OrangeWhoopass.com Forums
General Discussion => Talk Zone => Topic started by: Noe on June 14, 2007, 12:59:53 pm
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Longtime OWA Regular and All Around Good Guy Comes out of the Basement and Makes Good!
June/2007
From the OWA P.R. Office in Toast, N.C.
Photo: Gleach's First Pitch at the MMPUS (http://www.orangewhoopass.com/graphics/gleach.jpg)
For Press Release:
Legendary lurker and lessor half of OWA's wedded couple (achieved years before "The Bachelor" managed to cough up a wedding) was honored at MMPUS Tuesday night. Amid accusations of ballot-stuffing, gleach's name was pulled out of Drayton's ar... hat, and so he was given the ball to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for June 12th's opener against the A's. While this, being interleague play, was not really a proper game, gleach carpe diemed, even to the point of marking off 60' 6" in his back yard and having allison catch for him. There's no confirmation that allison made him wear a garter belt, or later tied him up and read him Walt Whitman. No confirmation whatsoever. Nada. None.
With Tuesday's first pitch rapidly approaching, gleach eschewed numerous and varied clothing suggestions, declining even to accessorise with queso. He chose, instead, to go with a bold fashion statement of an Astros' golf shirt, dockers and pumps. The dockers, of course, chosen so as to not interfere with his legendary high leg kick. With an entire chorus of old people looking on from short CF (they would later sing the shortest anthem ever at MMPUS, then dash off to the bathroom), gleach strode purposefully to the mound.
All the way to the mound! This wasn't going to be a 40' chicken job, nor a bullshit Larry the Cable Guy ephus pitch as seen the day before at Wrigley. gleach was going for a fastball, right down the pipe, from the rubber. He was practiced and appropriately dressed; what could go wrong? Without so much as a pause to soak in the atmosphere, gleach surmounted the pitcher's mound, whirled and let fly.
Chris Sampson, gleach's designated catcher (settle down, Alkie) made a valiant effort for someone not used to that position. As the cripple fastball bounced wide of the left-hand batter's box he tried to reach across his body and pick it. Alas his normal length human arms prevented him from making the play, so he sprung from his crouch and chased the ball all the way to the backstop. As it transpired, this unscheduled exercise was excellent training for Sampson who would, the next night, be able to score easily from 1st on Pence's double, without breaking a sweat. "I ran further and harder last night!" he wouldn't say later.
His ceremonial pitch passed, in all sense of the word, gleach shoved Sampson away as Chris tried to console him and give him the ball. Later the flare up would be dismissed as a storm in a teacup by Garner, while both gleach and Sampson remained silent under a gag order from Tim Purpura.
This is how our man on the street report was filed by recap contributor mihoba on the incident:
A long time TZ dweller, the esteemed gleach, had the opportunity of a lifetime as he bribed won a chance as a season ticket holder to throw out the first pitch. Confidently climbing the hill, he went into his windup and drilled a FB past the 'catcher' Chris Sampson all the way to the backstop. Was it his mechanics? Not trusting his stuff? Speculation abounds in the TZ.
Some of the early comments on gleach’s performance by longtime OWA contributors and baseball experienced veterans ran the gamut of emotions. "I was speechless when I saw the pitch fly out of his hand" said Mrs. gleach (aka allison) when asked to comment on her husband’s achievement "I am proud of him of course, but how can I sit near Drayton McLane ever again. I don't think we'll be able to face the others near us any more. We're making plans to move somewhere in this country where they don't understand baseball and will never ask us about this episode in our life. We think Pittsburgh will do." “Best example of opening up I've seen... damn, that was ugly!" - Coach Raup. "Had I been his catcher, I'd do a cup check after the first practice pitch." - Hudson Hawk. “I don’t know what the fuss is all about, he looked good, threw the ball well, was not helped by his offense at all and he just had some bad luck working against him. Go get ‘em tomorrow is what I say!” – Andyzipp, soon after receiving his free duckets from gleach for Thursday’s business fan special.
Front. Row. Seats.
Others comments heard in the Astros dugout as the valiant gleach launched his historic two seamer: "He throws kind of weird" - Hunter Pence. "I think I can hit that!" - Morgan Ensberg. “He looks like the guy who keeps coming to my house wanting to sell me digital cable” – Luke Scott. And of course, what better analysis than that provided by Ivy League catcher and soon to be manager in the big leagues Brad Ausmus "Stop following me around, leave me alone... alright!" We think he was kidding of course, but that's the last time we will allow Budgirl to interview him.
Congratulations to gleach as the OWA’s first official ball tosser who performed on the big stage in a manner befitting what we all stand for here at this illustrious fansite: two hops, one skip and nowhere near the plate.
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Guess that trumps me winning the Dizzy Bat race at the Express Game last night. Hey, I got a SWairlines t-shirt!
The great part of it is that Mrs. Curly put my name on the list while I was hiking the nightly giveaway back to the parking lot. She then sat there and watched me pollish off a mound of curlyfries and queso from Texadelphia, and two 20oz Buds knowing I might get my name called for the race. How she kept a straight face I'll never know.
If you are not familiar, this is the race where you and another chump go down in front of the dugout, put your forehead on the knob of the bat and spin around it 10 times and then race the other dude or dudette to the end of the dugout for the "prize". Well, the other dude came out of the spin and just about cutblocked me, I escaped and with blazing speed, dove head first for the shirt (Jim can very the gracefulness of my dive as well as his assesment if I would have made it there faster if I had just ran through.) Like I was going to lose. The kiddos were yelling for daddy and all was well, but thowing out the first pitch get's my tip o' the cap.
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Guess that trumps me winning the Dizzy Bat race at the Express Game last night. Hey, I got a SWairlines t-shirt!
The great part of it is that Mrs. Curly put my name on the list while I was hiking the nightly giveaway back to the parking lot. She then sat there and watched me pollish off a mound of curlyfries and queso from Texadelphia, and two 20oz Buds knowing I might get my name called for the race. How she kept a straight face I'll never know.
If you are not familiar, this is the race where you and another chump go down in front of the dugout, put your forehead on the knob of the bat and spin around it 10 times and then race the other dude or dudette to the end of the dugout for the "prize". Well, the other dude came out of the spin and just about cutblocked me, I escaped and with blazing speed, dove head first for the shirt (Jim can very the gracefulness of my dive as well as his assesment if I would have made it there faster if I had just ran through.) Like I was going to lose. The kiddos were yelling for daddy and all was well, but thowing out the first pitch get's my tip o' the cap.
I am grateful for and proud of gleach for representing the OWA with solemnity, dignity and, um, grace. Very well done, my man.
However, this Dizzy Bat contest sounds like something OWA-ers would be more likely to excel in. Or at least be more likely to participate in.
Congratulations to you as well, Mr. Curly.
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Last year Round Rock occasionally ran a between-innings contest that I liked even better. You take two guys and put harnesses on both of them, and then link the harnesses together with about 20 feet of bungee cord. Then you put the guys back-to-back half-way between goals (I can't remember if they were bats, or people holding T-shirts, or what) about 30 feet apart. On your marks, get set, go! Each guy runs about 10 feet, and then hilarity ensues. I can only imagine this as part of the post-game activities at the OWA softball fest.
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"I've been listening to gleach for YEARS, and I think he's fabulous."
Ybbo John Winger Deus
thanks for those duckets for my boy and me all those years ago. He STILL worships Mike Lamb as a result of the ball gifting.
Maybe he can run for Mayor of Cincy, no?