Astros 7
Redlegs 0

W: Wandy | L: Harang
HR: X

Footer Recap
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GameZone

The fucking game wasn’t on in Austin.  We did, however, have angry atheists and lesbians on public access.  For a recap, check out the refreshingly non-pissed and effervescent Footer.  Home Wandy showed up in spades, screaming,  “I AM THE SHORE PATROL, MOTHERFUCKER!” and completely keel hauled the godless Dickities, fanning 10 Skyline suckers along the way.   PENCE!!!, Carlos, and Ivan the Pseudo-Terrible provided the offense for the fine Christian gentlemens in a going away effort.  Cooper, emboldened by his new contract, sat proudly naked on the bench, chewing khat and fondling his impressive collection of agate marbles.  Ed Wade took a shit on his own desk.

Today’s Horoscope: ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Essentially, you’re fucked.  Might as well jerk off in a tube sock.  If you’re a guy, go sit out on the curb with a quart of Miller in a paper sack and yell at cars.  Buy a goddamn turtle or something.