June 5, 2007Astros 4, Rukkakes 1W: Wandy Rodriguez (3-5) | L: Jason Hirsch (2-6) | S: Dan Wheeler (10)
Interminable, Plodding Death March: 2,978 (0-4)
The GameZone thread (Highly worth the time. Go on. Read it.)
Edit: Now with 100% more link accuracy!Iron out the wrinkles in the Talk ZoneOther coverage:
AP recapAstros.com recap (Tony DeMarco)
Editor's Note: I'm throwing this together at the last second for posterity, because our man mihoba can't make his appointed rounds, what with being passed out in a Portland microbrewery or some such. As such, I do not expect this to be read, nor do I expect my account of last night's events to be in any way accurate. If I got the final score correct and one or two of the links work, then I've done my job. -JAIn game one of the supposed Count Purpula Judgment Series, the Good Guys averted a deflating loss by coming to life late and hanging an L on former top prospect Jason Hirsch. The relevance of this has been hashed out ad nauseam elsewhere, so I'll spare you. Hirsch pitched a fine game, giving up just 2, and taking a perfect game halfway home before finally yielding a 2-out double to the Ninja in the top of the 5th.
Wandy made an early habit out of giving up extra base hits to open a frame, then getting out of the inning unscathed, working this nifty little trick in the 1st and 2nd. The magic ran out in the 4th when Holliday lead off with a triple and scored on an Atkins double, but that was the only run Wandy allowed, despite loading up the bases in that frame. He finished with the 1 ER in 5 innings, striking out 7, frequently at crucial times.
The 'Stros snared the lead in the top of the 6th after opening the frame with an Ausmus walk, and a beautiful hit and run through the vacated SS gap by OP for 1st and 3rd with no outs. Pigpen wasted an out with a swinging K on breaking junk, and Thunder Pants lined out hard to 3rd for the second out, bring up Twinkie. Hirsch hung a 3-1 change, and Fat Elvis hammered it for a double - his second of the year - scoring both runners.
In the bottom half, Bork came on and gave up a Helton triple to center to open the inning. (It should be noted that Beaker didn't look great out there chasing down all the balls hit his way, and probably contributed to an extra base here or there.) Unbelievably, Bork got out without giving up the lead, getting a pop-up to 2nd, groundout to 1B and fly out to end it with Helton and his grotesque new face muff stranded at third. A defibrillator was deployed on Clint Hurdle, and he was able to finish out the game.
Maybelline got rung up on ball 4 to end the 8th by a late appeal on a very obviously checked swing. Twinkie proceeded to lose his shit, got tossed from the game, and deposited his gloves and bag on the field before hitting the showers. As has been noted in the TZ, this was a really half-assed attempt at a proper meltdown, and reinforces the possibility that his left shoulder ain't right. I mean, seriously, who the fuck throws batting gloves? If his arm was right, he would've tossed one of those 10-gallon drums of seeds, minimum.
Top of the 9th, Corpas tagged Flapjack in the back with a suspiciously errant pitch, setting El Kabong off. Both teams met at the first base line to sing Kumbaya and make s'mores. A good time was had by all, including Twinkie, who inexplicably came back to the field to participate, and is now certain to be suspended at some point. It was later revealed that Corpas and The Caballo have a less than stellar history, indicating that the fuckwit actually put a runner on base in the ninth when his team was down by a run for purely personal reasons. The BBGs, who are not to be trifled with, were generous and wise, restoring order by placing an opposite field home run into Luke Scott's bat before he stepped into the box. This ran it to 4-1, giving Dot some breathing room before he slammed the door. Somewhere in the Garner got run for saying unkind things about Ed Rapuano.
We continue our analysis of Purpura this evening as Woody takes the hill against
A. Wood, leading to a full and rich evening of boner jokes in the GZ. Can't wait. Someone, please make a 'swordfight' reference from Heathers. OK, so it's Cook, not Wood. I have no idea where the fuck that came from. Clearly, I've got penis on the brain. Carry on.
