Astros 1
Turdinals 6

W: Wainwright (5-2) | L: Rodriguez (1-1)

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Eny Cabreja made his triumphant return to the rotation Wednesday night, seeing action for the first time since April 19th. Unfortunately for everyone on the side of Good, this was a Road Start, and it was therefore Road Wandy who took the hill.

The first inning was a sloppy clusterfuck of baseball that’s best filed away and forgotten about. After a Ryan single, the trouble really started when Kaz air-mailed a DP ball into left, putting runners on the corners with no outs. Princess Pooholes got the intentional pass to load ’em up, but Wandy couldn’t find the zone on Ludwick, pushing the first run across with a 4-pitch walk. Molina grounded out to third to bring the second run of the inning home, then instinctively stripped naked and left his uniform at first before returning to the dugout. Run number three scored on a bounced curveball, and Barton walked before the inning finally ended with a Wainwright groundout.

The ‘Stros got one back in the top of the second when Private Pyle crushed one off the upper deck facade in left, but that was pretty much it for the offense in this one. Wainwright continued to be a filthy witch against Houston, striking out eight in eight innings, and giving up just three hits.

Of note, Pooholes got himself thrown out at second while trying to tag from first on a ball to right in the the third inning. Pence’s throw there in plenty of time, but too far towards first for Tejada to get him on the way by. This was mostly because Pooholes didn’t bother to slide until after he got the bag, rocketing several feet out into no man’s land, where he was tagged out on his way back. It’s possible that Matsui deked him by showing ankle on the far side of the base. Regardless, LaGenius praised his Precious’s unconventional thinking, aggressive aggresiveness, and full, pouty lips, saying that he was open to the idea of Albert coaching first and third base during the rubber game tonight. If you know what I mean.

Wandy gave up three more between the fourth and fifth innings, and the offense couldn’t mount a threat, as the Shitbirds won this one going away. Here’s hoping those bats are angry ones, and that there are many, many hits waiting to get out against Kyle Lohse tonight. Roy takes the hill looking to be himself again, and I can think of no better time and place for him to announce his re-resurgence. Go get ’em.