OrangeWhoopass.com Forums
General Discussion => Talk Zone => Topic started by: pravata on April 30, 2009, 02:02:12 pm
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Roy is putting up a restaurant in his hometown. Not for the money but because they're so few places to have a night out in Weir. Roy cleared the land with his bulldozer (details of the fateful deal are in the article) but is leaving the construction work to the pros. He is going to dabble in naming menu items and right off he blows it,
"I'm going to name a lot of things on the menu after people I've played with," he said. "I might have a double cheeseburger named after Baggy [Jeff Bagwell] or something. I'm going to ask guys what they like to eat and kind of go from there."
Link (http://houston.astros.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090429&content_id=4492102&vkey=news_hou&fext=.jsp&c_id=hou)
D'oh! Double cheeseburger is a "Biggio" Roy!
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Can't wait to try The Eusebio.
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D'oh! Double cheeseburger is a "Biggio" Roy!
Only because the chef withheld the third patty to improve his stats.
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Can't wait to try The Eusebio.
hard to order it without some daring, though, because the item's description is unintelligible.
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hard to order it without some daring, though, because the item's description is unintelligible.
That's why you get a side of Ausmus.
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The "Fat Elvis", a fried Twinkie.
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A 'coon burger named The Wags?
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Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.
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Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.
Drinks are four for the price of one.
The chili pie is the "Carl Everret", because it tastes good, but burns coming out.
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Ordering The Pence will require signing off on a release waiver and wearing a protective helmet.
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Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.
Don't they usually have a buffet during happy...I see what you did there.
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The Backe Platter: Fried Oysters available all year round, but only worth ordering during the playoffs.
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The Backe Platter: Fried Oysters available all year round, but only worth ordering during the playoffs.
and the waitress beats you up
(sorry)
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Didn't mean to edit that...
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Warning: The Rocket and the Pettitte are NOT organic.
They are, however, served uncomfortably close on the plate.
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During Lima Time, all the waiters and waitresses get up on the tables and dance to salsa music.
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boleeb it
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During Lima Time, all the waiters and waitresses get up on the tables and dance to salsa music.
Doesn't this already happen at Casa Ole?
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The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.
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If you order the Ensberg platter you are only allowed to eat what falls off the plate. Everything else you take home.
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If you order the Ensberg platter you are only allowed to eat what falls off the plate. Everything else you take.
I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.
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The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.
As is La Cabrito with Cub fans of Greek descent that roll into town.
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I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.
no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.
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no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.
And your forced to change your seating position every 10 minutes
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no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.
Served with a side of pigeon shit.
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The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.
Always served with Ranch.
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Always served with Ranch.
Actually ranch comes on the side with everything on the menu.
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You know what? Screw this place. They cook with electric.
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I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.
2 eggs sunny side up. "Gimme an ENSBERG! burn the toast!"
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The Soup de Jour is simply known as the Cooper.
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The Chacon isn't bad for the price but it's kind of weak for an entre. If you order it as a side the cook comes running out the kitchen and kicks your arse!
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The Soup de Jour is simply known as the Cooper.
The Blue Plate Special is the "Jimy". Stuffed Jalapenos, "The Dierk".
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Unfortunately, someone keeps walking up to the patrons and asking what the chef should do better.
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Unfortunately, someone keeps walking up to the patrons and asking what the chef should do better.
On the plus side, if you boo your waiters, they're fired immediately.
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There's a jumbotron to prompt the patrons when to chew.
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The Pam Gardener is Tuna Helper.
The featured wine is a Wandy Shiraz, which can only be ordered by itself (no food). It's delicious by itself, but it gets no support.
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The Spiers is a sampler platter, I guess.
The Barker always gets to the table just a little late. The Abercrombie gets to the table on time, but someone usually knocks it onto the floor before it gets eaten.
The Alyson is cheesecake of course, strawberries on top; and the Yvette Caceras is a fruit salad with melons.
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The Garner, fried gar balls.
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The Adam Everett is the catch of the day.
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There is a heavily salted pork butt called the Terry Collins. I tastes pretty good at first, but ends up driving up your blood pressure.
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(patron) "I'll have a Timah"
(waiter) "A Timah?"
(patron) "Yeah, a Timah... red arse snapper with an over-sized head of lettuce"
(waiter) "I'm sorry, that's not on the menu..."
(patron) "Why you...." (punching waiter in face and walking out)
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The Meatball Suba.
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(patron) "I'll have a Carlos Hernandez"
(waiter) "A Carlos Hernandez?"
(patron) "Yeah, bring out some cherries jubilee, set it on fire, watch it go up in smoke and then take it away"
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JD & Brownie for dessert.
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The Kevin Bass is a, um. . . well, it's a bass. You can get it either grilled or fried.
There is also a seafood dish called the Derek Bell. It is normally only served up out on the terrace, at this coffee table thing you sit at (low and outside.)
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The Kevin Bass is a, um. . . well, it's a bass. You can get it either grilled or fried.
There is also a seafood dish called the Derek Bell. It is normally only served up out on the terrace, at this coffee table thing you sit at (low and outside.)
But, they only serve it when they're shutting down.
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But, they only serve it when they're shutting down.
The Chris Truby is a souffle that is brought out at a crucial point in the meal, then immediately deflates.
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Scotty's Meatballs. The waiter brings them right to you then they fall off the table.
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You can order the Lemongello to clean your palette before the wine guy brings out the white Zaunfindel.
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You can order the Lemongello to clean your palette before the wine guy brings out the white Zaunfindel.
On Friday nights, the sweet jazz sounds of "Sambito" are featured on the veranda.
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The Bateman Special goes down easy but clogs up the system for weeks.
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The Bateman Special goes down easy but clogs up the system for weeks.
The Valverde - Spaghetti with balls.
The Bochy - Spaghetti, drop the balls.
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The Kaz -- Rump Roast
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The Miggy - a nice Veal platter. Turns out this cut of beef is actually much more aged than originally thought when you ordered it.
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The Berkman - a pack of sunflower seeds, two twinkies and your pick of what's in the vending machine that day.
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The Wandy wine is listed as a 10 year vintage, but it really is 25.
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The Wandy wine is listed as a 10 year vintage, but it really is 25.
And its actually beer and not wine at all.
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The "Melusky Special", grilled tongue sandwich cooked over a profane grill... what... huh... oooohhhhh... propane! Ahum... nevermind.
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This thread is pretty fantastic, but I think otterjb is the leader at the quarter pole.
Now I'll try my own (weak) hand at this. The Leg of Mike Lamb: it tastes really good in small bites or for a late night snack, but you get tired of it really quick if you try to eat it every day. Although as soon as you quit eating it, you wish you had room in your fridge for it.
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Ryan Ventura Beef Steak...Slightly Pounded.
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The Knepper - roasted ass. Only worth ordering on odd numbered days. If you're a female patron, go home and serve this to your husband.
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The Ryan. On the menu but inedible. It's way too tough.
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This thread is pretty fantastic, but I think otterjb is the leader at the quarter pole.
Now I'll try my own (weak) hand at this. The Leg of Mike Lamb: it tastes really good in small bites or for a late night snack, but you get tired of it really quick if you try to eat it every day. Although as soon as you quit eating it, you wish you had room in your fridge for it.
Is that the one where they serve it to you in a skillet and the waiter will toss in the air for you so you can hear it clank?
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The Miggy Piggy pulled pork sandwich doesn't sit too well in the 2 hole.
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The Coop du jour - a fanastic lineup of soups that changes daily at the whim of the manager.
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The Coop du jour - a fanastic lineup of soups that changes daily at the whim of the manager.
The Cabrera Special - Changes daily, but you've had it before, sometimes during the same day.
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The Hidalgo: I don't remember this being so big?
The Meiske: Only available on VHS with no subtitles.
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Gerald Foo Young: Comes out of the kitchen fast but only contains 24.6% of the ingredients.
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The Roger Cedeno: a variation on egg drop soup.
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Order the Burke, but you have to finish everything else on the table first. By that time, the Burke has been wasted and sent to another table.
BTW, no one has ever been able to finish the Bottenfield.
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The DWARD: A (un)healthy portion of ToFOO!
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The Clark: A new menu item that no one really cares for.
Look for it to be replaced by Spack-n-Cheese.
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The Lidge Sliders...served from 12-6.
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The Wade Miller Plate - Milwaukee Bratwurst smothered in cheese
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The Berley Visgar - Sausage Plate, served with all you can drink beer. When you order it, Mike Hampton kicks your ass.
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The Berley Visgar - Sausage Plate, served with all you can drink beer. When you order it, Mike Hampton kicks your ass.
The Curious George -- Sausage on a stick served with a wink and a smile.
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You can get any item on the menu "Jeff Kent Style" which is just the cook spitting in your food.
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Just don't ask for a Moises at the bar...
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The Hipolito Pichardo - Just one bite and you're done.
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The Larry Andersen: All-you-can-eat of those little sliders.
Biggios: The Larry Andersen served only outside.
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Steer clear of the El Beltran though. It's just over priced Mole.
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Steer clear of the El Beltran though. It's just over priced Mole.
We have a winner.
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We have a winner.
Agree. Great, great thread and an excellent example of what makes this place such fun.
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The Dickie Thon - Blackened Eye of Round Roast
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Just don't ask for a Moises at the bar...
The bartender recommends the Rusty Staub, it's 1 1/2 oz. Scotch, a 1/2 oz. Drambuie over ice, with an orange slice stuck to the rim.
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The Red Rooster, a baked bird that leaves turds on the table.
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The Red Rooster, a baked bird that leaves turds on the table.
or in your dessert
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My side hurts and there are tears streaming down my cheeks. Y'all are the best. I kept trying to come up with one to join in, but I was laughing too hard. Thread Of The Season.
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I'm very late to this thread, but it never stopped me before.
Doc Gooden and Sid Fernandez Specials
They both were popular items on other restaurants' menus, but as soon as he's added to yours, you realize the cheap price you paid was because of an unannounced FDA beef recall. You're forced to remove from your menu immediately.
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I'm very late to this thread, but it never stopped me before.
Doc Gooden and Sid Fernandez Specials
They both were popular items on other restaurants' menus, but as soon as he's added to yours, you realize the cheap price you paid was because of an unannounced FDA beef recall. You're forced to remove from your menu immediately.
I would've thought the Doc Gooden would be a fruitcake liberally dusted with powdered sugar.
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I would've thought the Doc Gooden would be a fruitcake liberally dusted with powdered sugar.
Something pickled.
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Has anyone told the Astros that we've basically set up the entire menu for the Five Seven grill for them?
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Something everything pickled.
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the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.
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the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.
Nominated. Pretty damn funny Jim.
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the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.
The patrons rarely call for it, but when they do, they will run over anyone in their way to get it.
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The Jared Fernandez is a bunch of slop that usually doesn't find it's way to your table and the waiter ends up wandering around before just dropping it off anywhere.
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The patrons rarely call for it, but when they do, they will run over anyone in their way to get it.
See da Jello. Eat da waiter Jello.
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the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.
Seranaded by Bill Cosby riding around the table on a stick horse.
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the Bo Belinsky: all the matinis you can drink at the bar, all the time
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The Jerry Grote - A hastily and sloppily prepared still throbbing bloody slab of meat brought to the table before it's ready, then returned to the kitchen where it is seasoned, cooked, and sold (Roy's also receives a rotting piece of veal that never makes it to the table) to a competing restaurant where it becomes one of the most popular items on their menu.
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The Jerry Grote/John Mayberry/Nate Colbert/Kenny Lofton, etc. - A hastily and sloppily prepared still throbbing bloody slab of meat brought to the table before it's ready, then returned to the kitchen where it is seasoned, cooked, and sold (Roy's also receives a rotting piece of veal that never makes it to the table) to a competing restaurant where it becomes one of the most popular items on their menu.
Fixed
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A "Roger Metzger" - grilled rainbow trout, however does not come in a kabob because this plate comes with no stick.
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The "Cheo Cruuuuzzzzz" - arroz con pollo, when the waiter brings it out to you, he mutters "Somebody's gonna pay!"
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Daily Special-- Juneberno!
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The Jeff Bagwell Shoulder Roast -- So tender it just pulls off the bone.
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The Jeff Bagwell RiB-I Steak -- it just squats there on your plate and forces you to take a step back. Only served at the table nearest the bathroom because it almost always produces the runs.
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The "Cheo Cruuuuzzzzz" - arroz con pollo, when the waiter brings it out to you, he mutters "Somebody's gonna pay!"
He also loses his cap on the way to pick up the plate
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There is a table with 3 inch long table legs and no chairs in a back corner called The Matsui Table, where those who dare can order exotic dishes like The Nellie Fox, The Joe Gibbon, or The Aaron Pointer.
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There is a table with 3 inch long table legs and no chairs in a back corner called The Matsui Table, where those who dare can order exotic dishes like The Nellie Fox, The Joe Gibbon, or The Aaron Pointer.
I mistook 3 in long legs for three legs....which led me to think the Artest.
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Daily Special-- Juneberno!
Actually, the plate is called "The Joaquin Andujar" and it's a mystery meat surprise. Some days, the waiter will serve it to you with his left hand and then the next time, he'll probably serve it to you with his right hand.
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They will also have the "Chris Holt" where they serve you nothing but Taters.
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They will also have the "Chris Holt" where they serve you nothing but Taters.
And sulk about it.
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You can also order the Michael Bourn.
It's a appetizer, and you order it expecting it at the beginning of your meal, but it doesn't actually get to the table until just before dessert. Prepared by Chef Cooper.
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When you order the "Spiers Plate", you get a little bit of everything off of the menu. It's freaking spectacular.
It is not to be confused with a Purpura Platter, which has got a sampling of items that are being considered for the main menu. The only problem is they bring it out to your table and then trade it for someone elses overpriced/half eaten steak. You get to pay the bill for the steak.
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The Charley K. A hot dog served in the "bullpen".
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the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.
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The "Terry Puhl" - nothing fancy, just two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a bowl. Never misses hitting the spot, is the best ice cream you've ever had. Makes you remember that the best things are the least complicated things.
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The "Terry Puhl" - nothing fancy, just two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a bowl. Never misses hitting the spot, is the best ice cream you've ever had. Makes you remember that the best things are the least complicated things.
The Mike Scott -- Dry Rubbed rawhide ribs.
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the Joe Niekro--pickled pig's knuckles
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The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.
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The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.
but if you send it back to the kitchen, you get two great dishes.
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The Cesar Cedeno - An authentic Domincan delicacy of Rice, Pigeon Peas and Coconut. It's outstanding, but you're going to keep thinking it should have been a little better than it actually was.
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The Danny Darwin "Dr. Death": a cocktail made of 3 parts mescal (worm optional), 2 parts Seagrams gin, 2 parts Everclear, 1 part each Night Train, Thunderbird, and Boone's Farm Country Kwencher®, a splash of Mogen David 20-20, and garnished with your choice of habanero, scotch bonnet, or cayenne peppers. Served with a nasty glare by the bartender.
The Aurelio Lopez "Senor Smoke": a burrito made from a 15" flour tortilla stuffed with 1/3 lb. refried beans, 1/3 lb. shredded beef, three cheeses, and three or four tablespoons of sour cream. It looks a little sloppy on the plate, but, thanks to a secret ingredient, New Mexican green chile salsa, it delivers surprising heat. Also available in chimichanga. A complimentary bucket of longnecks served with each order.
The Juan Agosto: cabrito, but cooked on a spit
The Billy Wagner: A chicken fried steak that spontaneously combusts. Alternately, beef tongue.
The Chuckie Carr: A shrimp dish. It gets to the table quickly, has a loud, brash flavor, but is ultimately not very filling. You'll probably need to get an order of Thomas "Tank" Howard (mixed greens, flavored with a ham hock) and/or the James Mouflon (a cajun-flavored mutton dish) to go along with it.
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For special occasions, you may request the chef's Candaele-light dinner.
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but if you send it back to the kitchen, you get two great dishes.
Two drinks:
A Chilly Willy Tavares (one of those tropical drinks, with a lot of rum in it) and a Luke-warm Scotch.
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Two drinks:
A Chilly Willy Tavares (one of those tropical drinks, with a lot of rum in it)
Often confused with the Willy Taveras.
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The Creigngh Bigsgio. _ a healthy portion of whatever Harey was drinking in the booth that night.
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the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.
And the waiter takes away the entre and brings out desert before you are finished
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The Paulino: Cheeseburger chowder
Tasted great the first few times you had it. Then the Chef screwed with the recipe and now it's inedible.
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My day is ruined by a Juan Disgusto reference.
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My day is ruined by a Juan Disgusto reference.
Oddly, I remember Juan Agosto being a very good relief pitcher.
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Oddly, I remember Juan Agosto being a very good relief pitcher.
He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.
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He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.
In that vein:
The Powell Plate, which is actually fairly tasty, but is never ordered because all of the patrons hate it for no damn reason.
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He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.
man, i liked Senor Smoke.
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Senor Smoke was a seemingly likable guy, but he was really on the way out by the time that we got him. A 4.5 ERA pitching half time in the Dome? You had to be serving them up in order to do that!
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The "John Hudek" - bar-b-que short ribs, with one missing.
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The "John Hudek" - bar-b-que short ribs, with one missing.
Bravo.
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the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.
It's stuff like this that just brings a tear to your eye.
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The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated serving of 15 meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.
FIFY.
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The Roger Metzger: table well covered but a modest dish with very light utensils.
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The Enos Cabell - meat balls slightly dusted and adjusted often on the plate.
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The Jimy Williams Experience™. A sandwich filled with indeterminate contents of unknown origin, arranged in no discernable pattern (if you ask, the waiter will tell you, "Chef's decision.") They don't care if you order it or not. If you do, it has a funny aftertaste, and leaves you feeling confused and vaguely pissed off.
The Jimy Williams Experience™ Blum-Ensberg Platoon Sandwich®. Sliced prime rib on one side, bologna on the other. The customer forms his own strong opinion on which is which.
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The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.
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The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.
good one
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The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.
Nice job!
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the Jim York: the description and pictures look fabulous, but when the dish arrives at the table, it falls apart and is awful
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Be careful...When the kitchen runs out of the Nolan Ryan, they'll try to serve you the Jim Clancy claiming it's just as good.
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When you order the Mike Scott, one of the most acclaimed items on the menu, something mysterious falls out of the waiter's back pocket.
I'm out of here. Going to eat at Lima Time!
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Going to eat at Lima Time!
I can't eat at Lima Time. It always gives me the runs...
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I can't eat at Lima Time. It always gives me the runs...
But you get the best view of "the mountains" in the restaurant.
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the Jim York: the description and pictures look fabulous, but when the dish arrives at the table, it falls apart and is awful
To think you chose it over a huge slab of USDA beef, heavily marbled.
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the Jim York: the description and pictures look fabulous, but when the dish arrives at the table, it falls apart and is awful
This one is great. And we gave up John Mayberry to get that slug to be our closer, post-Fred Gladding if my memory serves me well.