsch

10 players have reached the majors (may be a few more who had a cup of coffee here or there like Jimerson) in some form from these drafts.

Exhibit A in the case of "its not all Purpura's fault".

111
Talk Zone / Re: MLB notices Slingbox
« on: June 01, 2007, 02:39:33 pm »
My mother and father spend the summers in the Canadian rockies.  My dad got a sling box so he could watch the Astros.  He tried the MLB.tv deal but the service kept shitting out on him, and of course MLB's customer service reps were worthless that he went the Slingbox route. 

112
Talk Zone / Re: It's time for action
« on: May 30, 2007, 01:53:22 pm »
Dead players might not be helpful.  However, they would swing more often then Ensberg.

We've got Oswalt, Berkman and Lee.  Tough to find any teams with a better combo of starter and 2 hitters in the NL. 

Zambrano-Lee-Soriano? 
Carpenter-Poo Holes--????
Peavy-Gonzales-Giles?
Sheets-Fielder-Hardy?
Smoltz-Andruw-Chipper?

Mix in a good back-end of the bully and there's plenty to build around.  Its just that everything else is putrid.  We gotta build around the core and own the NL Central the next couple years.


113
Talk Zone / Re: It's time for action
« on: May 30, 2007, 11:56:20 am »
I hope we don't waste Oswalt's prime years.

114
Talk Zone / Re: It's time for action
« on: May 30, 2007, 10:04:42 am »
so, you are going to trade everyone who is good, bad or horrible for prospects and start over? good luck on trading horrible for something good.

No.  I'm trading Everett, lamb, loretta, jennings, lidge.  I'm releasing the rest.

115
Talk Zone / Re: It's time for action
« on: May 30, 2007, 09:58:47 am »
Then Anderson it is.  Bruntlett and Conrad would both get calls from me before Burke.

We're shuffling around the deck chairs on the titanic.  The problem isn't with #25 man JLane, or #24 man OPalmeiro, or #23 man Scruffy Moehler.

Its outside of Oswalt, Berkman, Lee, Pence, Wheeler, Qualls, Lidge and possibly Jennings nobody else is worth much.  Loretta/Lamb are role players for good teams.  Williams has been horrible.  White since coming off the DL has been shitty. 

This team needs an aenema. 

116
Talk Zone / Re: It's time for action
« on: May 30, 2007, 12:26:12 am »
If ONLY we still had Ben Zobrist!!!!

There has to be some AL team that can hit like crazy but can't field for shit that needs AE.  Surely we can get a couple High A players who may amount to something for him.

Lidge to the Braves for whatever they have in AA or AAA at catcher since McCann ain't going anywhere.

Jennings to the Mets or Indians for something.

Loretta and Lamb should get us something.

Long term, we have Berkman/Lee/Oswalt/Pence/Wheeler/Qualls and 19 losers once the above are moved out.  Outside of Pence we haven't drafted for shit as of late. 

We have 2 more years of prime Berkman/Lee/Oswalt before age and obesity starts to kick in.  Do something Count.

117
Talk Zone / Ranger Preview is Up
« on: May 18, 2007, 02:54:18 pm »
Foggy's Rangers vs Astros Preview

Sorry for not getting it up sooner...


...thats what she said.

118
Rangers at Astros – Return of the Silver Boot and the Hippy Hoppy Bunny Edition


Minute Maid Park

Friday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Saturday, 6:05 PM on FSSW
Sunday, 1:05 PM on FSSW

Notable giveaways

You want some free shit?  This is the series for you!!!!  Lookie Here….http://houston.astros.mlb.com/schedule/promotions.jsp?c_id=hou

Friday—fireworks, Coca Cola Value Night, and straw cowboy hats

Saturday—Camouflage Cap, Armed Forces Day, and a country concert with Jason Boland and the Stragglers (as opposed to Jason Bourne and the fuck-em-uppers).

Sunday—Astros wives versus Ranger wives in a softball game (betcha money Mrs. Ensberg looks at strike 3 to end a feverish comeback), and Lone Star Series T-Shirts


Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/probable_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Tejada/TBA/McCarthy versus Albers/Wandy/Woody!!!  Scoreboard operator is going to get a hernia hanging all the crooked numbers up this series.  Wandy has the best ERA of any starter going this series.  You can actually smell the runs scoring.

Here's hoping TBA isn't a hard throwing righty the Astros have never seen before.

Injury Report

Texas –  Kevin Milwood.  Hee hee hee. Tom Hicks just can’t help himself with Scott Boras comes a-callin’.  Do you think Scott sends taunting emails reading “PWNED!!!”?   

Brad Wilkerson is also on the shelf though Eric Gagne is currently healthy.   

Houston – Jennings looked good in his first rehab start.  Chris Burke is suffering from a bad case of vaginosis down in Round Rock.


I H8 the Giants

I’ve had a dislike for the Giants for awhile now, mainly because they’ve managed to beat the Astros fairly consistently over the past few years.  So while I’m happy the good guys took 2 of 3, I really wanted a sweep.   

My college roommate was from California and was a big Giants fan.  Listening to his "Hummmm Baby" shit during the 1989 playoffs was wretching.  Fuck'em.  Roger Craig can kiss my ass.

Stranger Rangers

Greatest players in Texas Rangers history is probably a contest between Juan Gonzales and Pudge Rodriguez, with Raffy Palmeiro coming in third.  Nice to see the Rangers historical identity so closely tied to steroids.  In fact, you could make the case if not for steroids, the Rangers would be the LA Clippers of MLB.

Question is, why have the Rangers sucked so bad?  They’ve spent money (A-Rod, Chan Ho Suck, Kevin Milwood).  They draw well.  They’ve made some nice draft picks (Sammy Sosa, Kevin Brown, Mark Tiexera immediately come to mind). 

I think their biggest area of concern has been pitching.  For years they have seemed to favor offense over defense, and haven’t really developed a pitcher since Kevin Brown in the early 1990’s.  The best they’ve done since then is Chris Young, which they promptly traded for Adam Eaton who then left for Philly after one injury-filled year.

Rangers need pitching.  Always have, always will.


Foggy Fun FACTS

The Office is the funniest show on television.  They wrapped up a fine Season 3 last night with a killer one hour special.  If you haven’t seen the show, drop by Blockbuster and pick up Season 1 or 2 on DVD.  The glorious genius of Dwight K Schrute must be seen.  In these early seasons Creed Bratton and Kelly Kapoor are a very minor characters, so it was great to see them blossom in Season 3.


On the flip side of TV Land, 24 is limping along to its worst season ever.  Unless Jack ends up killing half the population of China, and torturing the other half, this season will be a major let down.  Starts off great (nuke going off, Jack’s vampire-esque kill in the first episode, Jack killing Curtis, Morris getting power-drilled in the shoulder), then slows down (Jack at the Russian embassy, bomb going off at the Presidential news conference) to a premature close (Jack killing the bad guys with 6 hours left).  These last 6 hours is just melodramatic bullshit (at least 3 love triangles being played out) without any cool shit going on.  Bring back the Jack Bauer of old!!!!

I’ve been posting this in the TZ for awhile, but let me post this here for posterity.  The Brewers ain’t shit.  Any idea of them running away with the division is just delusional.  When their bully slows down, as it has the past week or so, and when the dog days of August roll around, they will start their fade.  I’d be shocked if they won more than 90.    I think they’ll end up around 85-87.  That’s the best the division has to offer.  We are going to win this thing if we play the kind of ball (and stay healthy) than we are capable of.  Yeah, I’m using “we”.  Biggio is closing in on 3000 hits and I’m closing in on 3000 “fuck the jakes”.  Not sure which is more impressive.

June 28th versus Colorado.  Buy your tickets now.  Biggio gets #3000.

If there's a trade to be made, look for it to be relatively minor.  Basically it'll be a move to get a better LH hitter off the bench (Palmeiro is D-O-N-E).

119
Talk Zone / Re: Lastings Milledge?
« on: May 17, 2007, 05:12:49 pm »
So he's saying there's not a single AL team that would want Everett?

KC and MIN, at a minimum, would see him as an upgrade.

I think he says different things at different times.  One time its 3 teams in the NL, then its 3 teams in all of MLB, then 3 "playoff quality" teams, etc...

120
Talk Zone / Re: Braves release Nancy Wilson
« on: May 17, 2007, 05:11:35 pm »
Come on, that's Heartless.

The Wilson sisters have to reunite in Shittsburgh.  Have.  To.

121
Talk Zone / Re: Lastings Milledge?
« on: May 17, 2007, 05:03:30 pm »
"Rappers aren't looked kindly upon, down on Drayton's plantation."

-a JJO future quote, while blogging himself on his blogedy, blog blah blog.

Charlie Palilo ran down the other SS in the NL and compared them to AE.  Now, first of all, in all this CP's mantra was "based on how AE is hitting now".  Of course, right now AE is about 35 points below his career average.  AE hitting .240-.250 is a valuable player.  AE hitting at .200 is less so.  Nevertheless, here's CP's take:

NYM--Reyes, better than AE
Philly-Rollins, better than AE
Atl--Renteria, better than AE
FLA--Ramirez, better than AE
Washington--didn't mention Guzman so we'll assume AE is better than him

StL--Eckstein, having a horrible year, AE is better
Milw--Hardy--learned how to hit, better than AE
Cincy--Alex Gonzales, better than AE
Chicago--mess, AE is better
Pitt--Nancy Wilson, push

LA--Furcal, better than AE
SD--Greene, better than AE
Col--Tulowitzki, better than AE
Arz--Drew, better than AE
SF--Vizquel, better than AE

Through it all Palilo acknowledges that AE is the best defensive SS in the game, but his offense doesn't balance it out.


I agree to an extent with CP in that there are a ton of good SS in the NL.  But not all of these guys are better than AE, especially since judging the value of AE's (or any other SS) defense is so difficult. 

Me, if I'm going to go with Biggio at 2B and some platoon of Lamb/Loretta at 3B, I want the vaccuum cleaner back there at SS.  Regardless of what he hits. 

122
Talk Zone / Re: Act like you've been there before...
« on: May 17, 2007, 04:54:17 pm »
I agree with you. I could see them winning 85-88 games if every one stays healthy. I like Bill Hall, and I think that Rickey Weeks has a lot of upside.


Puh-leaze.

The Brewers ain't shit.  They are playing so far over their heads their noses are bleeding.

They.  Ain't.  Shit.

123
Talk Zone / Re: the best thing about Pence
« on: May 17, 2007, 10:12:36 am »

As an aside, I suddenly realized the other night that Pixie Stix® are no longer available from the concession stand.  Neither the regular size, nor those giant ones (magnums?) that were about two feet long. 

I am guessing they were outlawed some time ago by the FDA.  Or maybe the DEA, since they gave a 50-lb. kid an instant rush something akin to smoking one's first rock in a crack pipe.

I was more a fan of Lick-a-made, the sugary packets with the edible chalky dipping stick.

Guess I've always been a chalksucker

124
You think so, Curly:

Pence and Beaker

Nice job!  Beaker does have that "hair on fire" look down pat!

i keep seeing Bill from Bill & Ted whenever I see PENCE!!!!

125
Talk Zone / Re: The Iceman Cometh...The Iceman Striketh Out
« on: May 16, 2007, 11:56:24 am »
I tried to look it up but got nowhere.  Anyone know of a site that tracks K's for hitters to include swinging versus looking?

I'll wager anything that Iceberg leads the majors in K-looking.

126
Talk Zone / Re: Lee
« on: May 15, 2007, 10:59:10 pm »
"FUCK YES RIDE THAT HORSE MOTHAFUCKA!"--remy in tonight's GameZone



127
Talk Zone / Re: Dusty Baker in "Paying Attention"
« on: May 15, 2007, 12:52:41 pm »
Wonder if Michael Barrett will call the booth later and meltdown on the former skipper.

Remlinger probably hurt his finger on the speed dial.

Damn, THAT was a great weekend of baseball in Wrigley.  I'll always remember that weekend and the 3 game series in August of 1998 when Alou bitch slapped the Cubbies out of the division race.

128
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 15, 2007, 10:45:18 am »
Time to pile on the Chron...Another silly blog this time by Jerome Solomon who wants everyone who boos Barry Bonds to boo other steroid cheats just as hard, with the same intensity.

Nevermind that Bonds is the biggest baseball star in the last 50 years.  Nevermind the multiple MVPs, the 73 HRs, the Ted Williams/Babe Ruth type numbers.  No, good ol' Jerome want us to treat Barry equally. 

Hey douchebag, there are certain absolutes in this life and one of them is people aren't treated equally.  Especially on sports teams.  The star pitcher gets the media spot light and the 25th man is virtually ignored.  Quarterbacks get too much credit for victories, and too much blame for losses.  Yao Ming puts up 25 points and 10 boards but is a stiff because the rest of the team (outside of TMAC) is garbage.

He goes on to mention Big Mac and andro then plays the "Bagwell tried Andro" card.  Of course, he fails to mention that Big Mac took Andro (and other things) while Bagwell on the record said he quit taking Andro soon after starting because it didn't do anything for him.


129
Talk Zone / Re: I miss Bill Spiers
« on: May 14, 2007, 11:21:19 pm »
Am I correct to assume Limey you are a red devil supporter?

oh shit, here we go...

130
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 14, 2007, 05:06:09 pm »
Noe-

I've heard the Telemundo thing referenced several times lately- mostly by you.

I was in law school in Misery at the time- can you give me a primer on the story/controversy/grandstanding.

I hope that the AA leadership and rank and file blacks see through this race baiting twat. 

Briefly...

Local Telemundo dude--McLane says Hispanics aren't smart enough to understand the nuances of baseball

Mclane--I said no such thing

John Lopez--shame on mcLane, the racist

National Media--McLane thinks hispanics are dumb

McLane--I didn't say it

CEO of Telemundo--I apoligize to McLane, as I have no evidence he said such a thing

Lopez/National Media--   

131
Talk Zone / Re: Now THAT Is a Trade.
« on: May 14, 2007, 02:34:44 pm »
December 8, 1977:
The Texas Rangers trade Bert Blyleven to the Pittsburgh Pirates.
The Atlanta Braves trade Willie Montanez to the New York Mets.
The Texas Rangers trade Adrian Devine, Tommy Boggs, and Eddie Miller to the Atlanta Braves.
The Texas Rangers trade a player to be named later and Tom Grieve to the New York Mets.
The Pittsburgh Pirates trade Al Oliver and Nelson Norman to the Texas Rangers.
The New York Mets trade Jon Matlack to the Texas Rangers.
The New York Mets trade John Milner to the Pittsburgh Pirates.
The Texas Rangers trade Ken Henderson (March 15, 1978) to the New York Mets to complete the trade.

They don't make trades like this anymore.

Ahhhh, the good old Texas Rangers.  Good to see that even back in the day they had their head up their ass regarding pitching.

Blyleven in 1977--#2 in the AL in ERA, #1 in the AL in WHIP, Top 10 in strikeouts, Top 10 in CG, Top 10 in Shutouts.

And he was only 26.


132
Talk Zone / Re: Lineup i hope to see
« on: May 14, 2007, 11:39:41 am »
Why Qualls?  I like Qualls more than Wheeler.

Blasphemy.  Dot is the shit.

133
Talk Zone / Re: Wandy
« on: May 14, 2007, 11:38:08 am »
Good observation, and I agree with you. Wandy's been much more professional and workmanlike in his demeanor this season.

Wallace has done wonders this season.

134
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 14, 2007, 11:37:19 am »
For the record, Baseball America recently ran a piece on Young that goes into why he dropped in the draft. It's subscriber-only, but the gist of it is that he wasn't even a starter in high school til his senior year, and then broke his arm in a collision three days before the draft.

http://www.baseballamerica.com/online/majors/features/263719.html

The Astros have a bias against black high school players.  That is a FACT.

Of course, they also have a bias against white high school players.  They also have a bias against green high school players.  Purple ones, yellow ones, cerulean ones as well.

The Astros rarely draft high school players (it helps if you dad is a HOF pitcher teetering on the edge of retirement).  I haven't checked but I'd wager no more than 15-20% of first day picks are highschoolers.

135
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 14, 2007, 10:17:37 am »
The Chronicle is not representative of the newspaper industry.  There are good papers and the best papers currently are locals that do provide credible coverage of their area.  The newspaper industry is still a good way to make a profit.  The only problem is that it's an old industry and the stock prices don't move fast enough.   Behind this idea of the death of the newspaper (as if content depends on format) is that everyone has internet access.   30% of US households do not have internet access and do not plan to get access in the next 5 years.  From what I know of the depth of the "digital divide" in Houston, this number is even higher locally.   

Of those 30% that don't have internet and don't plan on having it, I would expect hardly any are current or potential subscribers to the newspaper.  I'd expect that most of the 30% without access are less weatlhy and less educated than the 70% who do have access.  Not exactly a demographic that would be in the market for a newspaper.

Regardless, there are good sports writers out there and hopefully the Chronicle will manage to employ one or two of them in the near future.

136
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 14, 2007, 09:25:33 am »

Shittipedia?

The great thing about the internet is that information is everywhere.  You don't need to read the Chronicle to be informed about the Astros.  I find it damn funny that the newspaper industry is about the last to realize this.   The rise of the internet has made the industry into meritocracy.  If you provide a service worth reading, you will survive.  If you publish swill, you will go the way of the dinosaur.

There is little value in reading the Chronicle.  I wager at least 35% of their readership does so out of habit.


137
Talk Zone / Re: Bullpen ERA
« on: May 13, 2007, 11:44:58 pm »
yeah, that's me. the pussy. you're tough.

i cannot keep pain pills or anything else down after the pain starts. throw up about every ten minutes. water will not stay down. the only relief i got was a pain shot into an IV at the hospital.

no one seems to know what causes them, but a partner of mine who has an MD brother says they are developing a link between grapefruit/juice and stones.

the CAT scan shows another embedded in my kidney. i hope that sucker stays put.

I had one in my kidney the urologist thought was too big to pass so they did the lithotripsy.  Pulverized that sumbitch into a powder.  Everything was cool though my urine looked like fruit punch for a while after.

Tough break with the pain pills not working for you.  I don't go anywhere overnight without my bottle of hydrocodone.  Not sure why but everyone has hit me right around 2:00 in the morning.

But back to more important things.  This team is showing some life.  Lamb and a productive Scott/Pence can make this team a contender.

Wallace/Garner have the pitchers going above and beyond the call of duty.


138
Talk Zone / Re: Bullpen ERA
« on: May 13, 2007, 09:20:41 pm »
second. the first one was 30 years ago in law school.

nothing works until the stone is out. incredible, intense, constant, knocks you to the floor pain. after the stent he left in during the procedure came out, the pain came back temporarily. Darvocet is what he prescribed when i said "no hydrocondone, please." one pill did the trick, and the temporary pain did not return.

Only 2?  You pussy.  I've had 3 and counting.  Fucking urologists still can't tell me what is causing them.  


Hydrocodone (the 5 mg) ain't shit.  The 10 mg is better but I gotta pop 2 of those suckers when the stones hit.  ABout every 2.5 hours.

139
Talk Zone / Re: I am done with the Chronicle
« on: May 13, 2007, 11:42:18 am »
If you want that perspective you'll need to check it yourself.  I'm done.  They have taken a point of view which will not help anyone understand the Astros.  If they write information that might be useful, which is rare, I may post it.  Their opinions are no longer relevant.   You wont be missing anything, they have no accesss to the team.

Anything in particular push you over the edge?  Or just general worthlessness on the CHron's behalf?

140
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Snakes v Astros 5/11/2007
« on: May 11, 2007, 07:43:18 pm »
what !! why aren't they pinch hitting for Ausmus!

</sarcasm>

FUCK, put the muthafuckin ball in play you pieces of monkey spunk.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

141
trade Burke where he can play. apparently, no one wanted him or the Astros would not just give him away. he will not be constructive in RR for a while. Nieve, part 2.


He's a 2B, and probably the 3rd bestone in the organization right now.  I'm sure the Astros want to keep him for next year.

142
Talk Zone / Re: Attendance Records
« on: May 11, 2007, 12:25:18 pm »
Nope.

Yes.  But I had no goddamn idea what "West U" was when we moved there.  I just liked the location and lack of murders in the previous 12 months.

Not any more.

That's why I wasn't asking you.

West U?  You pussy, I thought you were going to be in Pearland.

West U is for KC faggots (NTTAWWT).

143
Talk Zone / Re: 3B
« on: May 11, 2007, 12:23:24 pm »
Agreed on all points.  If the question at the deadline is this:

Do the Astros need a middle of the lineup run producer?

Then they'll seriously need to look for a guy who can hit at that position and either play the following positions: CF or 3rd base (IMHO).  If Morgan Ensberg is traded, it may not be because they want to get a run producer in return though.  It may be because there is a market for him and the Astros feel they can find a 3rd baseman somewhere else to fill their needs (maybe even Mike Lamb).  If Mike Lamb, then Cody Ransom is an excellent backup man for Lamb, especially if you have to make a late inning defensive replacement.

In yesterday's case, having Ransom up to bat in the crucial 8th inning wouldn't be a problem either, although I'm sure if Scraps looked to his bench and saw Ransom or Lane available, he might go with Lane.  At least you wouldn't have Ensberg as a glorified backup guy to Lamb, because he would be awful as a backup guy who has to pinch hit.  IMHO of course.


If I could wave a magic wand and get one player onto the Astros, it would be Miggy Cabrera.  Johan Santana comes in at #2, with either David Wrigght or Jose Reyes in at #3.

144
Talk Zone / Re: "Pitchers you'd pay to see"
« on: May 11, 2007, 10:11:08 am »
I actually paid my own money, cash American, to see JR Richard pitch.  Also Nolan Ryan.  The opposing pitcher I had to go watch pitch every time was Phil Niekro.  He was just plain fascinating to me.  I started to love to watch Mike Scott, but one day he was caught cheating and my brother vowed never to go watch him again.  I was indifferent.

Never enjoyed watching a pitcher more than the Unit in the last half of the 1998 regular season.

145
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 04:01:20 pm »
His HOF quip of "Can't sleep!  Spack will eat me!" is one of the funniest things I can recall.

I think he also had the Randy Johnson no-hitter weather advisory take.

146
Talk Zone / Re: Letting Ausmus bat. Bases juiced down 4 in the 8th
« on: May 10, 2007, 04:00:19 pm »
Well, he's been bad on sliders for the last seven years for sure, perhaps longer.  But not always.  He had to speed up his bat to get to the fastballs so he doesn't really care to do anything above and beyond hitting a fastball now.

If he gets one, he's ready to hit it.  If he gets a diet of sliders and trying to speed up his bat, he'll strike out.  But if a starter tried that with Bidge, sooner or later, he'd just take the walk... a starter has to keep him honest.  But not a reliever.  Unless said reliever is Billy Wagner of course.

IN retrospect, its not surprising how that turned out.  Possibly the single most important AB in Astros history.

147
Talk Zone / Re: Letting Ausmus bat. Bases juiced down 4 in the 8th
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:52:41 pm »
yeah, and i am good looks and talent away from being a movie star.

Need to save this one.

148
Talk Zone / Re: Letting Ausmus bat. Bases juiced down 4 in the 8th
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:52:11 pm »
i would not have hit Biggio for anyone against Weathers unless he was the only one left.

Its amazing he's got 2960+ hits when the entire universe knows he can't lay off sliders low and away.

149
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:49:52 pm »
Plus the loss of the coolest name this side of Andyzipp.

I alway's like ROger Cedeno's Spleen.

By the way, whatever happened to that Zipp character?  He's mellowed with age at a faster rate than most wines.

150
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:36:15 pm »
your being nice is not very becoming.

she's (relatively) new and (allegedly) a female.  Plus she really seems unclear as to why she's been jumped over here.  She was trying to defend her position that the call was poor when she should have realized NOBODY here gives a shit if the call was poor.  The call is what it is.  What people here are upset with is ICEBERG's approach.

Its the difference between this site and others.  Other sites will bitch and complain about the call.  We bitch and complain about ICEBERG.

By the way, my all time favorite poster here or the old BFT was Breedlove.  But a pissed off Coach Raup comes in a strong second.

151
Talk Zone / Re: Letting Ausmus bat. Bases juiced down 4 in the 8th
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:32:58 pm »
i would have let him hit b/c he has been hitting well. he had a bad AB, though.

i sure as hell would not have put Biggio in against Weathers. 3 sliders later, he is back with one more K.


I was thinking Ensberg for Ausmus and:  (1)  Biggio for the pitcher if there is still one out, or (2) Lane for the pitcher if there are 2 outs.

152
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 03:25:24 pm »
and you should be first or second on the pile.

I think Amy is thinking of her reply without actually reading what others are saying.  I don't think she is used to a message board where btiching about the ump call's is frowned upon when the batter has his head up his ass.

153
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:54:16 pm »
I was treating Mo's approach at the plate and the call by the umpire as two separate issues.  I agree Mo should not give the ump the chance to ring him up there.  That doesn't mean that pitch was a strike.

let it go.  you will get dog piled if you don't

154
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:41:01 pm »
9-5 with the bases loaded looked pretty nice, too...

started off with Loretta not making the play on Freel's liner and things kept getting worse.  Phillips little dribbler.  Luke playing an out (from the descriptions) into a 3B.  Lee getting thrown out at 3B.  bases loaded and 1 out and not scoring.


Dammit!!  Come on home boys, let's get ready to BBQ some snake!!!!

155
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:35:41 pm »
Good God.


You know, for being down 7-0 after 3 innings, this game was winnable.

156
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:31:50 pm »
I just now really looked at the Astros lineup.  Why would OP lead off instead of Burke?  Not questioning him starting, just wondering what the reason might be.

LHB vs RHP

157
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:20:53 pm »
bullshit. it was a perfect pitcher's pitch, and you CANNOT let the umpire ring you up.

foul the fucking pitch off.



Coach is fired up. 

158
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:16:50 pm »
the one he got rung up on was more the questionable. it was absolutely not a strike. both low and away. i watched it 3 times in slo-mo! terrible call. could have sealed the win for the reds...

Dammit

159
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 02:08:29 pm »
Put in ICEBERG!!!!

160
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: T5: Reds 7 - Astros 3
« on: May 10, 2007, 01:12:04 pm »
Why does Lee ever try and take more than one base?

We're running into some outs lately.  Fire the 3B coach!!!

161
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities - 5/10/07
« on: May 10, 2007, 01:00:53 pm »
He's right, the jump looked bad.  He was pretty close even at that.

Scruffy!!!!

162
Talk Zone / Re: Will they or Won't They?
« on: May 10, 2007, 09:31:54 am »
They should retire his number right next to Beltrans.   Hang them on a precipice on the hot side of the River Styx.

I think they retire it.  Get Andy, Roger, and the Hendricks boys out on the field for a nice ceremony.  Elton John's "Rocket Man" is being played.  Highlights from the Chris Burke game are being showed...when suddenly "Here COmes the Astros" cuts in over "Rocket Man".  The video screen goes dark and the lights go out. 

Suddenly the lights go back on and Roger/Andy/Team Racket are all laid out, bleeding from the forehead.  A dented steel chair is lying next to Roger's twitching body. 

Foggy escapes over the railing, with Milo Hamilton shouting "BY GAWD, FOGHORN HAS JUST LAID OUT ROGER CLEMENS RIGHT HERE AT MINUTE MAID PARK"!!!

163
Talk Zone / Re: roster move
« on: May 09, 2007, 04:48:00 pm »
so, to protect his oblique, he will pitch LH? cool.

I'd hate to see Burke sent down since he's the only bench guy with speed and can play a multitude of positions.  I'd lean towards sending out one of the pitchers.

164
Talk Zone / Re: Backe update from BP
« on: May 09, 2007, 02:42:13 pm »
While BP certainly has its faults, Will Carroll's UTK column is usually spot on with injuries, recoveries, etc.

Backe is not the answer to anything.  At least not for 2007.

165
Talk Zone / Re: the great traitor
« on: May 09, 2007, 02:39:15 pm »
I think Clemens, although he's got a sqeaky clean image, represents perfectly the kind of athlete I think is slowly ruining sports in America. Roger is about two things...making himself look good, and squeasing as much money out of his talent as possible...he's is a "me" guy. What a contrast is Biggio...
If Craig was putting up similar numbers in say...New York, he'd be on the cover of Wheates boxes. Not to mention making more money. But he feels he's been treated well by the Astros organization and the city of Houston...so here he is all these years later...still an Astro. You hear that Roger, "team and city loyalty"...what a concept. So, take your cold black heart back to new york...traitor.

Not sure you want to be lifting Biggio up as a saint.

166
Talk Zone / Re: Clemens a Yankee
« on: May 09, 2007, 12:25:55 pm »
Some very smart media folks (smart in the sense that they know a story when they smell one) went first to Unit to ask his reaction to Clemens signing with the Yankees.  Johnson basically went "eh, what do I care?".  So that pretty much was the air leaving the balloon on that one.  Johnson, however, isn't the best one to ask about it... look at all the responses around the majors now about it.  If the Yankees loved the circus they had last year with the A-Rod vs Jeter frenzy, seems they just opened up a new can of circus for this year.

Enjoy that one New York, it will be fun.


My money is on the first public bitching by a Yankee player will be by Damon.  Sheffield would have been my guess if he was still around.

167
Talk Zone / Re: Last 7 days
« on: May 09, 2007, 12:22:53 pm »
There's already one Iceberg on this team.  We don't want to start making more of 'em.

Iceberg.  Like it.  Like it alot.

168
Talk Zone / Re: Clemens a Yankee
« on: May 09, 2007, 10:11:06 am »
Yes, heard the same.  For the reasons listed above.

"Pissed at Clemens" or just "tired of the DQ circus surrounding Clemens"?

169
Talk Zone / Re: Clemens a Yankee
« on: May 08, 2007, 10:59:57 pm »
I flipped over to the Rangers broadcast (@NYY) tonight between innings in our game, and happened to catch Tom Grieve going on about how he's pretty much lost all respect for Clemens after this latest fiasco.  He kind of kept going on and on about it.  Josh Lewin didn't really add much to the conversation, probably because he is a little squeaky vagina and is scared Clemens would come after him.

Anyway, the general consensus seems to be that outside of the Bronx, people are pretty damn sick of DQ and his act.

What is Grieve's problem?

170
Talk Zone / Re: Clemens a Yankee
« on: May 08, 2007, 10:58:59 pm »
He's mad at the Phil Garner quote on the Mike and Mike show this morning where Scraps said that the team understood that Clemens earned the right to take days off to be with his family because that is what he was going to do if he retired any way.  But when some players turned on the television, they saw him at a golf tournament in California instead of with his family.  It rubbed the team the wrong way.

Clemens claims he never played in a gold tournament during any of his leaves of absence from the team.  He is shocked any teammate would say that about him though.  Looks like he can't believe that he actually rubbed some teammates the wrong way with his prima donna act.

Would love to see the Chronicle do some actual research and find out where Clemns was each day he was away from his team.  If he was at other functions it wouldn't be too hard to find out.

171
Talk Zone / Re: Oswalt: 36th most valuable MLB player
« on: May 08, 2007, 12:30:42 pm »
Fuck.  Nate Silver.. Shouldn't have even bothered.  

Oswalt versus CC Sabathia?

Oswalt versus Scott Kazmir?

Oswalt versus Dice K?

Oswalt versus Carlos Zambrano?

Horseshit.

172
Talk Zone / Re: Oswalt: 36th most valuable MLB player
« on: May 08, 2007, 12:22:39 pm »
"The Wizard of Oz still has plenty of tricks up his sleeve, but it's going to be hard for him to sustain ERAs in the high 2's or low 3's when he's striking out fewer batters than the league average."

Oh ok.  Whatever.

Hard?  Maybe.  But I betcha he still gets it done. 

173
Talk Zone / Re: Justice's Dull Little Brother
« on: May 08, 2007, 11:36:29 am »
He was the lead negotiator in the Kent, Clemens, Pettitte, and had a lot to do with trading for Beltran.  He also resigned Biggio after the Kent deal earlier than Hunsicker had wanted to .  Hunsicker wanted to play out the season before giving him another contract.  And by giving too large a contract to Bagwell, which Hunsicker complained tied his hands.  He "meddled" by giving Lima the big contract, again Hunsicker said, "you give contracts for future performance, not past performance", and I'm thinking he also had something to do with PENCE!!!.  And Carlos Lee.  Possibly is also one of the reasons Jay Powell and Mitch Meluskey weren't Astros longer.

Ahhh, good ol' Bleach.  There are probably 50 reasons why Bleach is long gone, with 49 of them being "because he was an asshole".

Still, I wonder what goes through Bleach's mind these days.  Recall he went hunting or something over the All Star Break so when one of the catchers backed out and the manager tried to reach Bleach to invite him to the game, he wasn't there to catch the call.  He coulda been an All Star.  WOnder if that keeps him up at night.  Hope so, the fucker.

174
Talk Zone / Lefty on the mound...
« on: May 08, 2007, 11:16:01 am »
Do you give Berkman a night off?  Not sure if he's had one yet this year.  But this could be a good chance to get Loretta some more ABs.

Biggio 2B
Ensberg 3B
Loretta 1B
Lee LF
Pence CF
Lane RF
Everett SS
Ausmus C
Wandy

Thoughts?

175
Talk Zone / Re: Garner on the radio
« on: May 08, 2007, 11:09:47 am »
Garner is quoted as saying the following (in paraphrase):

"First year, no problem because our guys pretty much ignored it.  Second year, the same.  Third year.... hmmmm... there was some talk that I started to hear and it was a small problem, but not enough to worry about.  But I believe eventually it would become a distraction."

There is some grumblings that privately the Hendricks were told that the Astros were going to recind some of the special privileges this year.  However, I am not sure how true that was, they really never got a chance to negotiate.

Beltran revisited.

Rog had no plans to stay here.  Everyone knew it.

176
Talk Zone / Re: Justice's Dull Little Brother
« on: May 08, 2007, 11:08:42 am »
that article is effing awful ... most of his statements are gross oversimplifications or just outright false ...

my favorite point was that the astros are not able to “stay on an even course” because of McLane's over meddling.  I may have been in a hole but I haven’t noticed a rash of over meddling- and  I wonder how has our franchise has been in terms of winning compared to other franchises during McLane's tenure ... that might be a good indicator of how "on course" this franchise is.  This article is a perfect example of forming an opinion based on thin fucking air and re-writing the facts to support it.


Over-meddling is too strong.  He probably tied the COunt's hands regarding Biggio, and perhaps his voice was heard in the decision to bring up Pence.  But for the most part, Drayton has stayed out of the way.

Its not hard to pinpoint the reasons for the Astros success the past 10 seasons (4 time division champ, 2 wild cards, 1 NL pennant, 3 other 2nd place finishes).

(1)  HOF talent at 1B and 2B
(2)  Key trades for established stars--Alou, Unit, Beltran
(3)  Key trades for nobodies who blossomed--Hampton (coming), C4 (coming), Wheeler, Lima
(4)  Player development--Berkman, Oswalt, Lidge, Wagner, Elarton, Ensberg, Hidalgo, Reynolds, Kile, Wami
(5)  Big Time Free Agent pickups--Kent, Pettitte, Clemens

Where the fuck is the meddling in all this?

177
Talk Zone / Re: Garner on the radio
« on: May 08, 2007, 10:15:50 am »
A baseball team is a pretty tight nit group, so I could see that being the case, although I doubt any of them felt Roger wasn't giving his best when he was there, but I am sure it did make them question his dedication to the "group" when he wasn't there to support someone else when they were doing their thing.

I am sure it is nothing they will say outloud, but I am sure alot of them are happy that he isn't comming back, not that he wouldn't have helped on the field, but that he seemed more like a "hired-gun" than a part of the team.

Winning cures all ills.  The frantic finish in 2004/2005 made all the special perks tolerable.  If the RedSox continue to hold onto 1st place, shit will hit the fan.

178
Talk Zone / Re: Justice's Dull Little Brother
« on: May 08, 2007, 10:14:05 am »
"It's difficult to know whom to blame for a 13-17 start, but someone deserves some."

That's just outfuckingstanding, Kirk.  If someone wrote a parody of contemporary sports coverage, you couldn't make up a better line than that.

Spot.  On.

Look for Kirk's hard hitting coverage in the coming weeks on these topics...

Barry Bonds chase of Hank Aaron.  "Its difficult to gauge how many of Bonds' home runs are tainted, but probably at least one."

NCAA investigation into OU athletics.  "The NCAA may decide to make an example of OU.  Then again, perhaps they won't."

DIrk Nowitzki and the fall of the Mavs.  "Dirk may win the MVP, but I've just learned he didn't get it done versus the Warriors."


179
Talk Zone / Re: Now that Clemens in gone
« on: May 07, 2007, 04:49:25 pm »
Thanks, my recollection was fuzzy.  You're right, they were bounced in the ALCS.  I didn't remember the AL West being that good, hence why Oakland and Seattle had such high win totals, but I didn't remember Oakland being that good, so you're right again.

Still, the point is that while the young Brew Crew is en fuego right now, there isn't a whole bunch of panic that this team is going to sustain it.  Just my observation on it is that it is very hard to sustain unless you're just locked in with the pitching.  Is Cordero at closer solid or is he just having a good stretch right now?  Is Turnbow solid?  Is Suppan going to revert to his usual very average season as a #3 (which may be good enough for them if they have a great pen... which no one really expects to sustain).  Is Sheets really healthy enough?  While Capuano is very good, will he hit a wall as the league starts to catch up to him?  Is Rickie Weeks a leadoff hitter?  Can Jenkins maintain?  Will a book on Hardy be developed soon enough and will he adjust to what they're doing to him?

I don't doubt this is a solid young team, but the test of time is the best thing to realize if we're seeing something more than just talent.  It will indicate if we're seeing a team that can win consistently.

I'll say this one time, and one time only.....Fuck the Brewers.  They ain't shit.  Let's see those cocksuckers deal with being the team to beat.  See how those hothouse flowers deal with having a target on their back once July/August rolls around.  Thems the dog days and these shitbricks ain't ready for whats a-comin'.

I hereby declare war on the Brewers for the 2007 season.  I don't recognize their claim on the NL Central or even thier right to exist in the upper half of the NL Central.  

The pieces are ready to start falling in place.  It starts with a 4-gamer versus the nasty-chili eating motherfuckers in the Queen City (how appropriate).  Then we bring the shit back home for an ass whopping on the D Backs.  Astros will enter June a game or 2 over .500 and then its on.

Bring it, you fat sausage eating pieces of shit.  Bring that shit to me!!!!  I'll fuck you up so bad you won't move for a MONTH!!!!  

Forget the Jakes.  Fuck the Brew!!!

180
Talk Zone / Re: Well, well, well...seems NYC is DQ Country
« on: May 07, 2007, 03:28:40 pm »
no. Gustafson did not take Reynolds to Omaha. left him home.

That'll do it.

Thanks.

181
Talk Zone / Re: The Return of the Good Guys' Power?
« on: May 07, 2007, 03:26:18 pm »
Its makes me giggle almost as much as the word "titmouse".

remember the old Darryl Ward is Fat (or somthing like that) website.  The guy absolutely nailed Anaheim Jimmy.  Just perfect.  Lets see if I can't find it.

182
Talk Zone / Re: Well, well, well...seems NYC is DQ Country
« on: May 07, 2007, 03:22:56 pm »
he threatened to never contribute if it was not retired. not the point, but i do not know how much, if any, he has given. for a long time, it was next to nothing.

WTF? history? i told you the entire story.

So clemens wore #21 in 82/83, and Swindell wore it in 84/85/86?  Swindell was the better of the two in college yet Clemens gets the retired jersey because he's an egomanical asshole with a right arm on loan from the gods. 

Perfect.  Just perfect.

Not to get off on a tangent but what was the source of the friction between Shane Reynolds and Gustafson?


183
Talk Zone / Re: Well, well, well...seems NYC is DQ Country
« on: May 07, 2007, 12:50:15 pm »
Perfect. This toes the line between "thanks" and "go fuck yourself" that I've been feeling.

Not to go all Denny Green, but Clemens is who we thought he was.  Don't ask Satan to the prom and then get upset when he whips out his fire cock and butt rapes you.

Or something.

184
Talk Zone / Well, well, well...seems NYC is DQ Country
« on: May 06, 2007, 11:46:13 pm »
Of course, I'd just as soon argue DQ is cunt, but thats neither here nor there.

I don't blame Roger for going back to the Yanks. He is, and always has been, about the ME.  ANd with the Yankees off to their worst start in forever, Roger gets to play the role he loves best, savior to the biggest media market on Earth.  Jesus is coming to back to the Bronx, healing the sick, giving vision to the blind.

He pitched his ass off for the Astros, gave us everything he had.  Which is good and bad, bcause in addition to an ass load of talent, he also had a raging case of prima donna. 

SO thanks for everything ROger.  You were a key player in the 2004/2005 seasons.  You and RoyO are the all time leaders in Astros playoff victories.  You packed the fans in and gave Drayton a shiny new bauble to play with.  And perhaps now Drayton will allow the Count to go out and get something to kick this team in the ass.  DQ ain't a-comin' boys.  You want to do something you better strap in on tight and get busy.

And Roger, enjoy your time in the sun.  Cuz when Father Time finally catches up, and he will, you'll just be another egotistical asshole driving a burnt orange hummer down I-10.  People like assholes as long as they bring something else to the table. After your elbow goes, all thats left is your sparkling personality. 

Cheers.

185
Talk Zone / Re: Beach Read (non-bb as all get out)
« on: May 03, 2007, 02:31:28 pm »
The "Prey" books are good.  I think Eyes of Prey is my favorite (I think its the 2nd one).

There a great screenplay you may be able to pick up, "Threat Level Midnight" about the great spy hero Michael Scarn. 

If you've never read any of Caleb Carr's books they are nice summer reads.

186
Talk Zone / Re: Allow me a brief non-bb rant
« on: May 03, 2007, 02:23:39 pm »
If the allegations linking him to a dog-fighting operation prove true - and it looks more and more like they will - then there's a special place in hell waiting for Michael Vick.

I can't even begin to describe how angry stories like this make me.

Ron Mexico
a water bottle with a hidden compartment for weed
dog fighting

He ain't Pac Man Jones but perhaps its time to have a little talk, eh Roger?

187
Anyone checked out the prices for St. Louis lately?  Crazy.

I would pay $13 for the entire city.  $7 without the Arch.

188
Talk Zone / Re: Astros Trivia, the ultimate pinch hit
« on: May 03, 2007, 01:13:43 pm »
One of them is worse than all of the others?   

Astros win a game on a ph walkoff grandslam and all you here is "Grand Salami" repeated about 7 times.

Worst.  Call.  Ever.

189
If you are getting Comcast, they are raising the prices of everyone's cable (whether they want it or not) to get the NFL network.   They are choosing not do that for the baseball network.   Obviously, taking money from people who don't watch baseball would be good for baseball fans, but I think as a consumer I prefer having things like that optional. 

baseball already is more fan friendly than most of the other sports.  cheapest tickets.  best atmosphere (when they aren't over-doing it.  heaven forbid we don't have something going on at all times.)


190
Talk Zone / Re: Astros Trivia, the ultimate pinch hit
« on: May 03, 2007, 01:09:49 pm »
That one was still fresh in minds. Yep, off Byung-Hyun Kim of the D-Backs on June 27th, 2002.

Good job.

Which was also the worst radio call ever by Milo.  I can still recall it to this day.  Starts off fine, "there's a high fly ball...going back to the wa-aaa-aaaaall...{really long pause here}....{crowd starts going ape shit}...grand salami, grand salami, grand salami, grand salami, grand salami...."


191
Talk Zone / Re: Deshaies on Oswalt
« on: May 03, 2007, 11:17:33 am »
M

You're fucking incredible.

The pitch to Dunn was just a mistake in terms of location.  With that windbag up there, I'm sure neither Oswalt nor Ausmus wanted the pitch anywhere near the strike zone. 

Betcha it evens out before too long.

192
Talk Zone / Re: A closer's shelf life
« on: May 02, 2007, 01:37:55 pm »
See, this is what I was saying.  I'm just positive that I read somewhere (seriously) that someone found that the average career span for a "good closer" is something like 2.5 years. 

There are just very very few guys who keep up a Hoffman/Rivera type career.

Even Wagner, who has lasted longer than I expected, has his bad years.

even fewer whose mother is kidnapped who also later get convicted for attempted murder via machete and setting someone on fire.

can't wait for ESPN's Cuts Like a Knife:  the Uggy Urbina Story

193
McLain is the guy that really pisses me off.  The douchebag has been a writer for years and is a fairly well respected man in NFL circles.  He has access into every single front office and even serves (served) as president of the pro football writers association and is on the inner circle of the HOF voting.

Yet despite that tremendous access he is a shit for brains.  His opinions are solely based on "how great of a story would that be", and he rarely breaks big important news.  He has the key to the kingdom and would rather sit around sniffing the dirty sheets outside the whorehouse making googly eyes at the hookers.

194
Talk Zone / Re: Chris(tina) Kahrl's passing familiarity with logic
« on: May 01, 2007, 02:43:51 pm »
Loretta
Lamb
Berkman
Lee
Scott
Pence
Everett
Ausmus

Loretta is no leadof man, but it's by necessity in this scenario.

The thing I like about Garner/Purp is they focus on what they have, rather than what they don't have.  We don't have a "traditional" leadoff guy.  Big fucking deal.  Gimme guys who can get on base so when Lance/Flapjack connect, runs are scored.

195
Talk Zone / Re: Chris(tina) Kahrl's passing familiarity with logic
« on: May 01, 2007, 01:52:55 pm »
I don't disagree but, for the sake of accuracy, I feel the need to point out that there's only 4 "qualified" 2nd basemen in the NL with worse stats than Biggio, and one of those is Burke.  In reality, only the Marlins and the Rocks would swap their guy for Biggio at this point.  The argument is, essentially, who's less bad.

If we take a step back from 1 month of data and just look at 2006 totals, you'll see quite a few teams are getting about that same production from their 2B.

Atl in 2006--272/342/400
Chi in 2006--274/326/411
Cin in 2006--272/327/415
Mil in 2006--266/338/388

I didn't check but I'd be surprised if Stl, Colorado or SD posted 2B numbers much different than above.  Not sure those numbers transaltes to more production than Biggio's 250/300/457.  Less OBP but more power.  Seems like a wash to me.

Biggio still has one good offensive skill--he can hit for power for a 2B.  It is likely this ability will decline over the course of the season, as he seems to peter out during the dog days.  Until then, he's a viable 2B.  

196
Talk Zone / Re: Hancock may have been drunk when killed
« on: May 01, 2007, 11:09:44 am »
Your link didn't mention it, but IIRC I read an item earlier than said the wrecker he hit had its lights flashing.

Very sad

Do the Cards as an orgnaization tolerate this type of behavior?  Drinkin' Dave Duncan, The Tanked Commander, and now this.

Unrelated incidents?  

197
Talk Zone / Re: Reds Preview is Up
« on: May 01, 2007, 10:09:45 am »
Fun game to watch.  plenty of scoring highlighted by the swank Berbatov goal.

Do they not have an All Star game?

198
Talk Zone / Reds Preview is Up
« on: May 01, 2007, 12:45:16 am »

199
Series Previews 2007 / Hide the women, the Reds are a-comin'
« on: May 01, 2007, 12:43:16 am »
Reds at Astros – Skyline vs Sheriff Blaylock in a Cage Match Edition


Minute Maid Park

Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW
Wednesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW
Thursday, 7:05 PM on KNWS

Notable giveaways

Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring/label from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.

Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/probable_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Reds aren’t going to send Matt Belisle out there so Coach Raup can maintain a strict Astros allegiance.  We also get to miss Aaron Harang and his shit rising fastball that we can’t seem to hit. 

On the plus side, with Adam Dunn back in town, Drayton can set the thermostat one degree higher.  Dunn’s mighty swing-and-a-miss will keep everyone cool.



Injury Report

Cincinnati –  Everyday Eddie Guardado is spending everyday of the next few weeks on the 60 day DL.  The Big Guy Arthur Carlson is still experiencing post traumatic stress from the botched Thanksgiving Day Turkey Give Away.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZByndN_ffyw

Houston – Other than Jennings, nuthin’.


Sing a Song of Six PENCE!!!!

I like “PENCE!!!!” as the moniker du jour for young Hunter.  “ALL CAPS” is good as well.  “Yeshua” teeters on the edge of good taste, but he is the offensive Messiah the sports radio prophets have been calling for.  Anyway, my prediction is we’ll have a suitable nickname for him by the time Purp sends him back to the minors. 

Till then, remember this....every inning Hunter Pence is in CF is one less inning Chris Burke is in CF.  That, as Martha Stewart would say, is a good thing.

Adventures in Hooliganism

So my daughter and I are starting to watch soccer together, and following some advice from Limey we have settled upon the Tottenham Hotspurs as “our” team to follow.  Well, sure enough, their game this weekend was on the Fox Sports Channel so I tivo’d it and we watched it together on Sunday.

The Spurs, as us fans call them, won an entertaining contest versus Middlesbrough (I think they suck but am not entirely sure) highlighted by a sweet goal from some dude named Berbatov.  Here’s the YouTube clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-od2HUWcTM

My daughter thought the goal was neat so we proceeded to go out to the backyard to “recreate” the goal the best we could.  Never quite got it down, but we had fun goofing off together so mission accomplished. 

The point to all this is that we can “play” soccer a lot easier than we can “play” baseball.  She’s not quite where she needs to be in terms of swing a bat, or catching/throwing a ball.  But she can kick a soccer ball.  Is where we are RIGHT NOW going to cause her to like soccer more than baseball/softball?  While baseball is more popular than men’s soccer, I gotta believe women’s soccer is more popular than women’s softball.  You hear a lot about how baseball is losing the black audience/players but I wonder if baseball isn’t also losing the female fans.

FACTS about the Red Menace

The Josh Hamilton story is a nice one, as far as recovering heroin addicts go.  Seems he is tying up the Reds official site’s mailbag much like PENCE!!!! has with the Astros site.  Here’s the latest Mailbag from Cincy whihc offers proof the “hey, let’s put Player X at a different position” phenomenon isn’t limited to Houston.  http://cincinnati.reds.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070430&content_id=1939213&vkey=news_cin&fext=.jsp&c_id=cin

The Reds are going to retire Dave Concepcion’s number.  He was a fine player and all, but for a franchise that has been around since dirt and with a ton of great historical players, doesn’t this seem a bit much?  I mean in terms of all-time great Reds he is clearly behind Rose, Morgan, Bench, Perez, Larkin, Frank Robinson and probably 5 or 6 more I can’t name off the top of my head. 

Ryan Freel or David Eckstein.  Which is the greater piss ant?  Me, I go with Freel.  He’s Wally Backman/Len Dykstra rolled into one.

Edwin Encarnacion has made only 3 errors this season.  He’s due for a few these next 3 games.

David Weathers is getting it done as a closer.  Not sure how much longer he can keep it up, but so far so good.  Color me shocked.  2.70 ERA and a WHIP of 1.00.  Yeah its early but he’s been fairly effective for the Reds the last 2 years.  I’ll always love the guy for his one start against the Cubs in 2004 when he was with the Marlins. 

Man, its easy to forget just how awesome Junior Griffey used to be.  He’d hit 300 with 40+ bombs and play a legit gold glove caliber defense.  Too bad Barry Larkin had to run his mouth about winning the title in 2000.  That right there was what caused Junior and the Reds to spin right into the shitter.  Take that Barry.




200
Talk Zone / Re: Chris(tina) Kahrl's passing familiarity with logic
« on: April 30, 2007, 11:13:49 pm »
I'm sorry.  Perhaps I'm old fashioned.  Perhaps I blame the messanger and not the message, but anything written by a dude who had his pecker surgically removed to create a "man-pussy" somehow just doesn't register as being worth a shit to read.

Regarding the Pence/Burke/Biggio bizarre love triangle, the one constant between all 3 is that none can play defense at their 2007 assigned position. 

Biggio still has a valuable skill of hitting with some pop.  He's still an ideal #6 or #7 hitter on a decent lineup.  I'd imagine you could find a slew of GMs who'll take 250/300/457 from a 2B.

201
Talk Zone / Re: Was Pence the catalist for tonigs win
« on: April 28, 2007, 11:31:31 pm »
PENCE!!!! deserves 100% of the credit for tonight's offensive output.


202
Game Zone 2007 Archive / Re: Brewers @ Astros - 4/28/07
« on: April 28, 2007, 08:27:54 pm »
"PENCE!!!!" is great.


203
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 02:05:38 am »
If you think that's my stock answer, you havent been paying attention.  Purpura has abruptly reversed what he has been saying since February.  That is why I think this is desperate.   And, ultimately wrong.  Of course, major league pitchers and scouts could miss that Pence can be induced to swing at sliders away.  On the other hand we can think of a hitter who has had that problem for 20 years now.

Pence is going to hit 15 HRs over the next 6 games and all will be well.  Besides, after the Texans fuck up another draft choice, nobody is going to care about the Astros for a few days.  And by then the Rockets will have choked away the series versus Utah.


204
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:57:13 am »
It is desperate.  This is nearly the exact same team that dicked around for the first 45 games of 2005.  Taveras wasn't any great shakes that year in the field, though better than Burke, and at the plate he was mediocre.  Purp left them alone.  Why not leave this team alone for 45 games+?  Especially when Purp's on record in a positive way about Burke in center?

45+ games?  Is that the magic number?

I don't care what Purp is on the record with regarding Burke in CF.  Burke in CF has been a Grade A fucking disaster.  If Purp truly feels Burke in CF has been anything close to positive, shitcan him right now.  That has to be textbook GM horeshit for the press. 

205
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:53:59 am »
When he defended that decision as late as yesterday?  He had definitive reasons why the decision was wrong 22 games ago.  Is small sample size relevant anymore?

I'll answer with the stock answer that just cuz a GM says it, doesn't really mean he means it.  

But your point is valid.  I could be wrong.

206
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:51:00 am »
Loretta needs a position he can field.  And dont say 2b, because that is not going to happen. 

I agree.  He ain't a SS and he's not much of an offensive upgrade (if any) to MoBerg at 3B.  And his defense at 3B ins't a lot better than Clank's.

207
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:48:21 am »
Well then you're lost in the middle of the order.  Because expecting the new guy to do what the more experience big boys haven't is desperate.

yes, we are lost in the middle of the lineup as currently constructed.  Thus Purp reached down into his bag o' players and grabbed the best one.  I don't sense the desperation involved in calling up your #1 hitting prospect who almost won a job coming out of spring training.

208
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:44:28 am »
Use it?  When?  Lance and Lee are ice cold.  Lane has no business on the roster, and Scott is streakier than a 5 year old's underwear.  You want to bank on Pence doing what they can't?

Yeah they are ice cold and part of the problem is when they do get their occasional hit, nobody is on base.  I don't want to rely on Pence but every other option has things wrong with it:

Lamb can't field
MoBerg has become a puss
Lane should be hitting 30 HRs  year in Japan with Tuffy Rhodes
Scott is still a work-in-progress
Loretta needs a position


209
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:35:56 am »
That's pussified and accepting of Ensberg's failure.  Ensberg knows full well the Astros have continually signed him to be a middle of the order hitter.  Accept Ensberg's failure not by moving him in the order but by benching him.  Lamb at 5, Pence at 7, and Everett at 2.

You can't trot Lamb out there everyday, his defense will kill you.  This is a bad defensive club already.  I half expect to see Everett start throwing his glove on the ground like Tanner Boyle each time Burke fucks one up out in the OF.


210
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:32:00 am »
The reason it is desperate is that he could have made the exact same move when the season started.  22 games isnt a sufficient sample to reverse that decision.  Either he didnt know what he was doing then, or he doesnt know what he's doing now.  Purpura's public statements are now officially stamped grade A bullshit until he proves otherwise.  His credibility is shot. 

I disagree. I think if Purp knew then that Burke would be fuck-all lost in CF, Pence would have started the year with the big club.  I think this move is more a realization we are FUCKED in CF right now, not a desperate move to jump start the offense.

211
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:29:10 am »
Problem is, the astros need him in the middle of the order protecting Lee.    Relying on pence as the number 5 right away is a lot of pressure.    I remember why I wanted morgan dealt this offseason, and huff resigned the more I watch him.   

Yeah, well I need my boss to triple my salary and give me afternoon off so I can blow the increase in salary at the strip club, but it ain't gonna happen.

Not to go Denny Green, but MoBerg is who we thought he was.  He has value as an OBP guy.  Use it.

212
Talk Zone / Re: Squawking in the clubhouse
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:26:24 am »
I heard that segment on 740 earlier. Twinkie was not happy.

Have a super-sized bowl of mashed potatoes with extra gravy and start swinging the bat, Lance.  We'll all be happier.

213
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:22:57 am »
If only there was a way to unload Ensberg for said CF.   I've had it with his inconsistency.

Its time to realize what MoBerg is.  He's a solid OBP 3B with potential thats going to just break your heart if you really try to count on it.

Accept he's a table setter and use him accordingly.  Putting him 5th in the order expecting him to be a run producer is setting yourslef up for failure.  

Ensberg to the #2 hole and Pence becomes your #5 hitter.

214
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:16:23 am »
22 games into the season, when Purpura didnt do this, and had legitimate reasons not to do this out of ST, is a desperation move. 

Purp ain't desperate.  He's calling up his best hitter in the minor league system to sit a shitty fielding, poor hittig CFer.

As much as Burke in CF pisses me off, it ain't Burke's fault. He's just not a CFer.  I think Purp realizes as much and is probably working the phones for a trade.  UNtil that trade happens, Pence is the best option.

FUCK Jason Lane in CF.

215
Talk Zone / Re: Purpura brings up Pence
« on: April 28, 2007, 01:04:08 am »
You big PUSSY. You're all being a bunch of PUSSIES!!!!

Players have jumped to the major leagues with more question marks than Pence and have succeeded.  Players have jumped to the major leagues with fewer question marks than Pence and have failed.

Save the desparation BULLSHIT.  Purp is calling up his #1 hitting prospect to take the place of a guy hitting 225/321/338 while playing a shitty CF.  

Bring it on Hunter.  Let's fuck some shit UP!!!!!

Anyone but Burke in CF!!!!!!!!!!

216
To the tune of "Yellow Submarine"...all together now...

You all live in a penal colony,
A penal colony,
A penal colony...


Also, the British national anthem is amended when the Aussies are present.  As much as they detest their "motherland", they still voted to stay part of the Commonwealth and have the Queen as their monarch.  Hence, the slight change that goes...

God save YOUR gracious Queen
Long live YOUR noble Queen
God save YOUR Queen
(You're a convict)
Send Her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over YOU
God save YOUR Queen

Trust me, they love it!

Yeah, there is no doubt we're going to be an EPL family and not an MSL one.


217
If just saying this didn't explain it to her very clearly then you've got a lot of work to do catching up.

I know but, if you had zero allegiance to a MLB team, and just wanted to watch a team that plays good baseball, over the past X years its harder to find a more appropriate team than the Yankees.

For instance, right now if I had zero allegiance to an NBA team, I'd be a Pheonix Suns fan because they are a joy to watch.  They play a brand of basketball that is exciting and fun.

The Rams in the "greatest show on turf" era were also like this.  Just a fun, fun team to watch and cheer for.  The Colts to a lesser extent. 

I don't think there is another team in the EPL that is anywhere close to Man U in terms of goal scoring.  There's not a whole lot of "on-the-field" reasons to dislike them, from what I can tell (which isn't much).  They seem to be loaded with "off-the-field" stuff however.

218
Talk Zone / Re: Perhaps the greatest call-in idiot of all time
« on: April 27, 2007, 12:23:01 pm »
Willy T was consistant offensively.  Consistantly pissing me off.  Wish we could have transplanted bagwell's base running instincts and skills into Willy's body.

219
Start her off slowly, with something gentle like this:

Ian Wright is illegitimate
He aint got no birth certificate
He's got AIDS and can't get rid of it
He's an Arsenal bastard
Judas, Judas, Judas!

See more here.

See, I like this.  Talking shit to other teams that are in the premier league even after being relegated to the lower divisions.

Good stuff.

By the way, after talking with my daughter last night, a new team has entered the fray...Man U.  She asked which team was the best, I told her Man U, and she asked why we don't just cheer for them if they are the best and the most fun to watch.

I didn't really have a good answer other than it would be akin to cheering for the Yankees.

220
Ha ha!

I think it's a little bit unfortunate that MLS is so easily and categorically dismissed. Certainly the quality of play isn't as good as in the EPL, but there are some excellent players, and many of them reside in Houston. The league, I think, suffers from poor marketing (which before this year seemed to me to consist of "..." and now consists of "...Beckham!"), because people like Foghorn and his daughter are a pretty good example of who they're trying to reach outside the core of American soccer fans.

I don't mind the MSL, and I'm glad the Dynamos are here in town, but they don't serve any purpose to me.  If I am going to watch a game on tv, I'd just as soon watch an EPL game rather than MSL because the level of play is infinitely better.  And it shows.

If I want to take my dughter to game here in town, I take her to one of the grils high school games.  I went to Klein Oak and my wife went to Klein, and each field a good girls team year in year out.  I'd rather take her to one of those games rather than a Dynamos game. 

Fox Soccer Channel showing all the EPL games is going to put a nail in the MSL coffin.  Its too easy to be a fan of the EPL rather than the MLS.

221
As much as I love vulgarity and general boorish behavior, I'm primarily doing this to hang with my daughter.  She seems to like soccer more than the dance/gym classes she's been in and I thought it would be more fun to watch the EPL than the shit we get here in America.

Not sure she's ready to learn some of the chants/songs quite yet.  She does do  mean version of "Here come the Astros".

Thanks for the book recommendations.  I'll try to check those out.

222
Yes...and Tottenham Hotspurs.

OK, Tottenham it is.  Plus it has a cool sounding British name...Tottenham.

I'll track down their website and stuff and show it to her.  I'll keep Liverpool as a 2nd choice.

Go Tottenham!!!!  Fuck'em up Hotspurs!!!!

223

Most premiership players are of the asshole/thug/lowlife variety.  I think I'm safe in saying that there's never been a skilled neurosurgeon who's given it all up to play footy!  If the choice is Chelsea and anyone else, go with "anyone else".  Chelsea are owned by a Russian oligarch who buys the most expensive players regardless of need and then bitches when they don't win (see Captain, Yacht); their coach is a complete whiny bitch; and their players are detestable whores.

Liverpool aren't much better, but they're better.  They used to fit the above profile, but now don't because Chelsea have sprinted past them.  However, they are now owned by a consortium lead by Tom Hicks (yes, that Tom Hicks) so that may be a hard pill to swallow.

My allegiances lie with Crystal Palace, who suck, so I understand their lack of international appeal.  I do have a soft spot for Tottenham Hotspurs, however, because they play decent football and are a fine, historic club.  Unfortunately, they have no money so they are doomed to be 2nd tier premiership until some American sugar daddy buys them.  They are the sworn enemy of Arsenal, which is nice...

Reluctantly, I must admit that Moan Utd have the most attractive team in European soccer, both sportingly and physically (NTTAWWT).  I would normally poo-poo support for a rich club, but currently they are a joy to watch.  Christiano Ronaldo is one of the most gifted players ever to play the game.  He's also a horrible cheat.  Obviously, I hate him.

Man U?  Isn't that the equivalent of rooting for the Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, Notre Dame football, Duke basketball all rolled into one?  Plus didn't Beckham play for those faggots?

Which of the good clubs is the least shitty?

224
Talk Zone / Re: Accusations fly that Schillings bloody sock was fake
« on: April 26, 2007, 04:31:41 pm »
I enjoy the British accusing others of being Luddites.  The last technological innovation out of England involved quills.

yep, this one's going in the vault.

225
Talk Zone / Limey...need some help (english premier league related)
« on: April 26, 2007, 04:25:48 pm »
My 5 year old daughter is starting soccer and we've been watching a bit of it together on tv.  I try to steer away from the MSL and the Dynamos.  Anyway, we get the Fox Soccer Channel on tv and so we get games from the various leagues (italy, argentina, england) and I think we're going to settle in on the English Premier League as our league of choice.

We're trying to decide who to root for.  Right now we're leaning to either Liverpool (cuz she like the Beatles) or Chelsea (cuz her best friend at school is named Chelsea).  Either of these teams full of assholes/thugs/lowlifes?  What are your thoughts on these teams.

226
I wonder if Amy still says "wassssup" and "wasssssaaabbeee." Someone sprung that at on me the other night and I thought I was going to have a stroke.

same thing happened to me, though when I was hit with the "waassssuuupppp", I started laughing.  I think that particular *bit* could make the rounds again soon.

227
I'm making this comment with a total straight face, no harsh tones, very real question:

This isn't about the nickname, is it?  This is about proving that you can tolerate the feces that OrangeWhoopass throws at you and proving you're (wo)man enough to deal with it without running off like everyone else who has tried roughly the same thing, right?

Honestly, I have no problem with you being here; I'm not one of the high holy keepers of the board.  I'm not interested in a flame fest.  But I have often wondered since you showed up why you wanted to be here.  You don't play along with the thinly veiled gender-based jokes.  You don't seem to find anyone in here all that funny.  Other than being able to swear (really well, I'll add), I never quite got why you found this place interesting.

Same reason as the rest of us find this place interesting...fart jokes

228
HAVE YOU SEEN PENCE PLAY?????????????????????????????????????????????????

why are you saying this if the answer is no?


because I don't want to see Chris Burke play 1200+ innings in CF this year

229
For the record I like wingnut.

then again I once thought "tits" was a great nickname for Lidge, cuz he was.

230
I think the runs not cashed in earlier are the difference.  The pitching was going to be thin today after last nights marathon.  You'd think the approach by the hitters would be slightly better than it was today against a pitcher with such a high ERA.  The middle of the lineup is a bit fragmented right now and that has got to change for the fortunes to change.

The pitching is fine 'cept for a week of some spotty starter work.  Overall, we're back to wondering about the offense, re: middle of the lineup, yet again.  Damn!

Loretta/Biggio  2B
Ensberg/Lamb 3B
Berkman 1B
Lee LF
Scott/Lane RF
Pence CF
Everett SS
Ausmus C

Something has to go.  Much like we brought up Oswalt without a lot of AAA seasoning in 2001, I think its time for Pence.

Burke to whoever for whatever we can get.

231
Wandy pitches well, only for the bats to go cold.  Qualls comes in and throws some gasoline on the fire  Thos insurance runs are the difference.

SHITFUCKSONOFABITCHDICKASSCOCKMOTHERFUCKERCRAP

232
Talk Zone / Re: Accountants! Huddle up.
« on: April 20, 2007, 04:02:19 pm »
couple other things to note...

(1)  it would be hard for a single investor to buy up $100M worth of stock in one day and not cause the price to trickle upwards.  Especially one who would have been considered an "insider" back in 1991

(2)  when he bought the astros he also got a couple of hotels and the lease to the Astrodome, which was worth something.  

(3)  he now owns Sheriff Blaylock's secret recipe.  can you really put a price tag on that?

(4)  hard to do a 3-way with a couple of silicone enhanced double d's strippers when Wal-Mart has a kick ass earnings release.  at least when compared to the night the Astros won the NL Pennant.

233
Archive / From the GameZone on 4-19 versus Reds
« on: April 19, 2007, 09:31:45 pm »
After scoring 5 runs to turn a 6-2 deficit to a 7-6 lead, the "faithful" at GAB start booing.  Matadorph lets loose with:

"ahaha that was a lot of boo for not a lot of crowd".

234
Talk Zone / Re: Biggio on Fire
« on: April 18, 2007, 05:14:31 pm »
I think many of you are going to be very shocked when Biggio gets 3000 and his role on the team doesn't change much. 

Shocked?  No.

Disappointed?  Yes.


236
Talk Zone / Re: Biggio on Fire
« on: April 18, 2007, 03:54:31 pm »
I'm surprised Biggio isn't given a solid dose of off-speed pitches low and away until he shows an ability to let 4 of them go passed in a single AB.  

If/when Biggio gets his 3000 hits AND is still supporting an OBP under .300, I'd be all for Loretta getting a shot at hitting leadoff.  His OBP has consistantly been in the .350 range, even after his late career power spike has gone away.

237
Talk Zone / Re: Biggio on Fire
« on: April 18, 2007, 11:22:45 am »
Eschewing walks as he is, he seems hell-bent on getting to 3k sometime in June.  Putting aside the widespread desire to see him get to that milestone, I like the idea of getting it out of the way...certainly before the trade deadline at the end of July.  That way, the team can evaluate its options and perhaps make a deal (no, I'm not suggesting they trade Biggio) that strengthens the team, unencumbered by the need to force Biggio in the starting line up.

Of course, if he keeps hitting like this, Burke's going to have another year to endure in the wilderness.

Biggio shouldn't be hitting leadoff all year if his OBP is under .300.  I think he has yet to draw a walk this season.

238
Talk Zone / Re: Manager Meltdown
« on: April 18, 2007, 11:18:43 am »
I need that audio!!!!

239
Apparently Charlie manuel went gonzo after another loss last night.  profanity was let loose and he challenged one of the Philly newspaper guys to a fight and later had to be restrained. 

Surely someone caught this on camera/microphone.

I need YOU to find it for me so I can add it to my collection along with Denny Green ("The Bears are who we THOUGHT they were"), Dan Hawkins "Go play intramurals, brutha"), Jim Mora ("playoffs?") and the grand daddy of them all Lee Elia ("rip them cocksuckers...!!!").

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2841584

240
Talk Zone / Re: Last night's offense-just enough to win
« on: April 17, 2007, 09:18:18 am »
Hey, I'm thrilled that we pulled that one out. We just might not be so lucky on another night. We've just got to do a better job of situational hitting.

Maybe we weren't lucky last night.  Maybe we were unlukcy in that our hits didn't occur when people were on base.


241
Talk Zone / Re: Marlins Preview
« on: April 16, 2007, 11:10:11 am »
this is the fedor fight most worth watching:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekdiwcsvY_0

the guy is indestructable.

can't see it from work.  which one is it?

242
Talk Zone / Marlins Preview
« on: April 16, 2007, 02:01:52 am »

243
Series Previews 2007 / Astros vs Marlins Series Preview
« on: April 16, 2007, 01:59:05 am »
Marlins at Astros – Smells Like Fish Edition

Minute Maid Park

Monday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW


Notable giveaways

Nothing but the Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.
Heckuva promotion though.  You plan your trip just right, you can get in and out for under $10.  I’ll be there with my oldest daughter.  Look for the little girl asking: “Can I have a hot dog, can I have a hot dog, canihaveahotdog, canihaveahotdog...” or the father going “no, you just ate, no you just ate, noyoujustate, noyoujustate...”.


Projected Matchups http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/probable_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Well, as of 10:17pm on Sunday Astros.com is showing Roy going on 3-days rest and pitching on Tuesday.  Can’t imagine it won’t be Sampson.  C’mon Footer!!!  Slap those dipshits into shape.

So if it is indeed Sampson, your starting pitchers for this 2 game series will be Wandy Rodriguez, Chris Sampson, Anibal “Dirty” Sanchez and Sergio Mitre.  You can actually smell the batting averages rising. 


Injury Report

Florida –  Hanley Ramirez tweaked a hammy and missed some games last week.  But he should be good to go for Monday/Tuesday.  Alejandro De Aza has a sore ankle and is day-to-day...[sportscaster voice] but then again, aren’t we all[/sportscaster voice].

Jeremy Hermida and Ricky Nolasco are also on the DL. 


Houston – The big news is of course Jason Jennings.  I don’t want to say the season is over if he is out for extended periods of time, but the season will be over if he is out for an extended period of time. 

What is Foggy Thinking About?

(1)  Shhhhh.  Be very quiet.  There it is.  Did you hear it?  That is the unmistakable sound of one of the local talk radio yahoos clicking on CC Hooks’ website checking out how Troy Patton is doing.  Yep, 2 starts, 12 IP, 1 ER, just 7 base runners, 7/3 K/BB ratio.  Expect nothing but “Bring up Troy Patton” blatherings if Wandy gets shelled like a crawfish (Note:  Old Town Spring’s Crawfish Festival is this weekend.  Come up and support my local economy).  Hell, Pallilo will be shouting this from the rooftops even if Wandy throws a perfect game.

(2)  The happiest person in attendance that Carlos Lee got $100M this off-season?  Miggy Cabrera.  Dude is going to break the bank in a few years.  For starters, the dude turns 24 on Wednesday (he’s about 5 days younger than Hunter Pence...cue SportsRadio meltdown #2).  An average year for him is something like 312/387/541 with 31HRs, 115 RBI and 103 Runs.  He’s done this with jack shit around him in the lineup, and playing in a damn tough hitters park. 

(3)  Top 10 Marlins in terms of ABs this year...all 28 or younger.  All starters are 26 or younger.  Only one pitcher in his 30’s, and he’s 32. 

(4)  Saw Blades of Glory this weekend.  Not worth the NINE FUCKING DOLLARS it cost to buy a ticket.  Seriously, $9 to see a movie?  For $9 a movie better kick ass and take names.  Would have seen Grindhouse but the wife was all “not just no, but HELL NO”.  Anyway, here’s a review by the all time greatest movie reviewer Neil Cumpston from Aintitcoolnew.com.  Some great lines, which may fave may be “Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate.”  Either that or “It’s a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer.”

Read the full review here...http://www.aintitcool.com/node/32030

(5)  OK Music lovers.  Tell me what I need to know about a group called Apples in Stereo.  I heard one of their tunes, “Open Eyes”, on Little Steven’s radio show a few weeks back. These guys worth checking out?  Haven’t really looked into their stuff on the internet, as I have a lingering feeling they are a shit band with one cool song.  Worth checking out? 

5 Cool You Tube Clips (For Limey)

(1)  Killer version of Wonderwall.  Just Noel and a guitar.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg-Q0oduvfA

(2)  The “white Reggie Bush”?  Check out this kid Sam McGuffie, a RB from Cy-Fair.  I’d turn down the volume because the songs they overlaid are worthless.  Kid has offers from Ohio State, Florida, Michigan, Oklahoma and others.  Forget about his skin color, kid looks to be a freak of an athlete.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4IJ17ODo_s

(3)  Should I Drink That website dude slams a Dogfish Head 120 IPA.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kGAcF6Awcs

(4)  Dumbasses make their own flamethrower or something.  Unfortunately, nobody was hurt.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF6vOrR4D1I

(5)  I’ve pretty much traded boxing in for UFC.  Especially in the heavyweight division.  Here’s a nice montage of clips from Fedor Emelianenko, the Pride Heavyweight champ.  There are better montages out there but 99% have shitty thrash metal music.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_OPJPdR7eU

Best Ever?

Roy Oswalt recorded his 100th career victory this past weekend.  So perhaps its a good time to start thinking about his rank in Astros history. 

Let’s start with the basics...

Wins—Roy is currently 8th on the All Time wins list, and should end up 3rd by the end of the season.  Niekro is the all time leader with 144, and Dierker is 2nd at 137.  Both have well over 100 more starts than Roy.

ERA—If you make the cutoff 1000 innings (thus removing the relievers and Clemens), Roy is #1 at 3.05.  Considering he didn’t get the pre-roid era hitters or the cavernous Astrodome, its even more impressive.

Strikeouts—currently 8th, and about 3 years from passing JR Richard into 2nd.  He’s about 800 K’s behind Ryan, so he should be #1 here as well by the end of his contract.

What about the post-season?  Well, he’s a career 4-0 in the post-season with a 3.66 ERA, and was named MLCS MVP in 2005.  Astros with more post-season wins?  None.  He and Clemens are tied at 4 wins each.

Awards?  Mike Scott (1986) and Roger Clemens (2004) are the club’s only Cy Young award winners.  Roy has fared well in the voting, however.  He has 5 top-5 finishes, more than any other Astro. 

League Leaders?  Led the league in Wins (2004), ERA (2006), Winning Percentage (2001), and Starts (2004 and 2005).  Other Top 5 finishes are too many to mention.

So, only 3 starts into his 7th year with the club, is he the greatest Astros pitcher ever?

He gets the longevity nod over Clemens.  Gets the “a starter is more important than a reliever” nod over Smith and Wagner.  Niekro has the benefit of 120 more starts, but on a pure “per start” basis it isn’t close when you factor in time and place.  Nolan Ryan is a cultural hero, and his won/loss record as an Astro is a bit deceiving.  He’ll make the final grouping.  Dierker had some good years, but never received a single vote for the Cy Young.  Mike Scott had about 5 good years, but that was all.  Though when he was good, he was great.  He’ll also make the final group.  Finally we get to JR Richard.

Richard’s first 5-years are nothing special and hinted nothing about what was to come.  His next 4 years were good, real good.  He twice broke 300 Ks and had 3 Top 10 finishes in the Cy Young voting.  Then you had his final season, 1980.  He was the best pitcher in the NL until he had his stroke.  Richard’s story is what could have been.  He’ll make the final grouping as well.

So its Oswalt, Ryan, Scott and JR Richard for the title.  None really have a longevity advantage over the others, as Richard didn’t pitch much his first 3 or 4 years.  Both Ryan and Scott pitched 9 years for Houston, and Roy is working on #7 right now.   

If you look at each player at their best, I think Richard’s 1980 season and Scott’s 1986 season are the standard bearers.  I still can’t believe Scott ever lost a game in 1986.

Oswalt certainly gets the nod for never throwing out a clunker of a season, like Scott’s 83/84/90 or Ryan’s 85/88.  As mentioned earlier, Richard’s first 5 season’s were nothing special at all.  Oswalt’s worst season was 2003, where he missed about 10 starts but still went 10-5 with an ERA under 3.00.
Post-season goes to Scott with his 1986 NLCS trumping Oswalt’s 2005 NLCS by the slightest of margins.

Oswalt—100 wins, 47 losses, .680 winning pct, 3.05 ERA.
Scott---110 wins, 81 losses, .576 winning pct, 3.30 ERA.
Ryan—106 wins, 94 losses, .530 winning pct, 3.13 ERA
Richard—107 wins, 71 losses, .601 winning pct, 3.15 ERA

Given the extreme difference from the Astrodome and MMPUS (and the era of the 70s/80s to the 2000s in terms of offense), I think Oswalt clearly trumps Ryan and Richard.  Making it Scott versus Oswalt.  While Scott’s overall numbers are worse than Oswalt’s, Scott’s best 5 seasons are as good as Oswalt’s best 5.  Scott has the Cy Young and had the better post-season performance (though Oswalt sure doesn’t need to be ashamed of his 4-0 record and NLCS MVP).

I’m probably leaning a bit to Scott right now, with full understanding that barring injury, Roy’s numbers will just be so far above and beyond Scott’s that the ownage of the 86 Mets will be long forgotten.  Oswalt will eventually be known as the best pitcher in Astros history.  Probably as soon as after the 2008 season.  But right now, I’ll go with Scott.

Final Thoughts

Trading Joe Morgan.
JR Richard’s stroke.
DIckie Thon getting beaned.
Losing Abreau in the Expansion Draft.
Losing Johan Santana in the Rule 5 draft.

You have a magic wand and can make one of these go away.  Which is it?

Do you want to add Morgan at his mid-1970s best when he was the best player in baseball?  Or do you want JR in 1980 when he was unhittable facing off the Phillies/Royals in the playoffs, and the Dodgers in 1981? Maybe even the Mets in 1986.  What would Thon have done over his career if healthy?  A core of Doran, Thon, Davis, Bass, Ryan. Scott, Knepper, Dave Smith?  How many more playoff appearances do we make?  How would Abreau’s left-handed bat and 400 OBP have contributed in the 1998-2005 seasons where the Astros were always in the mix (2000 never happened)?  Or what about a Oswalt/Santana/Clemens/Pettitte 1-2-3-4 punch in 2004-2006?

I want to hear, from YOU.  Whaddaya think?  Me, I go with JR Richard.  He’d be a HOFer and I think the Astros would have won the World Series in 1980 with him.  1981 would also be a possible title. 

244
If you haven't seen the computer animated version of Neil Peart playing YYZ, check it out at....

http://www.bobbysbrane.com/animation%20fun/animation-fun.html

245
Talk Zone / Re: Jim R's coaching career
« on: April 11, 2007, 03:16:32 pm »
Specifically, the guys who ran the 880 (or whatever the metric equivalent is).  I tried that event for awhile, and it nearly killed me.  I couldn't ever figure out whether it was a sprint all the way, or if one should pace oneself for awhile.  I usually ended up sprinting the whole way, and the last 200 yards always felt like my legs were operating according to some plan other than my own, and that my lungs were about to burst and come out through my nose, or ears, or both.

I was a track guy in high school.  There'd always be discussions about which is the harder event, the 400m or the 800m.   You pretty much had to sprint the 400 but you really couldn't sprint the 800, but you'd have to go about 80% the whole time. 

By the way, NOTHING sucks worse than track practice after a dissappointing meet.  Coaches are in a shitty mood and basically they make you run as fast as you can for as long as you can, occassionally dragging a tire behind you. 


246
Talk Zone / Re: Taveras' debut rocky
« on: April 03, 2007, 04:57:49 pm »
9Ks for Jimerson is called a 3 game series.

double header

247
Talk Zone / Re: I feel strangely good
« on: April 03, 2007, 04:55:10 pm »
excellent point. i'm just not much for booing anyone. i have booed calls at games, but i do not boo opponents no matter how big a rival they are.

i am a stickler for sportmanship, i guess. i would not allow my teams to talk smack to the other players or to yell at them in any way. my players could yell only for their teammates. that way of doing things was in the small minority of HS teams, i assure you.

I will 100% of the time boo a lack of effort.  I will also boo Tommy Lasorda 100% of the time cause he's an asshole.

248
Talk Zone / Re: I feel strangely good
« on: April 03, 2007, 11:17:23 am »
This is possible.  As for, why why send him?  Precious few scoring opportunities from anyone else.  Roy atleast gets the hit with a runner on.  I still say if Burke runs straight, slides feet first, he beats the tag.

The tv replays had a good shot of Biggio was guiding/waving him to the outside of the plate.  Burke followed Biggio's guide to the "T".


249
Talk Zone / Re: I feel strangely good
« on: April 02, 2007, 10:40:33 pm »
I thought he shouldn't have been sent.  He hesitated till it got by the shortstop, Duffy was running in the whole way, it was a pretty easy throw. 



Yeah, Burke had to hold up to see if Ann Wilson was going to make the catch.  Never should have been sent home.  1 out, runners on 1st and 3rd with the top of the order coming up.

NIce team loss today.  Hitters, bully, coaches.  Everyone had a hand in the L.

250
Talk Zone / Re: Haiku for the first off day of the 2007 season
« on: April 02, 2007, 10:11:36 am »
It's not the same since
The Wilson Sisters broke up
I miss the fat one

Cam Bonifay sucks
Cam Bonifay sucks big dicks
Cam Bonifay sucks

(works great when ridiculing the old Pirates GM or the poster formerly known as Cam Bonifay, who I know is reading this.  Hiya Cam!!!  Hope your vaginal warts cleared up you big pussy!!!)

251
Talk Zone / Re: Closet Pearl, Stroh’s and Olympia drinkers, be heard
« on: March 30, 2007, 03:02:17 pm »
As the great Dennis Hopper says in Blue Velvet, "Heiniken?  Fuck that shit.  Pabst.  Blue.  Ribbon."


252
Talk Zone / Re: Reluctantly crouched at the starting line
« on: March 30, 2007, 01:07:56 pm »

You can't get a gordita at Taco Bell anymore. I tried the other day and they didn't know what I was talking about. Then I saw a poster on the wall with lotsa food that said Fourthmeal. So I said, "give me one of them Fourthmeals". They were still confused, so I went to McDonalds, where they always understand me.

So good.  I may try that on the way home for dinner one night..."Gimme one of them Fourthmeals".

I'm still trying to figure out how many more ways Taco Bell can combine tortillas, "meat", beans, "cheese", lettuce, tomatos and sour cream into something new and exciting.  I picture the food scientists at Taco Bell acting like the NASA trouble-shooters in Apollo 13 trying to get the square CO2 filters into the round holes.  Dammit, lets try soft tortilla, cheese and meat, then grill it, then stuff it into a hard tortilla with some beans, covered in lettuce and tomatoes, and pressed into a trapezoid shape. 

253
Talk Zone / Re: Congratulations, ESPN
« on: March 30, 2007, 12:26:15 pm »
Wonder what Luke Scott has to do to get mentioned anywhere? 

I hope every newspaper editor, writer, beat guy all lose their jobs when America realizes newspapers are dinosaurs.  I hope every talking head on ESPN, ESPNews, ESPN the Magazine, ESPN.com, ESPN Deportes, ESPN Classic, PTI, Around the Horn, Cold Pizza and Stump the Schwaub gets a never ending burning sensation where they pee.  I hope everyone associated with Fox SPorts Southwest, foxsports.com, Fox Sports  and Fox Sports Net is sticken with a either a case of elephantitus of the testicles (especially Jeanie Zelasko) or the mother of all yeast infections (especially Bill Worrell and Ric Renner).

The meritocracy starts now.  You bring the goods, you get the props.  You fuck around and you are D-O-N-E.  Those worth a shit...the line starts over there behind Footer and DeShaises.

254
Talk Zone / Re: If you like feeling rage...
« on: March 21, 2007, 12:35:34 am »
Quote:

Oh honey why would anyone need to be good with facts?  





Not quite a home run, but at least a run-scoring double to the gap.  Verrah nice.

255
Archive / Navin R Johnson on Pence's hot start in Spring Training 2007
« on: March 14, 2007, 01:21:53 am »
"and now Pence DOUBLES down the line and drives in two more. This kid is a cross between Mickey Mantle and Jack Bauer. "

I'm a sucker for 24 references.  Later he adds

"Pence scores on a bloop double, it is now 11-3. Pence is now on the bench working on the cure for cancer."

256
Talk Zone / Re: Stupid little survey...
« on: March 13, 2007, 12:57:22 pm »
Quote:

Bring day at work...

Nice surprises, pick one(or more):
1) Ensberg of 2005 - 35+ hrs and 300+ avg.
2) Jennings was a steal - 20 wins, 3.2 era or less
3) Albers rules - 12+ wins, < 4.00 ERA
4) Sampson rules - 12+ wins, < 4.00 ERA
5) Moehler doesn't suck - 12+ wins, < 4.00 ERA
6) Nieve rules - 12+ wins, 4.00 ERA
7) Wandy can actually pitch - 12+ win, < 4.00 ERA
8) Scott does it for a whole season - 35+ hrs and 310+ avg
9) Burke excels with more playing time and doesn't blow as a CFer -  300+ avg, 375+ OBP, Astros aren't in the bottom 5 in doubles and triples given up
10) Biggio regains his youth - 300 avg, min 300 ab
11) Pence gets ROY
12) All will not happen

Big busts (pick one or more):
1) Ensberg of 2006 returns - < .270 avg, < 15 hrs
2) Jennings had a career year last year - 5.00+ ERA
3) Albers gets chance and fails - 50 minimum innings, 6.5+ ERA
4) Sampson gets chance and fails - 50 minimum innings, 6.5+ ERA
5) Moehler gets chance and fails - 50 minimum innings, 6.5+ ERA
6) Nieve gets chance and fails - 50 minimum innings, 6.5+ ERA
7) Wandy gets chance and fails - 50 minimum innings, 6.5+ ERA
8) Biggio deteriates greatly - < .240 avg, < 15 hrs
9) Luke's September was sign pitchers figured him out - < .270 avg, < 20 hrs
10) Burke can't handle CF - he isn't starting there in July
11) Pence gets called up but is sent back down due to lack of production(at any point of the season)
12) Nobody fails this badly





I think one of the 4/5 guys will have a good year (10+ wins and an ERA of under 4.50).

I think Ensberg has a nice year (if healthy).  

I think Scott does a reasonable facsimile of the 2006 Luke Scott--280/340/500.

I think the Jakes fucking suck!!!!

257
Talk Zone / Re: Words fail me
« on: March 12, 2007, 04:17:49 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

There was definitely nakedness in the version I saw. The camera didn't linger too long though, probably because they didn't want anyone to notice the scars from her boob reduction.

Of course I saw them anyway.




Boob reductions are an affront to God.  See Connelly, Jennifer,  before and  after.





he hee heh heh  

boobs


heh heh ha heh hee heh

258
Talk Zone / Re: Fuck it all....a declaration of war for 2008
« on: March 09, 2007, 12:41:32 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

I look forward to sporting a campaign bumper sticker:  "Foggy & Craig or go fuck yourself!"





I think we need stickers that say "Fuck you, I'm votin' for Foggy and Craig!"



No reason not to have both.  I thought mine sounded more Presidential...or, more accurately, Vice Presidential.





Why the fuck not.  I hereby announce my candidacy for President of Texas and the 48 lesser states (to quote Abe Simpson, I'll be in a cold cold grave before I recognize Mizzoura).

By the way, nothing like getting all fired up and forgetting what fucking year it is.

259
Talk Zone / Fuck it all....a declaration of war for 2008
« on: March 08, 2007, 01:33:53 am »
I sit in my living room, all the lights outs.  Kids and wife are in bed.  Only the light from the computer is visible.   I am sickened by much of what I see.  

We all have our own issues with the each other. Trust me, I feel it in my bones with each crazy-assed trade suggestion from Todd, Fuck off from the Coach, or Bagwell-to-third post from a Clark.  In summary, I don't give a rat's ass.

Excellence is the ONLY constant in the AstrosConnection/OWA Universe. When some CLARK thinks they can walk into our house and tell us what?s what, there are issues. DO NOT LET THE ENVIRONMENT THAT WE HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO CREATE, BE GIVEN AWAY WITHOUT A BLOOD LETTING. YOU BUILT OWA. YOU. Let that sink in. It was you. Don't ever give it up without a fight.

Waldo/Noe/HH may be the admins of the site--but YOU are the leaders of our message board. Each and every one of you, regardless of your opinion on the current state of current affairs is a leader on these boards. Take some FUCKIN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR DAMN POSTS! I am sick of the shit that I have seen.

This isn't about the team, the front office, or the media. This is about us. It doesn't matter if there are 6 posters or 6000, OWA has earned the respect of the baseball web community and when a bunch of limp dick cock gobblers don't show that respect--there better be hell to pay.

It's time YOU PIECES OF MONKEY SHIT. JdJO MAY NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT OWA IS, BUT EACH ONE OF YOU DOES.

There is a time to bitch and moan, and there is a time to whip some ass. You will know what time it is--I have faith that each of you knows what needs to be done. Bring your lunch pale and a pissed off disposition to OWA this 2008 baseball season and good things will happen, I will guarantee you that.

I love each of you like brothers.

260
Archive / Re: Pence is starting
« on: March 07, 2007, 01:21:48 pm »
Pence may be ready for the majors, but spending time in AAA isn't going to be damaging.  I think he clearly needs to be playing everyday, and he won't get that in the majors in 2007 unless:  (a)  Burke goes down, (b) RF is a train wreck, or (c) the team starts 0-21 and are playing for next year already in May.

Luke Scott played great last year in about half a season's worth of ABs.  Lets see what he can full time.  If he is even 80% of what he was last year, the Astros will be in great shape.

261
Talk Zone / lasorda likes watching girl-girl porn while....
« on: March 02, 2007, 12:07:18 pm »
getting his runner home from third base with less than 2 outs.

The Link

262
Archive / religion, cocaine and The Family
« on: March 01, 2007, 04:36:17 pm »
pravata on religion and the Astros...

"Relegion is central to what keeps these guys together. Like cocaine was for the 1979 Pirates. "

263
Archive / Re: JackAstros' In Game Snack 3-d Snack Spectrum
« on: February 28, 2007, 12:48:56 pm »
Quote:

Can't save the original defensive spectrum image, that is copyrighted by Baseball Prospectus.  I did save the In-Game Snack Spectrum though.




To me, its the last line that really brings it home.  "Feng shui doesn't have shit on Tron, son."

In fact, I'd argue that line, that line right there, perfectly sums up OWA.  If you don't find that funny, you are best off going somewhere else.

264
Talk Zone / Re: Major Bust May Expose More MLBers in Steroid Scandal
« on: February 27, 2007, 01:43:51 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

A bust in Florida has netted a bunch of doctors who were proscribing steroids and HGH to pro-athletes.  Gary Matthews Jr. is named specifically, but it is expected that many more players will be exposed.

No word yet as to how Gary Sheffield is going to spin this into him being victimised by the media/MLB/police etc.





They're drinking Pearl Light and having a circle jerk at the Arlington front office right now.





When aren't they drinking Pearl Light and having a circle jerk in Arlington?  They sure as hell aren't putting together winning baseball teams.

265
Talk Zone / ESPNews Headline on their Website (3rd from the top)
« on: February 22, 2007, 04:44:00 pm »
"Bye Bye Boston?  Schilling to file for free agency"

Un-fucking-believable.  

Is the sports world this dead where a player currently under contract for one more year decides to file for free agency in 8 months is the 3rd from the top headline?

266
Talk Zone / Re: "Shawn Estes Would Be a #1 On Any Other Team in the NL."
« on: February 19, 2007, 11:32:47 pm »
Quote:

Atlanta
Florida
NY Mets
Philadelphia
Milwaukee
Chicago Cubs
Arizona
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco
San Diego

You're not helping him.





Tim Hudson
Josh Johnson
El Duque
Jon Lieber
Chris Capuano
Mark Prior
Randy Johnson
Derek Lowe
Matt MOrris
Chris Young

At least half those guys ain't shit.

267
Talk Zone / Re: This sounds about right
« on: February 09, 2007, 03:55:16 pm »
If RF puts up a line something like 280/330/490 I don't think anyone would have a problem.

268
Talk Zone / Re: This sounds about right
« on: February 09, 2007, 12:42:26 pm »
Quote:

I don't think that it is unfair to say that a lot rests of Scott's bat.




I do.

269
Talk Zone / Re: A rare inning pitched, Astros Trivia
« on: February 08, 2007, 02:05:45 pm »
(1)  Wagner

(2)  Don Wilson

270
Talk Zone / Re: Caption contest
« on: January 30, 2007, 03:41:32 pm »
Quote:

Today, at Astros Elite Camp, The Link




"So Ventura starts charging at me from this angle.  Well, he's a candyassed pansy, I crap bigger than him.  So a grabber the fucker in a head lock...."

271
Talk Zone / Re: Quien es mas macho? Senor Woods o senor Federer?
« on: January 30, 2007, 01:04:13 pm »
The French Open has been dominated (in recent years) by "clay court specialists" who can't reach the quarterfinals of other majors.  Nadal is a bit different.  He could lay claim to being "The Greatest Clay Court Player...Ever".  He's won something like 60 straight on clay.  

bascially, Federer kicks everyone's ass except Nadal on clay.

272
Talk Zone / Re: Quien es mas macho? Senor Woods o senor Federer?
« on: January 29, 2007, 05:21:37 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Senor Federer.




Woods.  Federer has to beat, what, 6 guys one at a time?  Woods has to beat every frcikin' one of them, every time.





Well, not every time.  Tiger can have a subpar couple of days and still win a tourney.  Federer has 1 sub-par day and he's history.  

If Tiger Woods plays a round of golf against the #32 player in the world, and loses, its not really that big of a deal.  If Federer loses to #32, its headlines ("Federer loses to unranked player").

At the end, to me, Federer is just a little bit ahead of Tiger.  When he doesn't win, he places better than Tiger does.  Federer has made the semifinals in 7 straight majors.  I don't believe Tiger has ever finished in the top 4 in 7 straight majors.  He also has to "play" the opponent rather than just playing the "course".

273
Talk Zone / Quien es mas macho? Senor Woods o senor Federer?
« on: January 29, 2007, 01:40:51 pm »
Senor Federer.

274
Talk Zone / Re: One last item to fill the void? (non-BB)
« on: January 24, 2007, 06:29:56 pm »
More important question regarding the Horns...is Kevin Durant the best player in college basketball?

275
Talk Zone / Re: Astros trivia, all in an inning
« on: January 24, 2007, 02:27:36 pm »
K twice in an inning?  Mexi-mullett?

BB twice in an inning?  Lamb?

276
Talk Zone / Re: Astros trivia, all in an inning
« on: January 24, 2007, 02:20:29 pm »
Gotta be Niekro on the wild pitches thingie.  or maybe JR whe that slider was bitin'.

277
Talk Zone / Re: Why Lidge got$ what he got$
« on: January 23, 2007, 03:29:59 pm »
Quote:



At no point does Justice, even when cued twice, point out the most important aspects of arbitration, players are compared to similar players and that multiple years are taken into account, not just the most recent.  Footer lays this out neatly.  Justice is busy making himself the story.





The Chronicle guys are utterly worthless.  JOhn McLane the reporter is gone, replaced by internet/radio personality The General.

Piwheel does the same thing.  Lopez now also has a radio show so he is becoming a bigger clown as well.

Footer knows her shit.  She provides in-depth intelligent insight into the Astros.  You can take every cent the Chronicle puts into Astros coverage and move it into a money market account and you'll get a better return by simply linking to astros.com.  

Death to the Chronicle!!!

278
Quote:

Quote:

Perry is such a chode.




For those not in the know, "chode" means "fucker" in Hindi.

I'm impressed Foggy!





I have heard seveal definitions of chode.

I've heard it means essentially the same thing as "turd".

I've heard it means the same thing as "cock".

But my personal favorite is that it means the same thing as "a cock that is wider than it is long".  Don't know why but that cracks me up.

Anyway, Perry is a chode (feel free to use any of thise definitions).

Glad I know at least one word in HIndi.

279
Talk Zone / Re: Why Lidge got$ what he got$
« on: January 22, 2007, 06:11:51 pm »
OJOWA!!!!

280
Talk Zone / Re: Oh look, it's our old friend Dayne Perry doing lists aga
« on: January 22, 2007, 04:44:02 pm »
Perry pissed me off in one of his anti-JImy Williams columns back in early 2004, that I wrote to him.  He basically said Jimy was a dumbass cause he wasn't using his closer (Dotel) properly, instead he was giving more of the "high leverage" innings to his setup man, some shitbag named Lidge.  I asked how williams compared to the other NL and AL managers, and why exactly giving the ball to Lidge circa 2004 was a bad idea.

Shockingly he never replied.  Bascially, Dayn Perry is too smart by half.  He has grandiose ideas, presents them as facts, and never takes the next step to see if (a) his facts are true, and (b) what can be extrapolated from those facts.

281
Perry is such a chode.  I'm trying to figure out what moves the ROyals GM has done to warrant being #19 on his list, and the only thing that comes to mind is $55m for Gil Meche.

And this is priceless..."Dayn Perry is a frequent contributor to FOXSports.com and author of the new book, "Winners: How Good Baseball Teams Become Great Ones".

282
Talk Zone / Re: Ostrich of the Year Award
« on: January 18, 2007, 02:35:16 pm »
Quote:

Regarding the use of amphetamines and increasing penalties on the players, John Moores, majority owner of the San Diego Padres,

"If they're doing it, I don't know when they're getting it or how they're taking it," he said. "And I don't know if it affects their performance. I have absolutely no notion about that so I don't know if it's even a problem. I don't have enough information to know if it's dead-on right. I'd like to see some data."
The Link

Some data,... here's player A's production while on greenies for 60 days, here's his statistics while not hopped up, for 60 days.   They should get right on that.





Anyone know when his birthday is?  I'd like to send him a copy of Ball Four as a present.

283
Talk Zone / Re: Rosenthal to Ringolsby to Justice
« on: January 18, 2007, 01:22:07 pm »
Loretta at 3B means more of Biggio at 2B.  I want to see Biggio play about 100-110 games at 2B this season.  Loretta's roles on the team needs to be (in order):

(1)  part time 2B
(2)  RH pinch hitter
(3)  3B/1B/SS sub as needed (though in all cases he isn't the primary sub at those positions--Lamb is the main sub at 1B and 3B and Bruntlett at SS)


I'd love to see Ensberg adopt a bit of the Moises Alou, swing at the first pitch mentality.  Especially early in the season since I have to believe the "book" on him is that he want to try to work the count and is a bit passive in the early part of the at-bat.  He'll get a lot of first pitch fastballs, and he needs to start crushing them.

284
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge Signed
« on: January 17, 2007, 07:01:46 pm »
Lopez is fucking worthless.  He has nothing else to write in his "blog" so he goes back to the tried and true sportswriters' bag o' cliches and pens a "what's {insert owner's name} thinking giving {Player X} a raise" entry.

Hey Cum Gums, the reason why Lidge makes a boatload of money in 2007 is cause he was underpaid in every year up till now.

The Chronicle is fucking worthless.  I hope they go tits up and Houston becomes the first city without a major daily print newspaper.

Put all those shitbags out of a job.

285
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge Signed
« on: January 17, 2007, 01:45:26 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

not just him...most everyone but you.



I assume that "most everyone but me" includes you.  So tell me, what is it about Lidge's 2006 peformance that leads you to believe that the Astros will get "great" results from him in 2007?  Seriously.  Purpura has to give lip service; you don't.

I would argue that the only thing "unhealthy" here is Purpura's obsession with underachieving homegrown talent.




I'm curious as to why you think that a 1 yr / $5 million contract is an obsession.  

That contract is tantamount to the team saying "Hey bucko, this is your last chance. No more soup for you unti you get back to 2004/05 performance levels."  

Had he sucked less, they'd have announced a multi-year deal by now.  Truly, if Purpura was obsessed that would have been the route they would have gone anyway.




Why is it an obsession?  Because it represent about 5.5% of the team's payroll for this year.  And it represents about 2% of the total payroll that is committed to players in the form of all guaranteed contracts currently on the books.

2%.  That is an unhealthy obsession from the Count.

286
Talk Zone / Re: snow
« on: January 16, 2007, 06:13:39 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Yesterday I sent myself home from work ten minutes after I got there, but made sure to grab some "necessary" items from the Tigermart on the way home. Clerk looked at me crazy; guess he isn't used to seeing people buy an 18-pack at 8am on a Monday.



Ahhhh.  Monday mornings in College Station.




Nothing like getting kicked out of a bar/beer joint before noon on a Tuesday for being too drunk/obnoxious.

Getting sent from from Duddley's before noon was one of my proudest achievements in grad school.




Now, I've been really, really drunk at Duddley's and never  got the boot.  How the hell do you get kicked out of Dudley's?




I think the fact that we got there right as the place opened and just started pouring back the pitchers got everyone's attention.  And though you could never tell it by my posts here, I sometimes use "salty" language. I think it was probably a pre-emptive strike on the manager's part.  He could see where we were headed and he made a good decision to get us the fuck out.

287
Talk Zone / Re: snow
« on: January 16, 2007, 05:21:06 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Yesterday I sent myself home from work ten minutes after I got there, but made sure to grab some "necessary" items from the Tigermart on the way home. Clerk looked at me crazy; guess he isn't used to seeing people buy an 18-pack at 8am on a Monday.



Ahhhh.  Monday mornings in College Station.





Nothing like getting kicked out of a bar/beer joint before noon on a Tuesday for being too drunk/obnoxious.

Getting sent from from Duddley's before noon was one of my proudest achievements in grad school.

288
Archive / Keep this one handy for next year's Waldo Awards
« on: January 12, 2007, 03:03:45 pm »
Strosrays and Craig "double team" on Lily Munster...

"Lilly-Marilyn would've been a nice mother-daughter doubleheader, you know. Nice contrast in looks and style, too.

I liked both Ms. Munster and Ms. Adams, but favored the former a bit, using the teenage logic that, theoretically, Herman was probably more well-endowed, let's say, than Gomez.

Therefore, um, Lilly would be a better f- , would be more compatible with me.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Sloppy seconds after Herman Munster? That would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. "

289
Talk Zone / Re: A contract that makes $55M to Meche look rational:
« on: January 12, 2007, 02:03:57 pm »
He married a Spice Girl.  Seriously, isn't that all you really need to know about him?  Its the equivalent of someone marrying Britney Spears, or Paris Hilton.  

If your heart falls in locve with a SPice Girl, you might as well eat nothing but Big Macs for a year so you can get a new babboon heart or somthing mechanical to replace the one you have that is clearly malfunctioning.

290
Talk Zone / Re: Glossary Updates
« on: January 11, 2007, 01:17:01 pm »
That Cubs series was awesome, and the Bagwell squibbler versus SF remains one of my most vivid memories.

The best part of the Cubs/Barrett/Oswalt showdown was El Jefe's column a few days later.  Barrett was barking at ROy and ROy was just giving him a "what a fucking prick this guy is" look.  To quote:

"What an absolute candy ass. Jeez, do you think Roy might have gotten into this guy's head? I'd like to think that Oswalt's response to l'il missy was something like "Baby, please. Fifteen is my limit o?n schnitzengruben."

291
Talk Zone / Re: ESPN saying Yanks/DBacks have preliminary deal for Unit
« on: January 04, 2007, 06:21:44 pm »

292
Talk Zone / ESPN saying Yanks/DBacks have preliminary deal for Unit
« on: January 04, 2007, 06:20:51 pm »
Luis Vizcaino, some minor leaguer, and the yanks kick in $2M.

Oh yeah, and the DBacks extend Units contract by a year.

293
Talk Zone / Re: Loretta to sign with the Astros
« on: January 04, 2007, 12:08:09 pm »
I hope he's back on the roids.

Though I guess this makes Burke a full time CFer, no bouncing around between 2B and CF.

294
Talk Zone / Re: Reason #123 why Keith Law couldn't keep an MLB job
« on: January 03, 2007, 02:53:41 pm »
Quote:

From his  offseason summary:

Quote:

The Astros went all-out to sign Carlos Lee to a massive deal, one that should help their offense in the next two years before he turns into the Great Pumpkin. And they were so busy congratulating themselves that they forgot about Andy Pettitte, who went to the Yankees over a matter of just $2 million.




Apparently Mr. Law lacks the ability to differentiate between $2,000,000 and $18,000,000.






"They're going to need Lee's bat, because a rotation of Oswalt-Jennings-Williams-Laurel-Hardy isn't going to get them to the playoffs without a lot of help."

No shit, Sherlock.  Fuck, without a lot of help a rotation of Oswalt/Pettitte/Clemens didn't get to the playoffs.

Then again, a rotation of Carpenter/Suppan/Weaver/Marquis/Reyes just won the fucking World Series.

And I'm trying to figure out how backloading a contract is a bad thing, irrespective of when the GM's contract runs out.  Pay it now, or pay it later?  hhhhhmmmmmm, I'll pay it later.

Law took every internet baseball writer's dream--a job in the front office of a MLB team, and decided he'd rather go back to the 'net writing smart alecky comments.  What a pussy.

295
Talk Zone / Re: More Clemens Speculation
« on: January 02, 2007, 05:01:21 pm »
Randy Johnson's back is as fucked up as a redneck's homemade bar of soap.  He needs to find a better supplier of roids and HGH, and given the Jason Grimsley issue, I'm not sure Phoenix is a good place to go for either.

Fuck the Yankees.  I'd give my left nut to face the Yankees in the World Series, with injuries and a long NLCS forcing us to go with Sampson and Albers in games 1 and 2 versus Clemens and Pettitte, only for the kids to stick it right up their fucking asses!!!!

Team Racket can tongue my bag till it hangs ands sags.

296
Talk Zone / Re: the 5 hole
« on: January 02, 2007, 12:13:22 pm »
Quote:

Who knows what the Braves might want from the Astros.  But two things about Jones:  (1) he's a 10/5 player and would have to approve any trade; and (2) his agent is Scott Boras.  So while the idea of Jones in cf for the Astros sounds intriguing, I doubt it would ever happen.

What is interesting to me is the price that a closer like Lidge could bring from the Red Sox who are now looking at Julian Tavarez as their closer for the 2007 seasons.  Here is an article discussing the trade talks between the Nationals and the Red Sox for Cordero.

The Link

Now about Baldelli -- I don't think that the Astros (post-Jennings trade) can  afford to trade any pitching prospects to the Rays for Baldelli.  But trading Lidge to the Red Sox might bring back pitching prospects who could then be pacakged to TB for Baldelli.

Baldelli is way more interesting to me than Jones because he would be on the Astros for a long time and his contract is extremely reasonable.  Setting aside health concerns for the moment, Baldelli in cf would be a real coup.

The question is how much would the Astros' bullpen suffer if they trade Lidge.  Lidge wasn't particularly good last season but was a dominant closer before that.  Also, if the Astros trade Lidge, can Nieve and Ascencio (sp?) pick up the slack?  Will Wheeler be able to close on a full time basis?  Will Qualls be consistent?





You won't get Baldelli by trading Lidge.  You can get baldelli by trading Wheeler.

297
Talk Zone / Re: the 5 hole
« on: January 02, 2007, 11:16:17 am »
Quote:

Andruw Jones apparently is available.  So is Baldelli.

So there are options if the Astros learn that Burke cannot play centerfield on a regular basis.  Of course, obtaining either one of those players will be expensive from a prospects perspective.





Andruw JOnes is available only if he wants to be.  He's a 10-5 guy, and also in the last year of his contract.  Wonder if he'd make getting a contract extension part of waiving his no-trade clause.  Then again, with the crazy money spent this off-season, maybe he wants to test the free agent waters.


Regarding the lineup, I like dropping Biggio down to #7 (he's the perfect #7 hitter, low OBP good SLG).  He could do for the 2007 club what Vinny the Mullet did for the 2001 club.

Burke
Everett
Berkman
Lee
Ensberg/Lamb
Scott
Biggio
Ausmus
Pitcher

I'd like to see a better OBP guy at #2, but you play the hand you are dealt.  I also think if you put AE (or Ausmus) at #7 (menaing Biggio is at the top), you'll have a shit-pile of LOBsters.  a 3-4-5-6 of Berkman, Lee, Ensberg, Scott will our best OBP guys in a row.  We need someone at #7 to drive them in.  Thats Biggio.

298
Talk Zone / Re: "The Client"
« on: December 29, 2006, 04:06:49 pm »
The silliest part is Todd is advocating Loretta as a step up from Biggio.  Here's Loretta's numbers the last 4 years.  See if you can guess when they started steroid testing...


Year--AVG/OBP/SLG

2003--314/372/441
2004--335/391/495
2005--280/360/347
2006--285/345/361

Biggio's OBP is a lot less than Loretta's but his SLG is much higher.  I'm not sure there's a lot of difference in the final offensive output between the 2 players.  

If you want to make a case for Biggio splitting time with Burke at 2B, I'm all for that.  Especially given how Biggio's home/road splits look (I still say Biggio has tinkered with his swing for maximum MMPUS effect, which kills his road productivity).

But I'm not sure how Loretta instead of Biggio makes this a better team on the field.  I'd say to bump out one of the organizations top players of all time, on the verge of a MAJOR career milestone, fan favorite and every single other intangible out there for a guy who is just as good (maybe worse) is the dumbest thing ever.

I'm sure the other players would love that.  "Gee, we can spend an entire career with the Astros only for them to bench me (cut me) when I'm less than 100 hits away from 3000 to bring in a guy whose stats aren't any better than mine."

THATS the ticket.

299
Talk Zone / Re: Astros trade for Jennings
« on: December 14, 2006, 12:50:42 pm »
I always liked what Rawnsley had to say.  He was a very good guest on the sports talk shows.

300
Talk Zone / Re: Astros trade for Jennings
« on: December 13, 2006, 11:35:00 am »
Hirsch--looks like one of those guys who doesn't do any one thing great, but does everything good.  Not sure how that translates to the major league level.  I see his potential as that of an innings eater.

Buchholz--major league curve, had 2 or 3 great starts.  I guess the injury issue is out there if it is true the White Sox backed away from the Garland trade beacuse of it.  More upside than Hirsch, but health is a question mark.

Willie T--hits for a pretty good average, thanks to his incredible speed.  Doesn't walk much.  Seems overmatched at the plate on a consistant basis.  Above average on the bases, but I never really think of him as a heady base runner.  "Feets don't fail me now" seems to apply to him as well.  Great defense though.

All in all, I'll miss Willie's defense and the upside of Buchholz.  But thats it.

301
Talk Zone / Re: Footer's Mailbag
« on: December 12, 2006, 11:15:41 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Bugs Bunny




None better.





Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind.

Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?

I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'.

Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red, white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver. You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is.

302
Talk Zone / Re: Footer's Mailbag
« on: December 11, 2006, 06:32:10 pm »
Damn, that was a great reply.

I nominate Alyson Footer as the Official Journalist of OWA--OJOWA.

303
Talk Zone / Re: Jason Stark explains the Pettitte deal
« on: December 09, 2006, 11:33:52 pm »
I had thought I read that the Giants actually offered Lee more money than the Astros did.  If that is true, then Selig should be sucking MClane's dick for keeping salaries down.

Suck that dick, Bud.  Suck that dick.

304
Talk Zone / Re: Astros set to get pitcher Jon Garland from White Sox
« on: December 07, 2006, 06:19:29 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

When the stock closes up 6 cents like it did on 12/6/06, Drayton makes a paper profit of $1.08M.




THAT is fucking depressing.





Then this will make you feel better.  On 10/26, WMT was trading at $51.75.  It closed yesterday at $46.54.  So in the last 6 weeks Drayton has a paper loss of $93.78M.

305
Talk Zone / Re: Astros set to get pitcher Jon Garland from White Sox
« on: December 07, 2006, 06:09:22 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

What can you buy with $15 Mil that you cannot with $12?




The same thing that Drayton can buy with  $1.2 billion that he can't buy with $1.197 billion.





Drayton owns 18 million shares of Walmart.  When the stock closes up 6 cents like it did on 12/6/06, Drayton makes a paper profit of $1.08M.

I can't imagine that Drayton cares too much about a one time loss of $3M.

306
Talk Zone / Re: Andy Returns
« on: December 07, 2006, 12:15:12 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

$12mil in a no-income-tax state like Texas is roughly the same at $15mil in New York, right?  Plus, Andy would avoid needing an expensive apartment and all those costly trips back and forth, just in case he is reading this...




I did the numbers a while back, and IIRC, $12M in Texas would roughly equal $13M in NYC.





But $13M in NYC barely buys a slice of pizza while $12M in Texas gets you a nice ranch, just outside of Houston.

307
Talk Zone / Re: Mets are interested in . . . Wandy???
« on: December 07, 2006, 12:12:52 pm »
I would take anything for Wandy.  And by anything I mean ANYTHING, including the mole scraped off of Beltran's face.

308
Talk Zone / Re: Astros set to get pitcher Jon Garland from White Sox
« on: December 07, 2006, 11:52:38 am »
Quote:

Jim.  Unless I totally misjudge Drayton (which I have admittedly done before), I don't believe that the Astros would take on both Garland's and Pettitte's salaries.
 
If the Astros have made this trade, they must believe that Pettitte is going to take the Yankees' $15 million offer.

In light of the fact that Pettitte's family is here and that the Astros have been at least as competitive as the Yankees have been over the past few years, the only reason that I can see Pettitte going back to the Yankees is the additional money.  Therefore, Fuck Pettitte.





Watch Drayton step up and pay Andy $14M to stay in Houston.

309
Talk Zone / Re: Hahahahahah. Wait. Hahahahaha.
« on: December 07, 2006, 11:44:25 am »
Quote:

Quote:

The idea of Bonds and his .400 OBP hitting in front of Poo Holes is a bit worrisome though.



You think that the way it goes?  I'm not disagreeing, but I bet there'll be a monumental sulk-off between these two to decide which one "protects" the other in the line-up.

Also, Jake games would be 4 hours long on average, when taking into account all the posing going on at home plate.





I'd put Barry in front of Poo Holes, but I'm sure LaGenius will figure out the optimum solution is for Barry to bat 2nd, Poo Holes 4th and the pitcher 8th.

310
Talk Zone / Re: Astros set to get pitcher Jon Garland from White Sox
« on: December 07, 2006, 11:41:30 am »
Ensberg going to the Sox so they can trade Crede?

311
Talk Zone / Re: Hahahahahah. Wait. Hahahahaha.
« on: December 07, 2006, 11:18:30 am »
Hey, LaRussa turned a blind eye for years on Big Tweet's steroid abuse, I'm sure he'll have no trouble turning a blind eye on Bonds'.

Plus having that shit bag Bonds on the team will make Poo Holes look a little less dickish.

The idea of Bonds and his .400 OBP hitting in front of Poo Holes is a bit worrisome though.

312
Talk Zone / Re: Why?? No, REALLY. Why??
« on: December 06, 2006, 12:24:27 pm »
Quote:

Lugo gets $9m PER for 4 years???  Someone explain this to me.  Feel free to use any stats or facts you have.  

Total.  Lunacy.





Because MLB is making more money now than ever before.  A $100m payroll ain't what it used to be.

313
Talk Zone / Re: Purp's trade arsenal - we should be able to get a #2 w/o AP
« on: December 05, 2006, 06:27:58 pm »
Quote:

Qualls or Lidge
Ensberg
Lane
Tavares
Burke
Bucholtz
Hirsch/Albers
Patton
Pence
Scott (now I its borderline)





There's not much on that list that would interest me, if I had a #2 starter.  If I wanted to trade a #2 starter (say a Bronson Arroyo), I'd start by asking for Patton, Pence and Wheeler.

314
Talk Zone / Re: BP - low opinion of the Astros:
« on: December 05, 2006, 12:50:00 am »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

So either they don't like Ausmus personally, or they think his defensive ability doesn't make up for his offense.  I gave up my subscription, but I take it that only those 4 positions are mentioned?  Not Lane, not 3d?  They like Burke I guess but understand that Biggio is untouchable, they think Taveras and Everett are acceptable, so they land on Ausmus.  I guess I know the answer, but is it easy to find more offense at any of those 4 positions?  Do they say the problem's easily fixable?  What would Ausmus do if he was manager?




If you read back over several years of the annuals, they harp on Ausmus virtually every season, as if it's some great mystery that Ausmus isn't a very good hitter. My only point is that despite how bad Ausmus is at the plate, replacing him with Catcher X is not terribly probable to result in a great leap forward for the offense. Making sure the right pieces are in place at 1B, 3B, LF and RF is likely to be much more effective, in my opinion. Berkman, Huff, Scott and Lee wouldn't be a bad start, also in my opinion.




I do see your point, but do you think BP gets any of it right? It seems to me that it may not be Ausmus that ruins the lineup, but carrying four "OBP sinks" (rolleyes at their wording) may be too much for the corner positions to overcome. I'm not saying you have to get .900 OPS hitters up the middle, but at least get players that can get on base. Lane in CF, Burke eventually at 2B, Ensberg at third if Huff isn't signed, these are improvements IMO.




Carrying 4 OBP sinks does make it difficult to produce a good offensive club.  However, the goal of any major league team is not to be the best offensive club. Rather its to win ballgames.  To that extent, you have to look at each of the 4 OBP sinks to see what each player brings to the table.

(1)  Everett makes up for any and all offensive shortcomings with his glove.  I never did read that book that was published last year on defense but I think it was something like 75 singles that Michael Young (or maybe it was Jeter) allowed Everett would have turned into outs.  I'll take that tradeoff any day of the week.

(2)  Biggio.  Well, I think Biggio presents an interesting case study.  I think MMPUS and the short LF porch has ruined his swing in non-MMPUS ballparks.  His Home/Road splits the last 3 years are incredible:

Home--293/346/516
Road--232/297/382

I think a 65/35 platoon with Burke at 2B is sometihng we'll see this year from Garner.  I think Astros will get above league average production from 2B with such a platoon.

(3)  Taveras.  Of all players with at least 250 ABs in the NL--21 of them--Willie T was 14th in terms of OBP.  Sure, its in the bottom half but its not really dreadful.  His lack of extra base hits and the fact he's yet to really become a great base runner despite his speed are of bigger concerns to me than his OBP--333 last year.  And considering his age, his salary, and his defense, I'm not sure he is among the top reasons why the Astros aren't winning more games.

(4)  Ausmus.  He's a poor offensive player. He can't throw out runners like he used to.  That said, just about every pitcher on the staff swears by him.  Including the guy with all those Cy Youngs.  Just because we can't measure his effect on the pitching staff doesn't mean there is no effect.  Absince of evidence is not evidence of absence.  

Its easier to show what he doesn't bring to the table versus what he does bring to the table.  Sure, upgrading to a more offensiveminded catcher would result in greater runs scored.  But yet again, OBP isn't Ausmus big problem compared to other catchers...its his SLG.  Of the 18 C's with 250 or more ABs, Ausmus ranked 13th.  Again not great, but not worst in the NL either (he was worst in SLG).

315
Talk Zone / Re: BP - low opinion of the Astros:
« on: December 04, 2006, 04:17:17 pm »
Quote:

Spend all the money you want, Mr McLane. Until you reduce the number of OBP sinks in the lineup below the four spot, your team isn't going to score enough runs to win. Chris Burke could replace Craig Biggio if the Astros were so inclined, and Adam Everett and Willy Taveras play enough defense to justify their spots. Brad Ausmus is just a black hole, however. Brad Lidge has been available for a while, but why sell low? Even in the NL Central, there are too many flaws here to think one good trading week would change things.




The problem with this is the "your team isn't going to score enough runs to win". How many runs is that?  We scored 735, and have replaced Lane/Wilson with Lee, which is about 40 runs better.  That gets us to 775.  A full year of Luke Scott versus some leftover Lane/Wilson maybe is another 10 runs better.  There's 785.  If there's an improvement at 3B maybe we sniff 800 runs.  Is that enough?  

If we still allow 719 runs that get us to 90 wins.  785 runs gets us to 88 wins.  Is that enough?  What if Pettitte and Clemens come back, Williams is a run per game better than Wandy, and Lidge drops hie ERA by a full run?  Thats 32 fewer runs allowed, giving us a 800 runs scored and 687 runs allowed--93 wins.  Is that enough?

BP is worthless.

The other thing is for all their self-fellatio they like to do when they are right, they are eerily silent when things go wrong.  They've been pimping Jason Lane like crazy, yet when he tanks HARD they don't say a word.

 

316
Talk Zone / Re: Pujols feels he was snubbed for MVP
« on: November 30, 2006, 01:13:43 pm »
Pujols likes performing fellatio on hair-lipped midgets from Bangladesh...on THAT we can all agree.

Fuck the Jakes!!!!

317
Talk Zone / AAAHHHHHHH!!! My ears...my ears...
« on: November 29, 2006, 05:18:30 pm »
Rich Lord, on 610, just went on a 5 minute rant about how Purpura needs to dangle Ensberg/Lidge/Everett for Tejada.

Man, I wish I would have thought of that.

318
Talk Zone / Re: Me likey
« on: November 29, 2006, 03:33:07 am »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:


Nobody has ever failed to win a pennant because of an excellent defensive SS who still manages to hit 230+.





Ummm ... How would you back that claim up?  There are plenty of teams who failed to win a pennant and also had an excellent defensive SS who hit .230+ ... Just to choose one at random, how about the 2006 Astros?

Don;t get me wrong ... I want AE at SS as long as possible, regardless of his bat, but I do not see how your claim can even be tested, much less proven.




I think you're confusing "because" with "with."




Nope.

Claim was that no team has failed to win the pennant because of X.  To verify that claim you would either need to show that either (a) X was never true of a team that failed to win the pennant, or (b) when X was true of a team that failed to win the pennant, no alternative to X (all other things being equal) would have resulted in that team winning the pennant.

I do not believe this is a testable assertion.




Nah, its testable. But you'd need someone a lot smarter than you or I to do it.  

Basically, there is a tradeoff that is made.  How much offense are you willing to sacrifice for defense?  You wouldn't want Berkman at SS because he'd allow as many runs to score as he was driving in.  At the same time, you wouldn't want Adam Everett at 1B because he doesn't hit enough for the position.

So there is a point where no matter how good a player is offensively, the defensive liability is too great.  And vice versa.

Has there ever been a gold glove caliber SS who lost his job mid-season because he was only hitting .240?  

Mark Belanger in his prime often hit below .230, but he kept going out there cause he was a wizard with the glove.  Ozzie Smith was making All Star teams while hitting below .230 and was receiving votes for MVP when he hit .248.

319
Talk Zone / Re: Me likey
« on: November 28, 2006, 02:29:38 pm »
Quote:

This is too singular of an analysis.  What Everett provides in runs saved cannot be measured in it's entirety.  Say it's two outs and Everett fails to make a play at short to allow the inning to continue.  He is now on the hook for the single run he's allowed if the other team scores that player.  But if the inning continues and it's a monstrousity of an inning where the other team scores 10 runs does that mean Everett allowe ten runs on his own?  Well had he made the final out as a shortstop should, he can save the team those ten runs, however how in the world would anybody be able to tell he actually *saved* ten runs from scoring that inning instead of one?

You can't.

That is why you value outs for the sake of getting the other team back on the field and not for the runs scored theorum.  IMHO of course.  Also a big reason to keep away from valuing Defense because of the Offense provided and vice versa.  You can't measure defense in it's entirety... you must measure defense on it's own merit and leave it at that.





Nobody has ever failed to win a pennant because of an excellent defensive SS who still manages to hit 230+.

320
Talk Zone / Re: McGwire, Gwynn, Ripken Highlight HOF Ballot
« on: November 28, 2006, 12:04:12 pm »
Quote:

In Buster Olney's blog (pay-only, so no link), he states that he's fairly certain that McGwire, Sosa, Bonds and Palmeiro will never be voted into the HOF.




Sorry, but Bonds is a HOFer.  If you stop his career in 1997, he's a HOFer.  I'm not convinced he had been juicing since Day 1.  he gets in.

321
Talk Zone / Me likey
« on: November 26, 2006, 01:59:38 am »
CF  Taveras
3B  Ensberg (move him to 5th if/when he gets his power stroke back)
1B  Berkman
LF  Lee
RF  Scott (versus righties;  Lane/Burke/Pence versus lefties; drop to #6 if Ensberg moves to #5)
2B  Biggio (mainly at home, Burke on the road; these guys move to #2 if Ensberg goes to #5)
SS Everett
C  Ausmus

SP Oswalt
SP Pettitte
SP Williams
SP Buccholz
SP Hirsch (the better of Buchholz/Hirsch stays in the rotation if/when Roger comes back)

RP Lidge (trade bait)
RP Wheeler (future closer?)
RP Qualls
RP Nieve (longterm answer at Closer?)
RP Miller

I'd go to war with this team.

322
Talk Zone / Re: What the hell is in LA's water?
« on: November 22, 2006, 12:29:24 pm »
Quote:

First the Dodgers give Pierre 5/$45M, and now  the Angels are ready to offer Matthews 5/$55M???




Baseball has never been better off financially than right now.

Zito is going to break the fucking bank.  

Berkman and Oswalt are now signed about 25%-40% under market value.  

Carlos Lee will get $15M per season in his contract.  If it is between paying Lee $15M or a much lesser player $10M (Mathews/Pierre), give me Lee at $15M.

323
Quote:


Of course cabrera will break the bank as would Albert.   However unless baseball just has a ton of economic prosperity you can't afford to give out many contracts like these.   It will catch up to you one day, unless you are a big market club imho.  Right now it's not a stretch to give lee what you suggest, but give out too many contracts like that and you will be selling off talent left and right.





Who's to say baseball isn't in the middle of a ton of economic prosperity?  Despite a constant increase in ticket prices, baseball is setting record attendance.  The new tv deal with Fox/ESPN/TBS is an all time high.  There is labor peace.  If this isn't a time of econoic prosperity then there will never be a time of economic prosperity.

324
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

so, you would pay Lee $100 million? that's not merely stupid; that is fucking idiotic.




I disagree.

I think there is a chance we'll look back and say $100m over 6 or 7 years isn't that crazy.

Much like the Randy Johnson contract that Arizona paid out after the 1998 season.  At the time it was HOLY SHIT money, but over time it was a pretty reasonable.

Hell, the Oswalt deal now looks like the best deal ever signed.  Zito, who isn't as good as Roy, will make a killing this off season.




Only if all the top players start making in the 20's of millions of dollars do to great prosperity in MLB will such a contract be reasonable, and I just don't see that happening.




Well, you've got A-Rod, Jeter and Manny in the $20M's right now (I think).  Beltran hit $17M.  Soriano is at $17M.  I'm not sure how Lee at $14M- $15M is that much of a stretch.

What this tells me is Miggy Cabrera is going to break the fucking bank, and Poo Holes will be bitching pretty soon about re-doing his contract.

325
Quote:

so, you would pay Lee $100 million? that's not merely stupid; that is fucking idiotic.




I disagree.

I think there is a chance we'll look back and say $100m over 6 or 7 years isn't that crazy.

Much like the Randy Johnson contract that Arizona paid out after the 1998 season.  At the time it was HOLY SHIT money, but over time it was a pretty reasonable.

Hell, the Oswalt deal now looks like the best deal ever signed.  Zito, who isn't as good as Roy, will make a killing this off season.

326
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman finishes 3rd in MVP race
« on: November 20, 2006, 03:41:42 pm »
Surprised to see someone thought Beltran had a better season than Pujols.  

I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would think that.  The main edge (in my mind) that Howard had over Pujols was games played, and Beltran missed 20 games this season.

327
Talk Zone / Re: Soriano, A Cub. Fuck.
« on: November 20, 2006, 12:19:54 pm »
Quote:

I didn't think we'd get him.  I'm not sure I wanted him going to a division rival.  

EIGHT fucking years and a boatload of money.  

I can't see the Astros coming close to the offer he accepted.

ETA: "Boatload of money" = $17m PER, over 8 years.  Unless he ends up being Albert Pujols, this was an exceptionally stupid contract.  I'm glad it wasn't us.






Its not an exceptionally stupid contract unless the Tribune Company lets it be an exceptionally stupid contract.  The only thing keeping the Cubs from being the Red Sox/Yankees in terms of payroll is a lack of willingness from the Trib.

They draw drunks from all over the midWest to that shitty ballpark at 1060 W Addison, charge them $7 for fucking Old Style.  Scalp their own tickets to the fans.  Put the game on WGN, engage in crazy ass schemes of transfer pricing, and make a mint.

They day those cocksuckers realize they can still make a nice profit AND field a $160M payroll is a dark day for Astros fans.

328
Talk Zone / Re: The Void
« on: October 30, 2006, 03:58:33 pm »
Quote:

Quote:


Just think about it from a marketing standpoint: if you had to by a kid a Texans' jersey today, who's number would you opt for?






That's the problem, too many people think of it from a marketing standpoint rather than a football standpoint.  The Texans 2006 draft was a HUGE success, if for no other reason than they resisted the temptation to draft Young.





Typo.  it should read, "if for no other reason than they drafted DeMeco Ryans".

329
Talk Zone / Re: The Void
« on: October 30, 2006, 02:58:59 pm »
Vince Young didn't do much yesterday.  I mean, the tennessee offense put up 14 points.  Went 2 of 10 on 3rd downs.  Punted 8 times.  Generated just 10 first downs.

All this against a shitty Texans defense.  At home.

That said, VY didn't make the BIG mistake, and made BIG plays on both TDs.

Winning ugly is still winning.

330
Talk Zone / Re: ESPN
« on: October 27, 2006, 02:05:29 pm »
Quote:

"With David Eckstein leading the way, St. Louis is just a game away from rendering the baseball world speechless."

Why speechless? Because sportswriters and broadcasters are too stupid after 100+ years of World Series history to figure out that either team has a shot at winning a best-of-seven series?





I heard Keith Olberman say, before the series started, that if St Louis won it would be one of the 5 greatest upsets in WS history.  I thought that was odd as I'd imagine both Marlins championships, the Reds in 1990, the Dodgers in 1988, the Royals in 1985, the Mets in 1969 were all bigger upsets (my pre-1970 baseball knowledge is fairly limited in terms of upsets in the WS).

I mean, which team has the best player?  StL.  Which team has the best starter?  StL.  Which team is the one loaded with playoff/WS experience?  StL.

I looked at the betting line and St. Louis was a decided underdog, but even then the betting markets had them at about a 40% chance of winning the series. I'm trying to determine the last time I was so shocked at the outcome of a 7 game series in baseball as to be rendered mute.

331
Talk Zone / Re: RBIosity
« on: October 27, 2006, 01:58:02 pm »
Quote:

I also don't think it's foolishness for a team that has a choice to add 50 runs on offense or to subtract 50 runs on defense to choose the offensive improvement if the percentage impact is going to be greater than the defensive improvement.




This post, and the one above it, are excellent.

The pythag winning % is a ratio, so you have to look at %increase and % decrease, not overall increase/decrease.

What it shows should correspond with the Law of Diminishing Returns.  If you have a team that can hit like crazy, but has shitty pitching, adding another big stick isn't going to do much for you.  

If you've got 7 Ted Williams and an Adam Everett as your everyday players, and a staff of Wandy Rodriquez's, you're better off adding a Roger Clemens than an 8th Ted Williams.

And while this theoretical discussion is all well and good, baseball is a never as linear as some would like.  And there's rarely a case where there exists 2 equal options (in terms of salary, trade prospects, etc...) one for adding 50 runs, one for subtracting 50 runs, for a team to choose between.

There's really only getting better or getting worse.  And what you think you know today, you find out was 100% wrong tomorrow.

332
Talk Zone / Re: Coming Around
« on: October 27, 2006, 02:50:54 am »
I like innings eaters.

Give me Oswalt, a bully, and 4 innings eaters and I'll go to battle.

4.50 ERA, 200 IP.  Hopefully for around $5M/year or less.

333
Talk Zone / Re: RBIosity
« on: October 27, 2006, 02:38:42 am »
Quote:

Quote:


You want to maximize that ratio between runs scored and runs allowed.  Not the absolute difference between runs scored and runs allowed.





Preaching to the choir, man.

that's why you'd be willing to sacrifice offense for equivalent defense - it improves the ratio every time.





No it doesn't.

Say you score (on average) 3 runs a game.  You allow 5 runs a game.

Your pythagorean winning % is 26.4%.

You have 2 options:

(A)  score 1 more run per game while keeping runs allowed constant

or

(B) score the same number of runs but allow one less per game.

You are saying that option B is always better, and in this case it is not.  In this case the winning % is better if you add 1 run of offense rather than subtracting 1 run allowed.

OPtion A--score 4 runs a game and allow 5--win % of 39%
Option B--score 3 runs and allow 4 --win % of 36%

334
Talk Zone / Re: RBIosity
« on: October 26, 2006, 07:33:11 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Pitching and defense correlate more with WINS than offense.  Shocking.




Uhh, this is basic Sabremetrics, as can be seen from the so-called "Pythagorean" Theorem.

A team that scores an average of 2 runs per game, but allows only 1 run per game will have a winning percentage of .800.  The team that averages 6 runs per game, but allows 5 runs per game will have a winning percentage of .590.  

Any sabremetrician worth his salt would sacrifice "runs scored" for an equivalent decrease in "runs allowed".





In example #1 the team scores twice as many runs as it allows.  In example #2 the teams scores 20% more runs than it allows.  Given that, of course the prefernce is to have a 2 to 1 ratio.  

You want to maximize that ratio between runs scored and runs allowed.  Not the absolute difference between runs scored and runs allowed.

335
Talk Zone / Re: LOOKING?
« on: October 20, 2006, 11:09:53 am »
Quote:

taking the first pitch fastball was just as bad--middle in, belt high.

bullshit "no one would have gotten it." he HAS to foul that pitch off.





That first pitch was what would be killing me if I was a Mets fan.

He just walked the bases loaded.  He's going to be coming in with a fastball in the strike zone so he won't fall behind in the count.

And beltran was taking all the way.

336
Talk Zone / Re: Baseball, Beer and Mexican Food
« on: October 12, 2006, 11:03:26 am »
Quote:

Where is a good place to get all three in the Spring/North Houston area?




I grew up in Spring and moved back there about 5 years ago.

Bascially for Mexican food you've got the major chains in a close proximity:

Pappasitos on the east side of I-45 and Richey or in the Champions area on 1960 if you prefer.  

Lupe Tortilla's on the west side of I-45 and Richey (and one opening in the Woodlands, and one on 249 near Cypresswood)

Guadalajara in the Woodlands

Chuy's in the Woodlands

Cafe Adobe in the Woodlands

Los Cucos on 249 and Spring Cypress


Then you have the cheap Mexican food places that litter just about every strip center in Spring.  My favorite of those is a place next to the Kroger's at FM 2920 and Kuykendahl.  I forget the name but its probably the best "cheap Mexican" food place around, and they have a couple of nice wide screen TVs inside that usually has on the Astros (I'll assume they'll carry the playoffs).

337
Talk Zone / Re: I Lied. The Tote Board Lives.
« on: August 28, 2006, 03:11:31 pm »
Quote:

New Tote Board, August 27th

The voting has ended and it's obvious that no one reads a thing I write anyway (judging by the fact that 4 people voted), so I'm doing the Tote Board AND we have a surprise planned.

Enough fucking around.  Let's win the whole...fuckin'...thing.






Fuck you ya shitbag.  The problem has been you haven't been obnoxious enough.  

Do you wanna win?  Do you really wanna win? You see what I'm saying is, what are you prepared to do?

Alkie: Anything and everything in my power.

Foggy: And *then* what are you prepared to do? If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way because they're not gonna give up the fight until one of you is dead.

Alkie: How do you do it then?

Foggy: You wanna know how you do it? Here's how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the OWA way, and that's how you get the Wild Card! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?

Then say it with me (to the tune of that ol' Dr. Dre/Snoop Doog classic):

BBG ain't jack shit, but ho's and trick's
Lick on deez nuts and suck my dick
Gets the fuck out after ya done
As we get ready for a long playoff run

FUCK the stool slop eating muthafuckin Queen City faggots

FUCK the Maxi-PADS and thier overpriced real estate and cost of living

FUCK the Phillies and thier cheez wiz laced ass steak sammiches

FUCK the Gints and Frankenberry's abnormally swollen vagina

FUCK the fish and their fighting owner/managers

338
Talk Zone / Anyone interested in Vernon Wells?
« on: August 25, 2006, 12:59:22 pm »
Clearly it is not as easy as it looks, leaving the employ of a major-league ballclub to become a baseball columnist. Ask Keith Law.

In last night's blog posting on ESPN.com, Law, a former Jays special assistant to GM J.P. Ricciardi, officially became persona non grata with his former front office mates, stirring the pot surrounding the uncertain future of Vernon Wells in Toronto.

"Vernon Wells has told Blue Jays' management that he has no intention of signing a contract extension to stay in Toronto," Law wrote online. "He and his family would like to move closer to his home in Texas, and he has become increasingly disenchanted in Toronto as he has faced public criticism from general manager J.P. Ricciardi."


From Aaron Gleeman's blog.

339
Talk Zone / Fuck Shit Dammit Cock Balls...
« on: May 19, 2006, 07:39:17 pm »
I typed in the Series Preview in the forum not in word cause I've running late, and the damn thing didn't process and I lost it all.

Fuck.  Fuck Fuck Fuck


Shit Damn


I had 2 donkey show jokes, a Ranger fingerbanging a small rodent, made fun of Alkie AND I pissed all over the NBA.

I'll have to redo it tonight, sorry for the fuck up.

340
Series Previews 2006 / Rangers Preview
« on: May 19, 2006, 07:37:01 pm »
Nooo!  I just lost my entire preview.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

341
Talk Zone / Re: Game Promotions
« on: May 18, 2006, 03:27:31 pm »
I'll still argue that the coffee/McDonald's lawsuit wasn't frivilous.

342
Talk Zone / Re: Tipping Pitches
« on: May 17, 2006, 03:49:42 pm »
Quote:

if a team picks something up from a grip or delivery--and it is easier to do than you think--they tell NO ONE. the idea that the Mets learned it and spread it around the league is absurd. next, that "tip" is very blatant and easy to discern from tapes. Garner debunked that theory last week after reviewing tapes with his pitching coach. i'll bet everyone of you can also. in addition, when Lidge was Lights Out Lidge, the next pitch could have been announced on the scoreboard, and it would have made no difference. he was unhittable even if the hitters knew what was coming. finally and most important, tipping pitches does not make the fastball high and away or make the slider bounce. poor mechanics cause those bad pitches, and it has been his wildness, caused by lousy mechanics that are basic to every pitcher, that led to his demise.

pitchers fear two things worse than Death: the first and worst is pain in the arm that saps arm strength and velocity; the second is a mechanical flaw that robs them of their ability to throw strikes and leads them to Steve Blass Hell. most pitchers will do anything or espouse any theory that allows denial of the Two Great Fears. "stiffness," "tightness," "uncomfortable," "problems with the mound," "tipping pitches," "stealing signs"--all of this means "i'm in a bad stretch, but i'm ok. no, really i am." Lidge has now told you that his arm and mechanics are and have been fine, but that where he placed his hands in the stretch caused all his problems. pitcherspeak.





First off, this HAS to be Jim's longest post ever.  Need to save it for that reason alone.

Second of all, I like his damnation imagery   "fear worse than Death" and "Steve Blass Hell".  

Third, he's right.

I had a friend in high school I'd golf with.  Occasionally, he'd bring another buddy along.  The buddy would hit a few good shots in a row, then shank 2 or 3 in a row, then after the next non-shank would exclaim "now I know what I'm doing wrong".  Yet sure enough, a few shots later the shanks would continue.

Moral of the story, people don't want to admit a harsh truth.  This buddy of my friend was just an average bad golfer.  He just couldn't admit it to us (we were both pretty good in high school).  Something is affecting Lidge that he is doing everything he can to say "see here, this is the problem.  Now I know what to do.  I'll pitch 100% from the stretch.  I'll quit tipping pitches.  I'll wear garter belts with the rose in the front..."

343
Talk Zone / Re: Soft
« on: May 16, 2006, 06:10:40 pm »
Quote:

Quote:


Then again, the atmosphere at MMPUS is so shitty I can barely stand going to the games as is.





Huh?





Sorry.  Let me try that again.  The atmosphere at MMPUS sucks so much ass I'd just about rather listen to Milo do play by play to Never Say Never to Rocco Sifredi than attend a game.

344
Talk Zone / Re: Soft
« on: May 16, 2006, 05:29:19 pm »
Quote:

Having extra security doesn't bother me at all, it's them saying there going to throw people out when everyone was being very tame as far as what they were saying. For example: Some guy was saying, " Barry- What size hat you wear?, 10 1/2!!!" & He was threatened to be thrown out if he kept it up and I was like you have got to be kidding me. That is incredibly soft and mild. I can only imagine what he heard in Philly and what he will hear in other north east stadiums throughout the course of the year.





whats wrong with them being proactive?  I'd rather them err on that side that on the other.

Then again, the atmosphere at MMPUS is so shitty I can barely stand going to the games as is.

345
Talk Zone / Re: Soft
« on: May 16, 2006, 05:06:52 pm »
Not sure what you are saying.  Are you upset that there was extra security?  Are you upset that the security threatened to remove people who were being obscene/beligerent(sp?)?

346
Talk Zone / Re: Holy crap
« on: May 16, 2006, 11:33:11 am »
Good luck.  See if you can work the phrase "slop jar full of nuts" in somehow.  That would be awesome.

347
bukkake...she was just a hooker but she had the nicest face I ever came across....

348
Talk Zone / Re: Lidge on 790
« on: May 12, 2006, 06:49:17 pm »
needs to trust his stuff

349
Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Rockies ? Changes in Altitude
« on: May 05, 2006, 06:26:45 pm »
Quote:

"* One time I walked past the wrong window and saw this one guy fucking another guy. That was the gayest thing I'd ever seen, until I saw that bright red ball-tickler hanging off Scott Spezio's lip. "


I'm not sure what the most horrifying part about that stupid thing was.

Just the fact of it's existance, or the fact the rest of his hair was completely normal colored.






Reminds me of the old joke...

GRAPHIC TAKE (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)












So...I'm fucking this dude in the ass.  And suddenly...he reaches back and starts tickling my balls.  I was like...what the hell is this guy doing?  And then it hit me...oh, he must be gay.

350
Talk Zone / Re: Wandy To Miss Start With...Mouth Blisters?
« on: May 05, 2006, 12:44:47 pm »
Quote:

He needs to stick to high-fives and cut out the celebratory licking of Astacio's face.






...and I'm going to hell now.





Wow. Part of me thinks that is pretty damn funny, the other part is repulsed by the thought of that.

Excellent job.

351
Talk Zone / Re: Bass on Rocket
« on: May 05, 2006, 11:10:17 am »
Considering he pitched in the WBC, considering he knows his body and how to preapre for a season, considering he's a physical perfectionist, I wouldn't worry about Roger not being conditioned properly.

352
Talk Zone / Re: The penis is mightier than the sword
« on: May 03, 2006, 12:59:57 am »
Quote:

2B - Carlos "Aesops" Febles (work with me here).  Often described as the veteran presence on the oft struggling Kansas City Royals baseball club.  Known for imparting sage consul to other players during the stretching time prior to the game. "Slow and steady wins the race, fellas... slow and steady... means we're taking this division... yeah, I'm talkin here... slow and steady!"




solid

353
Talk Zone / Re: Footer/ Berkman anecdote
« on: May 02, 2006, 06:47:26 pm »
At least he's given up eating mashed potatoes out of a styrofoam cup sans utensils while playing DB.

354
Talk Zone / Re: The pen is is mightier than the sword
« on: May 02, 2006, 06:40:07 pm »
"Das Gas Kann"

Fucking b-e-a-utiful.

355
Talk Zone / Re: The pen is is mightier than the sword
« on: May 02, 2006, 04:52:02 pm »
Quote:

So Roger Samuel Clemens would work better than Mark Davis Twain.




Well, there's your RHP.

356
Talk Zone / Re: The penis is mightier than the sword
« on: May 02, 2006, 04:48:47 pm »
Ernest Banks Hemingway--SS.  Old man of the C(ubs).  Hard charging, wanting the most out of life ("let's play two"), who left SS for 1B after he bid farewell to his arm strength.  After hitting 500+ home runs yet never sniffing the playoffs, he hung up his cleats, knowing full well, for whom the bell tolled.

357
Talk Zone / Re: The pen is is mightier than the sword
« on: May 02, 2006, 04:39:37 pm »
Take a baseball player, say Mark Davis--SD closer who somehow won a Cy Young with a killer curve ball who then signed a big free agent deal with the Royals and proceeded to turn to shit over night.

Take an author with a simmilar name, say Mark Twain--wrote Huck Finn amongst others.

You get Mark Davis Twain.  

However, the tricky part is the player and the author have to have similar career paths.  In this case, Davis after a great start turned to shit.  Twain, on the other hand, kept on crnaking out solid efforts.  So it doesn't really work.

Tough to really match a player and a author with similar names and career path.

358
Talk Zone / Funny Pinwheel column today on the Texans...
« on: May 02, 2006, 11:27:34 am »
Apparently its not just the Astros who dislike Justice, Charlie Casserly also won't speak to him.  Weird, Justice wears a scarlet A (Asshole) and seems to believe it speaks more about them than about him.  He takes pride in not having access.

359
Archive / Pravata on the Reds fast start and the city's reaction
« on: May 01, 2006, 06:39:48 pm »
"To put it succiently, they're dancing around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots they're so excited about not being crappy. "

360
Talk Zone / Re: Brett and Dave not making any friends in Cincinnati
« on: May 01, 2006, 05:40:54 pm »
Quote:

And, by the way, the food does suck in Ohio.  Anyone telling you differently is full of shit.




1.  Go to Bucyrus.
2.  Buy some  Carle's bratwurst.
3.  Stand corrected.




Sorry, if Bucyrus is in Ohio then any foodstuffs sold therein must suck.  Its in the Ohio state constitution.

Food sucks, bartenders can't make a margarita, and the hometown play by play guy is losing his marbles.

Ohio is where you'd stick the hose if you wanted to give the US an enema.

361
Talk Zone / Re: Brett and Dave not making any friends in Cincinnati
« on: May 01, 2006, 04:25:53 pm »
Fuck the Reds.  Much like Lopez not getting the content issue, if Marty has a problem with Brett/Dave calling out a shitty local column, perhaps Marty should address the central issue--the shitty local column.  

These cock sucks are about to get pounded back to the second division where they belong.

And, by the way, the food does suck in Ohio.  Anyone telling you differently is full of shit.

362
Talk Zone / Re: Non BB: Texans sign Mario Williams...
« on: May 01, 2006, 02:24:13 pm »
Here are the game by game numbers for the past 2 years for Mario.

2004

Opponent--Sacks--Tackles for Losses

Richmond--0--0
Ohio State--0--0
Va Tech--0--1
Wake Forest--1--3
UNC--0--3
Maryland--1--2
Miami--1--0
Clemson--0--0
Ga Tech--0--1
FSU--0--5
E Carolina--3--1

2005

Va Tech--0--0
E Kentucky--0--0.5
UNC--1--3
Ga Tech--0--0
Clemson--0--0.5
Wake Forest--3--3.5
S Miss--3.5--5.5
FSU--0.5--0.5
BC--0--0
Mid Tenn--1--3
Maryland--4--5

Let's separate the 22 games into 4 categories: versus the damn good teams (2 Va tech, 2 FSU, 1 Miami, 1 Ohio State), versus the good/average (2 ga Tech, 2 Clemson, BC), versus the poor (2 MD, 2 UNC, 1 S Miss), versus the putrid (E Kentucky, 2 Wake, 1 Mid Tenn, 1 Richmond, 1 E Carolina).

(Category--# of Games--Sacks--Tackles for Loss)

Damn Good--6--1.5--5.5
Good/Avg--5--0--1.5
Poor--5--9.5--18.5
Putrid--6--8--11

In 11 games versus Good Teams, Mario Williams totaled 1.5 sacks and 7 tackles for losses.

There's your #1 overall pick.  Potential over production.

363
Talk Zone / Re: I and I suck. This just in.
« on: May 01, 2006, 12:06:53 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Hell, I'll take a mediocre lineup if it comes with top notch pitching.  That said, I don't think the Astros have a "mediocre" lineup.  

Why is a run scored worth more than a run prevented?





"Couldn't get to a slow roller up the middle"  doesn't fit in the box score.





Last year the Astros had 3 starters with ERA's under 3.00.  This year, they have 3 starters with ERA's under 3.00.  

Perhaps I'm mistaken, but pitching is still a pretty damn important part of the game.

364
Talk Zone / Re: I and I suck. This just in.
« on: May 01, 2006, 11:50:01 am »
Hell, I'll take a mediocre lineup if it comes with top notch pitching.  That said, I don't think the Astros have a "mediocre" lineup.  

Why is a run scored worth more than a run prevented?

365
Talk Zone / reds preview is up
« on: April 28, 2006, 04:10:14 am »
i'm off to bed then off to get snipped.  see you guys on MOnday.

366
Series Previews 2006 / Reds Preview
« on: April 28, 2006, 04:08:03 am »
Cincinnati Reds Series Preview


The Basics


What:        Astros/Reds 3-Game series

When:      Friday, April 28th at 6:10, FSSW
Saturday, April 29th at 12:15, FSSW
Sunday, April 30th at 12:15, FSSW

Where:      The Great American Shitstain.  Smokestacks, shitty chili and venereal disease.  What a worthless town.  Queen City my ass.  

I?ve told this story before but it bears repeating?I was in Dayton on business and it so happened that I could adjust my schedule to see Opening Day back in 1998.  Well, parking was non-existant and I didn?t feel like walking over the bridge from Kentucky so I blew off the game, found a BW3 near the University of Cincinnati and watched the game from the bar.  Or at least tried to.  I ordered some wings and a margarita and none of the 3 bar tenders there new how to make a fucking margarita.  They didn?t even have a recipe book they could use.  Fucking worthless town.

The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Roy Oswalt versus Brandon Claussen
Game 2   Andy Pettitte versus Aaron Harang
Game 3   Taylor Buchholz versus Elizardo Ramirez

Reds Update (key players and injuries)

Well, well well.  If you?ve been wondering what that fouls stench in the air is, it?s the team just a ball hair below the Astros in the standings.  Yep, somehow the Reds are 15-7, and could end the month of April in 1st place.  Da horror, da horror.

I can?t believe the Reds are actually any good, so I?ll have to assume their record is just a fluke.  One of those crazy things that happens every so often.  Like a lunar eclipse, the creation of the platypus, or a Robin Williams movie that actually is funny (anyone going to see RV?).

Let?s see what?s going on?

Middle infield clusterfuck?Felipe Lopez, Brandon Phillips, Rich Aurilia, Ryan Freel.  Good thing that Griffey pulled up lame so Freel can get some ABs as an Ofer.  Not quite sure why Cincy is stockpiling middle infielders, I just know that Lopez is about as good of a SS as there is in the NL right now.  Legit shot at 25/25 and unlike other SS?s whose bat far outweighs their glove (*cough*cough*DerekJeter), I?ve been impressed with the little I?ve seen of Lopez with the glove.  Brandon Phillips has either resurrected his career or has just had the luckiest week of his life.  Recall he was the hot shit Expos prospect that landed them Colon a few years back.  Was a colossal dissapointment in Cleveland.  Now back in the NL, he has been on fire.

Edwin Encarnacion?had a sensational spring (I think the led the grapefruit league in HRs and RBIs, but I could be wrong).  Got off to a slow start but has picked things up as of late.  There is a ton of good young 3B in the NL right now (I won?t list Ensberg because he isn?t ?young?)?Cabrera, Wright, Zimmerman and Encarnacion.  Leads the team in batting, right around .290 or so.

Adam Dunn?man, when he connects the balls go a long, long way.  But, as his 30 K?s would attest, he connects about as often with a baseball as a typical Chronicle writer does with logic.  Walk, strikeout, HR?theres 60% of his plate appearances.

Austin Kearns?healthy.  No really.  As of right now, he?s healthy.  And as should be no surprise, he is producing.  Kearns will always be a hero to many here at OWA for his heroics down the stretch in 2004 versus the Scrubs.  

Aaron Harang?280 BAA but a nice 26/7 K/BB ratio.  He owned the Astros in a game last year versus Clemens, but then again most pitchers owned the Astros last year when they were squaring off against Clemens.  Does have 1 CG SHO on his resume so far this year.  3-1 with a 4.55 ERA.

Brandon Claussen--.284 BAA and a 18/7 K/BB ratio.  5 Hrs allowed in only 20 innings, and got bombed last time out versus Milwaukee (9 runs in 3 innings).  0-3 lifetime versus Houston.

David Weathers?apparently he is their closer.  Seriously.  After he choked away a game last year versus Philly I thought there was no way he?d be back closing games.  Guess he?s back to trusting his stuff.

Junior Griffey?injured.  On DL.  Lather, rinse, repeat.


Astros Update

Another series, another series win.  Astros have yet to lose a series, on the way to a league best 15-6 record.  Sure as hell beats what we?ve been seeing the last couple of years.

Brad Lidge has been the topic of discussion, with the usual call-in idiots saying the Poo Holes HR has fucked up his head/confidence/attitude.  

Horseshit.  Pure, grade A horse shit.

I?ve yet to hear anyone explain why Lidge would be so torn up over serving up a HR to Poo Holes (gee, not like he doesn?t hit HRs very often) when the blown save in Game 5 was completely neutralized by Oswalt in Game 6.  I mean, if the Red Sox has won game 7, do you think anyone would give him shit still to this day?  Or if the Norwood?s wide right only meant going to OT where the Bills eventually win, would anyone remember his miss?  

You know what?s likely?  He?s either hurt, or not making proper adjustments to the hitters laying off that slider in the dirt, getting lazy with his mechanics, or simply in a bad stretch.

In other news, Burke is going to try to play SS while AE recovers, though I doubt we?ll see him in Saturday?s game?expect Bruntlett to man SS.  Berkman, Biggio, Taveras are hot.  Ensberg is ice cold.  And Milo still sucks.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Wondering what is the proper punishment for those 2 fucks in Spring.  Seriously, I am not sure if I?ve ever heard of anything worse.  You almost hope there is more to the story than just what has come out.  You want to believe 2 humans aren?t capable of doing that for the reasons that have been offered up. Regardless, I?d imagine that blood will eventually be flowing from their rectums like the Nile during one of the 7 plagues of Egypt.  


1 Topic for TZ Discussion

NFL Draft.  Here are my thoughts on a few of the big names.  Let me know what you think.

Reggie Bush?don?t believe the ?too small? or the ?not a 25 carry back? bullshit.  He?s 20 years old and is 6 foot 202 pounds.  That?s about 3 inches and 30 pounds more than Warrick Dunn, who averaged about 18 carries per game.  

Vince Young?his intangibles are over-rated by about 1000% but he?s still a monster on the field.  His biggest obstacle to overcome is his decision making.  He makes a lot of dumb plays (like most young QBs) and if he can limit those he?ll be a very good pro QB.

Jay Cutler?bust.  Big time bust.

Matt Leinert?somewhere between Scott Mitchell (in his good years) and Tom Brady.  He?ll be a good one.

Mario Williams?he?s not Julius Peppers, and anyone thinking he?ll be a Julius Peppers is kidding themselves.  

D-brickashaw Ferguson?easily the best name in the draft.  Looks more like a Chris Samuel than a Jonathan Ogden to me.

Vernon Davis?physical freak who won?t be productive in the NFL.  More of an athlete than a football player.

AJ Hawk?beast.  Lots of good steroids up there in C-Bus.  Wouldn?t mind seeing the Texans grab his buddy Bobby Carpenter.

Michael Huff?solid, not spectacular player.  If I could choose anyone from the 2005 UT defense it would be Franklin Okam or Drew Kelson.  Those guys, when they are juniors/seniors, are going to be awesome.

367
Talk Zone / If true, this is funny stuff (Milo related)
« on: April 26, 2006, 11:15:36 am »
On a TAMU forum where I go to find out how long until we shit can Franchione, there is a thread about the Astros.  A poster is claiming that during last night's game, while announcing the various groups in attendance, Milo says "And ROn Burgandy and the Action 5 News Team from San Diego is in attendance".   And that a day or so ago he said, "and Lamda Lamda Lamda from Addams College is in attendance..."

Anyone else hear this?  Someone goofing on the unsuspecting Milo?

368
Archive / Re: Limey on Lidge's effectiveness so far in 2006
« on: April 25, 2006, 03:56:05 pm »
and then strosrays later on...

"Basically, you swaggered out into the street at high noon, then promptly shot your nuts off drawing your pistol out of the holster.

Way to go, dumbass."

that is a classic thread.  The "furry avalanche" comment also deserves to be saved.

369
Archive / Limey on Lidge's effectiveness so far in 2006
« on: April 25, 2006, 12:57:52 pm »
"7 saves in 8 opportunities. I bet you couldn't wipe your arse eight times and not get shit on yourself more than once."

370
Talk Zone / Re: Strategy in the 9th last night....
« on: April 25, 2006, 12:18:00 pm »
Quote:

the strategy was correct, imo, but he is not going to get a K from Drew or Kent if he bounces the slider. he has to make it appear hittable, and he did not.

i questioned a bunch of locations, but the only pitch i questioned was the third straight FB to Nomar.





Failure to execute in that his "slider in the dirt" wasn't just a "slider in the dirt" but rather a "slider bouncing 4 feet in front of the plate"?  Overthrowing?

371
Talk Zone / Re: Strategy in the 9th last night....
« on: April 25, 2006, 12:13:37 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Heard Lidge say after the Lofton triple, he was going for a strikeout.  His goal was not to allow the Dodgers to put the ball in play to drive home Lofton on a flyball or groundout.  So he kept throwing slider after slider in the dirt hoping they would chase.  They didn't.

Seems he was willing to risk the big inning, to keep the run from scoring on a hit/grounder/flyout.  

As the home team, I think the strategy was wrong.  Allowing Lofton to score is not the end of the world.  You gotta protect the downside risk.

Or am i just being a pussy?

Thoughts (on the strategy not whether or not I am a pussy)?





JD said that the runner on 3rd messed him up, he was throwing away from contact.  Pitching scared if you want to take it that far.  I think the real problem is that Jeff Kent can spot a Brad Lidge slider when he takes the sign from Ausmus.





I want no part of challenging Kent with a fastball.  

I think Lidge's comments reflect what JD was saying (which is why JD is a great analyst...he nailed exactly what was going on).  He didn't want to throw a slider anywhere near the hitting zone, bouncing it up there on purpose (even to a greater degree than he normally does).  

I haven't checked around the 'net, but did anyone report what Garner said to the troops when he visited the mound?

372
Talk Zone / Strategy in the 9th last night....
« on: April 25, 2006, 11:06:50 am »
Heard Lidge say after the Lofton triple, he was going for a strikeout.  His goal was not to allow the Dodgers to put the ball in play to drive home Lofton on a flyball or groundout.  So he kept throwing slider after slider in the dirt hoping they would chase.  They didn't.

Seems he was willing to risk the big inning, to keep the run from scoring on a hit/grounder/flyout.  

As the home team, I think the strategy was wrong.  Allowing Lofton to score is not the end of the world.  You gotta protect the downside risk.

Or am i just being a pussy?

Thoughts (on the strategy not whether or not I am a pussy)?

373
Talk Zone / Re: How Can You Have This Thread Without Mentioning...
« on: April 24, 2006, 04:35:57 pm »
What's 6-7, 290 give you?

Thats uber-DE prospect Mario Williams from NC State.

374
Talk Zone / Re: Dodger Preview is up
« on: April 24, 2006, 04:15:17 pm »
Quote:

I give Seattle somewhat of a pass on that - you couldn't be sure if that season was abnormal, or finally fulfulling the promise everyone had talked about for so long.




Awww, he's a classic one year wonder.  He'll go crazy the last year if this contract as well.

375
Talk Zone / Re: Dodger Preview is up
« on: April 24, 2006, 02:02:08 pm »
whoops, missed a somewhere in there.

376
Talk Zone / Re: Dodger Preview is up
« on: April 24, 2006, 01:55:40 pm »
I don't think there are many "real tough" teams.  I think there are real tough starting pitchers.

I saw the 1-20 in throwing out baserunners stat.  I'd expect to see more running tonight versus DLowe and his GIDP sinker than versus Penny or Perez.

377
Talk Zone / Dodger Preview is up
« on: April 24, 2006, 01:02:30 pm »
fuck the dodgers!!!!

378
LA DODGERS SERIES PREVIEW


The Basics

What:        Astros/Dodgers 3-Game series

When:      Monday, April 24th at 7:05, KNWS-51
Tuesday, April 25th at 7:05, FSSW
Wednesday, April 26th at 7:05, FSSW

Where:      MMPUS, where I?ll be attending my first game of the year on Monday night.  My 4 year old daughter will be making her first trip of the year as well.  Over/under on how many innings we?ll stay before she starts getting cranky because she?s tired = 6.  We?ll have our normal ballpark dinner?a footlong dog cut in half, she gets ketchup while I get mustard, onions, relish and jalapenos.  A large Coke and we?ll get a frozen lemonade around the 3rd inning.  About $15 for all that.


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Andy Pettitte versus Derek Lowe
Game 2   Fernando Nieve versus Brad Penny
Game 3   Wandy Rodriguez versus Odalis Perez

Dodgers Update (key players and injuries)

Dodgers just got won their first series of the year, taking 2 of 3 from the D-Backs and come into play with a 9-10 record.  The Dodgers made a host of changes in the off season?both in the front office (new manager, new GM) and on the field (say hello to new Dodgers Rafael Furcal, Nose-mar Garciaparra, Kenny Lofton and Bill Mueller).  Injuries have kept the Dodgers from putting out what you would call their ?base? line up?Nose-mar has played in just one game, Bluebonnet got beaned and was groggy for awhile, and you never know when JD Drew?s vaginosis will kick in.  A brief run down:

Rafael Furcal, SS?his AVG (.225-ish) is slightly behind his BAL, so be careful driving around downtown these next few days.  Still has that cannon for an arm though.

Bill Mueller, 3B?here?s a shock?Mueller is hitting over .300.  This guy always seems to have great ABs.  Fouls off borderline pitches, goes the other way with the pitch on the outer half of the plate.  A rarity?a Dodger I don?t automatically hate on sheer principle.

Jeff Kent, 2B?probably still gets a nice round of applause.  Here?s one for you?rank the top 5 Astros HRs of all time.  Kent, Burke, Ausmus, Hatcher immediately come to mind.  Perhaps Berkman?s Grand Slam?  Glen Davis to dead center off Doc Gooden in Game 1 of 1986 NLCS.  Surely there?s gotta be room for one of Bagwell or Wynn?s HRs in there.  Anyway, feel free to discuss.

Nose-mar Garciaparra, 1B/DL?when all is said and done about the steroid era, lets not forget to add Mr. Hamm to the list of roid abusers.  

James Loney, 1B?I?m sure the local kid will have quite a few family members in attendance.  I seem to recall Nash, I think it was Nash, pretty high on him coming out of high school.  

Jose Cruz Jr, OF?another local kid, though slightly more well known.  Playing most everyday but to be honest the Dodgers OF is a crowded mess with Repko, Lofton, Cruz and Drew.  Lots of OK players there, with only Drew being a real plus, and that pussy is always hurt.

JD Drew, OF/DL?leads the Dodgers with 3 HRs.  Dodgers aren?t clicking yet, and Drew?s heath will be a major factor determining if it ever does start to click.  Breathtaking talent, giant ego, fragile.  Interesting mix.

Derek Lowe, SP?should combine with Pettitte for a ton of ground balls.  Not sure that a defense of Mueller-Furcal-Kent-Saenz/Garciaparra really benefits Lowe.  A decent enough starter.

Brad Penny, SP?having a fantastic year?25/2 K/BB ratio.  ERA under 2.00.  Maddux, Pedro, Carpenter, Oswalt, Penny?there?s your top 5 of the Cy Young voting about 6 months ahead of schedule.  

Odalis Perez, SP?slapped around hard his first outing of the year, but has pitched pretty well his last couple of times out.  A lot of visting team lefties get scared shitless from  the Crawford Boxes so lets see if Perez has the nads to pitch inside to righties.

Eric Gagne, RP?out for at least another month.  Danys Baez will assume the closer duties.


Astros Update

Where?s Cam Bonifay when you need him?  

After sweeping the Pirates, the Astros are an NL best 13-5.  True, we haven?t played the real tough teams uet, but who exactly qualifies as a ?real tough team??  Cards and Mets?  Braves, Cubs, Phillies?  Surely not the fucking Reds.  Regardless, the Astros are doing what good teams do?pound the little guys and hopefully go .500 versus the big dogs.  

The kids are alright?Buchholz (which my daughter has glossed  ?Belt? since she thinks his name is ?Buckles?), Wandy, Nieve have looked pretty damn good so far.  6 innings and 3 runs or less is what I hope for.  Anything beyond that, like say 8.2 of 1 hit ball, is gravy.

Biggio has been the proverbial depot stove.  3 hits or more in about 4 of his last 6 games.  Ensberg and Berkman are combining for a potent 3-4 combination which is about as good as it gets without having someone name Poo-holes involved.  

Interesting subplot as Preston Wilson continues to air condition MMPUS with all his swinging and missing.  How much time will he lose to Burke?  How many times will Penny ring him up?  I?ll set the line at 2.5.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
I?ll be out of action this weekend.  Don?t want to say too much but later this week I?ll be buying a jock strap, some tighty whiteys and 3 or 4 bags of frozen peas.  Anyone got any words of advice?  


1 Topic for TZ Discussion

Power Ratings.  Tired of Dayn Perry and his worthless power ratings?  Tired of ESPN?s worthless power ratings?  Tired of hearing that a 13-5 team needs to ?get back in the race??  Well, feast on this, baby!!!!

But first, some advice:

NOTICE
PERSONS attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.


1.   White Sox?defending WS Champs are co-owners of the best record in baseball.  How can you not have them #1?  In the same vein?
2.   Astros?how can you have the defending NL Champs, co-owners of the best record in baseball, anything less than #2?  
3.   Mets?What is up with Glavine thinking he?s worth a shit again?  Mets also haven?t played anyone worth a shit, but you don?t really hear that.  
4.   Cards?Poo Holes, Carpenter and a bunch of above average guys like Edmonds, Rolen, Mulder, Izzy.  Better regular season team than post-season team.  This team is built for 162 games, not a best of 7 series.
5.   Red Sux?Schilling looks 100% healthy, and you know these guys can hit, but after Schilling/Beckett there ain?t much there in the rotation.  
6.   Tigers?they ain?t shit, but you gotta give credit where credit is due.  12-7 is 12-7.  Especially with most of their games away from Detroit.
7.   Cubs?look for these turds to sink to the bottom of the toilet bowl soon.  Maddux won?t keep this up and without Lee for 2 months the offense will sputter.
8.   Yankees?what a mess.  You gotta love the Yankees, who can take about $15M, flush it down the toilet (or give it to Jaret Wright and Carl Pavano, same thing really), and not miss a beat.  These losers need a 3rd starter to slot behind Unit and Moose.
9.   Angels?defending AL West champs get the nod.
10.   Orioles?whats that putrid smell coming from the Inner Harbor?  Oh, wait, Anna Benson just walked by.  Nevermind.
11.   Indians?Travis Hafner is a beast.  If they get some pitching they could be dangerous.
12.   Giants?best team in a shitty NL West.
13.   Braves?last night, they had no Chipper, no Giles, no Renteria AND they still won.  I just can?t see these douchebags winning it again.
14.   A?s?great young pitching, but the offense is a struggle.  How in the world can these guys have a 1B hitting less than .050?
15.   Rangers?see A?s comment and reverse pitching and hitting.
16.   Phillies?lots of talent on this team (Abreu, Utley, Rollins, Myers, Howard, Rowand, Burrell) but they are struggling putting W?s on the board.  I still think they win 85 games.
17.   Blue Jays?gee, AJ Burnett is visiting Birmingham in the springtime.  Shocking!!!
18.   Dodgers?my preseason pick to win the West, they?ve been struggling so far this year.  Let?s hope in continues through May 11th.
19.   Reds?See the Rangers but with greater injury concerns (Griffey, Kearns) and a worse (if possible) bullpen.
20.   Rockies?look for the slide to start now that Helton ate some bad seafood and has to get a new stomach.  We should miss Helton when we are in Denver in early May.  He should be OK when they return to Houston the following week.
21.   Brewers?weren?t these assholes a trendy pick to win the wild card and/or division?  They ain?t shit other than Sheets.
22.   Twins?Johan Santana is killing several fantasy teams right now.  Mauer kid looks to be the real deal.
23.   Nationals?not a bad team.  Several good hitters (Soriano, Vidro, Johnson), a couple good starters (Livan, Patterson) and a nice closer (Cordero).  
24.   Padres?watch teams run on Piazza like crazy.  He needs to quit playing catcher?in more ways than one!!!  Bwahahahaha hahahahahaha.
25.   Mariners?biggest free agent bust, Adrian Beltre?  Discuss.
26.   D-Backs?Brandon Webb and a bunch of nobodies.
27.   Marlins?I like the Fish.  Got a good group of young players. Problem is by the time they are ready, Willis and Cabrera will make a combined $25M.
28.   D-Rays?sweet!!!  They aren?t last or 2nd to last.
29.   Pirates?Jason Bay is going to waste away in Shittsburgh.
30.   Royals?Could lose 110 games this year.

379
Talk Zone / Re: Oh, and...
« on: April 23, 2006, 11:40:27 pm »
I need filler for the Dodger preview.  OK if I take first crack at Power Rakings for this week?

380
Talk Zone / The annual Forbes listing of Franchise "values" are out
« on: April 21, 2006, 12:02:20 pm »
 Forbes say Unka Draytie has room for lots o' presents


Let's see how close he nails the Nationals value

381
Talk Zone / Re: Second Guessing (Brewers/Astros Finale BUT...
« on: April 20, 2006, 12:58:06 pm »
By walking the base loaded the debate becomes the AVG of Miller versus the OBP of the PH.

And of course, if there is a failure to execute you can throw the stats out the window.

Pettitte had a chance to put Miller away and didn't do it.  Shit happens.

382
Talk Zone / Re: hey, John Lopez!
« on: April 20, 2006, 12:37:23 pm »
Jim Boone
Spring, TX
[email protected]

now, kindly, fuck off.  Actually, forget the kindly part Lopez.  Just fuck off.

383
Talk Zone / Re: John Lopez has lost the remainder of his credibility
« on: April 19, 2006, 06:52:36 pm »
google "McLane telemundo Astros"

you'll get
 link

384
Talk Zone / Re: John Lopez has lost the remainder of his credibility
« on: April 19, 2006, 06:48:28 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Sure, as soon as he publically apologizes for his fucking in-bred comments about the Telemundo flap.




I briefly googled this, but came up with nothing. Can you enlighten me?





Years ago there was a flap where Drayton apparently told someone at Telemundo that the Astros will never draw well with the Spanish speaking community because baseball is too complicated and cerebral for the Spanish speaking community to follow.  Or something like that.

Drayton vehemntly denied that and (of course) no proof was ever corroborated.

385
Talk Zone / Re: Nitro Miller
« on: April 19, 2006, 06:13:13 pm »
Quote:

I'm trying to think of anything less useful, in the entire universe, than a lefty-specialist who not only cannot retire the lefty he is brought in to face, but gives up the longest fucking home run I have seen in some time to him.

Useless, useless, useless... wait!  I've got it!  The Astro's new lefty specialist -- my appendix.





Appendix Miller...so let it be written, so let it be done!!!

386
Talk Zone / Wow...Encarnacion with his 7th error of the season
« on: April 19, 2006, 04:29:54 pm »
I take it Encarnacion means "Sean Berry" in spanish?

387
Talk Zone / Re: But why are they "jumping"?
« on: April 19, 2006, 04:27:35 pm »
Quote:


Juiced ball?  Maybe.  But I would put everything on the table and say it's probably a little of everything.






Vince Van Patten:  Oooh, Noe is going all-in on "a little of everything".  What a bold move, here Mike.

Mike Sexton:  You gotta like this play, Vince.  Noe in Austin, going all-in, forcing Foggy to make a decision.  Let's check out his hole cards...

VVP:  Wow, look at that.  Foggy has "a little from Column A and a little from Column B".  We're looking at a split pot here if Foggy calls...

MS:  Let's see if Foggy has the co-jones to call Noe's all-in....

388
Talk Zone / Re: 2005/2006
« on: April 19, 2006, 11:31:50 am »
Quote:

Right.  In the mlb.com box scores, it's at the bottom of the batting summary.  Last night's game had 5 LOB for MIL and 8 LOB for HOU, while the totals from the player lines were 12 and 17, respectively.




C'mon guys!  Maybe you need a refresher course.  Its all ball bearings nowadays.

389
Talk Zone / Re: 2005/2006
« on: April 19, 2006, 11:11:05 am »
Quote:

kindofan absurdity, isn't it.  The hits and bb are easy.  The Link

lob I came up with off box scores, so I'll try again.  This time I came up with 222.  Here's the list

4/18  17
4/17  21
4/16  22
4/15  16
4/14  7
4/13  8
4/13  22
4/10  18
4/9  20
4/8  16
4/7  14
4/5  12
4/4  13
4/4  16

What am I missing?





The difference between Team LOB and individual LOB.  You are using individual LOB which double counts runners.

390
Talk Zone / Re: 2005/2006
« on: April 19, 2006, 10:50:08 am »
Ny guess is we've hit many more HRs this year, considering Berkman was out the first part of last year and Baggy's shoulder was ground beef.

391
Talk Zone / Re: John Lopez has lost the remainder of his credibility
« on: April 19, 2006, 10:46:28 am »
this is why Lopez is a tool.  Anonymous or out in public with a picture, a phone number  and an email addy doesn't change the content of the post.  Its the content that matters, not the publicity of the one making the comment.  

Typical shit for brains.

392
Talk Zone / Re: Having too much fun in Florida
« on: April 18, 2006, 06:41:03 pm »
means that Bowden is too damn old to be doing stupid shit like getting hammered and running stop signs at 2:30 in the morning.

393
Talk Zone / Re: John Lopez has lost the remainder of his credibility
« on: April 18, 2006, 06:25:05 pm »
I never had a problem with Ray.  I used to find the Astros Fun Factoid O' the Day interesting, but not any more.  Never posted on their forums because they wanted to run it like Ned Flanders' basement bar.  Everyone smiles, gets along, and sings Cumbaya while holding hands and swaying back and forth.

Fuck that shit.

394
Talk Zone / Re: sound off the bat
« on: April 17, 2006, 06:20:30 pm »
By the way, I love New Jake City as the gloss for New BUsch.

395
Talk Zone / Re: NL Central news
« on: April 12, 2006, 07:16:22 pm »
IN other reds news, their 3B, Edwrd Encarnacion, made 3 errors today pushing his total through 7 games to 5.

Nice.

396
Talk Zone / Re: Only in Boston (or maybe NY)
« on: April 12, 2006, 06:53:19 pm »
I also like Crisp, though 50% of his value is in saying his name.

397
Talk Zone / Re: So what happens if...
« on: April 12, 2006, 06:51:52 pm »
Quote:

I think these games are gonna be played - the rain is supposed to start breaking up tonight. It's dumping outside right now though.




Fuck'em.  Lets play right now.  Frankenbarry is afraid of getting a little damp, so he'll rest his gimpy roid infested knee on the bench, save for a PH appearence in the 8th where I hope we bring in Gallo to drill him in the face with a fast ball.

398
Talk Zone / Re: NL Central news
« on: April 12, 2006, 06:50:12 pm »
Quote:


I realized the other day that Sirius has a NASCAR channel, where one can presumably listen to a 500 mile race.

I'd love to be in the living room one day, ear pressed up against the radio and slamming down cold ones, and my wife walks in and says, "Honey, are you still planning on planting those begonias for me?"

"Shut up, baby.  I'm listenin' to the car race."

Also, XM has a PGA channel, where you can listen to golf.






solid.  just solid.

399
Talk Zone / Re: Astros Offseason Baffles Everyone
« on: April 12, 2006, 06:47:39 pm »
See, I think anyone who uses "cunts" in a post can't be all bad.

True, that particular little cunt was whining earlier, which I consider the #1 offense to the board.  Worse than trolling, in my opinion.  Far worse than posting a link to Barney Rubble giving Wilma Flintsone a hot carl, which actually would be appreciated by me at least.

Anyway, to summarize, "cunt" is good, whining is bad, and animated pop culture porn OWNZ YOUR SORRY ASS.

400
Talk Zone / Re: Neat Idea
« on: April 12, 2006, 04:37:34 pm »
Flush this turd down the shitter.

401
Step 1 - Log in--done

Step 2 - Post a stupid, unsupportable message--"As you all know, each year the stros never make any moves in the offseason.... Why do you guys think we never make any big moves in the offseason? "  done


Step 3 - Get hammered for it--done

Step 4 - Come back and say your original message didn't really say what it says, or doesn't say what it appears to everyone else but you it says--"all im simply saying is that the astros don't sign any big names very often. and if they do, they never stay around for very long. "--done

Step 5 - Get hammered for it--done

Step 6 - Come back and try to defend to original premise, the one you disowned in Step 4--"well you guys say i'm wrong..and u bring up roger, andy, kent..... well these 2 pitchers are great, but there old...not franchise players anymore. and kent, we failed to keep im around. the point of the thread was franchise players. "--done


Step 7 - Get hammered for it--done

Step 8 - Come back and say you are misunderstood, that you did not say what you said, or mean what you meant... but if you had, you would've been right, anyway. Give evidence to support this.  "i already pleeded my case about these three players "--done

Step 9 - Get hammered for it--done

Step 10 - Take the high road, and say 'I am done with this', in a lofty way  "LOL wow.

I'm out of this forum. All you guys have done is attack me from the very first post. If you thought I was wrong you guys could have approached it in a mature manor. But, I see that's not the case here. You guys enjoying talking to the same exact people all season long.

If you guys keep welcoming fans like this, you won't have many people stay around. Have fun talking to yourself. "--done


Step 11 - Get hammered for it--done

Step 12 - Come back in (presumably on a lower road) and say, 'Yes I was done with this, but...' and proceed to rehash arguments made in Steps 4, 6, and 8---Oooh, I can't wait for this step.  its usually my favorite

Step 13 - Get hammered for it

402
Talk Zone / Re: Astros Offseason Baffles Everyone
« on: April 12, 2006, 10:48:56 am »
There's nothing wrong in the newbie's initial question, and there was nothing wrong in the response.  

Dumb questions are welcomed.  Smart ass answers are encouraged.  Bitching about being called out is NEVER allowed.

We should hang a sign which reads "No Pussies--this means you".

403
Talk Zone / Re: Classic!
« on: April 11, 2006, 07:14:39 pm »
FUCKIN' AWESOME!!!

404
Talk Zone / Re: Page 2 article on Bonds (non-Astros)
« on: April 11, 2006, 06:58:03 pm »
Quote:

I liked the article, but I have a real problem with the media excusing themselves from not knowing about the steroid problem with baseball.  

I didn't even follow baseball that closely in 1998 and it was pretty obvious to me that Sosa and McGuire were on 'roids.  When they found the andro in Big Mac's locker, did it not cause a light to switch on?  How about Barry Bonds' head size changing?  






As I said earlier, the following items are facts and are indisputable:

(1)  Baseball players for years had been taking "greenies", amphetamines, looking for an edge.  Ball Four minces no words..."How fabulous are greenies", or after watching a player dive for a ball and come up a few inches short, "another 5 milligrams and he'd have caught it".

(2)  Ben Johnson was stripped of the gold medal in the 1998 Olympics for failing a drug test.  Nobody interested in sports seemed shocked that a track athlete would have been busted for 'roids.

(3)  Lyle Alzado, after being diagnosed with cancer, tells all about his history of steroid abuse, which started in the late 1960's.

So you have the following facts:  baseball players taking illegal substances they believe improve their performance, Olympic gold medalist and fastest man in the world taking steroids to improve performance, former All Pro football details a lengthy history of steroid abuse going back to the late 60's and early 70's.  Yet the Commissioner of Baseball wants me to believe he never thought there could be any problems in baseball.  

Bullshit.  Brady Anderson hit 50 bombs in 1996.  You tell me nobody thought he might be roiding up during that year?

405
Talk Zone / Giants preview is up
« on: April 11, 2006, 11:32:49 am »
don't read this, go read the preview.  Asshole.

406
Series Previews 2006 / Giants preview
« on: April 11, 2006, 11:32:03 am »
San Francisco Giants Series Preview


The Basics

What:  Astros/Giants 3-Game series

When:  Tuesday, April 11th at 9:15, FSSW
       Wednesday, April 12th at 9:15, FSSW
       Thursday, April 13th at 2:35, FSSW

Where:  Pac Bell Park.  Home of McCovey Cove, garlic fries and BalcoBrand Nachos, which tops a generous pile of tortilla chips with a mixture of queso, the Clear, the Cream, and concentrated testosterone.  Interesting enough, in addition to causing fewer gastrointestinal problems than Sheriff Blaylock?s, it also packs on 15 pounds of muscle.  Tastes better too.


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Taylor Buchholz versus Matt Morris
Game 2   Brandon Backe versus Matt Cain
Game 3   Roy Oswalt versus Jamey Wright

Giants Update (key players and injuries)

The Gints just stole one from the Braves, scoring 2 runs in the 9th to snake Bobby Cox, which is always a fun think to watch.  Overall, the Giants are 4-2 on the young season.

The lineup looks something like this:

CF Randy Winn (who really had a nice season after coming over from the Mariners last year)

SS Omar Vizquel (still producing at almost 40 years of age, wonder if he is still trying to fuck everything that moves?)

2B  Ray Durham (time to put this old gray mare out to pasture)

LF  Frankenbarry (look for him to take Thursday off?day game after a night game)

RF  Piss Hands Alou

1B  Lance Niekro

3B  Pedro Feliz (super utility guy finally getting a  chance to play everyday)

C  Mike Matheny (Ausmus wannabe)


Bonds, of course, is the big story.  I think he pretty much a shitbag, but he?s still one hell of a player.  He?s yet to hit a HR this season, let?s hope that?s still the case after the Astros leave the Bay Area.  Doubt he?ll get much to hit.   Keep Vizquel/Durham off base and he becomes much less imposing, especially since he can?t run the bases for shit.  I doubt he scores from 2B on a single, or from 1B on a double all year.  Station to station.  He?s already sat one game where the field was too wet for him to not have his leg muscles fall of the bone like a mesquite smoked spare rib.

We all know Matt Morris.  He should fare well in San Francisco, a place where fly balls go to die.  Mike Lamb owns him, so look for Lane to sit on Tuesday with Lamb getting the nod (not quite sure how Scraps will set it up?.Lamb at 1B, Berkman at LF, Wilson in RF?).

Matt Cain is the latest can?t miss Giants pitching prospect, following in the likes of Kurt Ainsworth, Jerome Williams and Jesse Floppert.  Given he?s a rookie right-hander that the Astros have never seen before, go ahead and pencil him in for 6 innings of 3 hit ball.

Jamey Wright is another guy the Astros are familiar with, from his days as a Milwaukee Brewer.  He?s bounced around a bit since then, going from #5 starter to #5 started on different teams.

Closer Armando Benitez is on the DL, so we get the 2-headed monster of Tyler Walker and Tim Worrell closing out games.  Hopefully we?ll have to deal with neither unless its in mop up duty.

Other players of note--Astros get a break not having to deal with  Jason Schmidt this go-round.  Ex-Astro Steve Finley is back in the NL, and will be the main sub for Bonds.  Edgardo Alfonzo and JT Snow are gone, Mark Sweeney is the main bat off the bench.  Also, SF is where good buddy Jose Viscaino ended up.  


Astros Update

5-2, which is about where they should be after 7 games versus the Fish and Nats.  Still can?t believe they lost Saturday?s game after staking Roy out to a 5-run lead.  Oh well, shit happens.

While the lack of hitting got the publicity versus the Fish, the bats actually were pretty strong against the Nats.  Berkman and Wilson each have 4 dongs (which would make them tons of money in the porn business), and Ensberg?s swinging the bat real well.  Jason Lane is scuffling so look for him to have a bit of rest as Lamb gets 3 or 4 chances to drop a hurtin? on MattyMo.  

Wouldn?t be surprised to see Biggio rest on Thursday--the old day game after a night game thingie.  

Big news is the first career start for Buchholz.  He looked real good in mop up duty versus Washington on Friday.  I was surprised to see how hard he was throwing 92-94 consistently with a maxed out 96.  His curve was impressive, in fact I think the ump gave up on one, figuring it was a ball when it dropped into the hitting zone.  

Bigger news is this marks the start of the post-Milo broadcasting on radio.  Imagine, taking a late night drive to the store, only to be able to find out the score and situation just seconds after purchasing the goodies.  Not having to bang your head on the steering wheel in disgust as Milo (and Ash) do everything but tell you score, outs, runner on.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Several things, mostly about college football and illegal immigration.

I?m wondering what has to happen for TAMU to shitcan that worthless fuck known as Coach Fran.  I?m saying anything less than being ranked in the Final Top 25 is unacceptable and should result in a kick out the door.  Its been a long time since TAMU was in the Final Top 25 (2000 I think), and this is Fran?s 4th year.  If you can?t get it done in 4 years, you ain?t gonna get it done.

Apparently the Aggie sites are calling him Little Debbie because he's put on a few pounds while watching TAMU go 16-19.  Dude needs a bro, or a manzier.  

On the immigration issue, I?m really intrigued by one of the local leaders calling for immediately securing the boarders, future State Senator Dan Patrick.  Yes, that Dan Patrick who was the Sports anchor on KHOU before Gifford, and who owned/operated KPRC radio back when they had a sports program (Ed Fowler, John O?Reilly, Fran Blinebury).  I guess after KPRC got rid of their sports programming Dan got heavily involved in local conservative politics and is now just months away from being a state senator.  What fascinates me is, after listening to his sports opinions, I knew he was often full of shit.  I mean, he would come to conclusions based on faulty premises, he didn?t support his arguments with sound logic.  So if he was full of shit on sports issues, he?s probably full of shit on political issues as well.  

1 Topic for TZ Discussion

Nicknames.  Time to get the ball rolling on the 2006 version of nicknames for the 25-man roster.  Let me start off by saying that 99% of these will suck, as well as 99% of yours will suck.  You don?t really come up with a good nickname deliberately, rather they just happen.  They evolve in crazy ways, and are rarely the result of someone sitting in his comfy chair at 11:59 thinking of shit just before bedtime.  So, with full awareness that these will suck, here are some names for your consideration:

SP:  Oswalt?Dozer or Caterpillar
SP:  Pettitte?Luca Brasi (still think AP looks like a mafia hit man)
SP:  Backe?Bunting (much like the red/white/blue drapings over the field box railing, Backe the Dominant Starter only makes appearances in the playoffs)
SP:  Rodriguez?Jigsaw (much like a jigsaw puzzle, he?s just something to do until something better comes along, like Patton or Hirsch)
SP:  Buchholz?Chico (Magnificent Seven, naturally)
RP:  Lidge?Ray Ray (after TAMU corner back Ray Ray Jones who gave up bomb after bomb after bomb after bomb?. )
RP:  Wheeler?Dillinger (getting him from the Mets for a six pack of Pabst is the steal of the century)
RP:  Qualls?Queefe (still funny to me)
RP:  Gallo?Wop (played for Team Italy in the Baseball World Cup thingie)
RP:  Springer?Jerry (obvious)
RP:  Nieve?Citgo (he? Venezuelan, no?)
RP:  Miller?Douche (because he is disposable)
C:  Ausmus?TRO (temporary restraining order, to keep certain internet posters a certain distance away)
1B:  Berkman?Matthias (after Judas betrayed Jesus and eventually killed himself, a new disciple was needed to take his place.  Matthias was chosen.  With bagwell gone, a new ?face of the organization? is needed, as well as a new 1B.  Its Berkman.)
2B:  Biggio?Mr. 3000 (no way he?s going to retire before 3000, no way he goes anywhere else to get it)
SS:  Everett?Glovezilla (pretty self explanatory plus it contains a slight fuck you to barzilla)
3B:  Ensberg?Marshall Willan?holly (for looking Land of the Lost in the WS last year)
OF:  Wilson?Token or Quota
OF:  Tavares?Slappy
OF:  Lane?Dio (the ?last in line? in case Game 4 went 20+ innings)
BN:  Palmeiro?No, not me, it was the other Palmeiro, I?ve never shot roids, I have like 3 career HRs, its not me? (kinda long)
BN:  Bruntlett?Sprunt (a feminine hygiene spray)
BN:  Lamb?Pickin? Machine
BN:  Munson?Herman
BN:  Burke?Job (have to have his patience waiting for Biggio to vacate 2B)

407
Talk Zone / Re: Someone listening to the game.....
« on: April 10, 2006, 07:33:04 pm »
Quote:

I never heard "in the hold" until today.  That does not make "in the hole" correct, but I never heard or picked up on the "d" at the end.  Of course, it wasn't until the other day that I heard of a "rusty trombone" or knew such an act had a name.




well, then you are much better off for frequenting here.

I'd always heard/said "in the hole".  I think for now on I'll use "in the holed"

408
Talk Zone / Re: Official "Bruntlett Needs a Nickname" Thread
« on: April 10, 2006, 06:53:20 pm »
Great idea, 99% of the ideas will suck but that 1% is golden.  

I like the Black Knight.

409
Talk Zone / Re: I guess anything can happen
« on: April 10, 2006, 05:42:41 pm »
Quote:

So, do you (Bud) allow Barry to top the true stars (Ruth, Aaron, already Mays, Robinson)?  I think not.  That would tarnish the game even further, if that is possible.




Bud has already allowed Barry to top the true stars.  Too little, too late.

Listen, Bonds pre 1999 steroid monster was an inner circle HOFer.  Its not like the guys was marginal then became Babe Ruth.


Every player has the down side.  Ruth did it versus all white players.  Williams lost a hunk of his carrer due to the war.  Aaron was...well, Aarom was a Brave.  Bonds has tarnished his legacy.  People will forget how great he was earlier in his career and will lump everything on the steroids.

410
Talk Zone / Re: I guess anything can happen
« on: April 10, 2006, 03:57:49 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

If Bud Selig suspends Barry Bonds in 2006 for things he did preior to 2005, I'm going to kick that mother fucker right in the sphincter.  Repeatedly.




Why should Bonds not be punished for breaking the rules?

The media have done an unbelievably poor job of pointing out that steroids were banned starting in 1991.





Why not?  Because it is horseshit.  You got a urine sample that will satisfy the union and the eventual arbitrator who will oversee this case?  You got a video of him and Sheffield shooting each other in the ass, with something other than just their peckers?

MLB had/(has) a horrible steroid problem, and that cocksuck with a bad hairpiece is looking to push the blame somewhere, anywhere other than on him or the other owners.  "We didn't know, we never knew players were injecting steroids."  He claims this bullshit for 10 FUCKING years after Ben JOhnson.  For 6 FUCKING years after Lyle Alazado, dying of cancer, tells a little known publication called Sports Illustrated that he believes 100% that steroid abuse led to his cancer.  Gee, track athletes do it (to get faster), football players do it (to get stronger), yet it never dawns on Pud that his players may e doing it.  Even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, knew ballplayers were popping greenies like they were Pez.

Fuck this bullshit.

411
Talk Zone / Re: I guess anything can happen
« on: April 10, 2006, 03:00:05 pm »
If Bud Selig suspends Barry Bonds in 2006 for things he did preior to 2005, I'm going to kick that mother fucker right in the sphincter.  Repeatedly.

412
Talk Zone / Re: Barzilla makes it so easy...
« on: April 10, 2006, 02:20:29 pm »
The TZ is not about scout versus stats, regulars versus visitors, popes versus the clarks.

Its not even those who give supporting eveidence versus those who just fling shit around, hoping for something that sticks.

Its not about "WFW", or VORP, or "Whitey Gammons says...", or even "FUCK THE JAKES".

Its about nothing.  This whole place is nothing.  It is unimportant, time-wasting, self fellating, goofiness that people take way to fucking seriously.  Dammit, baseball is not a mythic confrontation between good and evil, where the sublime beauty of a 4-6-3 double play brings together the generations and fathers and sons can have a catch and make right all the past problems.  Fuck all that noise.  Baseball is a pretty fucking sweet diversion, an awesome way to kill a summer's evening.

TZ is a gathering place for a bunch of goofballs, fucking around, looking for a laugh, a different point of view, or perhaps just a reason to ignore the boss/wife/husband for 30 minutes.

413
Talk Zone / Re: Handley Ramirez
« on: April 07, 2006, 12:11:58 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

WARNING>>>>>EXPLICIT GRAPHIC TAKE

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK





This is normally assumed for your posts... but now I think we're getting into the "R" vs. "Hard R" area.





Hence the warning.  I was saving that for a Series Preview but since Craig brought up the Rusty Trombone, I figured I'd throw it in here.

414
Talk Zone / Re: Barzilla makes it so easy...
« on: April 07, 2006, 11:48:00 am »
Quote:


This is precisely why I think the BP guys are out of touch.  I don't even find them particularly clever or funny as much as mean-spirited.  I'm not going to put down the metrics they use.  I think their research dredges up interesting things that probably do have some practical use.  But the idea that everything works just so in the universe they've constructed in their minds and computers, I just don't buy it.





This is the first time in forever I didn't buy their book.  They've lost the ability to make me laugh, the actual "writing" is shitty and uneven, the analysis is hardly much more beneficial than simple AVG/OBP/SLG adjusted for age, league, and home park.  ANd worst of all they seem to feel they are the sole protectors of knowledge and information, yet they're projections/predictions are often times as shitty as everyone elses, even Cam Bonifays.  

I think it was around 2002 when they wrote that Doug Mirabelli (I think it was him) would be an MVP candidate in the next few years.  Or that the Pettitte signing was horrible because we over-paid.  Or that Toby Hall was going to be the All Star catcher for years in the AL.  Or that Jimy WIlliams was using his bullpen incorrectly actually having Lidge in more pressure situations that Dotel in early 2004.  Or that the 2005 Reds would finish ahead of the Astros.  Or that...

415
Talk Zone / Re: Handley Ramirez
« on: April 07, 2006, 11:38:41 am »
WARNING>>>>>EXPLICIT GRAPHIC TAKE

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK


Handley Ramirez?  Dirty Sanchez?  Rusty Trombone?

OK, if thats how you want to play.....Allow me to post alternative names for "The Shocker" (basically the UH hand sign that the kids nowadays are turning into...well, I guess "two in the pink and one in the stink kind of sums it up").





"Checking her fever, with two in the beaver"
"Crimson: 2, Brown: 1."
"Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco."
"Dos en el rosado, y uno en el morado."
"Dos en la crica, con uno en la pica."
"Dos en la hamaca, con uno en la caca."
"Going to town, with one in the brown."
"Phaser Finger"
"The Barracuda (Aus)"
"The Muckfish."
"Two at Yale, one at Brown."
"Two in her rut, one in her butt."
"Two in the 'ooh la la', one in the caca."
"Two in the baby maker, one in the patty caker."
"Two in the beav, with an ace up the sleeve."
"Two in the beaver, one in the cleaver."
"Two in the beaver, one where food leaves her."
"Two in the bird, one in the turd."
"Two in the blood, one in the mud."
"Two in the boat, one in the moat."
"Two in the bow, one in the stern."
"Two in the buckle, one in the knuckle."
"Two in the Bush, one in the Cheney."
"Two in the bush, one in the tush."
"Two in the byway, one in the hershey highway."
"Two in the cake, one in the pudding."
"Two in the camel toe, one in the anal hole."
"Two in the cat, one in the shat."
"Two in the cheese, one in the whiz."
"Two in the chink, one in the sphinc."
"Two in the chute, one in the glute."
"Two in the clam, one in the SHAZAAM"
"Two in the clanker, one in the spanker."
"Two in the cockpit, one where the jock sits."
"Two in the coin slot, one in the balloon knot."
"Two in the condom muncher, one in the donkey puncher."
"Two in the coo, one in the poo."
"Two in the coot, one in the boot."
"Two in the coot, one in the chute."
"Two in the cooter, one in the poop shooter."
"Two in the cooter, one in the pooter."
"Two in the cootie, one in the booty."
"Two in the crack, one out back."
"Two in the creamer, one in the steamer."
"Two in the crown, one in the brown."
"Two in the cummer, one in the bummer."
"Two in the curtains, one in the hurtin's."
"Two in the dream, one in the scream."
"Two in the entertainer, one in the panty stainer."
"Two in the fast lane, one past the shit stain."
"Two in the flap, one out back."
"Two in the flaps, one in the craps."
"Two in the flower, one in the mud."
"Two in the fowl, one in the bowel."
"Two in the fucker, one in the cucker."
"Two in the furry, one in the curry."
"Two in the g-spot, one in the balloon knot"
"Two in the gap, one in the crap."
"Two in the gash, one in the ass."
"Two in the gine, one in the brown dime"
"Two in the gear, one in the rear."
"Two in the go, one in the no."
"Two in the goo, one in the poo."
"Two in the good time, one up the shit line."
"Two in the grass, one in the ass."
"Two in the grassy knoll, one in the assy hole."
"Two in the gum, one in the bum."
"Two in the gyney, one in the hiney."
"Two in the hair, one in the derriere."
"Two in the hair pie, one in the brown eye."
"Two in the ham, one in the God Damn!"
"Two in the heinous, one in the anus."
"Two in the hole, one in the... other hole."
"Two in the honey, one in the bunny."
"Two in the hoo-ha, one in the booya!"
"Two in the hoo hoo, one in the poo poo."
"Two in the hooty, one in the booty."
"Two in the Hot Pocket, one in the shit socket."
"Two in the hottie, one in the pottie."
"Two in the hump, one in the dump."
"Two in the I see what you did there, one in the loo."
"Two in the jam, one in the ram."
"Two in the jelly, one in the smelly."
"Two in the juice, one in the caboose."
"Two in the junk, one in the trunk."
"Two in the kitty, one in the shitty."
"Two in the lube, one in the tube."
"Two in the main floor, one in the out door."
"Two in the meat pie, one in the brown eye."
"Two in the meat, one in the seat."
"Two in the monkey, one in the chunky."
"Two in the muenster, one in the bun, sir"
"Two in the muff, one in the rough."
"Two in the mung, one in the bung."
"Two in the num num, one in the bum bum."
"Two in the O-range, one in the No-range."
"Two in the one, one in the two."
"Two in the paris, one in the hilton."
"Two in the pee, one you can't see."
"Two in the pee pee, one in the cheechee."
"Two in the pie, one saying goodbye."
"Two in the pink, one in the doo doo hole."
"Two in the pink, one in the stink." (original, and most widely
used)
"Two in the pink, one in the stink, and the thumb twiddles the bean."
"Two in the pink, sir, one in the sphincter"
"Two in the pipe, one in the can."
"Two in the pookey, one in the dookie."
"Two in the poon, one in the moon."
"Two in the pumper, one in the dumper."
"Two in the puss, one in the boot."
"Two in the queefer, one in the reefer."
"Two in the randy, one in the dandy."
"Two in the roll, one in the hole."
"Two in the saddle, one in the paddle."
"Two in the sexit, one in the exit."
"Two in the shock, one in the awe."
"Two in the skank, one in the stank."
"Two in the skunk, one in the trunk."
"Two in the slime, one in the crime."
"Two in the slit, one in the shit."
"Two in the sludge, one in the fudge."
"Two in the slut, one in the butt."
"Two in the slutter, one in the poop cutter."
"Two in the snail, one in the tail."
"Two in the snatch, one up the hatch."
"Two in the snapper, one in the crapper."
"Two in the snapper, one in the starfish."
"Two in the split, one where she shits."
"Two in the squirt, one in the dirt."
"Two in the super, one in the pooper."
"Two in the taco, one in the guaco."
"Two in the taint, one in the ain't."
"Two in the tank, one in the bank."
"Two in the tank, one up her crank."
"Two in the tart, one in the fart."
"Two in the thump, one in the rump."
"Two in the tootsie, one in the roll."
"Two in the trap, one in the crap."
"Two in the treat, one in the seat."
"Two in the track, one in the back."
"Two in the twat, one in the brown spot."
"Two in the valley, one up the alley."
"Two in the whore, one in the backdoor."
"Two in the winker, one in the sphincter."
"Two in the winner, one in the dinner."
"Two in the womb, one in the tomb."
"Two inside a woman's vagina, one inside a woman's rectum" (medical
terminology)
"Two near the clit, one in the shit."
"Two near the tampon, one pops the fart bomb."
"Two scoops of strawberry, one scoop of chocolate."
"Two to consumate, one to constipate."
"Two up the fly, one in the brown eye."
"Two where it's foul, one in the bowel."
"Two where it's hairy, one where it's scary."
"Two where the cocks cum, one where she talks from."
"Two where the meat goes, one where the heat blows."
"Two where they're born, one where there's corn."
"Two where she catches cocks, one in her fartbox."
"Two where she hits it, one where she shits it."
"Two where she humps, one where she dumps."
"Two where she menstruates, one where she defecates."
"Two where she peeces, one where she feces."
"Two where she queefs, one underneath."
"Two where she spits, one where she shits."
"Two where you fark her, one where it's darker."
"Two where you hump, one in the rump."
"Two where you should, one where you could."
"Two in the stern, one in the bow."
"Two where it's moot, and one where she'll shoot."
"Two in her vaginal opening, one where it needs soaping."
"Two in the crumb, one in the bum."
"Two in the sponge, and one where you plunge."
"Two in the bake, and out comes the cake!"
"Two in the baby maker, one in the brownie baker
"Two in the Hootie, One in the Blowfish"

416
Talk Zone / Re: Everett Turns Barzilla into a Pretzel
« on: April 06, 2006, 12:33:35 pm »
Watching Everett make the play to end the game, got me thinking about one of the best plays of last year's run to the WS--the double play that Everett/Bruntlett turned to end game 4 of the NLCS.  I had forgotten how awesome that was.

417
Talk Zone / Re: Everett Turns Barzilla into a Pretzel
« on: April 06, 2006, 11:30:59 am »
Olivo's throw was fucking beautiful.  I rewound it about 10 times watching it.  Exploded out of the crouch, fired an absolute laser, perfect throw.

Damn good play.

418
Talk Zone / Re: What was Mitre throwing last night?
« on: April 05, 2006, 06:49:54 pm »
Try this Pete...12-6 is a a Darryl Kile curve ball.  A Barry Zito curve ball.  A bert Byleven curve ball.  (Hopefully) a Taylor Buchholz curve--I've heard his curve is outstanding, I've never seen it.

Sliders thrown at the velocity of Lidge or JR Richard or Randy Johnson don't break strictly up and down.  they sort of dive/tile down and away.  While there is verticle movement, its the horizontal movement that really frustrates a batter.  Watch the UNit throw a slider to a right handed hitter.  Damn thing almost hits them in the ankles but the batters are swinging at it.  Why?  Because its thrown hard like a fastball.  It looks like a low fast ball over the plate but the damn thing ends up by the ankles.  Picture the movement needed for that.  Not just up and down.  Not just 12 to 6.

A slider that breaks 12-6 isn't a slider.  A slider by definitio has to have some horizontal movement.  A 12-6 slider sounds more like a hard splitter.

419
Talk Zone / Re: DVD Review
« on: April 04, 2006, 06:43:07 pm »
Thanks for the link.  Go read some of his actual reviews.  Great, funny stuff.

420
Talk Zone / Re: DVD Review
« on: April 04, 2006, 05:18:01 pm »
Quote:

The DVD apparently does not include the dinger Biggio hit off of Wagner.  How do you make a story about the highlights of the Astros' season without including that?  When I asked the MLB guy in charge of marketing the thing, he was completely unaware of it.




Astros in PHilly if not for that HR.

421
Talk Zone / Re: Hanley Ramirez
« on: April 04, 2006, 12:46:58 pm »
They've got a host of good young players.  hermida will be a player, despite the obvious taunts of hermaphrodite.  The 1B they got for Delgado is supposed to be a player as well.

By the time the kids are ready to really contribute, Willis and Cabrera will be making $12M each.  Probably for another team.

422
Talk Zone / Re: Preston Wilson
« on: March 31, 2006, 02:00:40 pm »
Here's your new LF (old story but it tells a lot about the man...get your tissues handy)

"Published Friday, August 10, 2001, in the Akron Beacon Journal.


Father forced to say farewell
Death of infant son enlightening to Wilson
BY DAN LEBATARD
Knight Ridder Newspapers

MIAMI: His infant son died in his arms.

Preston Wilson, so helpless, couldn't control any of this, but at least he would control the ending. So, after 10 days, he asked the doctors to stop with their tubes and their monitors, and he took the baby out of the incubator in intensive care.

Holding his boy's tiny hand, rubbing his head, alternately whispering to his son and to God, Wilson kept looking up at that machine, watching his only child's life slip away by the beep. The kid was a fighter, just like his old man, but then Preston Jr. finally stopped breathing and the father began to weep.

``At least I was there for him,'' Wilson said, voice giving. ``Daddy was there for him until the end.''

He is on the phone now from New Orleans, where he is on a rehab assignment, trying to make baseball matter again, and you can hear the pregame clubhouse clatter all around him, life moving on. One of the sport's hardest workers, Wilson picked up a bat only twice in the past month, and he didn't work out at all. He lost a lot of weight and sleep, staying at the hospital overnight, never away from that incubator for more than six hours, but now he is back on the field, trying to heal. In his wallet, he keeps a picture of himself holding his son, both of them entangled in the tubes.

Trista Wilson gave birth to Preston Jr. three months prematurely. He weighed only 1.6 pounds, at the beginning and at the end. His eyes, sensitive to light, didn't open at all until the day before he died. The kid inherited his father's big hands, big feet and big heart. The latter stopped five times one morning alone. Preston was proud of the way his boy fought, and told him so.

``I talked to him a lot,'' Preston said. ``About father-son things. Things I wanted to teach him. Things I was looking forward to doing with him. I was always holding his hand. They say a baby that age can recognize a voice and a touch, so I wanted him to know I was there. Maybe I talked as much for me as for him. There was a lot I wanted to tell him, things I figured I might never get a chance to tell him again.''

He cried a lot, talking to his boy, but never in front of his wife.

``Somebody has to hold it together,'' Wilson said. ``There has to be a stabilizing force. That's not the time for her to be strong. Whatever I was feeling, she was feeling it five times worse because she carried him. The saddest moments I had were when I was by myself with him.''

The only time father and son left the hospital together was for the burial. Wilson made all the arrangements himself. He felt like he needed to do so, for closure. After 10 days, after discussing it with his wife and parents and grandparents, after being told by doctors that there was nothing more they could do, Wilson decided to have the machines turned off.

``Hardest decision I've ever had to make,'' he said. ``The doctors were always beating up on him, pumping his chest, puffing him full of medicine, poking and poking. He was already so fragile, I couldn't watch him being tortured any more. This has been the most trying and heartbreaking time of my life.''

There is this unspoken code in the testosterone-soaked world of sports -- no excuses -- and it's why Korey Stringer collapsed on the practice field last week, killed by his pride. While Wilson's wife struggled with the pregnancy, Wilson's batting average plummeted more than 50 points. He hit .118 with one homer in June and lost his cleanup spot, but he will not admit that he was bringing his problems into the batter's box.

It can't be happenstance, the worst slump of his career coinciding with the worst time of his life, but Wilson won't reach for the crutch, saying: ``I just didn't get it done. It wasn't for lack of effort.''

Marlins management left him alone, calling only to offer condolences, letting their starting center fielder decide when to come back. Wilson figured he would be back in the big leagues by today. In more ways than one, his rehabilitation began Tuesday.

``I can't just sit in the house for the rest of the season feeling sorry for myself,'' Wilson said.

``This experience makes me want to live more than I ever have. To see my son working so hard to live those 10 days, working so hard to breathe, makes me want to squeeze everything out of life every day. Instead of me watching over him while he grows up, now he's watching over me.''

423
Talk Zone / Re: Friday Confessional Thread--Baseball Related
« on: March 31, 2006, 01:48:21 pm »
Here's some more good ones:

(1)  The crazy ass beard that one spring training.

(2)  "traveling horse shit show"

(3)  his Eeyore act every off-season (actually became pretty funny, to me at least)

(4)  The 2001 playoffs versus the Braves where he saw maybe 3 strikes the entire series.

(5)  the "ya know Alan Ashby, when Jeffrey RObert starts hitting the ball hard to the opposite field, you know he's really seeing the ball well"

(6)  The game winner versus Milwaukee last year

(7)  breaking the same exact bone 3 years straight

(8)  Owning Nomo (as someone mentioned)

(9)  being owned by Scott Sullivan

(10) checking the box score, watching Sportscenter, during the summer of 1994 marveling at the year he was having.

424
Talk Zone / Re: Friday Confessional Thread--Baseball Related
« on: March 31, 2006, 11:50:02 am »
I remember a couple things most vividly:

(1)  After hitting for the cycle with a triple, he's standing on 3B when the ump, or the 3rd base coach, or someone wanted to know if he wanted to keep the ball as a momento.  He basically said "fuck that shit, we're playing a game. let's get back to work".

(2)  The bomb in Three Rivers that was mentioned previously.

(3)  the bunted pop up that was mentioned previously.

(4)  the slide at home versus the Dodgers (I think) where he basically juked the catcher out and scored the go-ahead run (think this was a Saturday game of the week on Fox)

(5)  The hit off Izzi in game 6 of the NLCS in 2004, tying up the game.

425
Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid VII
« on: March 30, 2006, 03:13:27 pm »
3.  Three freaking games all year.  We're going 3-159, I can feel it.

426
Talk Zone / Re: Question on the death of Darryl Kyle
« on: March 30, 2006, 12:59:28 am »
Quote:

Why would anyone want to know this info, unless they were a family member of a baseball player that they were planning to kill?




37

427
Talk Zone / Re: Question on the death of Darryl Kyle
« on: March 29, 2006, 04:18:37 pm »
Thanks to evreyone.

428
Talk Zone / Question on the death of Darryl Kyle
« on: March 29, 2006, 01:15:26 pm »
I thought I remembered the Cards having to pay his remaining salary to his family.  Not that they did it because they were good guys, but the contract calls for them to pay his family in case of death.

Anyone remember the same thing, or something different?

429
Talk Zone / Re: The Count was on Rome today
« on: March 23, 2006, 07:06:30 pm »
The Wilson sisters is pure genius.

430
Talk Zone / Race for the Lid????
« on: March 23, 2006, 04:56:43 pm »
[Judge Smails]  Well...we're waiting...[/Judge Smails]

431
Quote:

Quote:

That was AWESOME.  I love chance- I wish I could get all systems go downloaded.

Question- is he serious about this stuff or is it an Al Yankovick type paraody thing?

If it is the latter then it is well done and funny I think (if you like that genre), but if it is the former and he's a "serious" musician/commentator with this stuff then that takes the comedy level of the gig to heights I can't imagine.





I don't want to bag on the guy, or comment about his talent, creativity, or motivation. I... just... hope... I never hear that again.





Damn those were funny times.  HH and Zipp said they didn't like his song (sounded like monkeys being raped or somthing) so the dude starts "oh yeah, well, I'm such a fan I spend $10k of my own money making that song, and I'll be singing it at MMPUS...."

and back and forth and his little buddy even jumped in the fray.  Good times I tells ya.

432
Talk Zone / Re: Toronto signs extension with Halladay
« on: March 16, 2006, 03:21:27 pm »
Quote:

In a press conference on Thursday at Knology Park, the Blue Jays announced that they had agreed to a three-year, $40 million contract extension with their prize pitcher through the 2010 season. Halladay, who had been signed through 2007, will make $10 million in 2008, $14.25 million in 2009 and $15.75 million in 2010.
The Link

Could be relevant to Oswalt's situation.





I think you are right.  Give or take a bulldozer.

433
Talk Zone / Re: Have you seen the Nats' stadium design?
« on: March 16, 2006, 03:18:29 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

There will come a day when folks reminisce about the good old days at the Astrodome.




I've felt this way for about six years now.





I am not a big fan of Minute Maid Park.  Scratch that.  I'm not a big fan of the fans who flock to MMPUS.  Too many assholes at the games now.  I blame the park for making the game an "event".  Can't the game just be the game?

Then again, by the end of its run, the only thing separating the Dome from a Port-o-Let on Bourbon Street was the lack of purple and gold beads everywhere

434
Talk Zone / Re: Milo drifting into Harry Caray territory
« on: March 16, 2006, 01:25:56 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

According to the box score it was Ramiro Mendoza.




O.K. did Milo call Mendoza Rivera or did he call Rivera Mendoza?




Yes.  Even went for the trifecta of Rivera Rivera.




IN other news, Generalisimo Francisco Franco is still dead.




Damp Rid anyone?

435
Talk Zone / Re: My World Is Shattered. Say It Ain't So, Barry.
« on: March 08, 2006, 04:13:08 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

to a grand jury.




To anybody.





You know, there were people upset with him for accepting the offer of a free blow job, too.

What's up with that?




...Whaddaya give for a blow job?

$10, same as downtown....

436
Talk Zone / Re: So....Anyone Here Know Any Good Astros Boards?
« on: March 06, 2006, 06:00:26 pm »
Well, next time you are in Houston, stop by and let me kick ya in the nuts for ol' time sakes.

Better move to Houston soon before the Republicans secure our borders with 20 foot fences and razor wire.  I'm not sure Dan Patrick and his friends know where Mexico ends and El Paso begins.

437
Talk Zone / Re: So....Anyone Here Know Any Good Astros Boards?
« on: March 03, 2006, 07:44:45 pm »
Who ya bullshittin'?  A CPA?  Horseshit.  I saw you hanging out on Telephone Road sellin' your ass to the tourists for beer money.

438
Talk Zone / Re: Kip Wells blood clot, may miss entire season
« on: February 28, 2006, 11:08:57 am »
Quote:

And I thought I was your favorite.  Who's gonna cuddle me during those cool spring nights now.

I feel dirty.





C'mon son, you ain't been the shit for a long time.  You miss the Professor Moriarty to your Sherlock Holmes.

Now THOSE were some sparkling posts.

439
Talk Zone / Re: Kip Wells blood clot, may miss entire season
« on: February 27, 2006, 06:21:35 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Charlie Wonderlic Jr., president of Wonderlic Inc., says, "A score of 10 is literacy, that's about all we can say."


Got proof that Vince scored lower than a 10?




Yeah.  he scored a 6.  I read it on the internet.  Isn't that all the proof needed?

440
Talk Zone / Re: Kip Wells blood clot, may miss entire season
« on: February 27, 2006, 05:41:00 pm »
Quote:

Spoiled Little Boy has done it twice in the same thread.




Well, you really got to hand it to him for that.  Dedication to ones craft, even when one's craft is being a prick, is so rare these days.

441
Talk Zone / Re: Kip Wells blood clot, may miss entire season
« on: February 27, 2006, 05:32:56 pm »
Keep this fucker alive.

Stros-rays is making a case for being Foggy's Favorite Poster (FFP).  For the longest time, Breedlove was FFP but he seemingly has vanished into the bandwidth.  Not too long after that Jane Doe made her presence felt, and well gee, how can you NOT have her as FFP.  But truth be told, stros-rays deserves the title of FFP.  He's been bringing it strong, real fucking strong, for 2 or 3 years now.

442
Talk Zone / Re: Elston wins!!
« on: February 22, 2006, 07:11:10 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

He was so so accurate, I truly never remember him making a mistake, whereas Milo you count the number of mistakes per game.




You obviously never heard Milo when he was in his prime.  I'm all for Elston winning the award and all, but it IS possible to congratulate Elston without bashing Milo for his misfortune of growing old.






Milo's misfortune is not that he is growing old.  

But your point is still valid.

443
Talk Zone / Re: this guy writes like an 8th grader.
« on: February 15, 2006, 03:24:09 pm »
Quote:

Ok, ok, so his production says he's worth it.  I'll just leave it at "I don't like his pissy attitude".  Gets a lot of play around here and is very tiresome.





I know nothing about his off-the-field demeanor but I would imagine some of his pissiness lately comes from having Raffy Palmeiro throw him under the bus on the steroid stuff.

I'd go to war with a lineup of:

Biggio 2B
Bagwell/Lamb 1B
Berkman LF
Tejada SS
Ensberg 3B
Wilson CF
Lane RF
Ausmus C

With either Wheeler or Qualls becoming the new closer.

444
Talk Zone / Re: this guy writes like an 8th grader.
« on: February 15, 2006, 11:30:57 am »
Lidge/taveras/AE for Tejada?  Sign me up!!!!

I'd do that deal.  1 of the 3 is expendable. One is young with potential, and the other is what you have to give up to get a guy like tejada.

445
Talk Zone / Re: Speaking of the Brewers
« on: February 14, 2006, 12:16:34 pm »
I think the first problem that needs to be addressed is why some manager wants to name the team after the fuckin' brewers.  What the fuck have they done in the last 20 years, other than build a shitty new stadium, move into the second division of the NL Central instead of the second division of the AL East, and have a bunch of pork products race around the infield while trying to avoid being hit by Randall Simon's bat?

446
Talk Zone / Re: More quality sportswriting
« on: February 13, 2006, 12:56:05 pm »
I like opinion pieces where the opinion of the writer is based upon a careful review of the facts, givens and current understandings of a situation.  Where the opinion is reached last, after the review.

I dislike opinion pieces where the opinion is given, and then the search for suitable facts that support that opinion commences.

I like pieces where the subject of the piece is engaging and interesting.

I dislike pieces where the author puts himself as part of the story.

447
Talk Zone / Re: catching up with Moneyball
« on: February 07, 2006, 04:39:07 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

 But, what hasn't been revisited is whether the theories described in Moneyball are a "better" approach and not just an expedient predicated on cost; to be abandoned when more money is available. Or, is player evaluation, for the A's as it is for everyone else, pretty much a crap shoot.




For all the emphasis on MOneyball, what got the A's the success they enjoyed was a wealth of talent that had yet to hit Year 7 of major league service time.  Giambi, tejada, Chavez, Hudson, Zito, Mulder, Foulke, Koch, Haren, Harden....

Squeezing out an extra win here or there through identifying undervalued resources is great, but theres your foundation.




I'll go you one point further Foggy and say that the A's success can be attributed to having pitchers like Zito, Hudson and Mulder all come of age in the majors at relatively the same time and still be under club control.  Pitching!  Wow, now there is a concept that is tried and true, but heck, why talk about anchoring your team's success on pitching (and defense) when it's more sexy to talk about offense in this day and age of fantasy baseball.

Why indeed.





Under club control.  There is no better recipe for success than having talent under club control.

448
Talk Zone / Re: catching up with Moneyball
« on: February 07, 2006, 04:18:06 pm »
Quote:

 But, what hasn't been revisited is whether the theories described in Moneyball are a "better" approach and not just an expedient predicated on cost; to be abandoned when more money is available. Or, is player evaluation, for the A's as it is for everyone else, pretty much a crap shoot.




For all the emphasis on MOneyball, what got the A's the success they enjoyed was a wealth of talent that had yet to hit Year 7 of major league service time.  Giambi, tejada, Chavez, Hudson, Zito, Mulder, Foulke, Koch, Haren, Harden....

Squeezing out an extra win here or there through identifying undervalued resources is great, but theres your foundation.

449
Talk Zone / Re: MinuteMaid Classic
« on: February 07, 2006, 12:14:00 pm »
Sit where you want, dress warm cause even with the roof closed it will be chilly at night.

450
Talk Zone / Re: Bagwell plans to report, though Astros say he's hurt
« on: January 26, 2006, 01:15:44 pm »
Quote:

My guess is that no one thought he would be in a situation where there was a question as to whether he was disabled. How often does that happen? I guess that should've planned for that contingency, but it mostly seems like bad luck.




Is a pitcher with a frayed labrum "medically disabled" or just not as effective as they were previously?  Wade Miller?  Medically disabled?  carlos hernandez?  medically disabled?  Is Bagwell's injury pushing him out of the league or is it his contract?

Drayton bought a shitty insurance policy.  The fact that the defnitions and interpretations are up in the air speaks volumes.  And bagwell is in the middle.  he can either get paid and try to play baseball or he can get paid and stay at home.  Bagwell becomes the bad guy for trying to play baseball.  The shitty insurance contract is putting Bagwell in a bad position.  A position he didn't cause.

That said, he (and everyone else) should just zip it.

451
Talk Zone / Re: Bagwell plans to report, though Astros say he's hurt
« on: January 26, 2006, 01:09:48 pm »
See, if the Astros truly believe Bagwell is disabled and can't play, why don't they just cut him?  Because if they do, some team will wait until he clears waivers and then will pick him up for the league minimum and take a chance on him either being a pinch hitter or a DH.  Thus killing the Astros claim he is medically disabled.

The Astros bought an asset that they really can't ever use.  That in order to use it they have to go through tons of red tape, hurt feelings, bad publicity and attorney's fees that are going to cut into the payout.

Drayton (possibly) made a bad business decision in the Bagwell contract.  Drayton (definitely) made a bad business decision in the insurance.  

This won't end well.  Then again, nothing ever does or it wouldn't end.

Drayton, suck it up, chalk up the loss to lessons learned, and move on.

452
Talk Zone / Re: Bagwell plans to report, though Astros say he's hurt
« on: January 26, 2006, 12:40:43 pm »
My problem is the Astros bought a shitty insurance contract, putting them in a position where if there is any grey (or is it gray?) area the only possible end result is a bitter, public pissing contest.

453
Talk Zone / Re: BB Prospectus
« on: January 16, 2006, 12:33:03 pm »
Quote:

So, yes, it appears that from 2003 to 2005, Minute Maid Park has been the worst home-run park in the league for lefties and the best home-run park in the league for righties.

Nothing wrong with that.  I do not understand why people get defensive about it.





I get upset because the data does a massive about face when compared to 2002-2004.  Should there be a major swing by simply moving from 2002-2004 to 2003-2005?  Of course not.  There must be a boat load of noise in the background causing this shift.  So while it may have been that way in 2003-2005, making forward looking comments is probably not wise.  Who knows how it will play in 2006?

454
Talk Zone / Re: For All You Accountants (OT)
« on: January 13, 2006, 07:04:51 pm »
Just my opinion but CPA > Masters in Accouting.

455
Talk Zone / Re: Bagwell & Manny
« on: January 13, 2006, 06:32:42 pm »
Quote:

I suspect I will take some heat on this one, but the 17 million due Bags and the 20 million option year for Manny in 2008 or 09 seem to be commensurate (even though Manny has three to four years left on his contract)- See Jasonact's thread on how much is due Manny.

Nevertheless, Bags is my all-time favorite stro but! That said Manny wants out, Jeff wants to play, Tim wants another bat or pitcher, Boston is all over the place with older vets like Loretta, Lowell etc.  There has to be a deal for these guys that is win-win-win.

I still love Bags!






Normally, I would advise you to put down the crack pipe and seek professional help.  However, I think you are too far gone, so go ahead and keep on tokin'!!!

456
Talk Zone / Re: Trade brewing
« on: January 13, 2006, 06:31:15 pm »
Quote:

Lane plays hard and is one of the most intense guys on the team. his problem is not relaxing enough.





And he's not a "B".  if he was Jason Blane, he'd own this town.  Fuckin' own it I tells ya!!!!

457
Talk Zone / Re: BB Prospectus
« on: January 13, 2006, 06:29:14 pm »
Quote:

anyone who reads BP to learn about baseball is wasting his/her time. it is very entertaining though, and the writing is hilarious.




I totally disagree...

...those assholes used to be about 10x funnier.  The last couple of books have failed to consistantly "bring the funny".

458
Talk Zone / Re: BB Prospectus
« on: January 13, 2006, 06:24:42 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

MMPUS is not the 2nd best HR park for righties in MLB.  Using the 2002-2004 data, the following are more HR-friendly...

Wrigley, US Cellular, Coors, Kaufman, BiA.  MMPUS's RHB HR Ratio was 116.  The following had ones at 115:  BOB, Camden Yards, Great America Ballpark.  In other words, #6 overall, but just barely ahead of #9.





What does "RHB HR Ratio" MEAN exactly?  Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to jive with ESPN's "Park Factor," which I realize doesn't separate lefties and righties, but still somehow lists MMP as the SINGLE WORST stadium in the majors for HRs.

The Link





RHB= right handed batter
HR= Home Run

Take the # of HRs by righthanded batters in all Astros games played at MMPUS (both teams and exclude inter-league games) and divide by number of plate appearences by RHBs.  This number is X

Take the # of HRs by righthanded batters in all Astros games played away from MMPUS (both teams and exclude inter-league games) and divide by number of plate appearences by RHBs.  This number is Y.

Ratio = X/Y.

If the ball park is a neutral for RHB HRs, the ratio will be 1.00 (or 100%, or simply 100 if you drop the percent).  A ratio of 116 means HRs by RHB's are 16% more likely in Astros home games (played in MMPUS) than in Astros road games (played everywhere other than MMPUS).

This is from the Bill James baseball handbook.

Whatever you get from ESPN suck slimey donkey dicks.

459
Talk Zone / Re: BB Prospectus
« on: January 13, 2006, 05:42:03 pm »
Quote:

I always enjoy reading BP.  Of course, they said last year, let me see if I can remember it exactly, "This isn't a contending team."

That doesn't mean they're idiots, that their methodology stinks, or that there isn't a lot worthwhile in the book.  It just means that baseball's a funny game.

I'm intrigued by the Weaver idea, though I bet we sit on our hands for Roger.

Minute Maid better for RH hitters than Coors?





Fuck Jeff Weaver.  The COunt better not sign that shitbag, or I'll personally pipebomb MMPUS down to its foundations.  Jeff Weaver is a cock suck of the highest magnitude.  Plus he loves being on the receiving end of tea bags and bukkake.

MMPUS is not the 2nd best HR park for righties in MLB.  Using the 2002-2004 data, the following are more HR-friendly...

Wrigley, US Cellular, Coors, Kaufman, BiA.  MMPUS's RHB HR Ratio was 116.  The following had ones at 115:  BOB, Camden Yards, Great America Ballpark.  In other words, #6 overall, but just barely ahead of #9.

If 2005 data was enough to cause a shift in the data for 3 years then its probably worthless to draw conclusions from anyway.

Fuck Baseball prospectus.

460
Talk Zone / Re: Sutter voted to HOF
« on: January 11, 2006, 06:34:35 pm »
As silly as the BWAA is, the Veteran's Committee has probably been 1000 times worse.  Line up the 25 least worthy HOFers, and I betcha 24 of them were let in through the Veteran's committee.

461
Talk Zone / Re: Sutter voted to HOF
« on: January 11, 2006, 01:20:12 pm »
Time:  1979
What:  HOF voters gather round to vote...

Result:  5% of those who voted didn't think Willie Mays was worthy of the Hall of Fame


Time:  1974
What:  HOF voters gather round to vote...

Result:  11% of those who voted didn't think Mickey Mantle was worthy of the Hall of Fame


Time:  1982
What:  HOF voters gather round to vote...

Result:  10% of those who voted didn't think Frank Robinson was worthy of the Hall of Fame, and an additional 2% didn't think Hank Aaron fell on the side of being worthy.


Time:  1990
What:  HOF voters gather round to vote...

Result:  18% of those who voted didn't think Joe Morgan was worthy of the Hall of Fame


Somehow, Jim Eisenrich pulled 3 votes one year.


BBWAA = monkey spunk

462
Talk Zone / Re: Astros sign 5
« on: December 22, 2005, 07:06:55 pm »
Thanks Gerry.

463
Talk Zone / Re: After giving the benefit of doubt...
« on: December 22, 2005, 07:06:09 pm »
Lane had a fine year in 2005.  Pretty good defense.  Nice offense. Cheap.  Upgrading the production from RF is just about the last place I'd start when looking for things to do for the 2006 team.

464
Talk Zone / Re: After giving the benefit of doubt...
« on: December 22, 2005, 06:56:48 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Lane's upside is better and the salary is better, but I am not convinced Lane is going to get much better.




This isn't about upside and about what Lane might do.  It is about what Burnitz and Lane did do last season. If Lane doesn't get any better and plays just as he did last season, he'll still play better than Burnitz did last seaosn. And who's got the better chance of improvement? The 28-year-old or the 36-year-old?  Whose legs are going to be better in the field and on the basepaths?
Player    Avg   OBP   Slg   AB  2B  3B  HR  RBI  BB
---------------------------------------------------
Lane     .267  .316  .499  517  34  26  65   78  32
Burnitz  .258  .322  .435  605  31  24  84   87  57
Quote:

And if Lance moves to first, I would rather have Burnitz in left than Burke.




Sure, but if Lance doesn't move to first, then you're stuck with playing Burnitz or Lane part-time.





Lane hit 65 HRs?

465
Talk Zone / Re: After giving the benefit of doubt...
« on: December 22, 2005, 06:44:41 pm »
3 things:

(1)  Lane can get better if he doesn't have a horrid 1st half.  He's a 270/320/510 hitter.  I'll take that on the cheap for the next 3 years.

(2)  Eric Byrnes?  Anyone want to take a chance on him?

(3)  How about moving Bagwell back to 3B and Biggio back to Catcher?

466
Talk Zone / Re: So Let Me Get This Straight
« on: December 21, 2005, 05:43:13 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:


JD and Milo, Milo can't keep up with Deshaies and JD wouldn't backfill Milo's gloss overs.  I think there was some issue with Dierker and Milo in the same booth.





Well, theres one real quick and easy way to fix this delimma...

Actually, I think the JD/Milo paring would be b-e-a-utiful.  Milo rambles on for a couple minute, JD sneaks in a one liner here and there, Milo oblivious to what JD says, keeps on rambling.




From Dierker's book

Dierker ....asked his brother in California to send him more Hawaiian apparel, .... When the new shirts arrived, one was decorated with depictions of the old woodie station wagons that became popular with surfers back in the 1940s.

This gave Dierker an idea.

He figured that Hamilton, who's considerably older, likely had no idea that "woodie" is a slang term sometimes used to described the male sex organ during the, ahem, state of arousal.

Before the two went on the air with the game broadcast, Dierker pointed to one of the station wagons on his shirt and asked, "Hey, Milo. You know what that is?"

"Uh, a station wagon."

"No," said Dierker, "this is a woodie, man. You should know that. It comes from your era. These things were the rage when I was in high school in California. They were surfer cars."

"I didn't know they called them that," Hamilton replied.

After the game was underway, Dierker asked his partner on the air how he liked his new Hawaiian shirt.

"You mean the one with all the woodies on it?" Hamilton replied, while a TV audience of thousands watched and listened.

"Yeah," Dierker said. "When you were a young man, did you ever have a woodie?"

"Oh, no. We were much too poor," Hamilton said.

"Boy, that's really poor," Dierker said, trying to suppress his laughter.

The Link




And to think that was at least 10 years ago.  You gotta wonder how much further down the Road to Senility Milo has traveled since then.

467
Talk Zone / Re: So Let Me Get This Straight
« on: December 21, 2005, 05:33:01 pm »
Quote:


JD and Milo, Milo can't keep up with Deshaies and JD wouldn't backfill Milo's gloss overs.  I think there was some issue with Dierker and Milo in the same booth.





Well, theres one real quick and easy way to fix this delimma...

Actually, I think the JD/Milo paring would be b-e-a-utiful.  Milo rambles on for a couple minute, JD sneaks in a one liner here and there, Milo oblivious to what JD says, keeps on rambling.

468
Talk Zone / Re: So Let Me Get This Straight
« on: December 21, 2005, 04:06:38 pm »
Fuck Ashby.  He was shitty.  I'll reserve my indignation for when they shitcan somebody worth a shit.

Still, its seems odd that a team with 2 kick ass color guys (Dierker and JD), can't simply have one do TV and the other radio.

Is Milo dead yet?  can't wait for those first few spring training games where he'll be working with the rookies for the first time.  Should be OUT-FUCKING-STANDING.

469
Talk Zone / Re: Delotti reporting from Dallas
« on: December 07, 2005, 04:53:34 pm »
I heard that as well.  My first thought is that Clemens will get his ass in shape, pitch for the USA, and then sign/join the Astros in May for the rest of the season.

Then I remember Roger is an attention whore and an egotistical SOB and will view this non-offering of arbitration as a slap in the face.

Then I remembered that Draytie is a pussy who will do whatever it takes not to be seen as a pussy.

I have no idea what will happen.  Other than I hope we don't trade Lidge.

470
Talk Zone / Re: Stark continues his Astro Love-Fest
« on: October 21, 2005, 03:33:02 pm »
Dayn Perry is a Cardinals honk who writes worthless articles over at Baseball prospectus and doesn't reply to emails that call him out on his faulty logic.

I called him out twice last year and he never repsonded while everyone else at BP has responded at a near 100% clip whenever I email them.

Perry is a chode, and while he like to tout the WHiteSox HR prowess and like to reference MMPUS's HR-inflation to RHB, he never mentions that USCF is a bigger HR park than even Coors Field according to the exact same data shit-for-brains uses in his article for 2004, and just barely behind them for 2002-2004.

471
Talk Zone / Re: Ticket Scalpers and Auctions
« on: October 21, 2005, 03:17:45 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

I can't justify the amount of change it's going to cost to go to any of the games with my current family situation.




If I wasn't saving up for wedded bliss........





Wedded bliss...jumbo shrimp...military intelligence...well written and thought out Richard Justice article...

472
Talk Zone / Re: Why are some people allowed to steal my oxygen?
« on: October 21, 2005, 01:24:52 pm »
Ahh, much like the swallows returning to Capustrano we get the "Houston is a Hellhole" article.  Congrats on the guy from Austin getting the first one in for the World Series round.  Nothing says worthlessness like running back to the journalism shed to retrieve the rusty tool known as "the bag on the city" article.

I'm sure we'll get a host of them once the National media flocks to Houston for Games 3 and 4.

473
Talk Zone / Re: We still don't know who the Game 1 starters are...
« on: October 20, 2005, 07:06:11 pm »
Betcha we see "W" at a game.

Betcha we see Ryan throw out a 1st pitch.

Betcha Beyonce sings at one of the games.

474
Talk Zone / Re: Fuck Having To Play the ChiSox
« on: October 20, 2005, 02:45:03 pm »
I'm not sure if ESPN 790am here in Houston is carrying the WS (I think they are), but they offer live streaming on their website.

475
Talk Zone / Re: Does Anyone Know of a Good ChiSox Scouting Report?
« on: October 20, 2005, 12:36:03 pm »
Foghorn's Scouting Report on the WHite Sox...

Long Version:

Despite playing in a park just as friendly to hitters as MMPUS (if not moreso), AND having the DH, the White Sox scored a grand total of 48 more runs than the Astros did.  

48 fucking runs.  The Braves scored more runs than the WhiteSox.  The Braves scored more runs than the White SOx.  The Cards outscored the WhiteSox by 50+ runs.

If you believe the pythagorean theorem of baseball they were actually a 91-71 team (much like Houston).

As a team they hit 262/322/425.  Only Konerko and Podsednil have an OBP above .350 (and Konerko tops out at .375).  They steal bases but not at a very high success rate.  Predominantly right-handed hitting (Podsednik and AJ ar lefties, C4 is a switch).

Berkman/Ensberg each had better offensive years than Konerko.

Their pitching is real strong, but none of their Big 4 are better than any of our Big 3.  Look for Potts/marte to keep Berkman batting right-handed in the late innings.  Only Contreras had more than 150 k's despite each pitching more than 200 innings.

Short Version:

They ain't shit.  We beat 2 better teams in the Braves/Cards.

476
Talk Zone / Re: The St. Louis Cardinals
« on: October 20, 2005, 11:24:22 am »
Ahh, horse shit.  This is still the organization of:

(1)  Co-champs
(2)  calling a game because your best players are sick and are facing Oswalt
(3)  Anaheim Jimmy

Fuck.  The.  Jakes.

477
Talk Zone / Re: What Will You Do?
« on: October 19, 2005, 07:20:46 pm »
If we win?  I probably end up in jail for doing things illegal in most of the red states.

If we lose?  I probably end up in jail for doing things illegal in both the red and blue states.

478
Talk Zone / Re: Not the Bill Wagner Quote Thread
« on: October 19, 2005, 05:14:08 pm »
Quote:

You, sir, are one Astros loss away from owing me a left nut.




Fuck that shit.  We're gonna leave StLouie tonight, and my nut is going to be plopped in every open mouth in downtown Houston after it happend.

Let's whip some Jake ass!!!!

479
Talk Zone / Re: Not the Bill Wagner Quote Thread
« on: October 19, 2005, 05:09:44 pm »
Quote:

What kind of guy are you?

1) 4-6-3 or 6-4-3?

2) Triple or out-stretching-at-home?

3) Whirling dervish or balk?

4) Tinkers, Evers, AND Chance...Zero Hall of Famers, all in the Hall of Fame?

5) Rainbows or Moving Stars?

6) Turds or steM?

7) .225 SS or .340 1B?

8) Lefty/righty or get-this-fucker-out?

9) Lose in 7 or watch the entire playoffs from home?

10) 1985 Rebecca DeMornay or 1986 Kelly LeBrock?





Hey douche bag, if you're gonna do it, do it right...

(1)  Titty Fuck Morganna or a hummer from Linda Lovelace?
(2)  teabagging hookers or dirty sanchez'ing strippers?
(3)  Philo Beddoe or Buford Pusser?
(4)  Michael Barrett or Carlos Zambrano?
(5)  Tug McGraw pounding his glove in 1980 or Oroscpo throwing his in the air in 86?
(6)  Pearl Jam/SOundgarden at a club date in 1991 or unknown local country singer Clint Black at any given ice house in 1988.
(7)  Ralph Sampson or SleepFloyd/JoeBarelyCares
(8)  Seinfeld "The COntest" versus Seinfeld "The Pen"
(9)  Skyline Chili or dog feces stewing in a bowl of hot pus
(10)  Whipping the shit outta the Cards tonight or Spanking their ass with a comeback in the 9th

480
Talk Zone / You want some MOTHERFUCKER, come chew on THIS
« on: October 18, 2005, 02:30:51 pm »
I do my part, refrain from posting for MONTHS.  But fuck it, like Popeye I've had alls I can stands and I cants stands no more.


Fuck the Jakes.  Fuck'em right in the ass.  

I say we go to that shitbox up in Missoura, stomp the shit out of those cock sucks, in front  of the BFiB, then after recording the final out, THEN we really go to work.

We go bitch slap every piece of shit wearing red in the stands.  Kick those faggots right in the nuts, karate chop to the adams apple, and shave off those pussy-ish goatees.  And thats just da bitches!!!

The dudes we go even more hard core.  I'm talking battery cables, rusty nipple clamps and a wet sponge.  Fuck Marsellus Wallace and his blow torch and a pair of pliers.  

Then after whipping EVERYBODY's ass like Uma Thurmond in Kill Bill, we tear that shit hole down.  Make Busch look like a dowtown Beirut soccer stadium.  Drop a couple tons of naplam on that fucker and then piss out the embers ALL NIGHT LONG.

Fuck'em.  They ain't shit.  Ain't ever gonna be shit.  I got chunks of dude's in my stool tougher than LaGenius and Poo Holes.  Anahiem JImmy gonna get castrated!!!

Who's with me?!?

481
Series Previews 2006 / Cubs (8/15 - 8/17)
« on: August 15, 2005, 03:48:02 pm »
Chicago Cubs Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Cubs 3-Game series

When:      Monday, August 15th at 7:05, FSSW
Tuesday, August 16th at 7:05, FSSW
Wednesday, August 17th at 6:05, FSSW/ESPN

Where:      MMPUS.  Expect a crowded time at MMPUS these next 3 days.  That stench in the air is not Deer Park, but rather the intoxicating scent of CubFan.



The Pitching Matchups (all held in a 15 foot high steel cage)

Game 1   Wandy ?the Enforcer? Rodriguez versus ?Gorgegous? Glendon Rusch
Game 2   Andy ?Lips? Pettitte versus Greg ?The Sniveler? Maddux
Game 3   ?The Wizard? Roy Oswalt versus Carlos ?Superfly? Zambrano


Cubs Update (key players and starting pitchers,)

Look who is coming over for a visit.  Michael Bare-tit and the rest of those shitbags from the Windy City.  Here?s a quick look at the Cubs that matter:

Glendon Rusch?We?ve seen Glendon?s act several times before, including this season where he pitched 8 strong innings of 1 run ball.  For his career, Glendon the gelding is 5-5 with a 3.60 ERA versus the Good Guys.

Greg Maddux?The media continues its unprecedented string of failing to mention that Maddux is a vile pederast.  Oh won?t SOMEONE please think of the children?    

Carlos Zambrano?Bitch Tits is having his normal year?excellent outings followed by Baker throwing him out there for 130+ pitches, followed by a missed start, followed by ejections, hit batters and general nonsense.  No way.  No freaking way that Game 3 doesn?t turn into a bean ball war.

Derek Lee?how the hell is he hitting .346, you ask.  Its like the old Vegas joke?how do you walk out of a Vegas casino with $1M?  Walk in with $2M.  Lee was hitting .378 at the All Star break.  Since then, he?s back to his normal ways, hitting about .270 with some pop.  Enjoy your career year Derek.  You ain?t the MVP.  In fact, I?d probably leave you out of the Top 4 (Pujols, Jones, Clemens, Carpenter).    

ErrorMiss Ramirez?still amazed that the Pirates traded him and Lofton for a couple of reach arounds and a used bag of condoms.  Fuck, how did we lose 2 of 3 to those faggots?  Ramirez is having another good year?hitting over .300 with plenty of power.  I think he?s even improved on his Clank-ness in the field.


Astros Update

Craig?s yeast infection was flaring up, so I volunteered to do the Series Previews for him until the end of the homestand (he?s back for either the Padre or Dodger series, I forget which).  But if the team is going to play like they did earlier in the season when I wrote these things (18 straight scoreless innings to the fucking Pirates!!!) I may just quit for the good of the team.

Anyway, the update for the Astros is this?18 straight scoreless innings.  Kip Wells and Dave Williams!!!  Fuck!!!!

Clemens is so tits its scary.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Taking the 3-year old to see the Penguin movie.  Anyone seen it?  Personally, I wanna see the one about the bear killing that peckerwood up in Alaska.


1 Topic for TZ Discussion

The other day, I?m driving home from work on FM 2920.  Being that the day ends with ?y?, there was some construction going on.  Pretty much stop and go for about 2 miles.  Anyway, some punk kid smacks into the back of my Accord.  No structural damage but his front license plate scraped my back bumper a couple of times.  The kid is scared shitless and doesn?t know what to do.  Turns out he has had his license for about 3 weeks.

To get it ?touched up?, not repainted, will cost about $250.  Here?s the deal:  the kids? mom has said they want to handle it outside of their insurance policy and want to just pay me some cash to get it fixed.  Me?  I don?t give a fuck about a scraped up back bumper.  If it wasn?t his fault, I wouldn?t get the thing fixed.  So should I:  (a)  take the $250 and blow it on hookers, crack and 2-team parlay, (b)  take the $250 and get it fixed, or (c) decline the $250 from the kid because I wasn?t going to fix it unless it was his fault.

482
Pittsburgh Pirates Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Pirates 3-Game series

When:  Friday, August 12th at 7:05, FSSW
       Saturday, August 13th at 6:05, No TV (Cue HD and his Houston Bush-necks form letter for the Sunday Letter?s to the Sports Editor in the Chronicle)
       Sunday, August 14th at 1:05, FSSW

Where: MMPUS.  In my leave of absence this summer, I missed the retirement of Jimmy Wynn?s #24.  What was the general consensus of the TZ freaks?  Me, I have zero idea why they retired his number.  And why they would retire it now of all times.  Yeah he was a great player, one of the more under-rated players of the past 40 years or so.  But was he a greater Astro than Cedeno, Niekro or Richard?  I find it odd that we have all these retired numbers (not to include Wilson/Umbrecht) of players who, while good players, aren?t sniffing the HOF?Scott, Cruz, Dierker and Ryan.  And don?t give me any of that Ryan bull shit?he?s not in the HOF because of what he did in Houston.  And now Wynn.  Basically, what I?m saying is that when you retire the numbers of the ?very goods?, it dampens the impact of the retirement of the real super-duper stars? numbers.  Scott, Cruz and Wynn are great players, but they aren?t in the same class as Bagwell/Biggio.  A gesture to reach out to the African-American community?  A belated tip of the cap to a great player who last put on Astros uniform more than 30 years ago?  A way to sell tickets?



The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Roy Oswalt versus Zach Duke
Game 2   Roger Clemens versus Kip Wells
Game 3   Zeke Astacio versus Dave Williams


Pirates Update (key players and starting pitchers)

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Man, the Pirates are one shitty fucking baseball organization.  Fucking.  Worthless.

OK, they may be a bit harsh.  From all accounts their stadium kicks ass.  And Littlefield has been serving up his fat, mushy ass for Hendry to pound on an annual basis.  Need some power at a corner IF and a legit CF after yours tears his ACL.  ErrorMiss and Lofton for Bobby Hill, a couple of plants and a bag of Hostess Cupcakes.  Need a corner OF with good on-base skills?  Matt Lawton for Jody Gerut.  Not sure how he managed to get Bay/Perez for Too Many Mile, Brian Giles.  Towers must have been on a bender.
You know Bay, Perez, Duke and anyone worth a shit is counting the days until they can get the fuck outta Pittsburgh.  Well, maybe not Bay.  He?s Canadian so Shittburgh probably feels like Bermuda to him.

Zach Duke--With Dukes of Hazzard mania sweeping the red states, look for the Chronicle to have some lame ass headline about Zach, Bo, Luke, Daisy and Uncle Jessie.  He?s having a hell of a year, though.  And given that he?s a rookie they?ve never seen before, expect the Astros to make him look like the second coming of Cy Young. Also, in years past the Astros have crushed lefties with their predominant right handed hitting lineup (some combo of Biggio, Bagwell, Kent, Alou, Doggy with the switch-hitting Berkman and Beltran).  Now, I think their lefty lineup is better than their righty lineup.  Stat o the night for Duke?2 HRs in nearly 50 IP.

Kip Wells?We?ve faced him numerous times, and he has a career ERA close to 5.00 against the Astros, though he pitched well against the Mud?n Blood earlier in the season.  But let?s cut the crap?Wells has become just another pitcher in this league.  The Pirates should have moved him 2 years ago when he was still good and cheap.  Now, he?s expensive, with an ERA increasing year after year, and probably ready to bolt the Pirates for greener pastures.  

Dave Williams?Leads the Pirates in ERA (amongst those who have enough IP to qualify).  Got pounded last time he faced the Astros (10 hits and 5 runs in 5 innings) in July.  He?s dog shit, but serviceable left handed dog shit (SLHDS).  SLHDS will be employed by a major league team for a minimum of 10 years.  I think that is included in the CBA.

Jason Bay?the only everyday player on the Pirates I?d want on the Astros.  Cota, Ward, Sanchez, Macowiak, Redman, the Wilson sisters, Gerut (now injured and on the DL), Restovich, Castillo?  How much would you give up to get Bay?  Patton/Wandy/Burke?  Nieve/Astacio?    


Astros Update

2.5 game lead in the Wild Card race, over the Phucking Phils of all teams.  Personally, I think the Marlins are the team that will make the best run out of the NL East.

Taking 2 of 3 versus the Nats was just what the doctor ordered.  Pettitte was looking strong last night and Biggio seems to be swinging the bat well the last couple of games.  Meanwhile, Orlando Palmeiro is hitting like he should have last year (for those keeping track, OP?s 2004 campaign is why Alkie currently has my left nut).  

Bagwell talk has heated up lately.  I hope he?s able to swing the bat for the Astros in September, even if its nothing more than a RH hitter with good OBP skills coming off the bench.  

Odds the Purpura nabs another bully arm for the stretch drive?65%.  

What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Crazy week in baseball.  First you had the over-turn of Kenny Rogers? suspension.  My take?props to the Union for sticking up for their member.  Props to the arbitrator for telling Selig to fuck himself and forcing him to follow the regulations in the CBA.

Next, you had the first of several plays of the year candidates?the sensational David Wright bare-handed catch.  Fan-fucking-tastic.  Easily the catch of the year.

Next up was Mike Lowell pulling off the hidden-ball trick.  

3rd up was K-Rod not catching a throw back from the catcher, allowing the winning run to score from 3rd Base and the Angels falling out of 1st place.

Finally, there was the awesome head first crash between Cameron and Beltran.  Brutal, just a fucking brutal crash.  But pretty fucking good t.v., especially with a TIVO so you can rerun it over and over again in slow motion.

5 Fearless Fantasy Football Forecasts (Yes, Its that time of year again)

1)   Dominick Davis will be a top 5 RB this year (LT, Alexander, Lewis and Edge are the other 4).  

2)   I never like taking QBs early, but this year I?d make an exception.  There is such a huge drop off from the big 3 to the rest, I?d try to get one of Manning/Culpepper/McNabb.  Use a late 1st rounder on Manning, an early second rounder on Culpepper, or a second rounder on McNabb.  

3)   I don?t think any of the 3 1-st round draft pick RBs are going to be huge producers this year.  In fact, I think Gore/Clarett/Arrington will outproduce Benson/Brown/Williams.
 
4)   Nate Burleson will have a huge year as the new #1 WR for the Vikings.  But then again everyone thinks so?I?ve seen him ranked as high as an overall top 25 pick in some of the pre-season magazines.  Get him if you can, but don?t over-spend for him.  If he?s available in the 4th round in your draft?take him.
 
5)   Look for the Jets to win the challenge trade of Santana Moss for Laverneus Coles.  Coles and Pennington had great chemistry a couple of years ago.  So while I think Moss is the more talented of the two, Coles will have the better year (80 catches, 1200 yards and 10 TDs).

1 Topic for TZ Discussion

The movie of the summer is finally here.

Fuck Star Wars.  Fuck Batman Begins.  War of the Worlds can tongue my saggy bag.  Willie Wonka?  Wedding Crashers?  Fantastic Four?  All can eat a hot bag of shit.

That?s right, motherfuckers.  It is here.  Punks and Ho?s, get ready for?.The Aristocrats.  I?ll let you do your own internet search about it, but here?s a little bit of the documentary.

Here are Kyle, Stan and Cartman with their version of The Aristocrats?

The Link

483
Series Previews 2006 / Giants preview
« on: May 13, 2005, 02:18:42 pm »
WOnder why my previews have sucked? Well, here's a little bit of insight:

(1)  Work has been crazy, which has necessitated a few late nights working including sending out financial models at 3:30 in the morning.

(2)  Wife.  Pregnant.  Hormones.

(3)  Daughter.  3 years old.  ADD.

(4)  Nothing like having to preview another series when you're getting your ass kicked.  Not sure how ALkie did it in 2000.  Its hard to get fired up to write:  "Astros get solid pitching but the offense only managed 5 hits" over and over and over again.

So here is the quick and dirty Giants/Astros preview.

 The Basics  

Game 2 Friday, May 13th  Jules Asatacio versus Kirk Rueter
Game 3 Satruday, May 14th  Roger Clemens verus Bret Tomko
Game 4 Sunday, May 15th  Brandon Backe veresu TBA

Fox SPorts Net has Fridays game, KNWS has Saturday, and ESPN for Sunday NIght.

Giants Update

No Schmidt, no Bonds, no Benitez and yet they are a .500 team.  How are they doing it?  I have no idea.  We should pound these fuckers.

Astros Update

Offense, the brief version:  if you are an Astro on the active roster and you are not going to the HOF, then you aren't hitting.

Pitching, the brief version:  5th starters have sucked, all pitchers who have played for a team in NY are good, Oswalt/Lidge/Qualls have been up and down.

What to Expect

Astros fail to score runs, lose 2 of 3.  Clemens to do another 7 inning, 2 runs or less outing.

484
Series Previews 2006 / Dammit--Gonna be a day late with the preview
« on: May 12, 2005, 04:01:29 pm »
Sorry everyone.  I haven't had time to crank this sucker out.  For the record, tonight's game is Pettitte versus some rook so look for the Astros to use up their weekend allotment of runs tonight in a 5-2 victory.

485
Series Previews 2006 / Braves/Astros--4 game series
« on: May 05, 2005, 05:46:38 pm »
Atlanta Braves Series Preview


The Basics


What:        Astros/Braves 4-Game series

When:      Thursday, May 5th at 6:35, FSSW
                  Friday, May 6th at 6:35, FSSW
      Saturday, May 7th at 6:05, FSSW
      Sunday, May 8th at 12:05, FSSW

Where:      Turner Field.  Ahh, Turner Field.  Playoff games at 65% capacity, annoying foam hatchets, bullpen phones that don?t work, and Larry Wayne?s Hooters girls.  Though if Hanoi Jane?s book is to believed, Larry Wayne can?t hold a candle to Ted?s bounty of booty.  Billionaire Ted like pushin? the cushin? in his private jet.


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Brandon Backe versus John Thomson
Game 2   Roy Oswalt versus John Smoltz
Game 3   Andy Pettitte versus  Horacio Ramirez
Game 4    Zeke Astacio versus Mike Hampton


Braves Update (key players and starting pitchers)

The Braves are 16-11, and once again proving that word of their demise has been greatly exaggerated.  These fuckers are going to keep making the playoffs for the next 50 years.  Still will have just the one title (in a strike shortened year!!!).

John Thomson?looks like John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles if he had a stomach staple.  A fine ERA (2.81) with a pedestrian WHIP (1.34), and a strong K/BB ratio (24/8).  The Astros managed to get 4 runs off him in Houston (off just 7 hits and a walk) on 4/19.  

John Smoltz?since getting pounded on Opening Day, Smoltz has been lights out?an ERA around 1.80 in 35 or so innings.  Not the innings horse he used to be (has topped out at 7.1 so far this year), so lets see if they try to work the count to wear him out quicker.  Berkman has the best success versus Smoltz, though only 4 career ABs.  

Horacio Ramirez?4.84 ERA and a 1.61 WHIP.  The Mets pounded his ass last time out.  Biggio has 2 career HRs off him in 5 ABs, and as a team the Astros have a 1.125 OPS against him.  Interestingly enough it the lefties that are doing the most damage to Ramirez.  Still, look for the all righty lineup in this one.

Gay Curious George?Excellent ERA (2.47) and an excellent WHIP (1.15).  Still walking too many hitters given his strikeout rates but will get those 6-4-3 double plays.  6 for 16 with the bat this year.

?DWI? Furcal?a terror behind the wheel and just terrible so far this year.  239/287/354.  Does have 8 SBs so look for him to run if/when he gets on.  Betcha Pettitte picks him off.

Chipper?was hurt for a while (bruise on his foot or something) but has been pounding the ball this year.  357/494/686.  Guess he likes it back at 3B.  Look for Willy and/or Everett to lay one down to see if he can field any better than he did 2 years ago (when he sucked).

Andruw Jones?remember all the talk about how Willie Mays made a suggestion to Andruw in the Spring and he responded by hitting 10 bombs?  Well, the suggestion hasn?t translated to the regular season?247/324/433.  

The Braves are basically the Astros.  They have scored and allowed a similar number of runs.  Lets see if we can stop beating ourselves and start beating teams that look like us.

Astros Update

Losing 2 of 3 to the fucking Pirates is frustrating.  Dammit, this is not a bad team.  Time to start winning some games.

The big news for the Astros is the pending return of Lance Berkman.  We shouldn?t put too much hope on his return, thinking he?ll be the magical elixir for what ails ya.  At the same time, he?ll give some punch to the middle of the lineup, which isn?t producing the way it should.

Biggio is hitting wonderfully, but has really dropped a notch or two (or four) with the glove.  With all the talk of Clemens being traded to the Yankees, I?m a bit surprised Craig?s name doesn?t surface as a potential Yankee.  He?s from New York state, and I think he still has a home there (could be wrong about that).  And the Yanks could use a 2B who doesn?t suck (Jeter-Biggio-Arod-Sheffield-Matsui-Posada-DH-1B-CF).

Lidge is human.  Fuck!

Oswalt is battling a sprained foot, but is scheduled to start on Friday.  Keep your fingers and toes crossed.

See ya Eric Bruntlett?my prediction for who gets sent down when Lance is activiated.  Don?t feel too bad for Eric, he got 5 weeks worth of a killer salary.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Got stuck watching American Idol last night with the wife.  I accidently stabbed myself 35 times in each ear with a #2 pencil listening to them butcher ?Bridge Over Troubled Water?.  It wasn?t so much the singers as it was the arrangement the band was playing.  I will now light myself on fire?

Been listening to a lot of Springsteen lately.  Older stuff?The River and Nebraska.  I?ve decided it would be cool to be able to play ?Atlantic City? with one of those guitar/harmonica thingies.  I?d be set if I could sing, play guitar and the harmonica.  Also, why wasn?t Ties That Bind a bigger hit?  

Is Bonds subject to the random drug testing while he?s on the DL?  And, since steroids help one recover from injury, couldn?t Bonds be appropriately pounding the Clear into his body like I do with Chicken Wings on $0.35 wing day at BW3?  

My 3 year old is becoming a huge baseball fan.  I took her to the game on Sunday and then again on Tuesday night.  She asks about 100 questions a minute, and is more concerned with what color jersey the Astros are wearing than anything else.  But that?s OK.  Daddy and daughter have a great time, watching baseball and acting goofy together.  

Kudos to the Astros for their $2 Tuesday campaign (2 OF Deck seats for $2 if you bring a PowerAde label to the MMPUS box office).  The parking meters on Preston are free after 6:00 so I got in and out for $2.  Well, add about $15 for a hot dog, soda and ice cream cone.

5 Fun Facts about Foggy (the ?I Never Woulda Guessed It? edition)

1)   Some of my favorite songs over the past 2 or 3 years have been Christian Rock songs.  Example:  Who Am I by Casting Crowns, Sea of Faces by Kutless and Caroline by Seventh Day Slumber.

2)   I was a high jumper in high school.  Of course, in high school I was 6-4, 150 pounds.

3)   Am eligible for protection under the Americans with Disability Act two different ways.  First, since breaking my wrist 2 years ago I?ve lost most of the ability to bend my right wrist back (can bend it may 35 or 40 degrees if fully loose and warm).  Second, I have a mild case of stuttering.  No, my missing left nut is not covered.

4)   Was a Mets fan in the early 1980?s, before the 1986 NLCS.

5)   Can?t stand Elvis Presley.  Movies, songs, any of it.

1 Topic for TZ Discussion

Let?s shift away from music and into the always interesting book versus movie discussion.  I will say that 95% of the time, the book is better.  Ocassionally, there is the movie that exceeds the book.  Here are ones that come to mind:

(1)   The Godfather (I and II)
(2)   Apocalypse Now (better than Heart of Darkness)
(3)   The Shawshank Redemption
(4)   The Jungle Book (I don?t remember The Bare Neccessities in Kipling?s novel)
(5)   Silence of the Lambs


Post your thoughts, comments, complaints in the TZ.

486
Series Previews 2006 / Cubs Preview
« on: April 29, 2005, 02:49:43 pm »
Cubs Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Cubs 3 Game series

When:      Friday, April 27th at 7:105 FSSW
      Saturday, April 30th at 6:05, MLB.TV
      Sunday, May 1st at 1:05, KNWS

Where:      MMPUS?where the hits just keep on not a-comin?


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Roger Clemens versus Greg Maddux?drop whatever you?re doing, see this game

Game 2   Brandon Backe versus Kerry Wood (maybe, game time decision)

Game 3   Roy Oswalt versus Mark Prior?drop whatever you?re doing, see this game

Just the recipe for a team that?s been shut out 3 times in 5 games?Maddux, Wood, and Prior.

Cubs Update

Can?t discuss the Cubs without talking about the DL.  Nomah is out for a couple of months with a torn nut muscle, guess Mia was riding him a little too hard.  Joe Borowski (one-time closer) and Chad Fox (one-time closer) are also on the DL, though Fox may be gone for the year and Borowski may come back fairly soon.  And who knows when Wood/Prior/Zambrano may make a trip to the DL next.

Derek Lee is making a run at Player of the Month (Clemens will likely get the Pitcher of the Month).  Error Miss is a bit gamey with a hamstring issue, apparently it tightens up on cold and/or rainy days.  Pussy.

C-Face Barrett is likely to flap his dick suckers this weekend, and you know that Sunday will be an interesting day in more ways than one.

Zambrano has already been tossed twice this year?once for arguing balls and strikes and once for nailing Kearns with a fastball after Dunn hit a bomb.  Apparently he is Enemy #1 for the BfiB, so perhaps that cock suck isn?t all bad.
 
No Sammy this time.  I miss the hippity hop on a routine flyball to RF.

 
Astros Update

Offense?Fuck.  Move along?nothing to see here.

Defense?Ehh, not a ?fuck? but a ?damn?.  Nothing to see here.

Pitching?All pitchers not named Duckworth or Franco have been tits.  Backe had 1 bad start versus the Jakes, so I?ll give him the benefit of doubt.  Hate, hate, hate to waste this great pitching, because there will come a time when they go cold.  

By the way?here?s the final word on Garner and his managing:  he?s the anti-Dierker.  Dierker would wait for the big hit, Garner ain?t got that luxury.  If he tries something and it backfires, who gives a shit.  What matters is that he is trying to make something happen.  I?d rather him try to make something happen than to sit back and wait for the big hit that?ll never materialize.  If he had Berkman, Kent, Beltran, the 1999 version of Biggio and Bagwell, I could understand waiting for the big hit.  Absent those guys, try something.  Anything.


What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
Heard the new ColdPlay single?ehh, nothing to get excited about.  Perhaps if they changed their named to ?Wanting to sound like Radiohead? I?d like them better.

As some of you know, we?re expecting our second child later this Summer.  Well, we had the ultrasound and it?s a girl.  Or, perhaps it?s a boy with a tiny pecker, but we know THAT can?t be the case?bwahahaha hahaha.  Anyway, we?re going through the book of names again.  Current possibilities include Shelby, Elizabeth, Quinn, Natalie and Camille.  Ms. Foghorn shot down my preference of Jessica Autumn, so feel free to claim it if you like it.  She also added if I jokingly suggest ?MuthaFuckin? Soupone? for a name one more time, she?s going to castrate me with a cheese grater.  Anyway, if you have any girls names you think sound awesome feel free to send them along.

Apparently Kevin Smith of Clerks fame has seen Revenge of the Sith and declares it to kick ass.  That its much darker than Empire and all the haters will be lining up to service Lucas after they see it.  I know I?m there on 5/20?gonna skip out on work to see it.  

Chuy?s creamy jalapeno dip rules!!!!

What the fuck are the D-backs doing sweeping the Dodgers in LA?  What the fuck are the Yanks doing under .500?  The White Sox?  

Mavs will come back and win the series.  Mark my words.



What to look for this weekend

1)   Low scoring games, won?t be 20 runs scored all games combined.
2)   Viz to start versus Prior.
3)   If Wood can?t go on Saturday, look for Glendon Rusch who?ll promptly strike out 15 Astros and throw a 2-hitter.
4)   Updates from Round Rock as Berkman continues his rehab.  Noe, Jim R and others out that way, make sure he isn?t trying to field balls and eat mashed potatoes from a Styrofoam cup (great, great line from El Jefe).
5)   Wheeler to dot Derek Lee again, just for the halibut.


1 Topic for TZ Discussion

Another music related theme.  What CD(s) are in your car right now?  Whatcha listening to, bizzitches?

I?ve got 4 CDs in:

(1)   He Got Game Soundtrack?basically just the theme song.  ?It might feel good/
it might sound a little somethin'/ but damn the game if it don't mean nothing/
what is game who got game/where's the game in life/ behind the game behind the game/I got game/she's got game/we got game/they got game/he got game/it might feel good/or sound a little something/but fuck the game if it ain't saying nothing?.  Love it.

(2)   Alice in Chains Greatest Hits?not enough from Facelift.  Too much from the 3rd AIC release.

(3)   Lone Justice Greatest Hits?country/folk/rock from LA in the 1980s.  Can?t go wrong when you are getting help writing songs from Tom Petty and Little Steven, while Bono is joining you on stage to sing ?Sweet Jane?.

(4)   Sedated in the Eighties?a compilation disk from Rhino.  Tracks of note I listen to:  Sedated (Ramones), What I Like About You (Romantics), People Who Died (Jim Carrol), Our Lips are Sealed (Go Gos), Love My Way (P Furs) and Behind the Wall of Sleep (Smithereens).  Tracks of note I skip:  Melt with You (Modern English), Poison Arrow (ABC), Saved by Zero (Fixx), and Mexican Radio (Wall of VooDoo).

487
Series Previews 2006 / St Loogie Jakes Preview
« on: April 22, 2005, 04:06:41 pm »
Da Fuggin? Jakes Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Jakes 3 Game series

When:      Friday, April 22nd at 7:10, FSSW
      Saturday, April 23rd at 1:15, KNWS/MLB.TV
      Sunday, April 24th at 1:15, FSSW

Where:      Busch Stadium.  The only place where you can find a gathering of 40,000 baseball fans who think both:  (a)  Big Mac didn?t take the roids and (b)  LaRussa isn?t a douche bag.


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Brandon Duckworthless versus Jason ?Mercury Grand? Marquis
Game 2   Roger ?My kingdom for run support? Clemens versus Mark ?Fox? Mulder
Game 3   Brandon ?toe? Backe versus Matt ?please say Lamb has the flu? Morris

Wish we could have had Pettitte going this series, I like a lefty versus Edmonds/Walker.  


Jakes Update

Da Jakes just split a pair with the Cubs, beating Dempster while CZambrano treated them like a lab with a leaky ass treats the living room carpet.  

Offensively the Jakes have yet to hit their stride.  Rolen, with a bum knee that some think will eventually need surgery (miss maybe a month), is hitting 228/267/456.  Walker, aiding in kicking my fantasy team to nothing but last place in the hitting categories, is hitting 217/308/391.

On the plus side, Yadier Molina is having an awesome year hitting .329.  Oh wait, that?s his OPS not his AVG.  Grudz and Eckstein have also been worse than their 2004 counterparts, though Eckstein does have a fine .429 OBP (with only 3 runs scored hitting in front of Walker, Poo Holes, and Anaheim Jimmy).

Pitching wise, the Cards support a fine 3.31 ERA.  Jason Marquis has allowed just 3 earnies in 20 innings.  Suppan also is pitching well, Morris looked good in his only start but that was against Shittsburgh, which is about as difficult to accomplish as getting Jim Rome to talk about himself.  Mulder has been hit pretty hard, 4.74 ERA, and the entire teams WHIP is a pedestrian 1.34.  

LaRussa is the subject of a new book by the guy that penned Friday Night Lights.  I refuse to read the book because:  (a)  nothing he?ll ever write again will be as good as FNL (and I am afraid of being disappointed), and (b) LaRussa is a tool.

Astros Update

Nothing like kicking the shit outta the Brew Crew to make yourself feel a whole lot better.  After losing 6 of 8, the Astros have responded with 3 straight W?s pulling back over .500 with an 8-7 record.

Right now Lane is the club leader in AVG, HR, R, RBI, and SB.  Has a player ever done that for his team?  Maybe A-Rod or Bonds?  

Last week going into the Reds series, Ensberg/Tavares/Scott were all hitting over .300.  Now, none are.  Scott has been in a horrible slump, 0 for his last 18.  Someone needs to let the rook know about slump busting.  

Taveras has a higher slugging percentage than Ensberg does.  

Pitching has been outstanding so far this year.  Clemens ERA has been lower than all but Brother Bluto?s GPA, Oswalt has been working down his ERA which Edmonds? HR in the opener shot skyward (currently at 3.41).  Pettitte and Backe are both under 4.00 ERA and the Astros as a team check in at 2.85 with a 1.09 WHIP.

Joe Sheehan had a nice article the other day, looking at the K/BB ratio for every team in the league.  Apparently the all time record for a team is something like 3.25.  Well, the Twins are destroying that mark with a ratio currently over 6.00.  Second on that list?  The Astros at 3.66.  

Sheehan looked at the top 10 result of all time and the worst any of those team finished up was 88 and 74.

What?s on Foggy?s mind?
 
New feature this week, as I just brain dump various thoughts/questions/ideas that I?ve been chewing on for a week or so.  Some baseball related, some Astros related, some related to nothing at all.

First, my fantasy league team is killing me.  We had to announce keepers by mid-February so I kept Bonds, who at the time, wasn?t supposed to miss any time.  I also kept Nomar.  I drafted Andruw Jones, Larry Walker, Bagwell, Berkman, and Piazza.  I am last in all the hitting categories but near the lead in all the pitching categories (Beckett, Sheets, Oswalt, FrCordero, Greinke, Brazoban, and Wickman).  Anyone got any suggestions?

$1 hot dog night is a scam.  The dogs are the left over dogs from the previous series, the buns are hard and crushed, and they are never served warm.  Fuck dollar hot dog night.  Double fuck it.

The wife and I will get to enjoy a night out this weekend as my parents babysit the little one, and the odds are high we?ll see a movie.  Bad news:  its her pick which means there is an 85% chance I?m going to see Fever Pitch, as I?ve been dragged to every Drew Barrymore movie since The Wedding Singer.  As long as it is better than Riding in Cars with Boys (worst movie ever) there won?t be an incident.

Tavares needs to lead off, AE to hit 7th, drop Ausmus to 8.  Astros need to find a 3B for next year?Ensberg isn?t the long term answer.  Qualls/Wheeler are doing a bang up job.  Bully is certainly pulling its weight.  Franco?s WHIP is 3.60, his ERA in 0.00.  

If John Daly holds on to win the Shell, you just know his victory party at one of the local titty bars is going to be legendary.  Or has he found Jesus?

First 10 picks in the NFL draft in order?Aaron Rogers, Alex Smith, Braylon Edwards, Ronnie Brown, Ced Benson, Mike Williams, Derrek Johnson, Cadallac Williams, Troy Williamson, and Pac Man Jones.  No idea who will take whom as I forsee about 3 or 4 trades going down.


What to look for this weekend

1)   Which pitcher with the microscopic ERA (Clemens or Marquis) gets hammered?
2)   Lamb to start versus Morris, but will it be at 3B or LF?  Me, I try to go with a nearly all lefty lineup?Tavares (CF), Viz (2B), Bagwell (1B), Lamb (3B), Scott (LF), Palmeiro (RF), Everett (SS), Ausmus (C).
3)   Battle of the bullpens?Lidge/Wheeler/Qualls versus Izzy/King/Tavarez.  This battle will decide one of the games.
4)   Its easy to spot the fucksticks at Busch, just look for someone wearing red.
5)   Mulder is a guy we need to pound.   He?s not the same Mulder of the past few years.  Work the count, and pound his fastball once he falls behind.


1 Topic for TZ Discussion

I like this feature, so I?m a-keepin? it.  Cover songs.  Your top 5 favorite cover songs that are better than the original.  Mine in no particular order:

Ring of Fire?Social Distortion covering Johnny Cash
Superstition?SRV covering Stevie Wonder
Please Mr. Postman?Beatles covering the Marvalettes (is that who did it originally?)
Take Me Home, Country Roads?Jason and the Scorchers covering John Denver
Sympathy?Jane?s Addiction covering the Stones? Sympathy for the Devil

488
Series Previews 2006 / Cincy Reds Preview--didn't we just do this???
« on: April 15, 2005, 03:12:08 pm »
Cincinnati Reds Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Reds 3 Game series

When:      Friday, April 15th at 6:10, FSSW
      Saturday, April 16th at 12:15, KNWS/MLB.TV
      Sunday, April 17th at 12:15, FSSW

Where:      Great American Ballpark, with Smokestakes and Budweiser-fueled diarrhea served over spaghetti noodles?mmm, now dat?s good eats.


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Roy Oswalt versus Paul Wilson
Game 2   Andy Pettitte versus Eric Milton
Game 3   Brandon Duckworth versus TBA (fuck, TBA owns the Astros)


Reds Update

After receiving a good ol? fashioned ass kickin at the hands of the good guys last week, the Reds have played all of 2 fucking games, splitting a pair with the Jakes.  2 games in 4 days.  What kind of bull shit is that?  

Reds were lucky to eek out a win in St. Louis considering the Jakes had the bases loaded and just 1 out with Poo Holes at the plate in the 9th down by a run.  A nicely turned 5-3 double play by Joe Randa ended that rally.  $10 says the Astros 3B, whether it be Ensberg, or Lamb, or Viz, fucks that play up.

Anyway, these are still the same shitbags we faced last weekend.  Look for 2 of the 4-headed OF monster known as Adam Mo Kearns, Jr. to hit a bomb or 2.  Randa has been a nice addition so far.  And the DL is pretty free and clear for once.  

Red Fan, this is as good as your team gets all season.  And even then it sucks ass.

Astros Update

Astros get swept at Shea, going into full blown Arthur mode, except that they weren?t lost between the moon and NYC, just lost somewhere between 1B and home plate.  Shit, how many lobsters did we eat in NY.  Fuck!!!

The pitching staff is looking pretty sweet, with Clemens looking as salty as pickle floating in the Dead Sea.  The key to winning games seems to be getting Lidge involved.  Astros have 4 wins and Tits is 3 for 3 in saves and has 1 win.  
The ?Ausmus ain?t shit? circle jerk started early this year, not sure who had Game 7 but congrats to whoever did.  The ?switch AE and Willy in the batting order? is starting to heat up.  Biggio is off to a nice start and Berkman?s rehab won?t be done for a couple of weeks.

Ensberg/Lane/Tavares/Scott?all hitting over .300.  Wow!!!!


Five Questions
 
1)   Hey, what the fuck?  I thought it was 10 questions?  I?m swamped at the office.  Too much work, not enough time.  And to top it off my company tells me that they fucked up my W-2 and I?ll need to re-file.  

2)   When is Berkman going to make it back?  I?ve consulted Madame Sosioux who specializes not in reading tea leaves but in reading shit stains.  I took her to the crapper over at Second Baptist (since that is where Lance was hurt) and she was able to divine from the spirits that Lance would be back on April 29th, the start of the Cubs series.  So there you go.

3)   Why isn?t ?Jules? Astacio starting instead of Predator?s Mother?  Jules is a mushroom cloud laying mother fucker, mother fucker.  He?s SuperFly TNT, the Guns of the Navarone.  I say get his ass up here for help in middle relief.  Betcha Duckworthless is on a short lease.  

4)   Biggest surprise thus far?  Pick one?(a)  Willy T hitting well, (b)  Clemens being as good as last year, or (c)  Oswalt?s lack of strikeouts.  I?ll take (c).  4 punchouts in 14 innings?very un-Roy like.
 
5)   Biggest Surprise in the NL thus far?  Gotta be the D-backs/Nationals.  I didn?t think they?d win 6 games all April, much less in the first 2 weeks.  If Brandon Lyon can keep on closing out games for the D-Backs, my fantasy team is in great shape!!!  Jose Guiilen is a player in Washington, though he must be some sort of asshole to get kicked off the Angels.  Anyone know exactly what he did?  Something like he mouthed off to Scioscia?


Three Random Thoughts

1)  Alex Smith is the better QB prospect between him and Aaron Rodgers.  Rodgers is a mouthy little punk who quit on his team last year.  Then again, the whole team quit after not making it to the Rose Bowl.  Loved seeing Ttech light those biches up.

2)  I saw Al Sharpton in O?Hare yesterday.  Looks a lot less fat in person.

3)  Went to Wrigley up in Chicago.  It was perfect.  Prior making his return against Jake Peavy.  What could be better?  Well, everything could.  RAIN OUT.  What kind of bull shit is that.  Rainouts suck.  We went in, bought a shitty Old Style and a $3.50 hot dog, not even Chicago style?just a plain fucking dog.  Sit there in the fucking cold, make small talk to the Cub Fan losers around us, and then 20 minutes before game time they call it.

FUCK!!!!

1 Topic for TZ Discussion

Create a basketball team of NBAers who went to college, versus a basketball team of NBAers who didn?t, versus a basketball team of foreign born players.  Who wins?  My lineups:

College Kids?Shaq, Duncan, Iverson, Wade, and Marion.  Great depth at the power positions and at shooting guard (Redd and Ray Allen could also work) while the small forward is a bit tougher (Marion or Vince Carter).

High School?Stoudamire, Garnett, James, McGrady, and Bryant.  I think that?s the team to beat.

Foreign?Yao, Nowitzki, Stojakovic, Nash and Kirilenko (yeah he?s out, so what this is make believe).

489
Series Previews 2006 / Reds Preview
« on: April 08, 2005, 12:27:03 pm »
Cincinnati Reds Series Preview


The Basics

What:        Astros/Reds 3 Game series

When:      Friday, April 8th at 7:05, FSSW
      Saturday, April 9th at 6:05, MLB.TV
      Sunday, April 10th at 1:05, FSSW

Where:      MMPUS


The Pitching Matchups

Game 1   Roger Clemens versus Ramon Ortiz
Game 2   Brandon Backe versus Paul Wilson
Game 3   Roy Oswalt versus Brandon Claussen


Reds Update

The Reds are coming in after sweeping the Mets (how?s that taste, Mole-man?) including the patented Kansas City faggot hopping scene at home plate after Randa jerked a Braden Looper offering into the left field stands for a walk off homer on Opening Day.  They?ve won by out-slugging the Mets in Games 1 and 2 and then received some strong pitching performances in Game 3.  Well, strong by everyone but Tackleberry whose line is now 4 hits, 2 walks, 2 outs.  Amazingly enough, Junior Griffey is not on the DL, though I should remind everyone that the season is just 4 days old.

Astros Update

The good guys split a pair with the Fuckin? Jakes.  The common thread between the 2 games should be no surprise?good starting pitching (Oswalt pitched better than his numbers would indicate), good relief work by the guys you are counting on (Wheeler, Qualls, Lidge), and suspect hitting until Lance Berkman gets back.  Ensberg had about as bad of a game as possible on Tuesday, and came back the next day with a proper 3 for 3 day at the plate.  Biggio and Tavares are off to fine starts, while Hobbs is still looking for his first MLB hit.

Damn if Pettitte didn?t look good out there.  If the Astros are to have a shot they need 180+ innings from Andy.

Ten Questions
 
1)   Hey, what the fuck is this?  This isn?t the Series Preview I?m used to???  Correct, I?m going to try a few different structures to see which one I like best.  As Gunny Highway once growled, ?overcome, adapt, improvise?.  The same old shit that worked backed then is tiresome.  Tear off the rearview mirrors Baby, we ain?t ever lookin? back!!!

2)   Where are your season previews, shitbag?  Good question?they are done I just haven?t actually typed them yet.  I?ll get to them soon.  Maybe.

3)   Why isn?t Lamb starting at 3B?  Did you see that clutch triple?  Mike Lamb owns you!!!  I agree.  If I?m Garner I go with a strict platoon at 3B until Clank?s iron glove falls off.  

4)   How many Hall of Famers are going to be on the field this weekend?  Four?Clemens, Biggio, Bagwell, and Griffey.  I think Dunn/Oswalt will be excellent players over the next 10 years, but I don?t see either of them as HOF type players.

5)   Is there anything nastier than Cincinnati chili?  Did you really melt some chocolate into a pile of James Coney Island?s Chili Pasta last year when the Reds were playing the Cubs?  No.  Yes.  My colon sued me for neglect this winter.  I thought I was going to win the case for sure but the colon found an obscure ruling in the case of Liver vs. Keith Whitley and I had to pay punitive damages to the tune of regularly scheduled colonics at The Urban Retreat.

6)   Is Paul Wilson going to get out of the first inning this time?  Yeah, he?ll survive the first but the Reds pitching staff ?sucks the sweat off a dead man?s balls?.  If the Astros don?t score at least 20 runs this series, you better hope Berkman comes back full of piss, vinegar, and undetectable HGH or else it?ll be a long season.  When Paul Wilson and Eric Milton are far and away your best options, you suck.

7)   Which Astros player is going to have the biggest series?  Oswalt.  His career ERA versus the Reds is just a shade over 3.00 in 75+ innings pitched (that seems high, I would have thought it was lower?note to self:  check this out).  Roy is going to put up 7 innings of shut out ball, unless Jason LaRue starts squibbling balls up the 3B line again.  Career OPS against for Oswalt and selected Reds:  Casey (514), Dunn (710), Kearns (511), LaRue (702), Griffey (321).  Only D?Angelo ?Better than Soriano? Jimenez has hit Roy worth a shit (899).

8)   How will Backe do on Saturday?  Got a bad feeling about Backe this year.  I don?t think he?ll be anywhere near the pitcher he was down the stretch last year.  I see him losing his spot in the rotation by mid-June.  Look for Duckworth and Astacio to man the #4 and #5 spots from then on.  Would have loved to see the Count flip Backe into something else this offseason.

9)   How much longer will the Luke Scott experiment last?  I say you stick with him until Berkman is ready.  Lets see what he can do.  Besides, I like have OP coming off the bench.

10)   When is Craig back?  He?ll be back for the Mets series.  He?s promised to have nothing but links to pictures of Anna Benson sucking on lollipops and eating bananas.  Can you imagine having that skank as your Mom?

Five Random Thoughts

1)  Rockets are going to be the #7 seed in the NBA playoffs and will lose in 5 games to the Spurs.  No one in Houston will really care.

2)  Sin City is a decent movie, with the Marv arc clearly the best.  However, the chick factor in Sin City may be the highest of all time.  Jessica Alba in chaps, a topless Karen Sisco, Brittany Murphy, a couple hot blonds who I?ve never heard of before nor will ever hear from again, the daughter from Gilmore Girls all dressed up like a hooker, Rosario Dawson in fishnets, some Asian chick with a thing for swords, and more.

3) Why aren?t there any great names in sports anymore?  I miss the days of I.M. Hipp.

4)  I?ve recently done a 180 on my thoughts regarding Nick and Jessica, the Newlyweds.  At first I couldn?t understand the appeal behind them.  Two talentless shlubs getting married and allowing a camera to follow their every move.  Sure, Jessica is fun to look at with the Worrell Button on, but you hear her voice and the dumb shit she says, and it just wipes out any positive feelings you can have towards her.  However, now I realize the true beauty of the show.  The true beauty of the show is Nick?s very slow realization of ?Awww fuck,  I?m stuck with this dumb bitch forever?.   You?d think the tuna fish/?Chicken of the Sea? thing would be the first hint, or the $700 bras and panties, or the ?chop of the pork? comment.  But no, it is the accumulated sum of everything that has finally allowed Nick to see the light.  Its fun to watch old episodes and see where he is on the Realization Scale.  Oh, here he thinks its funny when she burns toast and fucks up dinner.  Must be an early one.  Here he is a little annoyed with the $1400 sheets.  Oh, here?s where they?re packing up the house and he comes across the $1400 sheets again (looking like they?ve never been used) and the little amusing smile is gone.

5)  One of my fantasy teams is sucking ass thanks to my ?closers?.  Hoffman got pounded for 4 runs in less than an inning.  Wickman got pounded for 4 runs in less than an inning.  Cordero and Hawkins each allowed a run in 1 inning.  And Bazelton got shelled for about 3 runs in an inning.  Totally wiping out nice starts from Beckett, Sheets and Milwood.  

3 Topics for TZ Discussion

1)  The ?Way Back? machine has been fixed.  You can undo any one move in Astros history?the Morgan trade, the Caminiti/Finley trade, not protecting Abreu, not protecting Santana, not re-signing Ryan.  Which move do you undo and why?

2)  Worst seats at MMPUS?  Crawford Boxes?  Field Box seats down the right field line under the over-hang so you can?t see the big screen?  Bullpen boxes?  Discuss.

3)  All Time Reds team:

C?Bench
1B?Perez
2B?Morgan
SS?Larkin
3B?Rose
OF?Foster
OF?Pinson
OF?Robinson
SP?Eppa Rixey

Anyone I miss?

490
Series Previews 2006 / D-Backs Preview
« on: April 04, 2005, 02:54:08 am »
Here comes the frantic finish.  The NL East will be one massive preview coming out tomorrow and the NL Central will come out on Tuesday.  

Arizona Diamondbacks

2004 In Review  Wow, did the shit ever hit the fan in the desert in 2004.  The big Richie Sexson deal cratered when Sexson blew out his shoulder, totaling less than 100 ABs.  Meanwhile, Brandon Webb won the pitching triple crown of suck, leading the league in losses, walks and wild pitches.  Luis Gonzales had to have Tommy John surgery to repair his elbow, Steve Finley had a solid season but was dealt at the deadline, and Randy Johnson barely managed to finish over .500 despite a killer year?2.61 ERA in 245 innings.

On the plus side?.well, they still have the 2001 Championship banner hanging at the BOB.  That?s about it.

2004 Offseason in Review  In:  Javier Vasquez, Jose Cruz, Royce Clayton, Russ Ortiz, Troy Glaus and Shawn Green.  Good, decent, horrid but cheap, horrid but expensive, good and injured, and good but over-paid.  Out:  Johnson, Sexson and Matt Mantei.  

No matter how good Vasquez is, the D-Backs took a huge step back when they traded the Unit.  What?s weird is that by the time the Dbacks are worth a shit again, Vasquez will be a free agent.  This has the making of a death spiral, with the team trying to add pieces of the puzzle through free agency, but seemingly each piece they add is wrong.  The money they spent on Ortiz/Green was insane.  And for the Glaus gambit to pay off , he?ll need 550 ABs.  Not gonna happen.


Catchers  One bright spot here is Chris Snyder.  The kid shows some pop but has been rushed through the system, hitting 5 HRs in just under 100 ABs with the D-Backs.  Catcher who can hit 20+ HRs are fairly rare, especially one as young as Snyder.  Look for him to split some time with Koyie Hill this season.

First Base  Shea Hillenbrand was dealt back to the AL, this time Toronto, and with the addition of Glaus, Chad Tracy slides across the diamond to 1B.  8 HRs in 421 ABs last year.  Yeah, he?s young but c?mon?8 freaking HRs!!!!  You are looking at the worst 1B in the NL.

Second Base  Aw shit, Craig Counsell is back with the D-Backs.  A nice utility guy to have around, but giving him 500+ ABs is just a horrible idea.  Give Scott Hairston the ABs, you losers aren?t going anywhere in 2005.  See what the kid can do over a full season.

Shortstop  A few years back Alex Cintron looked like a SS with a pretty nice future ahead of him.  Now, he finds himself behind Royce Clayton, who had an OPS of 821 at Coors Field, just 650 away from Coors.  See 2B comment, no way should Clayton be taking ABs away from Cintron.

Third Base  Troy Glaus can mash.  Troy Glaus can field.  Troy Glaus can not stay healthy?just 520 ABs over the past two seasons.  If healthy, he?s the 2nd best 3B in the NL behind Rolen and can hit 40 HRs.  He?s the type of player that can help a contending team reach front-runner status (say the Phillies, Astros or Padres).  He?ll help the D-Backs finish 4th instead of 5th.

Outfield  Luis Gonzales, Jose Cruz Jr, and Shawn Green.  If only this was 2001.  Cruz went 30/30 in 2001, Gonzo hit 57 bombs, and Green hit 49 HRs with 125 RBIs.  Gonzo is coming back from elbow surgery and Cruz is coming back from a season in Hell, or maybe it was just Tropicana Field.  Green is still a good hitter, capable of a .280 average and 30 HRs.  

Starters  Brandon Webb, Javier Vasquez, Russ Ortiz, Brad Halsey and Shawn Estes.  Ortiz is being paid a bunch of money to eat innings and walk a ton of hitters, and Halsey/Estes are strictly rotation fillers.  Webb and Vasquez each have the potential to be All Star pitchers over the next few years.  Vasquez had a nice season going in the first half of 2004, not sure what happened?  If healthy, he?ll be one of the top 20 starters in the NL.

Bullpen  With the loss of Mantei, the bull pen looks to Greg Aquino, Mike Koplove and Jose Valverde.  Smell the domination!!!  Valverde and Koplove are talented, but neither has a track record of health.  What leads the D-Backs will generate will often be choked away.  

Outlook  A poor team, probably on track to lose 88-93 games depending on the health of Glaus, Gonzo, Green and Vasquez.  Green/Glaus.Vasquez are just stop gaps.  None will be part of the next Arizona playoff team, though to be honest it may be a long while for the next Arizona playoff team.

Fantasy Projections  Assumes an NL-only league, 10 teams, 5x5 rules.  Avg/HR/RBI/R/SB.  W/K/ERA/WHIP/Saves

Snyder?255/15/55/45/0.  I think he?ll eventually end up with the majority of playing time.  Nice upside for keeper leagues but don?t expect much this year--$1.

Tracy?285/12/75/60/2.  Stay away.  Not a bad player, especially since he can qualify at 3B but as a 1B he is awful.  $5.

Counsell?255/5/45/85/15.  Will score some runs because he?s hitting leadoff but he?s not a great table setter.  If/when Arizona gets tired of his .300 OBP, he?ll be useless.  $5

Clayton?260/10/55/75/10.  Can?t imagine him getting all the ABs needed for this projection--$1.

Glaus?260/25/85/70/0.  $20, with the upside of a lot more if he?s healthy.  Note, even when he?s cranking out 40 HRs, his average has been in the 255 range.  Best case he?s a 3 category player.
 
Gonzales--270/15/70/65/5.  Not much is left in the tank.  Bid cautiously?$12.

Cruz--255/25/75/80/15.  The BOB should be good for Cheito, pushing his power numbers up a bit.  Could also see an increase in his SB totals if the D-Backs try to manufacture some runs.  $17.

Green?270/27/95/85/5.  About a $24 player.  

You guys in keeper leagues can take a flyer on Cintron and Hairston for $1.

Vasquez?11/175/3.95/1.30/0.  A $17 pitcher trapped in Arizona where the wins will be hard to come by.  I?d stop bidding at $15.

Webb?10/145/3.75/1.33/0.  Once he gets his walks under control, he?ll be a $20 pitcher.  Until then, $15.

Ortiz/Halsey/Estes?All 3 suck, all 3 will do something like 8/105/4.85/1.35/0.  $1 each.

Aquino?3/40/4.15/1.32/17?Won?t keep his job as closer.  Saves are worth about $10.

491
Series Previews 2006 / Colorado Rockies Preview
« on: March 17, 2005, 01:15:20 am »
2004 In Review  Another year, another worthless season for the Rox.  Thanks in part to Coors Field, and in part because they suck, the Rockies? pitchers allowed more runs than anyone else in the NL.  Shawn Estes and Jason Jennings finished 1-2 in runs allowed.  Shawn Chacon led the NL in blown saves and was 2nd in relief losses.  The offense, despite the steroid shot that playing in thin air provides, finished 4th in the NL in scoring.  A respectable finish until you look at how poor they were away from Coors.  

There was some good news?the first rate melt down of the D-Backs meant the Rockies finished ahead of the D-Backs in the standings for the first time since Arizona?s first year of existence.  MexiMullet led the NL in RBI, despite hitting a cool .218 on the road.  Todd Helton continued his march towards Cooperstown.  And Jeff Francis was one of the best pitchers in the minors last year.  Could the Rockies be on the verge of their first true pitching success story?  Stay tuned?

2004 Offseason in Review  Burnitz and Castilla are in Chicago and Washington, making far too much money for what they?ll actually produce.  Royce Clayton left for Arizona, which if anyone can figure out why the D-backs would want him, please let me know.  Offensively the Rox are going with a youth movement, to see if players like JD Closser, Garret Atkins, and Brad Hawpe can produce.  Best thing the Rockies did all season was to let the older guys go.

Catchers  Charles Johnson got about half the ABs last year and went 236/350/430.  JD Closser figures to get the majority of playing time in 2005.  He hit an unimpressive 299/384/440 in AAA Colorado Springs last year as a 24-year old.  

First Base  With Albert Pujols becoming a 1B, Todd Helton is no longer the NL?s best.  However, he still produces numbers, whether at home or on the road, versus righties or lefties.  I?d feel sorry for a guy with his talent being stuck on a go-nowhere team, but his salary makes him nearly untradeable and its tough feeling sorry for a guy making $15M+.  

Second Base  Former Astros farmhand Aaron Miles had a busy season for the Rockies, getting 522 ABs and nearly hitting .300.  But that?s all he did. Walked just 29 times and was a poor 12 of 19 in the stolen base department.  Rockies will need to upgrade this position if they are serious about fielding a .500 team.  

Shortstop  With Royce Clayton gone, the job looks to go to Clint Barmes, who hit 328/376/505 in Colorado Springs.  He hit .282 with the Rockies late last year when he was up for his cup of coffee.  May split some time with Luis Gonzales, who may also spell Miles a bit more this year.  Gonzales went 292/330/469 last year in 322 ABs.

Third Base  Bye-bye Vinny C, hello Garrett Atkins.  Finally here?s a guy who hit real well at Colorado Springs in 2004?366/434/578.  Then continued that during his brief stay in the majors?357/434/536 in just 28 ABs.  Looking for an ?under the radar? Rookie Of the Year candidate?  Here?s your man.

Outfield  Matt Holiday, Preston Wilson and Brad Hawpe.  Holiday somehow avoided AAA last season, making the jump from AA in 2003 to the big club in 2004.  How?d he do?  290/349/487.  Not bad for a rookie just up from AA.  Brad Hawpe was another guy who spent most of 2004 in AAA Colorado Springs, where he hit 322/384/652.  Finally, some numbers like you would hope to see from a prospect.  Preston Wilson is supposedly healthy, but I?ll believe that when I see it

Starters  Joe Kennedy, Jason Jennings, Shawn Chacon, Jeff Francis and Jamey Wright.  Kennedy was just fine his first year in Colorado, putting up a fine 3.66 ERA in 160+ innings.  Jennings is getting progressively worse each year (his ERA has gone from 4.52 to 5.12 to 5.51).  Lefties crushed him to the tune of 340/442/565.  Chacon is making the transition back to starter, where he was fairly effective in 2003 (4.60 ERA and a 1.33 WHIP).  Last year he was putrid walking nearly a batter an innings, which will get your ERA up over 7.00 even if you don?t play at mile high altitudes.  Jeff Francis is one of the names you see at the top of most Prospects To Watch lists.  He had a fine year in AA/AAA and didn?t look that bad in his brief appearance last year as a Rockie (nearly a K per IP).  Jamey Wright is garbage.

Bullpen  Chin-hui Tsao is your new closer for the Rox.  He is note worthy since he pitched in 9+ innings at each of the levels of pro ball in 2004 (A, AA, AAA, majors).  In 9 innings at the major league level he K?d 11 and walked just 1.  Don?t look for that to hold up over an entire season.  All things considered, Brian Fuentes is not a bad setup man (an ERA of about 4.00 over a 3-year span in Colorado).

Outlook   Probably the worst team in the NL West in 2005, though if Green/Glaus break down the D-Backs could give them a run for their money.  Success in 2005 won?t be determined on the W-L record, but rather how the young?uns (Francis, Tsao, Atkins, Hawpe, Barmes, Closser and Holliday) perform.  Hopefully the management lets the kids sink or swim, and doesn?t panic if the kids start off 4 for 47 at the plate or something.  Best case, these kids develop and grow together, like the Twins of recent years.  Worst case, these kids show just enough promise to keep the kids around longer than they should?sort of like the Astros and Tim Redding.

Fantasy Projections  Assumes an NL-only league, 10 teams, 5x5 rules.  Avg/HR/RBI/R/SB.  W/K/ERA/WHIP/Saves

Closser?260/5/45/35/0.  Could be a nice player to snag if the team goes with youth over the expensive Charles Johnson.  But that is a risk not worth taking on draft day.  Both he and CJ are $1.  Maybe you?ll get lucky and the one you take gets 400+ ABs.

Helton?335/33/105/115/5.  If he had a better supporting cast, he?d be up there with Beltran and Pujols as $40 players.  As it is, he?s worth about $35-$37.  The days of 40+ HRs are probably over.

Miles?285/5/45/85/15.  A $10 if he gets most of the ABs at 2B.  Penciled in as the Rox leadoff hitter, he?ll score some runs but he?s not likely to get 600+ ABs because, well, he?s not that good.  Stop the bidding at $8.

Barmes?270/10/55/40/10.  Won?t be the day in, day out SS.  Keep the bidding around $5.

Atkins?280/20/85/65/0.  Young kid who?ll get his share of ABs and RBI opportunities hitting 6th or so for the Rox.  Good upside for you guys in keeper leagues.  Worth $12 but has a real nice upside.  In keeper leagues he?ll go for $15-$17.  

Holliday?275/20/80/70/0.  Pretty much what you saw from Atkins, though he?ll go for less because he?ll count as an OFer.  $10, with $12-14 being the range in keeper leagues.

Wilson?265/15/65/50/5.  I can?t see him getting more than 400 ABs.  As such, I?d stop the bidding around $10.  If you think he?s goof for 500+ ABs, he?ll sock more than 20 HRs and will be the beneficiary of Helton?s .450 OBP and drive in 100 runs.  Go up to $20 if you think he?ll be healthy.

Hawpe?285/20/85/75/0.  Here?s the guy who could become the next great Coors sensation.  By no means a great hitter but will bat 4th or 5th (he?s shown greater power in the minors than either Holiday or Atkins) and as a lefty should get to take full advantage of the RCF jet stream Coors is famous for.  $15 but you keeper league guys may want to approach $18.  All things considered, I?d rather bid $20 on Hawpe than on PWilson.
   
Kennedy?10/120/4.25/1.36/0.  Worth about $2.  Upside is he gets traded.

Jennings?8/135/4.75/1.39/0.  $1.  Only if you need innings and you can put him on the bench when pitching at Coors.

Chacon?7/110/5.00/1.41/0.  $1.  If you wanna gamble you can take him and think he?ll go back to closing games if Tsao fails.  May not be a bad gamble for a buck.

Francis?9/145/4.65/1.35/0.  $2, we?ll find out if the kid can do it in Coors.  Keeper leagues may bid him up to $3 or $4.  Will get you some Ks.

Wright?4/65/5.05/1.45/0.  $0.  Stay away.

Tsao?3/45/4.75/1.35/25.  $12, the only Rockie pitcher you should really be targeting, only you have a thing for Jeff Francis.

492
Series Previews 2006 / SD Padres season preview
« on: March 14, 2005, 02:34:59 am »
2004 In Review  The Padres moved into a shiny new park in 2004, and all things considered fared much better than the Astros, Phillies, Reds, Pirates and Brewers did upon the opening of their new parks.  87-75 is a nice season, but only good enough for 3rd place in the NL West and 4th place in the NL Wild Card race.  Petco Park was a fairly strong pitcher?s park, but not much stronger than the Murph used to be.  The Murph gave up more HRs than PetCo, but PetCo?s dimensions allowed for more doubles and triples.  Though I?m sure Kevin Towers and Bruce Bochy would rather see Giles/Klesko/Nevin trotting leisurely around the bases after a HR, rather than busting their hump (and pulling a hammy) going for a triple.

Individually, there were a couple of nice stories.  Trevor Hoffman came back from injury had a fantastic year (53/8 K/BB ratio).  Akinoki Otsuka was nearly unhittable, though one of these days some ump is going to call him for a balk with that funky start/stop delivery.  Jake Peavy, at 23, won the NL ERA crown (though arm troubles limited him to just 166.1 innings).  And despite losing the ROY to Jason Bay, Khalil Greene lived up to the hype and had a fantastic season with the bat (273/349/446) and with the glove.  Bad news?  Well, how about this?on a team with Nevin/Klesko/Giles, Mark Loretta had the highest SLG at .495.

2004 Offseason in Review  Word was that Towers? number 1 job was to get a fleet footed CF who will run down the balls in the gaps, and that can play small ball to manufacture runs in Petco.  Enter Dave Roberts, who should be your 2005 NL stolen base champion.

Quick side note, I?m typing this thing up while sitting on my couch with ESPNews muted on the television.  Well, in a span of about 10 minutes they cut away to the various NCAA conference tournaments for interviews with the various coaches.  Seemingly every interview with the coach is being done by some smokin? hot sideline reporter.  So the question is, when will Playboy do its Girls of ESPN pictorial?

Other major offseason moves include: David Wells leaving the Pads for the BoSox and a dozen jelly-filled Dunkin Donuts, bringing in utility man Eric Young, bringing back Woody Williams, and hoping Darrel May?s gopheritis can be brought under control at Petco.

Catchers  Ramon Hernandez had a fine year in San Diego with a 276/341/477 line.  He still doesn?t walk much but he did cut his strikeouts by about 45%.  Spent over a month on the DL.  He has a good shot at being named to the All Star team this year.

First Base  Phil Nevin was healthy, call Ripley?s!!! Missed about 160 games on the DL in 2002 and 2003 combined, but managed to get 547 ABs in 2004.  Hit pretty well?289/368/492.  Even if healthy, his best days are behind him.

Second Base  Mark Loretta was one of Hunsicker?s greatest additions, but because the team didn?t make the playoffs in 2002, nobody remembers.  He hit 424/481/576 in about 20 games that year, then went to the Padres where he could play everyday.  He?s kept right on rolling:  314/372/441 in 2003 and 335/391/495 in 2004.  65 extra-base hits, 58 walks, just 45 strikeouts.  My favorite Padre.
 
Shortstop  Greene may be the best SS in the NL by 2006.  Not sure if that is a indictment on the state of SS play in the NL or a statement of the quality of Greene?s performance.  Along with Peavy he is the future of the franchise.

Third Base  The baseball world is waiting for Sean Burroughs to arrive.  He?s just 24, but will be entering his 3rd full season in 2005.  In over 1200 ABs, he has just 10 career HRs, which isn?t going to cut it for a 3B even if he can hit .290.  He?ll be expensive by the time his power fully develops.  

Outfield  Klesko/Roberts/Giles.  OK, I?ll call it right now.  Dave Roberts will lead all OFs in putouts in 2005.  I really like the move of adding Roberts.  He won?t hit much but he?ll put up an OBP of .340 or so and will terrorize pitchers/catchers once he gets on.  Like Carlos Beltran, he doesn?t just steal bases, he steals them without getting caught?38 SBs just 3 CS.  Giles is in the final year of his contract, so perhaps he?ll return to his 35+ HR ways.  Klesko is a butcher in the field, and his shoulder is just slightly better than Bagwell?s, robbing him of his power (just 6 HRs on the road in 2004).  

Starters  Jake Peavy, Brian Lawrence, Adam Eaton, Woody Williams, Darrel May.  Peavy is a legit #1, Eaton has the stuff to be an excellent #2 (think of him playing WaMi to Peavy?s Oswalt), and Lawrence/Williams can both give you 200 IP of better than league average pitching.  Darrel May will be a serviceable #5 starter, and to the extent Bochy can limit his pitching to Petco, PacBell and Dodger Stadium, he?ll be better than that.

Bullpen  They could make a run at the Dodgers for best bully in the NL.  Hoffman/Otsuka/Linebrink combined for about 215 innings and 215 total base runners.  Hoffman?s 2.30 ERA was the worse of the bunch, while Linebrink?s 3.19 to 1 K/BB ratio was the worse for that metric.  That said, I can?t imagine Linebrink putting up similar stats in 2005, which is why I believe the Dodgers bully is a bit better.  Interesting fact about the Padres in 2004?no lefty in the bullpen.

Outlook   Think the Padres would like to do the Giles for Bay/Perez deal over again?  A Peavy/Perez 1-2 punch would be disgusting.  A couple of 24-year olds mowing down the old men in SF and LA would be fun to watch over the next 5 years.  Alas, the Way Back machine is on the fritz and once it does get cranking again, I?m using it to place Derek Bell on the expansion draft instead of Abreu and to place Santana on the 40-man after the 1999 season.  

Much like the Dodgers and the Giants, most of the offense on the Padres is either old or injury prone.  Klesko/Nevin/Giles have to be healthy and productive for the Padres to have a chance.  Still not a bad team, but not one that is likely to make a strong run at the playoffs, unless injuries hit both the Dodgers and Giants hard.  

Fantasy Projections  Assumes an NL-only league, 10 teams, 5x5 rules.  Avg/HR/RBI/R/SB.  W/K/ERA/WHIP/Saves


Hernandez?270/20/75/60/0.  One of the better catcher in the NL to grab, but I have a hard time paying for catchers.  I mean, yeah his numbers are better than a guy like Damian Miller, but is it really worth the extra $9 it will take to get him?  Me, I?d rather have Abreu/Rolen/Miller than Carlos Lee/Chipper/Ramon Hernandez.  He?ll go for $10-$12, but I wouldn?t go higher than $5.

Nevin?285/20/85/75/0.  Don?t bid on 500+ ABs, it ain?t gonna happen.  A $24 player when playing 150 games, max out around $15 and you?ll be OK.  

Loretta?305/10/65/90/5.  A solid $18 player.  I have him as a #2 hitter, which is why his RBIs are so low.  If he drops to #3, boost up the RBI by 10-15 and peg him at $20.

Greene?275/15/75/65/5.  $11.  If he hits #2, drop the RBI to 60 and boost the runs scored to 85 or so.  And max out at $13.

Burroughs?280/10/75/65/5.  $9, but the upside is there.  When/if he starts hitting for power, he?ll be a $20 player.  Not a bad guy to take a chance on in keeper leagues.  

Klesko?280/15/85/70/5.  $14 for the Donut Truck, whose best days are clearly behind him.  He likely has 1 big season left in him, though you won?t be able to tell when it will happen.  Note?if you are a big believer in 2nd half stats foretelling the following year?s production then Klesko is your man.  313/420/514 in the 2nd half.

Roberts?280/3/45/95/55.  Can he play 145+ games and get his 500+ ABs needed to lead the league in steals?  History says ?no?, as his career high in ABs is 422 in 127 games LA in 2002.  Given that, the ?proper? value is about $18 or $19.  Bidding anything more is a foolish, since you?d be gambling on a 32 year old speedster to set new highs in games played and ABs.  Well, I?m nothing if not a fool.  Bid up to about $5 less than Juan Pierre would go for.  I think $23 or $24 is good value for Roberts since I believe he?ll get those 50+ SBs.  And unlike Pierre, he won?t have to get 80 attempts to steal 55 bases.  Downside risk?Freddy Guzman.

Giles?295/25/100/90/5.  A $25 player who will help you across the board, but won?t dominate any one category.  Compare him to another $25 player in Adam Dunn.  Dunn will hit 35 points lower, but will crush 20 more home runs.  Remember, not all $25 players are the same.  If you can spare average but need HRs, go with Dunn.  If you need all around help, go for Giles.  He is in a contract year.

Peavy?15/200/3.15/1.25/0.  Healthy--$22.  Odds he?ll pitch 200+ innings aren?t very good.  177 innings in a couple different levels in 2002.  194 innings in 2003.  170 innings in 2004.  He?ll turn 24 on May 31st of this year.  Here?s why allocating too much money for pitching is foolish?you just don?t know about injuries.  Put me down on UNDER 200 innings, and put me down for a final bid of $18.

Eaton?11/165/3.75/1.3/0.  A frustrating pitcher who can look dominant one start then like crap the next one.  I think he?ll take a step up in 2005, finally dropping his ERA below 4.00.  Has done well in lowering his BB rate while maintaining his K rate.  Worth $10 now with possible upside of $17 or $18 worth of value.  I?d take him and his upside over Weaver or Lowe.

Lawrence?13/110/4.00/1.32/0.  One of the worst K rates for any ?good? pitcher.  Workhorse though, has gone over 200 innings in each of the past 3 years while never going on the DL.  A solid $9, without much upside.

Williams?10/120/4.00/1.31/0.  Numerically, he?s worth the same as Lawrence--$9.  However, he?s 38 and is slowly but surely losing it.  Petco will help him a bit, but I just can?t see the upside with him.  He, Eaton and Lawrence are all worth about the same, but Eaton is the guy to focus in on as he is the only one who could break through and put up a really nice year.

May?10/125/4.15/1.35/0.  A flyball pitcher who allows too many of those flies to clear the OF wall.  Petco will help, but he?ll get pounded on the road.  If you can shuffle your lineup, he?s not a bad guy to have.  $5, no upside.

Hoffman?4/50/2.75/1.15/40.  No longer an ?elite? closer but one who still gets the job done with the best of them.  Gagne, Lidge, Benitez, Izzy, and then Hoffman.  Closers are often over-bid, so be careful.  Worth about $23, but go up to $25 if you need a closer and the Big 4 are gone.  But if you grab Hoffman you?ll need to also grab?

Otsuka?9/75/2.50/1.16/5.  Insurance against another Hoffman injury, as well as the likely candidate to close out games where Hoffman has pitched too often in recent days.  Will also grab close to double digit wins, given the strength of the Padres bullpen.  Bid up to $10.

493
Series Previews 2006 / SF Giants Preview
« on: March 11, 2005, 06:54:55 pm »
2004 In Review  The Giants had another successful season, being in the playoff hunt until the final game of the season.  FrankenBarry had his usual MVP season, and got some surprise help from other geriatrics like JT Snow (36 years old, hitting 327/429/529) and Marquis Grissom (37 years old, hitting 279/323/450), along with nice seasons from Ray Durham (282/364/484) and Pedro Feliz (276/305/485).  Despite playing in one of the toughest hitters parks, the Giants scored the 2nd most runs in the league, just 3 less than the NL-leading Cardinals.  Of course, with a 362/609/812 monster in the middle of the line-up, you?re going to score some runs.

But in the end it was the pitching that let the team down.  Other than Jason Schmidt (3.20 ERA in 225 innings), the other starters for the Giants put up a combined 4.47 ERA.  How did their relievers do?  4.53 ERA with an ugly 1.54 WHIP.  Matt Herges and Dustin Hermanson combined for 40 saves and an ERA close to 5.00 on the year as ?closers?.  Astros fans don?t have to think very hard to come up with 2 key blown saves by Hermanson down the stretch (the Bagwell dribbler/Berkman HR game and the Finley Grand Slam game).

2004 Offseason in Review  So the offense is old, but still pretty effective, yet the pitching is suspect.  How would you fix it?  Of course, you sign 37-year-old Moises Alou, 34-year-old Mike Matheny and 38-year-old Omar Vizquel.  To their credit they did nab Armando Benitez to close out games.  Seems like Sabean didn?t see any starters he liked on the market so he got the best closer he could and then tried to add defense at SS and C (Vizquel and Matheny instead of Feliz and Pierzynski).  One of the oldest teams in the NL just got a lot older.

Catchers  AJ Piersynzski pissed of a lot of his teammates and pitchers (never good to do when you are a catcher).  Supposedly Brett Tomko called him a cancer (AJ, now with the White Sox, apparently gave some kid $100 after hitting a HR off of Tomko this Spring).  Pqrstuvski (fuck it, you know who I mean) went 272/319/410, which Matheny won?t be able to replicate.  3 years, $10.5M is a lot to pay for a defensive-minded catcher.  But I think with this particular team it is well worth it.  The Giants didn?t get a whole lot out of P-ski last year, so the defensive upgrade is probably worth the loss of offense, considering they added Alou to replace Michael Tucker?s 450 ABs.

First Base  JT Snow shocked everyone by having a career year at the age of 36.  With the signing of Omar Vizquel at SS, look for Pedro Feliz to get some ABs over here at 1B.  A platoon seems likely?Snow hit about 75 points higher versus righties and Feliz about 25 points higher versus lefties.

Second Base  While his days of stealing 25+ bases a year are over, Ray Durham is still a valuable leadoff hitter.  However, he?s missed about 40 games a year the past two seasons.  He?s 33 so he may start fading fast.  Weird?he slugged .484 last year.  That?s higher than Bagwell, Brian Giles, Lyle Overbay and Cliff Floyd.

Shortstop  I went to a Spring Training game at Chain-o-Lakes Stadium in 2003, and Vizquel was easily the most popular Indian there.  It was Vizquel bobblehead day, so that was a nice souvenir to pick up.  Omar had a pretty good 2004 campaign?hitting .291 and swiping 19 bases.  If he can repeat his .353 OBP hitting between Durham and Bonds, he?ll score 100 runs.  Neifi Perez didn?t give them much in 2004?232/276/295 (though he did serious damage to the Astros in the 2nd game of the season) but Devei Cruz actually had a pretty damn fine year?292/322/431.  He?ll be pretty valuable as a backup in case Omar gets hurt.

Third Base  Remember when Edgardo Alfonzo was an MVP candidate and a gold glove caliber 2B?  Now he?s a Punch and Judy 3rd sacker (289/350/407) whose back seems ready to go out on him at any time.  Extra base hits have been declining over the past 3 seasons from 42 to 40 to 38 last year.  If he continues to lose power, look for Pedro Feliz to get some ABs over here.

Outfield  I gotta admit, I am excited to see this outfield play some defense.  Your 2005 SF Giants outfield (from left to right):  FrankenBarry?Marquis Grissom?Piss Hands.  Pac Bell?s vast right-center field power alley and quirky design make for a bunch of triples.  Having these guys man the OF makes things even worse.  Which OF would be worse defensively?Biggio/Lane/Berkman or Bonds/Grissom/Alou.  You make the call!!!

Offensively, if Alou is healthy he?ll produce crazy numbers hitting behind Barry.  One of 2004?s biggest shocks, from a stats perspective, was Alou getting over 600 ABs.  No way that repeats in 2005.  Grissom has lost a step or two but he still is a productive offensive player, cranking out 50 extra-base hits in 2004.  Bonds is amazing and will once again put up numbers that are unreal.  He?ll likely go something like  320/500/750 and people will consider that a step back.

Starters  Jason Schmidt, Noah Lowry, Kirk Rueter, Brett Tomko and Jerome Williams.  Williams may eventually become a solid #2 pitcher and Lowry was a pleasant surprise, but Tomko and Rueter are just plain awful.  Other than munching 400 innings, they aren?t going to do much for the Giants this season.  Jesse Foppert started his post-Tommy John comeback last year.  If he progresses rapidly, look for the Giants to cut either Tomko or Rueter.

Bullpen  Thankfully, Hermaphrodite is off to the White Sux while Armando Benitez assumes the role of closer.  Benitez has been pretty solid for a long time.  Despite being passed around like a joint at a Bob Marley concert in 2003, he was successful at every stop:  3.10 era with the Mets, 1.94 with the Yanks and 3.15 with the Mariners.  He bumped his K/BB ratio to about 3:1 which was a huge part o his 1.29 ERA in 2004.  Look for David Aardsma to make a bid for the setup job.

Outlook   As long as Bonds is healthy, the Giants will be in the thick of things.  The bully should be better with Benitez and Aardsma instead of Herges and Hermanson. The starting pitching (other than Schmidt) is still below average.  Offensively, the health of the gray beards is the only glaring question.  Every starter is either old or has a history of health issues.  Feliz and Tucker are the main backups, so expect them to get plenty of work.  I think the winner of the division will be the one (of the Giants and Dodgers) that is healthier.  If both teams are equally healthy, I?d give the edge to the Giants because of Bonds.  The Clear does a body good, yo!

Fantasy Projections  Assumes an NL-only league, 10 teams, 5x5 rules.  Avg/HR/RBI/R/SB.  W/K/ERA/WHIP/Saves


Matheny?245/7/40/35/0.  A $1 catcher, and one with the least amount of upside.  Stay away unless he?s all that is left.

Snow?270/10/85/60/3.  His overall value depends where he hits in the lineup and how much playing time he loses to Feliz.  I?m assuming he?ll bat5th (Durham-Vizquel-Bonds-Alou-Snow-Grissom), getting plenty of RBIs after Bonds is walked.  I?m also assuming he gets 450 ABs.  If he bats 2nd you can drop his RBIs to 55 but increase his runs to 85 or 90.    A $10 player without much upside.

Durham?285/12/60/105/10.  The speed is gone but still a good table setter (can pretty much guarantee a .360-.365 OBP).  Hitting in front of Bonds and Alou will result in lots of runs scored.  Would probably lead the league in runs scored if he could be counted on for 150 games.  Worth about $18 or so, but perhaps you can pick him up a bit cheaper in your league since he?s missed so much time the last 2 years.  Probably at least one disgruntles former Durham-owner who bid $25 only to see him on the DL for a month.  Don?t bid expecting the 150 games.

Vizquel?270/5/40/85/15.  Again, I?m assuming he hits 2nd.  I?d stop the bidding at $10 because there are other middle infielder that bring the same thing to the table as Vizquel.  Probably worth a bit more but Devei Cruz showed he was a valuable backup and Vizquel will turn 38 in April.  Expect 450-500 ABs.

Alfonzo?275/10/65/50/5.  Looks like the #7 hitter in the lineup.  With Matheny/Pitcher/Durham behind him, the runs won?t be there.  And with Alou/Snow(Feliz)/Grissom between him and Bonds, the RBI opportunities won?t be there either.  Especially when an IBB to Alfonzo gets you Matheny/Pitcher.  $8 or less.

Bonds-335/40/95/130/5.  The BBs deflate his value as he won?t get a chance to drive in many runs.    Best player in real life, about #5 or #6 in fantasy baseball.  $30.

Grissom?270/17/90/75/5.  Also turns 38 in April, but has gotten 550+ ABs the last 2 years.  Bump up his RBIs if he hits 5th behind Bonds/Alou.  $14.

Alou?285/20/100/80/0.  $16 since you can?t expect him to play in 150+ games again (though he has the past 2 seasons).  If he plays 150 games, he?ll be worth $23 or $24 and will drive in 130 runs.  Note?hit just 10 HRs away from Wrigley last year (his 29 led the NL in HRs at home).

Feliz?270/15/60/45/3.  I don?t think he?ll repeat 2004?s 503 ABs.  He?ll spell Snow at 1B and Alfonzo at 3B, probably generating about 350 ABs.  Don?t over-bid here.  He won?t get the playing time.  $10 only if he qualifies at SS in your league (19 games last year).  $8 otherwise.  At 500+ ABs he?s worth about $14.

Schmidt?18/210/3.05/1.18/0.  Stud.  Bid full value.  $27.

Rueter?10/75/4.65/1.45/0.  Keep away.  Unless you need innings, keep far away.  $1.

Tomko?12/110/4.50/1.40/0.  A step up from Rueter but not much.  $1.  Don?t let his ERA fool you.  Pac Bell helped him cut his HRs nearly in half.  

Lowry?13/140/3.85/1.28/0.  Someone who could take a nice step up.  Just 24 years old.  $12 is what he?s worth but see if you can?t get him for around $10.  

Williams?12/140/4.05/1.30/0.  Pretty much a notch below Lowry all the way across the board.  Max out at $10 but try to get him for $8.

Benitez?4/65/2.25/1.15/40.  Top 5 closer in the NL.  You?ll need to pay $25 to get him.  Worth about $23 (that strikeout rate is declining).

494
Welcome to the Series Preview section of Orange Whoop Ass.  For the newbie?s out there, I?m one of the 2 primary Series Previewers for OWA.  I?m the one who likes to cuss and make crude comments about the Cardinals and Braves.  Craig, the poster formerly known as Stain, is the funny one.  We?re dividing up the Previews this season, as asking one person to do it solo is a task accomplished by only the truly drunk and impotent?gimme back my nut you bitch!!!

Anyway, we hope you enjoy the previews.  Craig is interested in knowing what features/aspects of the preview you guys like so he can craft a preview that all would enjoy.  Me, I don?t care what you guys like, I?m gonna give you what I wanna give you.  Call me Billy Wagner if you want to.  You can keep flashing the deuce all you want but I?m bringing the heat, muthafucka!!!

I thought it would be an interesting to do a Season Preview, sort of our own version of Spring Training.  Also, I have a high dollar NL only fantasy league to prepare for so I have to do the research anyway.  I?ll do a Preview for each NL team (starting West and working my way to the East) and Craig will do one for the AL as a whole.  The final Season Preview will be Astros-related as well as containing various predictions for the upcoming season.

With that out of the way, let?s head out West to see how those losers are shaping up this year.

Los Angeles Dodgers
 
2004 In Review  2004 was a fantastic year for the boys in blue as they made the playoffs for the first time since 1996.  And they won a playoff game for the first time since 1988 (started by Jose Lima no less).  Adrian Beltre had possibly the best season ever by a 3B (depends who you ask.  Boras said he did and Boras wouldn?t lie, would he?).  Goggles Paisano finally allowed a blown save but still was every bit as dominate as ever.  The aforementioned Jose Lima managed to avoid too many herpes related flare-ups, though I imagine his wife had to smear Zovirax on her breasts twice a week.  Rookie GM Paul DePodesta (some are now calling him the real brains behind the A?s) didn?t manage to get Randy Johnson at the trade deadline, but did manage to get Brad Penny to throw 11.2 innings before blowing out his arm.

The Dodgers had a 3-game lead going into the final series of the season with the Giants.  They lose the Friday game, and are down by 3 runs going to the 9th on Saturday.  Jason Schmidt is scheduled to go on Sunday.  In steps Dustin Hermaphrodite, and promptly the bases are juiced when Steve Finley steps to the plate, game tied.  A walk-off, division clinching grand slam later and the Giants are put on life support.  Backe pulls the plug the next day.

Unfortunately, in the playoffs the Dodgers put up as much of a fight as any of the early opponents for Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.  The Cards twice spanked them in St. Louis, Lima postponed the inevitable in Game 3, and the Cards finished the job in Game 4.

2004 Offseason in Review  Instead of giving a boatload of money to the one-year wonder who plays a fine 3B and is only 26, they give a boatload of money to the one-year 500+ AB wonder who plays an indifferent OF and is 29.  Then DePodesta gives Derek Lowe and his sinker a 4-year deal only to add Jeff Kent to play 2B.  I like Kent but defensively just can?t cover the ground Alex Cora could.  Lowe is going to give up lots of seeing-eye singles through the right side.  Shawn Green is now a D-Back with the Navarro kid from the Yankees going to LA.  Supposedly the money saved from not paying Green went to re-upping Odalis Perez for 3-years.  


Catchers  Here?s a problem for the Dodgers in 2005.  LoDuca had a fantastic first half (as per usual) and the Dodgers traded him before his annual second half fade could burn them.  LoDuca hit 301/351/444 in 91 games for the Dodgers.  Dave Ross replaced LoDuca as the starter and sucked, ending up with a line of 170/253/291.  The Dodgers added Paul Bako to the mix for 2005, he of the 203/288/283 line.  Dioner Navarro, no relation to Dave, put up an unimpressive 250/316/360 line in AAA in 2004, though he just turned 21.  He?s at least a year away.  So unless Ross rebounds to his pre-2004 form, the Dodgers figure to be much worse offensively in 2005 at this position.  Defensively, Bako may be a bit of an upgrade (LoDuca threw out just 24% of base stealers and allowed the 3rd most Passed Balls in the majors) but Ross allowed Passed Balls at an even greater rate than LoDuca, yet threw out 29% of potential base stealers.

First Base  Hee Seop Choi looks to be the man, at least against right-handers.  Perhaps the Dodgers will go to a strict platoon?Choi versus righties and Orlando Saenz versus lefties.

Choi (versus righties)  261/381/469
Saenz (versus lefties)  338/427/631

That makes sense, probably too much sense so don?t expect it to happen.

Second Base  For Jeff Kent, the trail of bluebonnets led him to Chavez Ravine, where he?ll continue to hit well as long as he?s healthy.  Offensively he?s a super upgrade over Alex Cora.  Defensively he?s a downgrade.  I?d be tempted to rest him when Lowe is on the mound.  

Shortstop  Cesar Izturis had a pretty good year in 2004?288/330/381 with 25 SBs and 9 CS.  All while playing quality defense.  Let?s see if he can keep it up.  He?s only 26.

Third Base  Man, what a year by Beltre.  Great defense, 334/388/629 with 48 bombs.  And to replace him, the Dodgers are turning to ex-Chicago White Sux Shortstop Jose Valentin.  Yes, THAT Jose Valentin whose best OBP the last 3 years was an epic .313 in 2003.  In a pretty extreme hitters park.  You know the offensive upgrade Kent provides at 2B?  That maybe fills half the gap between Beltre and Valentin.

Outfield  The plan is for the OF to be Jason Werth (262/338/486), JD Drew (305/436/569) and Head Case Bradley (267/362/424).  Of course, Werth is already injured, JD Drew is usually good for 30 days on the DL a season, and Bradley has spent about 60 days on the DL over the last 3 years (though none last year).  I would put the Over/Under on the number of games these guys all being in the OF together at about 60.

Starters  Derek Lowe, Odalis Perez, Jeff Weaver, Kaz Ishii and Brad Penny.  Or, as I like to call them?Grounder, Lefty, Asshole, Suck and Damaged Goods.  A healthy Penny is clearly the best of the bunch, but Penny is to health as Seth Green is to dramatic acting.  Ishii?99 Ks, 98 BBs.  Weaver is over-rated, putting up a 4.01 ERA with half the games in Dodger Stadium makes you average.  Lowe and Perez are nice to have, but at $17M a year, they won?t make a profit on that investment.  

Bullpen  One of the best in baseball.  Gagne is nasty, though he did have to have an MRI on his knee this Spring.  Taking over for Mota as the primary setup man is Yhency Brazoban.  Great fucking name.  Will turn 25 this summer.  Look for him to take the next step and really develop this year.  Ex-OFer who can hit the upper 90?s.  Giovanni Carrara, Wilson Alvarez, and possibly Edwin Jackson round out the rest of the main players in the bully.  

Outlook  A solid team that will go as far as their team doctor and bullpen will take them.  If Drew can get 500 ABs and Perez/Penny each get 200 IP, they?ll be pretty competitive.  They got a ton of talent in the farm system, so they?ll be a player at the trade deadline.  Looks like an 83-86 win team, with an upside of 90 wins.  Downside is pretty scary if Drew/Bradley/Kent all have similar seasons as 2003 when they spent a combined 79 days on the DL.  

Fantasy Projections  Assumes an NL-only league, 10 teams, 5x5 rules.  Avg/HR/RBI/R/SB.  W/K/ERA/WHIP/Saves

Ross?235/15/45/35/0.  Of all the $1 catchers in the NL (Ausmus/Miller/Molina/Matheny), Ross has the most upside.  Bid $2 if you really want him, but anything over that is silly.  

Choi?255/17/65/50/2.  Will likely lose ABs to Saenz since he can?t hit lefties worth a damn.  Worth about $5, but has serious upside potential.  Not a bad guy to take a flyer on.  

Kent?285/22/100/85/5.  Very consistent player, whose fantasy value is dependant upon the guys in front of him (Izturis/Drew) getting on base and the guys behind him (1B/Valentin) driving him in.  Worth $20, but there are several good 2B options in the NL this year (Vidro, Giles, Loretta, Castillo, Reyes) who are worth about the same, but probably available for less.  I?d stay away, unless you can get him for about $18 or less.  Too much uncertainty with the guys hitting in front of him.

Izturis?260/3/35/65/23.  Not a bad player, though his biggest fantasy asset, SB, is dependant upon him getting to first base often.  His OBP in 2002 was .253 and just .282 in 2003.  His .330 OBP last year looks to be a fluke.  Worth about $10, but I wouldn?t bid more than $6 or $7.  

Valentin?230/20/75/50/3.  Worth about $7.  His one thing he does well, hit for power, is mitigated by leaving New Comiskey and going to Chavez Ravine.  Could kill you in AVG.

Werth?270/15/65/65/8.  Playing time is the key here.  The Dodgers also have Ricky Ledee and Jason Grabowski who may eat into Werth?s playing time.  At 500+ ABs, he?s worth about $14.  Let that be your ceiling, and try to get him for a few dollars less.  Keep an eye on the injury reports.  He?s playing through an elbow/ligament injury and has recently cracked his wrist.  

Drew?285/25/75/90/10.  At 500+ ABs, he?s worth $28 to $30.  A realistic number of ABs is 350, so I?d stop bidding around $19 or $20.

Bradley?270/15/80/65/15.  About a $16 player.  

Ledee/Saenz may be draftable in some leagues where you can store them on your bench.  If Choi still can?t make contact with the curve ball and/or Werth goes down for extended periods of time, these guys could produce a nice return.

Penny?11/110/3.65/1.30/0.  A $16 pitcher whose body will only allow him to generate $11 worth of value.  May want to keep the bidding to the single digits.

Perez?14/155/3.75/1.25/0.  $16 sounds about right.  I don?t think he?ll give you the full 200 IP you might be expecting.  If you think he?ll give you 200 IP, go ahead and bid $19.

Weaver?12/135/4.10/1.33/0.  I wouldn?t want the piece of shit on my team just because he?s an asshole.  Emotions aside, he?s worth $10.

Lowe?12/140/4.00/1.32/0.  Just a bit more than Weaver.  Call it $11.

Gagne?4/110/2.25/0.95/50.  Best closer in the game.  $30.

Brazoban?9/80/3.15/1.25/2.  Looking for a vulture to steal some wins?  Look for a setup man who?ll come in the game when it?s tied in the 8th, with the hammer ready to strike in the 9th.  Mota won 8 games for the Dodgers, Brazoban added 6 more.  All after Mota left!!!  Worth $10 or $11, but you can get him for much less.  Betcha he?s yours for less than $4.

Stay away from Ishii (sucks), Jackson (injury/role).  Alvarez may be worth a flyer at $1.

495
Talk Zone / Re: are the Astros even trying?!
« on: February 10, 2005, 12:04:23 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

methinks PREDATOR'S prescription expired.




Which is the pill that makes him smart?  





Great line.

496
Talk Zone / Re: CF trade
« on: February 10, 2005, 10:52:26 am »
Quote:

THAT WAS THE QUESTION FUCK FACE
 IF THEY DON'T LIKE THEM WHY DON'T THE PUT THEM ALL ON WAVER'S






You = shit for brains.

Q:  If you don't like your wife, why don't you divorce her?
A:  I like my wife.

Q:  If you don't like this movie, why don't you walk out?
A:  I like this movie.

Q:  If the Astros don't like Munro, Redding, Duckworth, why don't they waive them?
A:  The Astrs like this movie.

Fuck off.  Take your ass back to that faggoty First Platoon, and uh, don't go away mad.  Just go away.   Ya been told.

497
Talk Zone / Re: CF trade
« on: February 09, 2005, 04:44:50 pm »
Quote:

EasTex: take that VORP shit right on out of here





I don't mind VORP.  In fact, one night I was getting hammered at this bar.  I mean HAMMERED.  Think Alkie after any of the most recent Red River Shootouts.

I could barely stand, much less drive home.  Well, who should I run into but VORP.  Kind of a weird looking guy--thick glasses taped across the bridge, pocket protector, slide rule.  But a helluva nice guy.  Gave me a ride home, and told me I could get 2.13457% more fun out of life if I quit drinking so much.

I think I may have peed on his tires.  I'm not sure.

498
Talk Zone / Re: CF trade
« on: February 09, 2005, 01:41:01 pm »
Quote:


If the Astros can dig up another Kirk Saarloos, sure why not.  Might be fun watching Berkman, Byrnes, and L(B)ane careening around the MMPUS outfield.






Redding for Byrnes?

499
Talk Zone / Re: CF trade
« on: February 09, 2005, 01:19:08 pm »
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

To me, Byrnes fuck up shows his head is not in the game.  he has time to shove Veritek but neither the time, nor the baseball smarts to notice the ump is just sitting there with his hands in his pockets.  To me it showed he wanted to be a tough guy (by shoving Veritek for blocing the plate) rather than being a smart guy (either by noticing he was blocked from the plate, steping on it again just to make sure, or noticing the ump was not making a call).




I would ask this: where the hell was the on-deck hitter on this play?




A's, as a team, aren't known for their baseball smarts.  That series was a prime example.  Byrnes fits right in with the rest of the A's.  Still, in a choice between Cameron, Byrnes or Lane in center, Byrnes wouldnt be the worst option.




Yeah, I still can see Chavez standing there like a dumbass not doing anything.  That was the year after the Giambi non-slide, in the same series where Tejada thought he was interfered with and then proceeded to loolygag and be called out.

As pravata wrote, the A's seem to gather these guys by the bushel.

Byrnes is certainly an option, and a one year deal isn't going to suck up the resources.  But along with Byrnes comes the guy you have to give up to get him.

500
Talk Zone / Re: CF trade
« on: February 09, 2005, 12:54:57 pm »
To me, Byrnes fuck up shows his head is not in the game.  he has time to shove Veritek but neither the time, nor the baseball smarts to notice the ump is just sitting there with his hands in his pockets.  To me it showed he wanted to be a tough guy (by shoving Veritek for blocing the plate) rather than being a smart guy (either by noticing he was blocked from the plate, steping on it again just to make sure, or noticing the ump was not making a call).

I would never think that Clemens' head is not in the game.

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