WP: Narveson (10-6, 4.26)
LP: Norris (6-9, 3.83)

HOUSTON (SnS) – The Houston Astros lost to the Milwaukee Brewers again tonight, by the same score as last night (I believe) . . . namely, 8-2. But whereas last night the home team painstakingly built a small lead, only to have the bullpen throw it all away in the last few innings, tonight the Brewers were in command of the game pretty much from the get-go. From what I gather.

It is entirely possible the dominant topic of discussion in the stands tonight was once again the pros and cons of penile tattoos. But I wouldn’t know that, either.

In fact, I don’t know anything about this game because I never saw it. Or heard it. The forces of nature, Fox Sports, Drayton McLain and Entergy combined to make it impossible for me to observe the game, which I was supposed to be recapping.

First of all, this weekend’s games are all on My20, whatever that is. I suspect Fox Sports was reserving room for more college football, which we need, I’ve been told. Anyway, I don’t have access to My 20, wouldn’t know how to access it, except I vaguely remember being told once to bend a coat hanger a certain way, wrap aluminum foil around it, and aim it in the general direction of Hudson Hawk’s house. So, needless to say, I didn’t get the game via television.

I could’ve got it from MLB-TV, but here is where Mother Nature comes in. The western edge of TS Lee parked over the Golden Triangle area beginning about 11 a.m. today, and never left. Eventually, this somehow or another overrode the meager resources of Entergy, the huge conglomerate that intermittently supplies this area with electricity, so I have been without power the last eight hours (it just came back on.) My laptop has a battery, but my cable modem and wireless router don’t; so, no MLBTV.com.

By the way, I’ve been drinking since about 9:00 this morning. Couldn’t remember if I’d mentioned that yet, or not.

I am dedicated, and it occurred to me, since the power was out anyway, to go lie down in my truck and listen to the game on XM. Only problem was, the Astros are at home, so I was looking at potentially three-plus hours of Milo and DoRay. So, no. Thanks a lot, Drayton.

So I didn’t see or hear any of it. I’d been spending the day with three friends, two guys and a girl, and they are all bad influences. Bad influences. Plus, Friday night I’d taken my sons to see Apollo 18, and that movie is still fucking with my mind. Then there’s the Heinekens, so . . .

It just wasn’t in the cards for me. Wasn’t for the Astros, either, apparently; but what is new, I ask you, under the big, black sun?

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MILWAUKEE 6, Houston 2
July 30, 2011
(Meet Me In The) Beer Park

WP: Gallardo (12-7, 3.69)
LP: Happ (4-13, 6.01)

MILWAUKEE (SnS) – Still stunned by their sudden Pence-lessness, the staggering Houston Astros dropped the contest to the Milwaukee Brewers here tonight, losing by a tally of 6-2. Brewer hurler Yovany Gallardo picked up his 12th win in the process, while Houston lefty J.A. Happ lost his lucky 13th, and saw his ERA creep up over 6.00 (the Lima Line?)

All across the scorched earth of Astroland, fans emerged from bunkers, crudely constructed fallout shelters, and drunken stupors to see what was left of the landscape after the Big One was finally dropped on Friday night and Our Last Hero was unceremoniously jerked off of the field of play in front of millions watching on FSH (okay, maybe a couple hundred), put in a sealed-up box with little holes poked in it, and shipped Next Day Air to Philadelphia. Stunned local sports anchors tried to explain it, civic leaders mourned, and anyone caught reacting positively to the news that Hunter Pence was finally fucking gone was excoriated and beat over the head with statistics, before being called a pissing moaner.

As far as the game goes, nothing much new to report. Bourgeois filled in for PENCE!! in his usual exuberant, speedy manner. Outfielder J.D. Martinez, a/k/a APOTF (Another Piece Of The Future), who was called up from Corpus Christi to replace Pence and arrived at game time, hit a pinch double in his first MLB at bat in the eighth inning and will make his starting debut in LF tomorrow (meaning, presumably, Brett Wallace will get the pine, of course.) After responding to the paddles and briefly reviving on the table by taking the last two of the Cardinal series in St. Louis, the Astros have now flat-lined again, having dropped the first two in Milwaukee while starting a whole new losing streak. And so it goes.

And that’s the way it is, as someone used to say. Saturday July 30, 2001, Day Two of Life After Pence. The heart is lonely, Hunter.

The grocery store’s the supermart
Little girls still break their hearts
And men still keep on marching off to war
Electrically they keep a baseball score

And the beat goes on, the beat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
La de da de de, la de da de da

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