OrangeWhoopass.com Forums
General Discussion => Talk Zone => Topic started by: Duman on July 17, 2007, 11:35:52 am
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One of my co-workers used to work in Baltimore at a sports agents office. She just walked in and handed me a baseball saying she thought I would appreciate it more than she does. It is a Brooks Robinson autographed baseball.
Little did my co worker know that as a kid, that was who I pretended to be diving for grounders in my backyard.
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One of my co-workers used to work in Baltimore at a sports agents office. She just walked in and handed me a baseball saying she thought I would appreciate it more than she does. It is a Brooks Robinson autographed baseball.
Little did my co worker know that as a kid, that was who I pretended to be diving for grounders in my backyard.
OMG! She actually gave you a Brooks Robinson baseball!?!? Dude, she wants to sleep with you!
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I don't think I'm her type NTTAWRT.
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I don't think I'm her type NTTAWRT.
based on what? you are gay or she is?
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I don't think I'm her type NTTAWRT.
Oooooohhhh... comfortable shoes, eh? Nevermind.
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One of my co-workers used to work in Baltimore at a sports agents office. She just walked in and handed me a baseball saying she thought I would appreciate it more than she does. It is a Brooks Robinson autographed baseball.
Little did my co worker know that as a kid, that was who I pretended to be diving for grounders in my backyard.
wow!
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I don't think I'm her type NTTAWRT.
Interesting... I would have guessed that a lesbian would have more appreciation for baseball and Brooks Robinson than the average female.
You learn something new everyday.
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wow!
Reminds me of me and my trek to spring training a long time ago. A friend at work knew I was going to make a trek to spring training (one day) from my business trip to Orlando. The day before I left, he brought in a baseball in it's pristine state, still in the box with wrapping around it. He handed it to me and said "Here, get someone... anyone, to sign this ball". I rattled off names of players for him, thinking I'm impressing the guy with my knowledge of the team and all. He said "I don't care, it's for my son and I just want to give him a baseball". His son was 4 months old, so I wasn't sure what he wanted, but took the ball any way.
So I went to the spring training complex in Kissimmee and had my own ball to get signatures. I was looking specifically for Ryan Bowen, the kid I thought would be the next JR Richards (why? I don't know eggszactly, but I did!). I got my first sig from a very nice guy (rookie) named Luis Gonzales, who talked to me while signing the ball. Dude wanted to actually have a conversation about things, including the shiny black eye he was sporting, compliments of the batting machine gone haywire. Still, I was looking for more sigs, so I excused myself and went and found Bowen and then others, including a guy named Jeff Bagwell. Art Howe was the manager and he signed on the most prominent spot. Then I ran into Denny Walling who told me to "fuck off" when I asked him for an autograph. Walling is no Brooks Robinson.
Any way, I finish getting sigs and was ready to go when I remember that in my backpack I had the ball my office mate gave me and not one single solitary sig on it. I was hosed if I didn't do something quick. So I went out back to the players exit door into the parking lot and waited. No one else was there and by and large most of the players were gone. Steve Finley came out with his golf bag running towards his car to make a tee time, so he wouldn't sign.
I was sure I was a dead man for not getting the ball signed for my friend and would probably have to give him my ball instead. Damn! My Ryan Bowen ball (with others like Jeff Bagwell and Luis Gonzales on it too). Damn, damn, damn! Right as I was ready to walk away in shame, out steps Yogi Freaking Berra from the exit door. He walks right towards me because I'm standing right next to his Cadillac. Who knew? He sees the ball box in my hand and the sharpie in my other hand and says "You want an autograph?" I nodded and he obliged. I said thank you and off he drove.
There was no one else in sight, not a single solitary ball player, nobody, nada, zip, zilch.
I flew home after two days at my conference and that following Monday brought the Yogi ball to my friend. He takes one look at it and says "WOW!!! YOGI BERRA!!! YOU GOT YOGI FUCKING BERRA TO SIGN!?!?". I didn't know he was a longtime Yankee fan.
I ate free lunches for a month.
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great story, Noe.
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Great story
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Interesting... I would have guessed that a lesbian would have more appreciation for baseball and Brooks Robinson than the average female.
Why would you think that? I find it to be the opposite. In fact, I really don't know a lesbian that has an appreciation for baseball. Softball maybe, but not baseball.
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This board has really been missing something lately. I couldn't put my finger on it, but visits to OWA just weren't what they used to be. I was left with a kind of hollow, unsatisfied feeling. Even the fascinating discussion of the petroleum industry wasn't fulfilling. But now I know what was lacking - Tuesday lunch time lesbian talk. This is going to be great. OWA is back on track.
Black & Decker anyone?
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Why would you think that? I find it to be the opposite. In fact, I really don't know a lesbian that has an appreciation for baseball. Softball maybe, but not baseball.
I know at least two lesbians that love baseball, so I can confirm that they exist. Don't know if that's typical, though. Or if there is such a thing as "typical".
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This board has really been missing something lately. I couldn't put my finger on it, but visits to OWA just weren't what they used to be. I was left with a kind of hollow, unsatisfied feeling. Even the fascinating discussion of the petroleum industry wasn't fulfilling. But now I know what was lacking - Tuesday lunch time lesbian talk. This is going to be great. OWA is back on track.
Black & Decker anyone?
Yogi Berra is a lesbian? WOW!
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Why would you think that? I find it to be the opposite. In fact, I really don't know a lesbian that has an appreciation for baseball. Softball maybe, but not baseball.
The head lesbian where I work out is a big Ripken fan and is going to Cooperstown for the induction. I don't know about lesbians and baseball, but I've sat around several at RR games.
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I know at least two lesbians that love baseball, so I can confirm that they exist. Don't know if that's typical, though. Or if there is such a thing as "typical".
I know a lot of lesbians. Some like baseball. Most have no interest. I'd dare say being a lesbian does not cause interest or disinterest in baseball.
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I know a lot of lesbians. Some like baseball. Most have no interest. I'd dare say being a lesbian does not cause interest or disinterest in baseball.
And I'd dare say you're right.
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I know a lot of lesbians. Some like baseball. Most have no interest. I'd dare say being a lesbian does not cause interest or disinterest in baseball.
WNBA, however...
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I know at least two lesbians that love baseball
Some guys have all the luck.
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Yogi Berra is a lesbian? WOW!
That was just a misunderstanding. Of course Yogi inadvertently helped it along when he was helpfully giving pointers to a batgirl, and said "Naw, just drop those two balls, honey, you don't need 'em. Now lemme show you how to bend your knees and get comfortable in the box."
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WNBA, however...
Women's sports. Lesbians, at the very least, wanting to look at women all hot and sweaty rather than Ausmus in the same condition. Shocking.
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Some guys have all the luck.
I'm living a fucking dream. One is my doppelganger - she cusses like a sailor, loves baseball, football, UT anything, chicks, and coming to my house to play video games and drink whiskey. Plus, she thinks my wife is hot. She is, of course, not allowed near my wife when I am not present.
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I'm living a fucking dream. One is my doppelganger - she cusses like a sailor, loves baseball, football, UT anything, chicks, and coming to my house to play video games and drink whiskey. Plus, she thinks my wife is hot. She is, of course, not allowed near my wife when I am not present.
so, they tell you they follow this rule, right?
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That's serendipity, baby!
Great story.
Reminds me of me and my trek to spring training a long time ago. A friend at work knew I was going to make a trek to spring training (one day) from my business trip to Orlando. The day before I left, he brought in a baseball in it's pristine state, still in the box with wrapping around it. He handed it to me and said "Here, get someone... anyone, to sign this ball". I rattled off names of players for him, thinking I'm impressing the guy with my knowledge of the team and all. He said "I don't care, it's for my son and I just want to give him a baseball". His son was 4 months old, so I wasn't sure what he wanted, but took the ball any way.
So I went to the spring training complex in Kissimmee and had my own ball to get signatures. I was looking specifically for Ryan Bowen, the kid I thought would be the next JR Richards (why? I don't know eggszactly, but I did!). I got my first sig from a very nice guy (rookie) named Luis Gonzales, who talked to me while signing the ball. Dude wanted to actually have a conversation about things, including the shiny black eye he was sporting, compliments of the batting machine gone haywire. Still, I was looking for more sigs, so I excused myself and went and found Bowen and then others, including a guy named Jeff Bagwell. Art Howe was the manager and he signed on the most prominent spot. Then I ran into Denny Walling who told me to "fuck off" when I asked him for an autograph. Walling is no Brooks Robinson.
Any way, I finish getting sigs and was ready to go when I remember that in my backpack I had the ball my office mate gave me and not one single solitary sig on it. I was hosed if I didn't do something quick. So I went out back to the players exit door into the parking lot and waited. No one else was there and by and large most of the players were gone. Steve Finley came out with his golf bag running towards his car to make a tee time, so he wouldn't sign.
I was sure I was a dead man for not getting the ball signed for my friend and would probably have to give him my ball instead. Damn! My Ryan Bowen ball (with others like Jeff Bagwell and Luis Gonzales on it too). Damn, damn, damn! Right as I was ready to walk away in shame, out steps Yogi Freaking Berra from the exit door. He walks right towards me because I'm standing right next to his Cadillac. Who knew? He sees the ball box in my hand and the sharpie in my other hand and says "You want an autograph?" I nodded and he obliged. I said thank you and off he drove.
There was no one else in sight, not a single solitary ball player, nobody, nada, zip, zilch.
I flew home after two days at my conference and that following Monday brought the Yogi ball to my friend. He takes one look at it and says "WOW!!! YOGI BERRA!!! YOU GOT YOGI FUCKING BERRA TO SIGN!?!?". I didn't know he was a longtime Yankee fan.
I ate free lunches for a month.
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The head lesbian where I work out is a big Ripken fan and is going to Cooperstown for the induction.
Now this is really getting interesting. Is this lesbian to whom you refer in charge of the entire facility or merely the leader of the lesbian cadre?
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Women's sports. Lesbians, at the very least, wanting to look at women all hot and sweaty rather than Ausmus in the same condition. Shocking.
Your second point appears to explain BudGirl's obvious ire in response to my initial comment.
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so, they tell you they follow this rule, right?
Obviously, I have my suspicions. So I've made it clear that if there is a slip-up, there damn well better be some video to go along with it.
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I'd dare say being a lesbian does not cause interest or disinterest in baseball.
A fat lot you know. HA!
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Now this is really getting interesting. Is this lesbian to whom you refer in charge of the entire facility or merely the leader of the lesbian cadre?
She runs the fitness area. There are other women who I perceive to be lesbians working there, so I just think the head lesbian title sort of fits. She is definitely not of the "lipstick lesbian" variety and could most probably whip my ass.
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This board has really been missing something lately. I couldn't put my finger on it, but visits to OWA just weren't what they used to be. I was left with a kind of hollow, unsatisfied feeling. Even the fascinating discussion of the petroleum industry wasn't fulfilling. But now I know what was lacking - Tuesday lunch time lesbian talk. This is going to be great. OWA is back on track.
Black & Decker anyone?
I rent my inflatable amusements from a commune of lesbians just up the highway. I was over there earlier this summer - nothing grandiose this time, just a snowball machine for the boy's birthday party. The burliest of the group threw it into the back of the car for me and I noticed she was wearing a dilapidated Astros t-shirt. Not the new bullshit black and tan, but an extremely washed out blue with an orange H-star that was faded to the point that you couldn’t tell the H from the star. Like its owner, it appeared to have been to hell and back, which suggested that interesting perspective could be had from the owner, and probably the shirt if it were able to communicate anything.
So I casually mentioned how much the Astros suck. She opened her mouth and I had to look all around because a thunderous response seemed to come from everywhere at once. "GARNER is the problem. He is a situational manager, PERIOD, and this is why his teams are so inconsistent." Birds scattered and I heard a window break in the distance. "Look how streaky the Astros have been over the past three years. THAT IS NO COINCIDENCE." But her baritone was confident as well as powerful - she had spent real time thinking about this. "And the Central is weak. Weak! And that is fortunate, let me tell you. Because all this guy knows how to do is swap these Nancys around and hope it works for a few games. Hell, I CAN DO THAT."
She went on for a while with additional perspectives, such as Tim Purpura is a "pasty hedgehog" that has "lost his eye for talent if he ever had one" and Morgan Ensberg is a "gutless retard" and solely responsible for the 2005 World Series sweep. But it was clear that in her mind, Garner is the chief offender.
I was still hung up on "Nancys," which soon produced the obvious conclusion that the Astros' problem is too much Nancy and not enough Sluggo. I enjoyed this enough to nearly mention it, but wisely didn't. Neither did I offer up my groundbreaking thoughts on the Garner Method, which I am pretty sure would have gotten my ass kicked. Eventually she relented and stalked back into the house because something was going to "burn completely up" if she didn't. I spent a second wondering what the combustible entity might be before handing a much prettier one the cash and getting the hell out of there.
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I rent my inflatable amusements from a commune of lesbians just up the highway.
Do such inflatables sport real human hair and lifelike poses?
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I rent my inflatable amusements from a commune of lesbians just up the highway.
If the post had just stopped here, it would have been the source of endless speculation.
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Great story. Hey, you rent your inflatable amusements? That's real fucked up - I buy mine. Do you at least rinse it with bleach water first, or do you just blow it up and get right to business? Either way, I'd never thought to go ask the lesbians down at the end of my street if they have extras. I'll do that tonight, thanks for the tip.
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Great story. Hey, you rent your inflatable amusements? That's real fucked up - I buy mine. Do you at least rinse it with bleach water first, or do you just blow it up and get right to business? Either way, I'd never thought to go ask the lesbians down at the end of my street if they have extras. I'll do that tonight, thanks for the tip.
Glad to help. I'd use Simple Green instead of bleach though.
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Glad to help. I'd use Simple Green instead of bleach though.
Yeah, you can't imagine how much the medical bills will be if you don't have health insurance to take care of bleach burns. Oh shit, wrong thread.
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She runs the fitness area. There are other women who I perceive to be lesbians working there, so I just think the head lesbian title sort of fits. She is definitely not of the "lipstick lesbian" variety and could most probably whip my ass.
Much obliged. I can't wait til next Tuesday - looking forward to a good round of Anne Murray talk maybe.
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Great story.
When El Jefe makes a cameo, it's always guaranteed to delight.
I had to read the inflatable amusements sentence a few times to figure out what he really meant.
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Great story. Hey, you rent your inflatable amusements? That's real fucked up - I buy mine. Do you at least rinse it with bleach water first, or do you just blow it up and get right to business? Either way, I'd never thought to go ask the lesbians down at the end of my street if they have extras. I'll do that tonight, thanks for the tip.
Beat me to it. That opening line was so right for this thread.
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If the post had just stopped here, it would have been the source of endless speculation.
No reason to give up the speculation ...
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I was going to talk about how I got Pedro Martinez to sign a ball at Lefty's Pub in '97... then his teammate Carlos Perez wandered over and I thought "Two rising stars on one ball! What could possibly go wrong?"... but this thread has since headed into shark-infested waters...
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I was going to talk about how I got Pedro Martinez to sign a ball at Lefty's Pub in '97... then his teammate Carlos Perez wandered over and I thought "Two rising stars on one ball! What could possibly go wrong?"... but this thread has since headed into shark latex-infested waters...
FIFY
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I know a lot of lesbians. Some like baseball. Most have no interest. I'd dare say being a lesbian does not cause interest or disinterest in baseball.
I don't know any lesbians (that I know of.) This particular fact never bothered me before, if it ever even occurred to me. But now I'm feeling kind of left out. To put a fine point on it, where would one go to meet lesbians? Aside from a WNBA game, I mean. . . that's going too far.
On second thought, scratch that. You can keep your lesbians. I think what I am actually looking for is bisexual women. Yes.
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I don't know any lesbians (that I know of.) This particular fact never bothered me before, if it ever even occurred to me. But now I'm feeling kind of left out. To put a fine point on it, where would one go to meet lesbians? Aside from a WNBA game, I mean. . . that's going too far.
On second thought, scratch that. You can keep your lesbians. I think what I am actually looking for is bisexual women. Yes.
check any ISD. lesbian administrators aplenty.
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check any ISD. lesbian administrators aplenty.
At my school, the lesbian administrators were usually former P.E. teachers or coaches. NTTAWWT.
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I don't know any lesbians (that I know of.) This particular fact never bothered me before, if it ever even occurred to me. But now I'm feeling kind of left out. To put a fine point on it, where would one go to meet lesbians? Aside from a WNBA game, I mean. . . that's going too far.
On second thought, scratch that. You can keep your lesbians. I think what I am actually looking for is bisexual women. Yes.
Co-red softball, or hell, softball of any kind.
I play on a city league softball team that has between 3 and 6 lesbians on any given night.
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At my school, the lesbian administrators were usually former P.E. teachers or coaches. NTTAWWT.
times have changed.
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Co-red softball, or hell, softball of any kind.
I play on a city league softball team that has between 3 and 6 lesbians on any given night.
I guess you just need to be on the right team. None of the girls on my softball team are lesbians. We play because the guys are hot and Catholic.
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I guess you just need to be on the right team. None of the girls on my softball team are lesbians. We play because the guys are hot and Catholic.
Are you insinuating that hot Catholic guys cannot also be lesbians?
Homophobe.
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Are you insinuating that hot Catholic guys cannot also be lesbians?
Homophobe.
Yes.
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Then why are Catholics called fish-eaters?
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Then why are Catholics called fish-eaters?
Wow.
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Wow.
Peace be with you, my brother...
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Then why are Catholics called fish-eaters?
POTWA nominee right here.
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Then why are Catholics called fish-eaters?
BAM!!
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Zipp finally gets a nomination with a post that was actually not a desperate bid for attention.
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Then why are Catholics called fish-eaters?
I don't know Brother Andy, why are they??
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I don't know Brother Andy, why are they??
It's in the Bible...
"I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall eat you..."
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It's in the Bible...
"I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall eat you..."
And the word was, margarita.
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Are you insinuating that hot Catholic guys cannot also be lesbians?
Homophobe.
Isn't Craig Counsel still a lesbian?
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Isn't Craig Counsel still a lesbian?
How does Michael Barrett, still officially a giant vagina, fit into this equation, especially now that he has moved to San Diago, which is German for "a whale's vagina"?
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It's in the Bible...
"I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall eat you..."
You heathen.
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You heathen.
But the beautiful thing is, all it takes is confession and a few Hail Marys to make things right.
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But the beautiful thing is, all it takes is confession and a few Hail Marys to make things right.
If that. I can recant on my deathbed, and I'm clear.
Like I'm avoiding hell anyway. Oh wait. The last Pope said there was no hell. Never mind.
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If that. I can recant on my deathbed, and I'm clear.
Like I'm avoiding hell anyway. Oh wait. The last Pope said there was no hell. Never mind.
I'm going to have you excommunicated.
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How many pierogies is this going to cost me?
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How many pierogies is this going to cost me?
It all depends on what you put in the weekly envelope.
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How many pierogies is this going to cost me?
A whole lot more if you're in LA.
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It all depends on what you put in the weekly envelope.
I'm tithing enough to get the parishoners rate on tuition at Jake's school.
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I'm tithing enough to get the parishoners rate on tuition at Jake's school.
Is his school more than St. Anne's? That is some crazy tuition, even if you are a parishoner.
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Is his school more than St. Anne's? That is some crazy tuition, even if you are a parishoner.
Scale it down a bit. He's at St. Ambrose.
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I'm going to have you excommunicated.
Better yet, make him go on an ACTS retreat.
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Better yet, make him go on an ACTS retreat.
A friend of mine is trying to get me to attend one. I'm not big on retreats. I think I test my faith enough being involved in my church's fall fiesta.
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POTWA nominee right here.
I'm thinking POTYA. You rarely see that level of wit, vulgarity, and sacrilege in one post.
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I'm thinking POTYA. You rarely see that level of wit, vulgarity, and sacrilege in one post.
Conveniently, the Stubings provide rich resources for the Hall of Fame...and since I put the last one together...
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A friend of mine is trying to get me to attend one. I'm not big on retreats. I think I test my faith enough being involved in my church's fall fiesta.
I get it from family.
Each to his own, but any time I hear "fellowship", in any context, my first urge is to run the other way. I can't seem to get across that I am perfectly happy keeping that stuff to myself.
So instead I say I am waiting for one of those seminars where they teach you how to be a Rosicrucian.
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So instead I say I am waiting for one of those seminars where they teach you how to be a Rosicrucian.
He and Guildenstern are dead.
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I'm going to have you excommunicated.
Is that like not talking to him any more?
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Is that like not talking to him any more?
for eternity
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He and Guildenstern are dead.
I'm Waiting for Zoroaster.
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check any ISD. lesbian administrators aplenty.
The problem is very few of those resemble the lipstick lesbians you see on Skinemax... they're more like the Nazi biker hag villainess who finally gets shanked in the last ten minutes of the D-list women in prison movie that came on at 4 AM, long after the last softcore fans have gone to bed...
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He and Guildenstern are dead.
you my friend, are good.
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Isn't Craig Counsel still a lesbian?
yes, but his shoulders are remarkably feminine.
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The problem is very few of those resemble the lipstick lesbians you see on Skinemax... they're more like the Nazi biker hag villainess who finally gets shanked in the last ten minutes of the D-list women in prison movie that came on at 4 AM, long after the last softcore fans have gone to bed...
some, but not most, of the ones i know and work with.
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How does Michael Barrett, still officially a giant vagina, fit into this equation, especially now that he has moved to San Diago, which is German for "a whale's vagina"?
Page and a half later, the answer must be that he doesn't. And tell San Diego to go fuck itself, PARTICULARLY since THAT little male impersonator joined together with the band...if that's how THEY role.
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The problem is very few of those resemble the lipstick lesbians you see on Skinemax... they're more like the Nazi biker hag villainess who finally gets shanked in the last ten minutes of the D-list women in prison movie that came on at 4 AM, long after the last softcore fans have gone to bed...
It's a comfort to me, at least, that Spleen is out there on that wall while the rest of us sleep secure.
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Scale it down a bit. He's at St. Ambrose.
How much is tuitation at St. Hubbins?
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There's not a St. Milledge, is there? Maybe I can afford THAT! Guessing Julio Franco would NOT send his kids....errrr....grandkids, there.
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Wasn't St. Milledge slain at the Battle of Lastings?
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Wasn't St. Milledge slain at the Battle of Lastings?
I forget, was the battle fought in the battlefield known as Dyke Prairie or near the rolling Lesbian Hills?
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I think it was at GOAT Hills, actually (and I heard it was glorious).
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It's a comfort to me, at least, that Spleen is out there on that wall while the rest of us sleep secure.
You believe that, don't you, Clark? That I'm here to help you any way I can?
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One of my co-workers used to work in Baltimore at a sports agents office. She just walked in and handed me a baseball saying she thought I would appreciate it more than she does. It is a Brooks Robinson autographed baseball.
Little did my co worker know that as a kid, that was who I pretended to be diving for grounders in my backyard.
I had dinner with Brooks Robinson in 2004. Good times.
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Sounds like a good time Nate.
The post comes full circle. Someone lock it now!
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Now *THIS* is the way a thread should get retired. The anti-Willie Mays method as it were.