Author Topic: This Week in Baseball: Special Edition!  (Read 944 times)

MusicMan

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This Week in Baseball: Special Edition!
« on: July 14, 2008, 12:06:25 pm »
My own spin on the first half of the year...

Extra! Extra!  Read all about it!
I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, torture of Bud Selig.

OregonStrosFan

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Re: This Week in Baseball: Special Edition!
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2008, 04:29:14 pm »
Very nice!

A couple more for you:

"The mental features discoursed of as the analytical, are, in themselves, but little susceptible of analysis."

In The Murders in the Rue Morgue, Poe could very well have been discussing Coop's decision making the first half of the season (particularly related to his decisions related to the line-up, and Spaz batting leadoff). 

"'Tom!' No answer. 'Tom!' No answer. 'What's gone with that boy, I wonder?'"

But for the inclusion of "Tom" in the opening to The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, I'd have presumed Twain'd been sitting behind home plate at MMPUS watching JR's approach at the plate.

"The boy with fair hair lowered himself down the last few feet of rock and began to pick his way towards the lagoon."

Golding's description of the boy in Lord of the Flies could as well described Gunther's descent into madness from chasing the ever-elusive slider, down and away (or alternatively, perhaps the descent to the lagoon may reflect his inability to make it to the hot tub unscathed).
In the end, my dissolution with the game of baseball will not be a result of any loss of love for the game, rather from the realization that I can no longer bear the anger its supposed stewards cause to be built up in my soul. -Lee (01/08/2013)

strosrays

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Re: This Week in Baseball: Special Edition!
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2008, 06:04:51 pm »
"I never did learn to speak Apache properly.  Mind you, it ain't easy, mainly because the red brutes seldom stand still long enough -- and if you've any sense, you don't either, or you're liable to find yourself studying their system of vowel pronounciation (which is unique, by the way) while hanging head-down over a slow fire or riding for dear life across the Jornada del Muerto with them howling at your heels and trying to stick lances in your liver.  Both of which predicaments I've experienced in my time, and you may keep 'em."  -- Flashman and the Redskins


I don't know, maybe something to do with J.R. Towles and a rodeo clown.

Ebby Calvin

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Re: This Week in Baseball: Special Edition!
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2008, 07:32:57 am »
Very well done.  I didn't like the last line, though.  Not your fault.
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