Rangers Ballpark in Arlington

Friday, 7:35 PM on FSSW
Saturday, 2:55 PM on FOX (sweet, we get to see Jeanne Zelasko, owner of the biggest set of man hands this side of Rachel Ray)
Sunday, 7:35 PM on KNWS

Notable giveaways

In honor of Sammy the Clown’s 600th Home Run, the Rangers are giving all fans 16 and older a free 10cc injection of Durabolin. There are other festivities planned as well to celebrate the Hippy Hoppy Bunny’s historic HR, including:

–a pre-game demonstration on proper bat corking techniques
–loud salsa music blared over the PA to the annoyance of everyone else
–premature HR celebration/trot on fly balls to the warning track
–and much, much more.
Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

If this were 2000 or so, we’d be in deep trouble. Thankfully, the days of Tha Thong Song and Who Let Tha Dogs Out are long gone.

Friday: Woody Williams versus Kevin Milwood.

Milwood has a fine career ERA of 3.38 (and WHIP of 1.07) versus Houston, but its a little deceiving as he hasn’t done jack shit versus the good guys in a few years. We smacked him around twice last year and twice in 2002. He had a solid outing in 2003 but most of his real damage came in the late 1990s and 2000/2001. Here’s how has fared versus the individual Astros batters over the years. http://sports.yahoo.com/m…=career&type=Pitching

Saturday: Roy Oswalt versus Jamey Wright.

I’ll always remember Jamey Wright for the game he pitched against the Astros as a Brewer in 2001. It was late August/early September and Wright was mowing down the Astros—double digit strikeouts. Up 2-1 in the 9th inning when the Mexican Mullet hit a 2-run bomb with 2 outs to propel the Astros to a 1 run victory. I always thought Wright was going to be a real player based on that night. Little did I know he would eventually lose 12 in a row to the Astros until beating them last year.

Sunday: Chris Sampson versus Robinson Tejada

Kevin Milwood—7.62 ERA
Jamey Wright—10.57 ERA
Robinson Tejada—6.29 ERA

Same old Rangers. Can’t pitch for shit.

Injury Report

Texas – Mark Teixeira is out for a little while longer, with on-going speculation he’s on the trading block. Tell you what, I’d give up Troy Patton, Lidge and a couple other minor league pitchers for Tex. Though I doubt the Rangers are dumb enough to do it.

Hank Blalock is out with something called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. No idea what it means though I did find this website… http://orthoinfo.aaos.org…_report.cfm?Thread_ID=206

Remember the old Blalock for Wade Miller discussions? Those were the days!!!

Houston – Lidge has an oblique strain/pull. No definitive timetable has been set for his return. AE is out another 5-7 weeks with a Flapjack induced fracture of the fibula. El Caballo needs to pull his head outta his ass, and start fielding the position. He’s making me wish Biggio was still out there in LF.

I Marky, Jerry and little brother Tommy

In a town that loves its sports (as long as they are winners), the Rangers have always been the little brother. Right now, the Mavs are a success (at least in the regular season) and the Cowboys are a playoff team. And the Rangers are….well, the Rangers are the Rangers. And Tom Hicks can’t sit back and let Mark Cuban and Jerry Jones hog all the headlines so Hicks had to do something.

Earlier in the week he dropped this…http://news.yahoo.com/s/a…nm692u.ZJ11adD5wQKyHMWM0F

Tommy, considering your teams history of steroid abuse (Canseco, Palmeiro, IRod) in addition to your current employment of “No Speakie Eenglessh” Sammy Sosa, perhaps its best for you to remain mum on the subject. Your team has been a disaster for nearly 40 fucking years, with the only bright spot being when half the everyday lineup was on the juice. Go play with your soccer team and do a better job keeping the Longhorn football team outta jail.

The Clown

I hate Sammy Sosa. Always have. He’s a Grade A cock sucker, a fake who makes Curt Schilling seem genuine. A horrible teammate who quit on his team when things didn’t go his way. A juicer of the highest magnitude. Just a complete piece of shit.

Well, the douche bag hit his 600th HR this week so there were lots of stories about him, most dealing with his chances at getting into the HOF. A majority of those included some form of “he helped save baseball in 1998 with his pursuit of the HR record.” This is an urban myth. Sosa/Big Mac didn’t save baseball. Baseball saved baseball. Attendance was already rising before the flood of HRs. What happened was all the fans who said they were through with the game after the 1994 strike eventually came back. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the attendance figures.

1990—54.8M
1991—56.7M
1992—55.6M (first time in 8 years there was a decrease from the previous season)
1993—70.25M (Rockies/Marlins were added who combined for 7.5M, making the same store attendance 62.75m)
1994—50.01M (in 70% of a season, meaning they were on pace for just over 71.4M)
1995—50.5M (in 89% of a season, meaning they were on pace for a total of 56.7M, about a 20% drop from the 1994 pace)
1996—60.1M (a 6% increase from the 1995 adjusted numbers)
1997—62.9M (a 5% increase from the previous year)
1998—70.6M (see, there’s a huge jump in attendance, due to Sammy and Big Tweet. Bull shit. Arizona and TB joined that year. Back out those two teams and you get a same store attendance of 64.5M. Thats an increase of just 2.5% over the previous year).
1999—70.1M (hey, they were still hitting HRs in 1999, wheres the attendance increase?)

No, what Sammy and Mac did was spike attendance at their home ball parks, though some of the nearly 500,000 increase at Wrigley would have occured simply because the Cubs were winning and were headed to the playoffs. But their HR chase didn’t cause the 700k increase at Anaheim Stadium, or the 300k increase at Yankee Stadium, or the 500k increase at Jack Murphy in San Diego.

So fuck Sammy Sosa. He didn’t save baseball. He didn’t do anything other than inject his body with anabolic steroids, cork his bat, quit on his teammates and pretend he couldn’t speak English when appearing on Capitol Hill. Hope he dies a horrible death with as much pain and suffering as is humanly possible. Maybe he can upset Uggie Urbina and Urbina will set him on fire and whack him with a machete.

Other Random Shit

Good to see the DQ get bukkake’d by the Rockies. 10.5 behind the Red Sox. 6.5 behind the Wild Card leaders. Enjoy the summer, dickhead.

Exactly why did the Rangers trade Adrian Gonzales (295/363/534) AND Chris Young (6-3, 2.26 ERA, 1.12 WHIP) for 1 year of Adam Eaton and Akinori Otsuka? By the way, if the Rangers are selling I’d like to nab Otsuka.

Current Favorite show on TV…Man Versus Wild. Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is solid as well (and new episodes start next month).

Horrible story about a girl getting her feet lopped off at a Six Flags…http://www.wlky.com/news/13547817/detail.html

This You Tube still cracks me up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2v-AkSj260. Now, I gotta lotta bitches to plow, so you can fuck-a me later, but you should fuck-a me now…

Still going to say Biggio gets #3000 on 6/28 versus the Rox. Get your tickets, now!!!!

For starters, I suck.  I typed this bad boy up on Monday night, but didn’t plan on posting it until Tuesday morning before heading off to the airport.  Well, one thing led to another (we’re selling our house and buying a new one) and I didn’t post it before leaving.  So I somehow managed to get upgraded to First Class on the flight so I finish up the preview, with full intentions of posting it when I got to the hotel (I’m in Ty’s territory, Brooksville, FL to be exact).  Problem is I got on the phone dealing with the inspectors for the house we are buying back home and I lost track of time.  So bottom line there isn’t a good story to go along with the tardiness.  No DDs were involved.  Just general ineptness.

Coors Field (5210 feet above sea level)

Tuesday, 8:05 PM on FSSW
Wednesday, 8:05 PM on FSSW
Thursday, 2:05 PM on FSSW

In the wake of that douche bag from St. Louis getting all liquored up, smoking some weed, driving over the speed limit, while talking on the phone, not wearing the seatbelt and then killing himself, there’s been a lot of talk of clubs banning alcohol in the clubhouse.  What a crock of shit.  MLB sells itself to every beer company out there (Busch Stadium, Miller Park, and Coors Field) like a 3-dollar crack whore in the need of a quick fix.  Its easy to picture Selig, walking around in a daze calling representatives from Shiner, Dixie and Pabst Blue Ribbon sayin “Come on, come on, I need a fix. I’ll suck yo’ dick…”

Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Woo Hoo.  Hirsch and Buchholtz!!!  Woody and Wandy.  Over/Under on total runs scored…37.

Injury Report

Colorado –  Nuthin’ worth mentioning.

Houston – I gots a fever, a fever that can only be cured by More PENCE!!!!!  Other than that and Wide Load Rick White, the Astros are OK.

Judgment Day for the Count
if Willy T, Hirsch and Buccholz have a good series, you can bet the vultures will start circling for the Count on local talk radio and the Chron.  Me, I say it was a good deal.  Hirsch and Taylor ain’t shit, and Willy T for Jennings is a move I’d make over and over again.

Fuck’em Timmy.  Keep your head up and get us another bat.

Not Your Older Brother’s Rockies
Gone are the days of Vinny C, Dante B, Ellis B and the Big Cat.  These Rox actually have another dimension…speed.  Willy T and Kaz Matsui (if healthy and getting regular playing time) would probably swipe north of 80 bases.  It’s a sad day when the Astros are more one-dimensional than the Rox.

And Holiday and Atkins seem to be legit players, even away from Coors.  Helton has lost his power, so perhaps that radio guy knew what he was talking about when he alleged Helton was on the juice.

Wonder if Helton and Burke will break into a rousing rendition of Rocky Top when the Lady Vols win the Softball World Series.  That chick they have pitching for them is dealing some serious shit!!!!

Foggy’s Miscellaneous Ramblings

I’m in the middle of selling our house and moving into a new one.  As such, I haven’t been able to follow the Local 9 as closely lately.  With that caveat, I must say that this team is about as much fun to watch as a Japanese Spelling Bee.  Buncha out machines with no speed, a big fat guy hitting, a big fat guy not hitting, and one kid who looks like he’s going to jump outta his skin if given the chance.  As good as the starters have been, I just can’t get excited about a 6.1 inning, 3 run outing by Wandy, or Sampson.  Thankfully Lidge is wildly unpredictable (anyone doesn’t think he’s due for a bad stretch soon?) which always makes it interesting to see which Lidge we get.

I don’t mind the station-to-station, wait for a 3-run HR offense if the 3-run HRs eventually materialize.  But with the 2007 Astros, the 3-run homers aren’t there and their inability to get around the bases in a proper manner is frustrating to watch.  Players take the Magellan route around the bases, coaches send runners who have no chance of scoring, and a lack hustle seems to permeate everything.

We need our own version of a pissant, make-things-happed guy.  Let’s go after Ryan Freel.

College Baseball is getting ready to head to Omaha.  Of local note, it seems Rice and TAMU are battling it out this weekend for a birth in Omaha.  Here’s my prediction, guaranteed to come true.  Whichever side loses will attempt to make itself feel better by saying, “Well, we got further than Texas did”.

Knocked Up.  Go see it.  If you don’t laugh your ass off then you are a loser.  FACT!!!

Religion is sometimes a taboo topic, but I gotta get this off my chest.  The single greatest development in modern religion is Vacation Bible School.  Bar none.  And the best part is that all the local churches stagger it around.  Basically, it’s a way for parents to unload their youngsters for about 5 hours a day for a week at a time.  Our church’s VBS isn’t until the end of the month, but my sister-in-law’s church has theirs this week.  Our neighbor’s church has it the following week.  My wife’s friend’s church has theirs the next week and then its our church’s turn.  That’s 4 weeks straight of being kid-free.  Praise Jesus!!!  That the kids get to learn about the Bible and such is an added bonus.

June 28th versus Colorado.  Buy your tickets now.  Biggio gets #3000.

Minute Maid Park

Friday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Saturday, 6:05 PM on FSSW
Sunday, 1:05 PM on FSSW

Notable giveaways

You want some free shit?  This is the series for you!!!!  Lookie Here….http://houston.astros.mlb…e/promotions.jsp?c_id=hou

Friday—fireworks, Coca Cola Value Night, and straw cowboy hats

Saturday—Camouflage Cap, Armed Forces Day, and a country concert with Jason Boland and the Stragglers (as opposed to Jason Bourne and the fuck-em-uppers).

Sunday—Astros wives versus Ranger wives in a softball game (betcha money Mrs. Ensberg looks at strike 3 to end a feverish comeback), and Lone Star Series T-Shirts

Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Tejada/TBA/McCarthy versus Albers/Wandy/Woody!!!  Scoreboard operator is going to get a hernia hanging all the crooked numbers up this series.  Wandy has the best ERA of any starter going this series.  You can actually smell the runs scoring.

Here’s hoping TBA isn’t a hard throwing righty the Astros have never seen before.

Injury Report

Texas –  Kevin Milwood.  Hee hee hee. Tom Hicks just can’t help himself with Scott Boras comes a-callin’.  Do you think Scott sends taunting emails reading “PWNED!!!”?

Brad Wilkerson is also on the shelf though Eric Gagne is currently healthy.

Houston – Jennings looked good in his first rehab start.  Chris Burke is suffering from a bad case of vaginosis down in Round Rock.

I H8 the Giants

I’ve had a dislike for the Giants for awhile now, mainly because they’ve managed to beat the Astros fairly consistently over the past few years.  So while I’m happy the good guys took 2 of 3, I really wanted a sweep.

My college roommate was from California and was a big Giants fan.  Listening to his “Hummmm Baby” shit during the 1989 playoffs was wretching.  Fuck’em.  Roger Craig can kiss my ass.

Stranger Rangers

Greatest players in Texas Rangers history is probably a contest between Juan Gonzales and Pudge Rodriguez, with Raffy Palmeiro coming in third.  Nice to see the Rangers historical identity so closely tied to steroids.  In fact, you could make the case if not for steroids, the Rangers would be the LA Clippers of MLB.

Question is, why have the Rangers sucked so bad?  They’ve spent money (A-Rod, Chan Ho Suck, Kevin Milwood).  They draw well.  They’ve made some nice draft picks (Sammy Sosa, Kevin Brown, Mark Tiexera immediately come to mind).

I think their biggest area of concern has been pitching.  For years they have seemed to favor offense over defense, and haven’t really developed a pitcher since Kevin Brown in the early 1990’s.  The best they’ve done since then is Chris Young, which they promptly traded for Adam Eaton who then left for Philly after one injury-filled year.

Rangers need pitching.  Always have, always will.

Foggy Fun FACTS

The Office is the funniest show on television.  They wrapped up a fine Season 3 last night with a killer one hour special.  If you haven’t seen the show, drop by Blockbuster and pick up Season 1 or 2 on DVD.  The glorious genius of Dwight K Schrute must be seen.  In these early seasons Creed Bratton and Kelly Kapoor are a very minor characters, so it was great to see them blossom in Season 3.

On the flip side of TV Land, 24 is limping along to its worst season ever.  Unless Jack ends up killing half the population of China, and torturing the other half, this season will be a major let down.  Starts off great (nuke going off, Jack’s vampire-esque kill in the first episode, Jack killing Curtis, Morris getting power-drilled in the shoulder), then slows down (Jack at the Russian embassy, bomb going off at the Presidential news conference) to a premature close (Jack killing the bad guys with 6 hours left).  These last 6 hours is just melodramatic bullshit (at least 3 love triangles being played out) without any cool shit going on.  Bring back the Jack Bauer of old!!!!

I’ve been posting this in the TZ for awhile, but let me post this here for posterity.  The Brewers ain’t shit.  Any idea of them running away with the division is just delusional.  When their bully slows down, as it has the past week or so, and when the dog days of August roll around, they will start their fade.  I’d be shocked if they won more than 90.    I think they’ll end up around 85-87.  That’s the best the division has to offer.  We are going to win this thing if we play the kind of ball (and stay healthy) than we are capable of.  Yeah, I’m using “we”.  Biggio is closing in on 3000 hits and I’m closing in on 3000 “fuck the jakes”.  Not sure which is more impressive.

June 28th versus Colorado.  Buy your tickets now.  Biggio gets #3000.

If there’s a trade to be made, look for it to be relatively minor.  Basically it’ll be a move to get a better LH hitter off the bench (Palmeiro is D-O-N-E).

Minute Maid Park

Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW
Wednesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW
Thursday, 7:05 PM on KNWS

Notable giveaways

Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring/label from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.

Projected Matchups
http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Reds aren’t going to send Matt Belisle out there so Coach Raup can maintain a strict Astros allegiance.  We also get to miss Aaron Harang and his shit rising fastball that we can’t seem to hit.

On the plus side, with Adam Dunn back in town, Drayton can set the thermostat one degree higher.  Dunn’s mighty swing-and-a-miss will keep everyone cool.

Injury Report

Cincinnati –  Everyday Eddie Guardado is spending everyday of the next few weeks on the 60 day DL.  The Big Guy Arthur Carlson is still experiencing post traumatic stress from the botched Thanksgiving Day Turkey Give Away.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZByndN_ffyw

Houston – Other than Jennings, nuthin’.

Sing a Song of Six PENCE!!!!

I like “PENCE!!!!” as the moniker du jour for young Hunter.  “ALL CAPS” is good as well.  “Yeshua” teeters on the edge of good taste, but he is the offensive Messiah the sports radio prophets have been calling for.  Anyway, my prediction is we’ll have a suitable nickname for him by the time Purp sends him back to the minors.

Till then, remember this….every inning Hunter Pence is in CF is one less inning Chris Burke is in CF.  That, as Martha Stewart would say, is a good thing.

Adventures in Hooliganism

So my daughter and I are starting to watch soccer together, and following some advice from Limey we have settled upon the Tottenham Hotspurs as “our” team to follow.  Well, sure enough, their game this weekend was on the Fox Sports Channel so I tivo’d it and we watched it together on Sunday.

The Spurs, as us fans call them, won an entertaining contest versus Middlesbrough (I think they suck but am not entirely sure) highlighted by a sweet goal from some dude named Berbatov.  Here’s the YouTube clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-od2HUWcTM.

My daughter thought the goal was neat so we proceeded to go out to the backyard to “recreate” the goal the best we could.  Never quite got it down, but we had fun goofing off together so mission accomplished.

The point to all this is that we can “play” soccer a lot easier than we can “play” baseball.  She’s not quite where she needs to be in terms of swing a bat, or catching/throwing a ball.  But she can kick a soccer ball.  Is where we are RIGHT NOW going to cause her to like soccer more than baseball/softball?  While baseball is more popular than men’s soccer, I gotta believe women’s soccer is more popular than women’s softball.  You hear a lot about how baseball is losing the black audience/players but I wonder if baseball isn’t also losing the female fans.

FACTS about the Red Menace

The Josh Hamilton story is a nice one, as far as recovering heroin addicts go.  Seems he is tying up the Reds official site’s mailbag much like PENCE!!!! has with the Astros site.  Here’s the latest Mailbag from Cincy whihc offers proof the “hey, let’s put Player X at a different position” phenomenon isn’t limited to Houston.  http://cincinnati.reds.ml…mp;fext=.jsp&c_id=cin

The Reds are going to retire Dave Concepcion’s number.  He was a fine player and all, but for a franchise that has been around since dirt and with a ton of great historical players, doesn’t this seem a bit much?  I mean in terms of all-time great Reds he is clearly behind Rose, Morgan, Bench, Perez, Larkin, Frank Robinson and probably 5 or 6 more I can’t name off the top of my head.

Ryan Freel or David Eckstein.  Which is the greater piss ant?  Me, I go with Freel.  He’s Wally Backman/Len Dykstra rolled into one.

Edwin Encarnacion has made only 3 errors this season.  He’s due for a few these next 3 games.

David Weathers is getting it done as a closer.  Not sure how much longer he can keep it up, but so far so good.  Color me shocked.  2.70 ERA and a WHIP of 1.00.  Yeah its early but he’s been fairly effective for the Reds the last 2 years.  I’ll always love the guy for his one start against the Cubs in 2004 when he was with the Marlins.

Man, its easy to forget just how awesome Junior Griffey used to be.  He’d hit 300 with 40+ bombs and play a legit gold glove caliber defense.  Too bad Barry Larkin had to run his mouth about winning the title in 2000.  That right there was what caused Junior and the Reds to spin right into the shitter.  Take that Barry.

Minute Maid Park

Monday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW

Notable giveaways

Nothing but the Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.
Heckuva promotion though.  You plan your trip just right, you can get in and out for under $10.  I’ll be there with my oldest daughter.  Look for the little girl asking: “Can I have a hot dog, can I have a hot dog, canihaveahotdog, canihaveahotdog…” or the father going “no, you just ate, no you just ate, noyoujustate, noyoujustate…”.

Projected Matchups http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou

Well, as of 10:17pm on Sunday Astros.com is showing Roy going on 3-days rest and pitching on Tuesday.  Can’t imagine it won’t be Sampson.  C’mon Footer!!!  Slap those dipshits into shape.

So if it is indeed Sampson, your starting pitchers for this 2 game series will be Wandy Rodriguez, Chris Sampson, Anibal “Dirty” Sanchez and Sergio Mitre.  You can actually smell the batting averages rising.

Injury Report

Florida –  Hanley Ramirez tweaked a hammy and missed some games last week.  But he should be good to go for Monday/Tuesday.  Alejandro De Aza has a sore ankle and is day-to-day…[sportscaster voice] but then again, aren’t we all[/sportscaster voice].

Jeremy Hermida and Ricky Nolasco are also on the DL.

Houston – The big news is of course Jason Jennings.  I don’t want to say the season is over if he is out for extended periods of time, but the season will be over if he is out for an extended period of time.

What is Foggy Thinking About?

(1)  Shhhhh.  Be very quiet.  There it is.  Did you hear it?  That is the unmistakable sound of one of the local talk radio yahoos clicking on CC Hooks’ website checking out how Troy Patton is doing.  Yep, 2 starts, 12 IP, 1 ER, just 7 base runners, 7/3 K/BB ratio.  Expect nothing but “Bring up Troy Patton” blatherings if Wandy gets shelled like a crawfish (Note:  Old Town Spring’s Crawfish Festival is this weekend.  Come up and support my local economy).  Hell, Pallilo will be shouting this from the rooftops even if Wandy throws a perfect game.

(2)  The happiest person in attendance that Carlos Lee got $100M this off-season?  Miggy Cabrera.  Dude is going to break the bank in a few years.  For starters, the dude turns 24 on Wednesday (he’s about 5 days younger than Hunter Pence…cue SportsRadio meltdown #2).  An average year for him is something like 312/387/541 with 31HRs, 115 RBI and 103 Runs.  He’s done this with jack shit around him in the lineup, and playing in a damn tough hitters park.

(3)  Top 10 Marlins in terms of ABs this year…all 28 or younger.  All starters are 26 or younger.  Only one pitcher in his 30’s, and he’s 32.

(4)  Saw Blades of Glory this weekend.  Not worth the NINE FUCKING DOLLARS it cost to buy a ticket.  Seriously, $9 to see a movie?  For $9 a movie better kick ass and take names.  Would have seen Grindhouse but the wife was all “not just no, but HELL NO”.  Anyway, here’s a review by the all time greatest movie reviewer Neil Cumpston from Aintitcoolnew.com.  Some great lines, which may fave may be “Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate.”  Either that or “It’s a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer.”

Read the full review here…http://www.aintitcool.com/node/32030

(5)  OK Music lovers.  Tell me what I need to know about a group called Apples in Stereo.  I heard one of their tunes, “Open Eyes”, on Little Steven’s radio show a few weeks back. These guys worth checking out?  Haven’t really looked into their stuff on the internet, as I have a lingering feeling they are a shit band with one cool song.  Worth checking out?

5 Cool You Tube Clips (For Limey)

(1)  Killer version of Wonderwall.  Just Noel and a guitar.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg-Q0oduvfA

(2)  The “white Reggie Bush”?  Check out this kid Sam McGuffie, a RB from Cy-Fair.  I’d turn down the volume because the songs they overlaid are worthless.  Kid has offers from Ohio State, Florida, Michigan, Oklahoma and others.  Forget about his skin color, kid looks to be a freak of an athlete.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4IJ17ODo_s

(3)  Should I Drink That website dude slams a Dogfish Head 120 IPA.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kGAcF6Awcs

(4)  Dumbasses make their own flamethrower or something.  Unfortunately, nobody was hurt.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF6vOrR4D1I

(5)  I’ve pretty much traded boxing in for UFC.  Especially in the heavyweight division.  Here’s a nice montage of clips from Fedor Emelianenko, the Pride Heavyweight champ.  There are better montages out there but 99% have shitty thrash metal music.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_OPJPdR7eU

Best Ever?

Roy Oswalt recorded his 100th career victory this past weekend.  So perhaps its a good time to start thinking about his rank in Astros history.

Let’s start with the basics…

Wins—Roy is currently 8th on the All Time wins list, and should end up 3rd by the end of the season.  Niekro is the all time leader with 144, and Dierker is 2nd at 137.  Both have well over 100 more starts than Roy.

ERA—If you make the cutoff 1000 innings (thus removing the relievers and Clemens), Roy is #1 at 3.05.  Considering he didn’t get the pre-roid era hitters or the cavernous Astrodome, its even more impressive.

Strikeouts—currently 8th, and about 3 years from passing JR Richard into 2nd.  He’s about 800 K’s behind Ryan, so he should be #1 here as well by the end of his contract.

What about the post-season?  Well, he’s a career 4-0 in the post-season with a 3.66 ERA, and was named MLCS MVP in 2005.  Astros with more post-season wins?  None.  He and Clemens are tied at 4 wins each.

Awards?  Mike Scott (1986) and Roger Clemens (2004) are the club’s only Cy Young award winners.  Roy has fared well in the voting, however.  He has 5 top-5 finishes, more than any other Astro.

League Leaders?  Led the league in Wins (2004), ERA (2006), Winning Percentage (2001), and Starts (2004 and 2005).  Other Top 5 finishes are too many to mention.

So, only 3 starts into his 7th year with the club, is he the greatest Astros pitcher ever?

He gets the longevity nod over Clemens.  Gets the “a starter is more important than a reliever” nod over Smith and Wagner.  Niekro has the benefit of 120 more starts, but on a pure “per start” basis it isn’t close when you factor in time and place.  Nolan Ryan is a cultural hero, and his won/loss record as an Astro is a bit deceiving.  He’ll make the final grouping.  Dierker had some good years, but never received a single vote for the Cy Young.  Mike Scott had about 5 good years, but that was all.  Though when he was good, he was great.  He’ll also make the final group.  Finally we get to JR Richard.

Richard’s first 5-years are nothing special and hinted nothing about what was to come.  His next 4 years were good, real good.  He twice broke 300 Ks and had 3 Top 10 finishes in the Cy Young voting.  Then you had his final season, 1980.  He was the best pitcher in the NL until he had his stroke.  Richard’s story is what could have been.  He’ll make the final grouping as well.

So its Oswalt, Ryan, Scott and JR Richard for the title.  None really have a longevity advantage over the others, as Richard didn’t pitch much his first 3 or 4 years.  Both Ryan and Scott pitched 9 years for Houston, and Roy is working on #7 right now.

If you look at each player at their best, I think Richard’s 1980 season and Scott’s 1986 season are the standard bearers.  I still can’t believe Scott ever lost a game in 1986.

Oswalt certainly gets the nod for never throwing out a clunker of a season, like Scott’s 83/84/90 or Ryan’s 85/88.  As mentioned earlier, Richard’s first 5 season’s were nothing special at all.  Oswalt’s worst season was 2003, where he missed about 10 starts but still went 10-5 with an ERA under 3.00.
Post-season goes to Scott with his 1986 NLCS trumping Oswalt’s 2005 NLCS by the slightest of margins.

Oswalt—100 wins, 47 losses, .680 winning pct, 3.05 ERA.
Scott—110 wins, 81 losses, .576 winning pct, 3.30 ERA.
Ryan—106 wins, 94 losses, .530 winning pct, 3.13 ERA
Richard—107 wins, 71 losses, .601 winning pct, 3.15 ERA

Given the extreme difference from the Astrodome and MMPUS (and the era of the 70s/80s to the 2000s in terms of offense), I think Oswalt clearly trumps Ryan and Richard.  Making it Scott versus Oswalt.  While Scott’s overall numbers are worse than Oswalt’s, Scott’s best 5 seasons are as good as Oswalt’s best 5.  Scott has the Cy Young and had the better post-season performance (though Oswalt sure doesn’t need to be ashamed of his 4-0 record and NLCS MVP).

I’m probably leaning a bit to Scott right now, with full understanding that barring injury, Roy’s numbers will just be so far above and beyond Scott’s that the ownage of the 86 Mets will be long forgotten.  Oswalt will eventually be known as the best pitcher in Astros history.  Probably as soon as after the 2008 season.  But right now, I’ll go with Scott.

Final Thoughts

Trading Joe Morgan.
JR Richard’s stroke.
DIckie Thon getting beaned.
Losing Abreau in the Expansion Draft.
Losing Johan Santana in the Rule 5 draft.

You have a magic wand and can make one of these go away.  Which is it?

Do you want to add Morgan at his mid-1970s best when he was the best player in baseball?  Or do you want JR in 1980 when he was unhittable facing off the Phillies/Royals in the playoffs, and the Dodgers in 1981? Maybe even the Mets in 1986.  What would Thon have done over his career if healthy?  A core of Doran, Thon, Davis, Bass, Ryan. Scott, Knepper, Dave Smith?  How many more playoff appearances do we make?  How would Abreau’s left-handed bat and 400 OBP have contributed in the 1998-2005 seasons where the Astros were always in the mix (2000 never happened)?  Or what about a Oswalt/Santana/Clemens/Pettitte 1-2-3-4 punch in 2004-2006?

I want to hear, from YOU.  Whaddaya think?  Me, I go with JR Richard.  He’d be a HOFer and I think the Astros would have won the World Series in 1980 with him.  1981 would also be a possible title.