World tilts just a bit farther off axis, Astros swept by Pirates in 5-4 finale

[JackAstro]

April 4, 2007
Pirates 5, Astros 4
W: Tom Gorzelanny | L: Woody Williams | S: Solomon Torres
Yackball: Biggio (1)
Pigpen watch: 2,934 (3-5)
GameZone thread
Piss and moan about it in the TalkZone

Other coverage:
AP story
Astros.com recap and game info

Apropos of Nothing:
Look! Rainbows! Feel better now?


Ugh. Nothing says "cause for optimism" quite like having the Pirates break the brooms out on you in the opening homestand. First road sweep by Pittsburgh against Houston in 16 years. You know what? Forget it, I can't even bitch about it right now, let's just get straight to the tape.

What was that big, fat blur?

Flapjack got the scoring started for the good guys early, plating Burke from second with a single deposited back through the box on a 1-2 count in the 1st. This appeared to be the storied approach revered by Scrap Iron, in which Lee swings out of his shoes for two strikes, then shortens it up to make good contact. A man could get used to watching that sort of thing. Added bonus - we all got our first chance to see the generously proportioned left fielder show how he is able to swipe bags at such a staggering rate, given his considerable heft. The answer? Well, apparently he's either so fucking fast that cameras can't capture it in real time, or he is actually able to teleport from one base to the next, because all we saw was Pirates playing grabass while he spontaneously appeared at second. Replays would later show that he actually did run, but that may have simply been a computer-generated reenactment of the actual event, or one of those super high-speed cameras they use to film hummingbirds.

Woody looked good out there in the hometown uni, and not because he's a handsome man, though he no doubt is. (Yes? Ladies? Anyone?)  It just seemed normal, like he should have been in the blood and mud years ago. Good hometown vibes abounded. After giving up a run in the 2nd on back to back right-center gappers to Nady and Bautista, Williams got back to battling through the tough spots, doing the wily veteran things that a wily veteran does. Lots of speed changes, moving balls in and out (NTTAWWT), and generally throwing the way we've grown accustomed to seeing the man throw against the Houston nine.

Commence with the booting of baseballs

In the bottom of the third, Pigpen picked up his second hit of the night on a shot to third that ate Bautista up just about as completely as is possible. As Bautista dispensed with logical reasoning and entered fight or flight mode, he chose the latter and scrambled away from the play as the ball chased him down, kicked him squarely in the ass and relieved him of his wallet. Biggio moved to third on a Burke single to right - where he tried politely not to laugh - and ultimately scored on a Fat Elvis sac fly. Bautista would exact delicious revenge in the 5th however, burgling El Caballo of a sure double down the line. No word on the whereabouts of his wallet at this hour; officials continue to investigate.

The bottom of the 4th was full of sound and fury, signifying not a whole hell of a lot. The 'stros juiced the bases with nobody out, with Lane getting it rolling on a Little League double. He reached second when right fielder Xavier Nady decided his job was to back up the infielders on fly balls hit to his neck of the woods, allowing Castillo to make an ass of himself by overrunning the ball and letting it fall in behind/beside/in front of him (there was a lot of twisting and flailing.) This was error number 2 in the ballgame, and it was not to be the last, unfortunately. Everett followed with an infield single to Ann Wilson, and Quintero slapped one into left to fill em up. Woody stepped to the plate with swinging on his mind, hacking away at a pitch high and away on a 2-0 count. He caught up with the next one he could reach, flaring it out into center, where Castillo acquitted himself with a nice running snag. Biggio popped out to first, and Burke got to 2 strikes quickly, leaving the faithful with a familiar feeling brewing in the gut. Dixie came through like a champ, though, getting just enough thigh on the 1-2 pitch to drive in a run with his pants. Maybelline grounded out to end the threat, setting the stage for an unscheduled fielding clinic in the top of the next frame.

The part when all hell officially breaks loose - or - Fire up the calliope, it's the goddamn circus

The top of the 5th started with Jason Bay reaching on a dribbler to Williams' right that he damn near rolled an ankle trying to field, followed by Le Roach flying out to center. Paulino swatted the next pitch to the bottom of the hill, sending Burke on a meandering, ultimately fruitless stumble that looked to be straight out of The Craig Biggio Guide to Adjusting to Center Field. Bay scored on the play, bringing the Bucs within a run at 3-2. As is the way with these things, the ball wanted to find Burke very badly on the next play, and Nady obliged, whacking one to the track in center. This time the young Tennessean was ready, getting to the ball, putting leather around it and... dropping it like he picked up a fucking hot skillet covered in ants and broken glass. A single, 2 runs, a walk to the pitcher and a pitching change later, Duffy stepped in against Bork and hit a shot to Everett that he uncharacteristically booted into the outfield. Compounding matters, the ball squirted away after he chased it down, leading to his second error on the play, and a score by Bautista to make it 5-3 in favor of the marauding assholes. Somewhere, a legion of talk show callers ready their collective argument that the club can't carry a no-stick shortstop who can't even field, and a weary Alyson Footer reluctantly checks her inbox in preparation for a mailbag that should prove more painful than usual.

Move along, nothing to see here

The remainder of the game unfolded without event, as the general impotence versus the other-worldly Pitt bullpen continued unabated. The lone excitement came in the form of a too little, too late solo pat to the Crawfords by Biggio with 2 out in the 9th. Salomon Freaking Torres recorded his third save in as many games, putting him on pace to reach 162 for the year, all against the Astros. Both of which would be records, I'm told.

I swear, the next one won't be so impossibly long

Time now to wipe away the salty tears of shame and get back on that horse before the Turdinals roll into town for the 3 game set on Friday. Stay tuned for the preview, and remember - you're in good hands with Wandy. Go get em.