OrangeWhoopass.com Forums
General Discussion => Beer and Queso => Topic started by: BudGirl on May 14, 2009, 12:18:35 pm
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Not sure if anyone has seen this (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/) before, but I find it humorous.
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Evidently Fredia has seen it:
(518): I hraet yuo
(862): did you say you heart me or hate me?
(518): who is this?
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That site is pretty much amazing.
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i am done being productive for the day.
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i am done being productive for the day.
when did you begin?
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(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Solid Gold.
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when did you begin?
usually from 9 to noon.
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i am done being productive for the day.
Well, thanks a lot for that site. I'm now done being productive. Oh wait, I never started.
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(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Solid Gold.
(843): Nice meating you last night
(843): Not a typo
Genius.
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(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Got an out loud LULZ from me.
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Limey?
(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that
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Limey?
(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that
Still requires some skill, unless you want your iPhone to look like a plasterer's radio.
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Yeah, you can spend hours on that site.
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Still requires some skill, unless you want your iPhone to look like a plasterer's radio.
If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.
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I love this site. Sometimes, I wish I could escape to the drunken, whimsical world illustrated by this post:
(631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
(401): I don't want you to recite the pledge!
(631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
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Aaaaand now I know what is meant by the phrase "pink sock". Yikes.
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This is endless fun:
(781): i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
(1-781): didn't that happen to you last weekend?
(781): shut up.
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If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.
I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.
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(202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think someone is living a mirror life with me.
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I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.
What is between chuck and I is special and private.
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What is between chuck and I is special and private.
no doubt
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I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.
I teed this up for you guys the best I could.
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If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.
but what about the phone?
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(334): Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Pretty funny for those of us who don't have full keyboards.
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What is between chuck and I is special and private.
And small, apparently.
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but what about the phone?
Thank you.
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Thank you.
seemed too easy, but no one took it. i have no pride.
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i have no pride.
Hey, I'm the one who started talking about Limey's little gadget.
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Hey, I'm the one who started talking about Limey's little gadget.
Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.
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Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.
When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.
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When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.
Shhhh. You'll make is iPhone jealous.
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When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.
Only if you're Paul McCartney.
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Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.
Cute, you boys flirt.
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Not quite FML, but certainly more realistic for most of us.
http://www.mylifeisaverage.com/index.php
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Not quite FML, but certainly more realistic for most of us.
http://www.mylifeisaverage.com/index.php
Nice. It's like FML, but people actually close and lock their doors.
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Cute, you boys flirt.
foreplay
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Cute, you boys flirt.
Clearly, you've never seen Brokeback Mountain.
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Clearly, you've never seen Brokeback Mountain.
Yes, I have. I thought it was a romance, you probably think it was bad porn.
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Yes, I have. I thought it was a romance, you probably think it was bad porn.
The next bad porn Limey sees will be his first.
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The next bad porn Limey sees will be his first.
Actually, while your comment is ostensibly true - there is no bad porn - this has to be caveated because of the existence of Korean hotel porn.
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Actually, while your comment is ostensibly true - there is no bad porn - this has to be caveated because of the existence of Korean hotel porn.
I'm. So. Curious. But. So. Scared.
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I'm. So. Curious. But. So. Scared.
Not bad-freaky. Just bad. Strategically positioned pot plants and the like.
So I've been told.
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Sorry to unearth an old thread, but holy crap. I just snotted myself laughing:
(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
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i still think it is one of the best websites out there.
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i still think it is one of the best websites out there.
I couldn't agree more. It's usually the highlight of my web-browsing day.
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I couldn't agree more. It's usually the highlight of my web-browsing day.
That and WWTDD have become regular stops on my daily tour.
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i like this one:
(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
been there, done that...to which Carolyn will attest.
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(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
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(310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
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(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
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Psssst... Arky... that's a GIRL tfln, dude.
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(216): I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
(1-216): It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
(216): He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
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I think I just found my way out of life:
(616): Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
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(603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
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(603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hit a little close to home, MM?
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I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.
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i like this one:
(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
been there, done that...to which Carolyn will attest.
That just sounds like "lunch" for me.
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I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.
...or the clitoris.
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...or the clitoris.
Wait, wait... DOLORES!!!
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I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.
No, MM, 603 is her area code, not code for a woman's g-spot.
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...or the clitoris.
Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
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Wait, wait... DOLORES!!!
Best use of "clitoris" in a comedy show (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WgUktfdDy4).
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(970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
(708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
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No, MM, 603 is her area code, not code for a woman's g-spot.
Nice.
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(614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
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(713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids
(281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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searching "Astros" on there netted this one :
(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]
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searching "Astros" on there netted this one :
(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]
maybe the only time in history that children disowned a father.
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It was hilarious. Dude was having a good time.
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searching "Astros" on there netted this one :
(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]
Good times... (http://www.spikesnstars.com/2009/05/22/astros-frustrate-in-finale/)
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(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
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Hilarious and semi-relevant:
(630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
(1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
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Hilarious and semi-relevant:
(630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
(1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
funny, but a tad lengthy for SMS, no?
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funny, but a tad lengthy for SMS, no?
depends on your carrier.
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depends on your carrier.
...and (i)phone
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(773): Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
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(773): Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At the shit in the shit-sandwich game last week against the Brewers, there were two hot -aged chicks sitting behind me. They were discussing, for the most part, beer and lap dances. It certainly took the edge off the crap I was watching.
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(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This one cracked me up:
(612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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(215): It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
(610): Wrong number and your a loser
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(817): Dude. Creed is coming in september.
(1-817): We're no longer friends.
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(905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
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(214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
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(857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'