Author Topic: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.  (Read 2648 times)

Alkie

  • Double Super Secret Pope
  • Posts: 12195
    • View Profile
Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« on: October 01, 2005, 11:15:50 am »
You don't know me, but I'm a big fan.  You see, I don't believe in superstition.  I don't believe in religion.  I don't believe in fate or destiny or things happening for a "reason."  I believe you make your own luck.  I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch.  I believe that the Astros losing another home series to the Cubs will actually cause me to vibrate until my organs burst.  I believe in forcing my wife to call in sick so we can drive 767 miles across the biggest goddamn (real) state in the union to watch two baseball games.  I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. I believe Alou was safe at 3rd.  I believe Bill Spiers was the greatest utility player of all time.  I believe Hatcher's homerun went 8,000 feet.  I believe GameFive was somewhere between the birth of my daughter and the day I met my wife.  I don't believe in heaven, but I do believe in Hell.  I believe good pitching beats good hitting, unless it doesn't.  I believe in playing to win, not playing not to lose.  I believe in Gar, and Baggy, and Bidge, and Cruuuz, and that fat, lazy, head-up-his-ass tub of goo who keeps hitting big HRs the last week.

I also believe in you, Gods of Baseball.  I believe I erred (E-Alkie?) last week when I purchased NLDS tickets behind the plate with money I didn't have, a week before we even could have clinched.  I apologize.  It wasn't right.  It wasn't cool.  "My bad."  

All I ask is this.  One more chance.  I deserve it.  You took my World Series Game 4 and 5 tickets away from me and my wife last year, but I didn't leave.  

So, today...when you're trying to decide if Rocket pulls his hammy in the top of the 2nd and whether or not I have to watch Zeke Astacio try to put us in the playoffs, remember this: you still have the chance to make a little Braves fan cry again.  And really...isn't that what it's all about?

Thank you.

Love,
Alkie

JimR

  • Contributor
  • High Order of the Ferret
  • *****
  • Posts: 29320
    • View Profile
    • McGinnis, Lochridge & Kilgore, LLP
Re: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2005, 12:53:46 pm »
great post
Often wrong, but never in doubt.

CJM

  • Veteran Role Player
  • Posts: 339
    • View Profile
Re: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2005, 05:13:31 pm »
Wow! Brought tears to my eyes.  You sir, have done your part.

Surferwang

  • Roster Filler
  • Posts: 149
    • View Profile
Re: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2005, 07:44:59 pm »
Quote:

You don't know me, but I'm a big fan.  You see, I don't believe in superstition.  I don't believe in religion.  I don't believe in fate or destiny or things happening for a "reason."  I believe you make your own luck.  I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch.  I believe that the Astros losing another home series to the Cubs will actually cause me to vibrate until my organs burst.  I believe in forcing my wife to call in sick so we can drive 767 miles across the biggest goddamn (real) state in the union to watch two baseball games.  I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. I believe Alou was safe at 3rd.  I believe Bill Spiers was the greatest utility player of all time.  I believe Hatcher's homerun went 8,000 feet.  I believe GameFive was somewhere between the birth of my daughter and the day I met my wife.  I don't believe in heaven, but I do believe in Hell.  I believe good pitching beats good hitting, unless it doesn't.  I believe in playing to win, not playing not to lose.  I believe in Gar, and Baggy, and Bidge, and Cruuuz, and that fat, lazy, head-up-his-ass tub of goo who keeps hitting big HRs the last week.

I also believe in you, Gods of Baseball.  I believe I erred (E-Alkie?) last week when I purchased NLDS tickets behind the plate with money I didn't have, a week before we even could have clinched.  I apologize.  It wasn't right.  It wasn't cool.  "My bad."  

All I ask is this.  One more chance.  I deserve it.  You took my World Series Game 4 and 5 tickets away from me and my wife last year, but I didn't leave.  

So, today...when you're trying to decide if Rocket pulls his hammy in the top of the 2nd and whether or not I have to watch Zeke Astacio try to put us in the playoffs, remember this: you still have the chance to make a little Braves fan cry again.  And really...isn't that what it's all about?

Thank you.

Love,
Alkie





beautiful

UpTooLate

  • Should Have Quit 500 Posts Ago
  • Posts: 1089
    • View Profile
Re: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2005, 08:34:18 pm »
Good job Alkie.  That post should be a TZ classic or HOF (whatever they do around here). Keep it up, the good guys are ALMOST there. Give 'em hell Roy!
"Go with Christ" - Eric "The Dawg" Cartman

drew corleone

  • Should Have Quit 500 Posts Ago
  • Posts: 2457
    • View Profile
    • http://2centmovies.blogspot.com
Re: Baseball Gods, Are You There? It's Me, Alkie.
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2005, 12:00:51 am »
Great fucking post.

The only thing you forgot was to wish that Fred Brocklander had pulled a Bill Bailey (was that his name?) and had never actually been born.

If the Stros can get into the NLDS and the Horns finally beat fucking OU it'll be the best sports week of my life.