WP – F. Rodriguez (2-0, 2.45)
LP – Boggs (0-3, 3.10)

ST. LOUIS (SnS) – The slumping Houston Astros rode a fine starting performance by Bud Norris and some solid relief work to outlast the St. Louis Cardinals here Wednesday night, 4-2. The win broke a five–game losing streak for the Astros, and insures they’ll leave St. Louis taking at least one game in this series (the 4-game set wraps up tomorrow evening at 7:15 CDT.)

The Astros are now 5-17 in July, and are currently on pace to win just under 50 games for the season, which would be truly historic. They were able to forget that for a night, playing the division leading Cardinals tough for the entire game, before a lightning strike two-run ninth allowed them to grab the win. Clint Barmes started off the scoring with a two-run ding-dong in the top of the 2nd. The ball actually went several rows deep into the left field stands, which technically are not on the field of play, so the umpires felt confident calling it a home run. The Cardinals clawed back after that, scoring single runs in the 4th and 6th, the latter after which Norris was done. He pitched six tough innings in the heat and held the Cardinals, the top scoring team in the NL, to two runs. Meanwhile the Cards Chris Carpenter kept working his way out of jams. Somehow the Astros prevailed, even though they were severely handicapped by the absence of the stellar bat and stellar-er glove of ace right fielder Hunter PENCE!!!, who was taking a much deserved night off (sitting by the phone, waiting to hear if it would be Philly? Or Atlanta? . . . I don’t know if he cares which . . . I know we don’t.)

Rookie hitting machine Jose Altuve had three more knocks tonight, as did Jason Bourgeois, hitting in Pence’s spot (two of his three hits were of the infield variety). Michael Bourn, Chris Johnson, and Barmes all pitched in with two hits apiece. Fernando Rodriguez and Mark Melancon followed up Norris with scoreless relief work to nail down the win.

Tomorrow will get here soon enough, plenty of time to start a new losing streak and plumb new depths of futility. For tonight, we are winners, Astros fans! Let’s bask in it, in the manner we normally bask in things. Me, I’m putting on my canvas trunks and flip-flops and grabbing a fifth of Canadian Hunter and walking down the street to see if my neighbor is still up. If she is, I am going to . . . okay, I know, too much information. I’ll just say the night is still young, and I intend to celebrate this rare win in a manner befitting any proper Orangewhoopass, er, Spikes ‘n’ Stars resident. I will uphold our standards of decorum, fear not!

Give me an inch, girl
I’m in need of you
Don’t leave me in the cold
When I want to trust in you

Give me an inch, girl
Don’t turn me away
Life can be a worry
When it’s all work and no play

WP – Westbrook (9-4, 4.86)
LP – Myers (3-11, 4.66)

ST. LOUIS (SnS) – The 2011 Houston Astros are very accomplished at finding unique and different ways to lose, you can say that for them. I suppose in a season where they are likely to lose 110+ games, that sort of skill is a requirement. The Astros lost to a mediocre St. Louis Cardinal team here tonight, 3-1. It was the second night in a row they dropped a game to the Dreadbirds, this time squandering a nice complete game start by Brett Myers in the process.

Myers must be wondering by now exactly who he pissed off in his past to deserve a year like this one. Well, the difference in the game tonight was a scarifying two-run line drive home run to dead center by Albert Pujols in the bottom of the first. No big surprise there, except it wasn’t a home run, it was a double (maybe) off of the top of the wall. This was patently clear to Michael Bourn, who played the carom expertly and was in the process of wheeling around to line up for some kind of outfield assist when he spied Pujols and the 3B umpire swirling their index fingers around in unison, Pujols trotting between 1st and 2nd with a stoopid smile in his ugly fucking face. It was patently clear to JD and Brownie and anyone watching the FOX broadcast, even before they ran numerous replays that clearly confirmed the initial impression. There was enough controversy brewing that the umpires retired to some mysterious room under the stands to review the play.

The main concern at that point was where they were going to put the base runners after they reversed the call, but inexplicably, the home run was allowed to stand. JD was bewildered as to what the umps saw to make them uphold the original call. I think it was Pujols breaking into his home run trot and waving his stupid finger. No way they were going to contradict Prince Albert in St. Loouie. Or, as Deshaies finally summed it up, life isn’t fair. Neither is baseball. Oh, yeah.

Really, it wouldn’t feel right arguing about this too much. I am certain the Astros would have lost some other way if this one had been discounted. I feel sorry for Myers, though.

I wish I were more descriptively eloquent, but I suck at painting pictures with words, and I can’t illustrate anything worth a crap. The recaps lately have been emitting a lot of graphical firepower, which I love to look at, but I cannot compete with it. About all I can do is come up with hackneyed clichés and bullshit bromides, of which I have a nearly endless supply; though if the Astros keep it up, I am in danger of running out of those.

Not much else to say. There are a few things in life we can be relatively sure of – the sun will rise most mornings; a cephalopod will almost always come out tough and chewy, no matter how you cook it; and if there was a game last night, the Astros probably lost it, big time.  Likely in some unusual and disconcerting way.

Well, I went to see the doctor
And I had my fortune read
And you know, the doctor told me,
“Son, you’d better stay in bed.”

Who’s that coming down that road?
Looks like he’s carrying a heavy load
What is that word that he’s starting to say?
“Want to come with me on my way?”

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