This one was basically over in the first, as second base umpire Phil Cuzzi blew a call on a force play that opened the flodgates for a 3-run first off of Mad Eny: The Road Wandyor. Two notes on this play: first, I’m amazed that Scully blew the description of this, thinking that Cuzzi was saying Ramirez beat the throw, when Cuzzi clearly signaled that Keppinger came off the bag; second, it just goes to show you what happens when you get desperate for offense. Manzella makes that play much more easily.

Desperate for offense, did I say? Of course. This is why your hometown Houston Astros, with above-average pitching, are headed for their worst record ever, nearly a quarter of the way home. The first inning got the Good Guys ahead on a Bourn single, move to second on a grounder to third, and home on a Berkman single. Just how the whole shebang was drawn up in spring training. Unfortunately, those were two of their six hits on the night; two more came from Pence! and Feliz in the fifth – mix in a WP in the middle, and you’ve got yourself a second run.

It stayed close until the eighth, when Lyon gave up a two-run triple to Blake DeWitt to ice it at 6-2, but this was largely irrelevant as the Astros continued to wither on offense. Six hits, no walks, no hope.

Bud Norris takes the hill tonight and will hopefully be brainwashed into thinking he’s facing the Cardinals again.

U-G-L-Y. That’s all you can say about this one.

The only highlight of the game was a bizarro-world DP in which Berkman intentionally dropped a bunt with runners on 1st and 2nd, got the force at 2b, and then a tag of the runner going to 3b. Even more bizzare was that DoRay and Berkman all knew that the infield fly rule is not in play on a bunt attempt. Just your typical 3-6-5 DP.

Of course, this was after the Braves had already scored 3 in the frame, making it 4-0 and putting the game out of reach. The Braves made Norris pay when he was wild, plating 3 of their 4 walks. Norris continued to get little in the way of defensive help, as opposing teams continue to show that you can go 1st to 3rd on the Astros at will. Bourn did make a nice diving stab in CF to start the 5th to keep the damage to 7 runs instead of 8, and Fulchino and Lyon looked good in relief.

Emphemera, tidbits, and things just to keep me interested in yet another blowout:
– the Astros have been outscored 37 to 12 in the last 6 games;
– the Atlanta organist played “Bo(u)rn to Run”, which I think passes for high wit in the world of at-bat music;
– Jeff Keppinger and Michael Bourn lead the team in slugging, coming in at 59th and 62nd, respectively, in the NL among qualifying hitters;
– Gas Can came in just to stay sharp, which will happen when you sweep a crappier opponent as you come off a 9-game losing streak;
– Gas Can has apparently finished puberty, as he is now sporting a full beard in celebration of his announced retirement.

Astros come home to face the Diamondbacks, last seen getting swept by the Cubs.

Oh, it started with so much promise. Bourn beats out an infield single, beats a perfect Squatting Molina throw, and the Good Guys are set up for shop in just the second hitter.

That was it. That was the high point. Mazella couldn’t move him over, and Pence and Lee provided their now-standard failure to deliver, and off we went to the bottom of the first…

…wherein Wandy gave up three straight singles, the last of which would easily score the lead runner. Of course, Ryan Ludwick somehow failed to realize this – even with the play in front of him, in Lee’s hands – and ran straight into a rundown (for once, decently executed by the Astros, although Pujols did move up). This miscue allowed Wandy to get out of the first without further damamge.

So along comes the bottom of the third, and the Cardinals again put two men on for Pujols. At this point, someone in the Fox production truck decides to put the following up:

Obviously these fine producers are either Cardinal fans, or completely unfamiliar with the concept of the BBGs. Either way, you will note that the count is 1-0; Pujols deposited the 1-0 pitch (a nice, fat, middle-plate curve) into the LF bullpen, and the game was effectively over.

In the GZ, the following were observed:
– The Astros are drawing less than 1 walk per game;
– Only 3 Astros in Monday’s lineup sported a batting average of above .200;
– Only Pence’s meaningless ninth inning single pulled his batting average above the legal blood-alcohol limit.

Both teams get an off day before a Wednesday date on ESPN.