Texans 2018

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I think they will lose today but they will win their division.

[Limey]

Based on one play...

[austro]

Who didn't see that coming?

[chuck]

What the fuck is this high school zone read bullshit? If that's what they've spent a year working on, fuck them.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I was ready to hate Romo as an analyst but he's actually pretty good.

[Limey]

Defense working well, but someone needs to speed up Watson’s clock. 

[austro]

I was ready to hate Romo as an analyst but he's actually pretty good.

Yeah, I think Romo usually provides pretty good insight.

[Limey]

Can someone inform the Texans that pre-season ended last week.

Especially you, BOB.  Call that fucking time out for a review. 

[austro]

Good thing BOB saved those timeouts. Wouldn't want to lose one on a challenge since you won't get the ball back anyway.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

BOB is a fucking idiot. I take it back, no way these guys win their division.

[Lefty]

He is the worst coach I've ever seen in 2-minute situations drill situations, just amazingly stupid.

[Limey]

He is the worst coach I've ever seen in 2-minute situations drill situations, just amazingly stupid.

He’s always too slow to react. 

[HudsonHawk]

Couple of points:

1.  This is what happens when you don’t let the starters play in the preseason. This is their first preseason game. Only it counts.

2.  The fix is in for the Patriots. There is no excuse for not reviewing that non-catch other than the NFL has a script.

[HudsonHawk]

Good thing BOB saved those timeouts. Wouldn't want to lose one on a challenge since you won't get the ball back anyway.

You can’t challenge inside 2 minutes. That was the NFL looking the other way.

[Limey]

You can’t challenge inside 2 minutes. That was the NFL looking the other way.

You can call a timeout to give the video guys a chance to look at it. 

Also, you can call a timeout when the Pats are beating you up in the red zone. 

[HudsonHawk]

You can call a timeout to give the video guys a chance to look at it. 

Also, you can call a timeout when the Pats are beating you up in the red zone.

The NFL can review it too. That’s someon’e job to look at every play and say “wait, that was close”. 

[Lefty]

You can call a timeout to give the video guys a chance to look at it. 

Also, you can call a timeout when the Pats are beating you up in the red zone. 

But now they have 6 timeouts in the 2nd half!

[HudsonHawk]

But now they have 6 timeouts in the 2nd half!

The whole point of the 2-minute challenge rule is so that teams don’t have to use a time out in that situation. There is a replay official who’s job it is to make sure that close calls get looked at. He didn’t do his job. Or maybe he did exactly what he was told.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

The NFL can review it too. That’s someon’e job to look at every play and say “wait, that was close”.

I agree. But rather than go all Alex Jones about it, I'm gonna think they just fucked up.

[HudsonHawk]

I agree. But rather than go all Alex Jones about it, I'm gonna think they just fucked up.

Funny how all the “they just fucked up” give the Patriots a critical break.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Funny how all the “they just fucked up” give the Patriots a critical break.

That's good coaching.

[HudsonHawk]

BOB is the single worst offensive mind in the history of football.

[Lefty]

Lots of blame to go around today.  Watson has been terrible.

Best thing about the game so far has been listening to Romo rip into BOB and the playcalling.

[HudsonHawk]

Lots of blame to go around today.  Watson has been terrible.

Yeah. Decent QB play and the Texans could be winning this game. Watson had cost them more points then he’s produced.

[Limey]

Funny how all the “they just fucked up” give the Patriots a critical break.

They just got another when no one flagged for the most obvious face grab since Alien. 

[MusicMan]

BOB is the single worst offensive mind in the history of football.

Tim Beck would like a word.


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[HudsonHawk]

Holy smokes, that actually looked like an offense.

[MusicMan]

Vandermeer literally just said “24-13, it’s a brand new ballgame.”

Even Fox News commentators are like, “you’re too much of a homer.”


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[HudsonHawk]

The Texans cannot wIn when Kevin Johnson plays. He’s simply garbage.

[HudsonHawk]

Vandermeer literally just said “24-13, it’s a brand new ballgame.”

Even Fox News commentators are like, “you’re too much of a homer.”


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It only feels like the Texans start every game two touchdowns behind.

[HudsonHawk]

This new punter is terrible.

[Limey]

Silver linings:  we appear to have a competent kick-returner. 

[HudsonHawk]

Has Watson ever played QB before?

Texans throwing in the towel.

[HudsonHawk]

WTF is wrong with BOB?

[chuck]

Has Watson ever played QB before?

Texans throwing in the towel.

This is what happens when they don't fucking play in the pre-season. He looks like he hasn't played a game in two years.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I was about to agree that the fix was in there for a second.

[Limey]

WTF is wrong with BOB?

They need to pipe Romo directly into Watson’s helmet. 

[Limey]

That blown call on Gronk just became gargantuan. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Why no onside kick there?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Run the secret 99 yard play.

[Limey]

Texans got out-coached today, and going back into the pre-season.  Per HH, Watson clearly was not ready. 

[Limey]

That was frustrating as fuck. 

[HudsonHawk]

Texans got out-coached today, and going back into the pre-season.  Per HH, Watson clearly was not ready.

Yep. Second half, Watson was getting his legs. But he simply wasn’t ready for NFL snaps yet this season.

[austro]

Run the secret 99 yard play.

Not yet. Need to save it for the playoffs.

[Limey]

Yep. Second half, Watson was getting his legs. But he simply wasn’t ready for NFL snaps yet this season.

We got lucky with the muffed punt, and managed to score despite the play calling.  That was embarrassing.

[HudsonHawk]

They wasted two minutes down there 1st and goal too. BOB’s Kubuakian clock mismanagement didn’t help.

[chuck]

They wasted two minutes down there 1st and goal too. BOB’s Kubuakian clock mismanagement didn’t help.

It took two minutes to score from first and goal at the three or whatever it was.

That quarterback draw against eight guys in the box was pretty cute.

[austro]

That quarterback draw against eight guys in the box was pretty cute.

I was trying to figure out Watson's decision-making process on that one. I still haven't come up with an answer. Maybe he thought he was invisible.

[HudsonHawk]

I was trying to figure out Watson's decision-making process on that one. I still haven't come up with an answer. Maybe he thought he was invisible.

I'm sure it was a called play.  But he should have refused to run it.

[HudsonHawk]

How about them Bucs?  Ryan Fitzpatrick goes off for 400+ yards and 4 TDs.  Saints score 40 points and lose.

[Lefty]

From Seth Payne's twitter:

If only there were four opportunities for a 2nd year QB and brand new offensive line to get a bunch of live-speed reps right before the season.

[MusicMan]

At least we’re not the Bills.


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[HudsonHawk]

The Browns' losing streak ends. They didn't win, but they didn't lose either.  Baby steps, I guess.

[MusicMan]

Also, when asked why he didn’t call a time out to give the replay officials time, BOB literally said “that’s not my job.”


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[Limey]

Also, when asked why he didn’t call a time out to give the replay officials time, BOB literally said “that’s not my job.”

Who do you think needs to tell him...

[HudsonHawk]

Also, when asked why he didn’t call a time out to give the replay officials time, BOB literally said “that’s not my job.”


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He's right.  There is one person who's only job is to watch that play and call for a replay.  That person failed at his job.  Miserably. 

[Limey]

He's right.  There is one person who's only job is to watch that play and call for a replay.  That person failed at his job.  Miserably.

Of course.  But it’s O’Brien’s job to make sure the Texans win, which means he has to pick up for others who fail to do their jobs.  He ended the half with three timeouts (times-out?) in his pocket; burn one of them to argue with the officials that they should be reviewing that play, instead of arguing with them walking off at the half with 7 more points against you on the board and no chance to overturn shit. 

[MusicMan]

Well, the Texans are well familiar with people failing miserably at their jobs.


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[austro]

Also, when asked why he didn’t call a time out to give the replay officials time, BOB literally said “that’s not my job.”

Head coach of the Texans won't be his job soon, either.

[Limey]

Head coach of the Texans won't be his job soon, either.

He was pantsed by Romo the whole game, most notably on his decision not to stop the game when the Patriots were clearly trying the benefit from a bad call by rushing the next snap.  Asleep at the switch. 

[HudsonHawk]

He was pantsed by Romo the whole game, most notably on his decision not to stop the game when the Patriots were clearly trying the benefit from a bad call by rushing the next snap.  Asleep at the switch.

There is a lot of blame for BOB, but his not doing the replay official's job for him is not one of them.

[Limey]

There is a lot of blame for BOB, but his not doing the replay official's job for him is not one of them.

Understood.  It’s just a symptom of the malaise whereby he lets things happen to the Texans instead of making things happen for the Texans. 

[HudsonHawk]

Understood.  It’s just a symptom of the malaise whereby he lets things happen to the Texans instead of making things happen for the Texans.

Preparation was the biggest problem today.  Hopefully, they knocked some of the rust off, and will be ready to go Week 2.  Because knocking it off in the preseason would be...

[austro]

Well, the silver lining, I suppose, is that you were probably never going to beat the Patriots in Foxboro anyway. Better to get that out of the way in week 1 while you're still shaking off the rust.

[MusicMan]

Conversely, early is the best time to catch the Patriots.


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[HudsonHawk]

Replay official now says he was buzzing to stop and review, but referee didn't.  Referee said he got the buzz "late".

The fix is in, I tells ya

[Limey]

Preparation was the biggest problem today.  Hopefully, they knocked some of the rust off, and will be ready to go Week 2.  Because knocking it off in the preseason would be...

To use a hackneyed phrase: they'll play worse and win this season.

[Bench]

Replay official now says he was buzzing to stop and review, but referee didn't.  Referee said he got the buzz "late".

The fix is in, I tells ya

If only BOB had a way to get them more time instead of letting the Patriots dictate the pace!

[chuck]

If only BOB had a way to get them more time instead of letting the Patriots dictate the pace!

Not his job.

I wonder if he has any idea who Peter Sagal is.

[Lefty]

Well, here's BOB today:  “Hindsight being 20-20 … surely I would have taken a timeout to see if they would at least buzz down to take a look at the play.”

[chuck]

Dude makes $5 million dollars a year or whatever it is and it takes him 18 hours to see what everyone else saw in real time.

[Lefty]

Titans without both starting OT and their primary backup, starting QB is banged up, and naturally Clowney is not playing today.

[MusicMan]

Stopping fake punts?
That’s not my job.


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[austro]

Stopping fake punts?
That’s not my job.

It probably wasn't even a called play. But when the Texans decided that they wouldn't even put anybody on the same side of the field as one of the gunners, Tennessee gladly accepted the gift. Nice route by the "safety", too.

[Lefty]

This may be the most undisciplined, poorly prepared quarter of football I've ever seen.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Blaine Gabbert is like a cockroach.

[austro]

This is a terrible football team. BOB will be gone by mid-season.

[HudsonHawk]

This is a terrible football team. BOB will be gone by mid-season.

This offense is atrocious. BOB really needs to hire a coordinator who understands offense.

[Lefty]

Wasn't it about a decade ago when the entire NFL figured out how to stop the wildcat?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Meanwhile the Chiefs are up 21-0 at the Steelers.

[chuck]

Meanwhile the Chiefs are up 21-0 at the Steelers.

When you realize that your team sucks at time management and its offense blows and you start daydreaming about Andy Reid, well, you have some serious problems.

[Limey]

When was the last time the Texans were effective in the red zone?

[hostros7]

Back to back WR hitches after they had been moving the ball well. BOB must have seen something that convinced his offensive genius to exploit the Titans for 1 total yard


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[Limey]

Not sure if we’re getting ducked by the rules, the refs, or both. 

[MusicMan]

Not sure if we’re getting ducked by the rules, the refs, or both.

There’s no way in hell thats not a loss of down.


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[MusicMan]

According to the rules analyst, it’s just a bullshit rule, not a bullshit call.


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[Limey]

According to the rules analyst, it’s just a bullshit rule, not a bullshit call.

The Patriots use this rule on purpose in three...two...

[Limey]

The Texans worked very hard to lose this game. 

[austro]

MInd-blowing. How do you do that?

[MusicMan]

Not letting the clock run out?
That’s not my job.


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[hostros7]

The Texans worked very hard to lose this game.

The players weren’t good, but they still win by 10+ if they had a competent HC.


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[jbm]

Watching them is so painful. So many inexcusable fuckups, every game.

[Limey]

Watching them is so painful. So many inexcusable fuckups, every game.

The Browns are hilariously terrible at football still.

The Browns have a better record than the Texans.

[chuck]

The Browns are hilariously terrible at football still.

The Browns have a better record than the Texans.

Arizona is the only team I have seen that is anywhere near as bad as the Texans.

[Lefty]

Arizona is the only team I have seen that is anywhere near as bad as the Texans.

The Bills had a guy retire at halftime today.  Texans aren't there, yet.

[HudsonHawk]

Just watched the ending. Holy shit, how can an NFL QB be that fucking stupid?  Unreal.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Just watched the ending. Holy shit, how can an NFL QB be that fucking stupid?  Unreal.

23 years old and a shitty coach.

[chuck]

Just watched the ending. Holy shit, how can an NFL QB be that fucking stupid?  Unreal.

He got right testy when people called him on it, too.

So I think clearly the people who say he's not learning anything under BOB are just wrong.

[HudsonHawk]

23 years old and a shitty coach.

That’s fundamental football, something you learn in junior high though. You have 18 seconds, no timeouts and you need 15 yards. You should get three plays out of that. You can’t hold the ball for 17 fucking seconds. 

[HudsonHawk]

He got right testy when people called him on it, too.

So I think clearly the people who say he's not learning anything under BOB are just wrong.

I saw that. My guess is Watson has never been criticized or questioned before in his life. Welcome to the NFL.

[Lefty]

Just watched the ending. Holy shit, how can an NFL QB be that fucking stupid?  Unreal.

I was yelling, quite loudly, at the tv.  He didn't hear me.

[HudsonHawk]

I was yelling, quite loudly, at the tv.  He didn't hear me.

I had gone to lunch with my parents for my Dad's birthday, and missed the game.  I recorded it and was talking to my wife about the ending.  She said "it was horrible...you'd have been throwing things at the TV.  You can watch the ending, but I strongly suggest you have a drink first, and remember that the Astros won."

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Case Keenum and the Broncos are 2-0.

[Limey]

Case Keenum and the Broncos are 2-0.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is having a good time too.

[Ty in Tampa]

Ryan Fitzpatrick is having a good time too.

Yes, yes he is.

[Lefty]

I had gone to lunch with my parents for my Dad's birthday, and missed the game.  I recorded it and was talking to my wife about the ending.  She said "it was horrible...you'd have been throwing things at the TV.  You can watch the ending, but I strongly suggest you have a drink first, and remember that the Astros won."

That's a good woman.  Hope the BDay lunch was amazing for your old man.

eta: keep drinking that rum, whatever it is, however bad it tastes.  Take one for the team.

I liked Ron Centenario when I was in Costa Rica.

[MusicMan]

Tapatalk preview shortened this to “That’s a good woman. Ho”, which is about as unfortunate as a preview cutoff could be.


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[hostros7]

Texans -6 against the Giants. This seems perplexing.


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[Limey]

Texans -6 against the Giants. This seems perplexing.

This week may see another person departing a team at halftime. 

[MusicMan]

This week may see another person departing a team at halftime.

I know the line is a disaster, but I don’t think Watson will retire quite yet.


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[Limey]

I know the line is a disaster, but I don’t think Watson will retire quite yet.

Not that he has the balls, but McNair should march down to the locker room and take the clipboard from O’Brien.  3rd game in and the offense isn’t ready to play.

[MusicMan]

Not that he has the balls, but McNair should march down to the locker room and take the clipboard from O’Brien.  3rd game in and the offense isn’t ready to play.

It’s cute that after 16 years you still think McNair believes in accountability.


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[chuck]

It’s cute that after 16 years you still think McNair believes in accountability.

Or cares at all if the team is a joke.

[austro]

Or cares at all if the team is a joke.

He's in the NFL owners club, which is all he cares about.

[chuck]

He's in the NFL owners club, which is all he cares about.

He cares that the other owners pretend to like him.

[Limey]

That timeout lost to that challenge would be handy right now. 

[Lefty]

Davenport is a goddamn penalty machine.

Everyone knew he was a project, but jeebus.

[chuck]

They went into the season expecting him to start at LT. That's the level of delusion that this organization operates under.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Horrible. Watching them as become something that is more than unpleasant but a little less than torture.

[Lefty]

BOB's postgame comments are awesome.  Called the 2-pt conversion shovel pass "a horseshit play".  He also went back to the ol' "We've got to coach better..."

[MusicMan]

Horrible. Watching them as become something that is more than unpleasant but a little less than torture.

I’ll follow along on the radio or gamecast but I’m certainly not setting aside any time for them.


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[Limey]

BOB's postgame comments are awesome.  Called the 2-pt conversion shovel pass "a horseshit play".  He also went back to the ol' "We've got to coach better..."

His is right when talking about “better” and “coaches”. 

[hostros7]

If the past 15 years or so is any indication. McNair doesn’t give a shit about winning, but he might notice that there were tons of open seats at the home opener and a solid percentage of those that weren’t empty were filled by giants fans. Most of the crowd couldn’t muster the give-a-fuckness to make any noise on the drive when the defense folded and gave up the inevitable game sealing touchdown drive in the 4th.


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[austro]

Hot knife, meet butter.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I used to think Luck was destined for NFL greatness. Not anymore.

[MusicMan]

True or false:

This Texans OL is worse than the 2002 version that literally gave Carr PTSD.


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[Limey]

I used to think Luck was destined for NFL greatness. Not anymore.

What about now?

[jbm]

Trying their best to lose an easily winnable game.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

What about now?

Not yet.

[Limey]

Not yet.

Now?

[austro]

Well, the good news is that they rolled over so fast that there's still some time on the clock for Watson.

[jbm]

Have they traded their first round pick?  It might the #1 pick.

[austro]

Have the overtimes always been 10 minutes? I thought they were 15.

[DVauthrin]

The entire coaching staff should be fired after this game, win or lose.  28-10 in the third quarter and you are going to overtime.  It all started with Crennel’s idiotic decision to play man coverage on T.Y. Hilton with the Colts needing a 3rd and 10 and allowing Luck to get a quick 50 yard chunk play and score less than a minute after the Texans did.

Then, Bill O’Brien decides we will play for overtime by running the ball with 45 seconds left in a tie game. 

[DVauthrin]

Have the overtimes always been 10 minutes? I thought they were 15.

They changed it for this season.

[Limey]

They changed it for this season.

Any idea why?   Makes no sense to me. 

[DVauthrin]

Any idea why?   Makes no sense to me.

It was done for player safety (reducing extra plays).  Doesn’t make much sense, I agree.  If the NFL cares about player safety, they should start by eliminating Thursday Night Football.

[Limey]

It was done for player safety (reducing extra plays).  Doesn’t make much sense.

I could understand limiting it to one period (of 15), but 10 minutes is a bit silly. 

[Limey]

I’d rather take the L, trying for the W.  This is horseshit. 

BOB playing for his job, not for the team.  He may yet lose both the game and his job. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Now?

Not yet.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

There might be one coach dumber than BOB.

[austro]

Well, that was an interesting decision.

[jbm]

There might be one coach dumber than BOB.

Didn’t think it was possible, but we’ve just seen it.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fuck you Frank Reich! I've hated you for 25 years.

[Ty in Tampa]

There might be one coach dumber than BOB.

He fucked up twice in 2 minutes to lose the game.

[Limey]

Not yet.

Haha. 

[DVauthrin]

Haha.

I just can’t believe the Texans won a cripple fight between O’Brien and the Colts head coach.  Would never have guessed there is a dumber coach in the NFL.

[Limey]

Texans just backed into a win because the opposing coach was huffing glue on the sidelines. 

I hope that celebrations were muted, because they need to work next week like that was a loss. 

[Limey]

I just can’t believe the Texans won a cripple fight between O’Brien and the Colts head coach.  Would never have guessed there is a dumber coach in the NFL.

You say that, but I’m now watching Gruden and the Raiders take on the Browns. 

[austro]

You say that, but I’m now watching Gruden and the Raiders take on the Browns. 

Did they give Gruden 10 years? He already looks like he wants out. "What on earth have I done?"

[HudsonHawk]

Texans just backed into a win because the opposing coach was huffing glue on the sidelines. 

I hope that celebrations were muted, because they need to work next week like that was a loss.

This is the NFL, not college. A win is a win. Style doesn’t matter. This win is just as good as it is bad when they lose by a late field goal n

[hostros7]

Fuck you Frank Reich! I've hated you for 25 years.

Amen.


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[Limey]

This is the NFL, not college. A win is a win. Style doesn’t matter. This win is just as good as it is bad when they lose by a late field goal n

Understood.  What I'm getting at is this doesn't mean they've fixed anything, it just means they came up against a team stomping harder on their own dicks.

[austro]

How many false start,/illegal motion/offsides penalties does a team have to accrue before you decide that the coaching sucks? I realize that it's the players committing the infractions, but some teams never commit them, and some teams commit them all the time.

[Limey]

Understood.  What I'm getting at is this doesn't mean they've fixed anything, it just means they came up against a team stomping harder on their own dicks.

Deja vu?

[Limey]

I know Hopkins didn’t get in, but isn’t that a hit on a defenseless receiver?  Hit high around the head before his feet were down - which is why he spun in the air. 

[austro]

I know Hopkins didn’t get in, but isn’t that a hit on a defenseless receiver?  Hit high around the head before his feet were down - which is why he spun in the air. 

Forget that. If ever there were a situation that called for a read-option, wouldn't 4th-and-goal from the 6" line be it? Something where you had a chancel of falling forward for the TD, rather than having to outrun a bunch of guys from 8 yards out?

[Limey]

Forget that. If ever there were a situation that called for a read-option, wouldn't 4th-and-goal from the 6" line be it? Something where you had a chancel of falling forward for the TD, rather than having to outrun a bunch of guys from 8 yards out?

Just give it to Blue and trust him and the O line to punch it through. 

[austro]

Just give it to Blue and trust him and the O line to punch it through. 

I'd sure rather see that than what we saw.

[Limey]

Stomp, stomp, stompity-stomp.

[austro]

And so it begins.

What the fuck is BOB challenging? He's going to regret not having the timeout later on.

[Limey]

This is potentially a 21-point swing. Not scoring from inches at the end of the half and then this turnover. 

[austro]

These guys are really frustrating.

[Limey]

These guys are really frustrating.

Texans have been better than the Cowboys all over the field, and are losing. 

If it’s not the players...

[Limey]

Is there some sort of rule that says the Texans - and only the Texans - aren’t allowed to make adjustments at halftime?

[jbm]

Stomp, stomp, stompity-stomp.

It happens so quickly with them. Looking good, then........
 
They might end up 1-4 with a broken QB.

[austro]

What is the point of that stupid rule? It's not like the guy gains some sort of advantage by going out of bounds.

[Limey]

Wow!   New sack rule prevents Clowney getting a  sack, then Dak throws a pick (being reviewed as I type).

[Limey]

What is the point of that stupid rule? It's not like the guy gains some sort of advantage by going out of bounds.

They could use invisible fence collars on them. 

Seriously, I’m sure it’s to stop players running waaaaay out of bounds to avoid the coverage. 

[austro]

Seriously, I’m sure it’s to stop players running waaaaay out of bounds to avoid the coverage. 

There's a big difference between intentionally running out of bounds (which probably still wouldn't be helpful) and getting knocked out of bounds by the other team.

[Limey]

There's a big difference between intentionally running out of bounds (which probably still wouldn't be helpful) and getting knocked out of bounds by the other team.

Agreed. 

[Limey]

CB hooked Hopkins’ arm on that floater to the corner.

Meanwhile, are we trying to get Watson killed?

Still terrible in the red zone. 1 for 4...or 5

[Limey]

This just in:  Collingsworth enjoys watching football players play football. 

[Limey]

1 for 5 in the red zone.  You can see it on BOB’s face; he has no clue. 

[MusicMan]

When you have a strong mobile QB, it takes a special coach to produce only 6 points from 3 trips inside the 2.


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[Limey]

When you have a strong mobile QB, it takes a special coach to produce only 6 points from 3 trips inside the 2.

...while getting his ribs broken. 

[Limey]

The Cowboys are not going to gift the win like the Colts did last week. 

[MusicMan]

What the holy hell was Watson thinking??


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[MusicMan]

Nuk with the “just keep pressing the B button” run!


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[Limey]

Nuk with the “just keep pressing the B button” run!


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Just keep spinning...

[Limey]

Watson is about to lose structural integrity.  Just kick the fucking field goal!

[doyce7]

The Cowboys are not going to gift the win like the Colts did last week.

Garrett not going for it on 4th and 1 from the Texan 42 was a pretty good gift. Goddamn I'm ready for that red headed fraud to get the boot

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[Limey]

Garrett not going for it on 4th and 1 from the Texan 42 was a pretty good gift. Goddamn I'm ready for that red headed fraud to get the boot

“Moving the ball one yard is impossible.”
- Bill O’Brien

[hostros7]

Garrett not going for it on 4th and 1 from the Texan 42 was a pretty good gift. Goddamn I'm ready for that red headed fraud to get the boot

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It was an unbelievably stupid coaching decision. The only thing that would have exceeded it in stupidity would have been opting to go for it and then running a play out of a shotgun formation that called for Dak to try to run 25 total yards to pick up 2 feet when being spied by at least 2 players on the Texans defense, aka "the BOB Goaline Dick Stomp Surprise v2." The v1 was, of course, the Watt Catt with Vince Wilfork in the backfield.

[Limey]

It was an unbelievably stupid coaching decision. The only thing that would have exceeded it in stupidity would have been opting to go for it and then running a play out of a shotgun formation that called for Dak to try to run 25 total yards to pick up 2 feet when being spied by at least 2 players on the Texans defense, aka "the BOB Goaline Dick Stomp Surprise v2." The v1 was, of course, the Watt Catt with Vince Wilfork in the backfield.

Using your QB as a running back doesn't work.  Who knew?*

* Everyone.

Also, you know that BOB makes the exact same call as Garrett if the roles were reversed.  He's a coward until he's forced into being bold because the jig is already up, and then he's like "They want something crazy?  Hold my beer!"  Then he tries to rail slide his mountain bike onto a skateboard while juggling pepsi bottles with mentos in them.

[HudsonHawk]

In addition to being the worst offensive mind and QB coach  in the history of football, BOB is completely situationally clueless. Earlier in the 2nd quarter the Texans have fourth and goal and THAT was the time to go for it, when you have the lead, and if you don’t make it, you pin the Cowboys at the goal line with 6 minutes left and a chance to get the ball back before halftime.

You don’t go for it in the last play of the half when a field goal puts you up by a touchdown and you’re getting the ball to start the 3Q.

[Astros Fan in Big D]

In addition to being the worst offensive mind and QB coach  in the history of football, BOB is completely situationally clueless. Earlier in the 2nd quarter the Texans have fourth and goal and THAT was the time to go for it, when you have the lead, and if you don’t make it, you pin the Cowboys at the goal line with 6 minutes left and a chance to get the ball back before halftime.

You don’t go for it in the last play of the half when a field goal puts you up by a touchdown and you’re getting the ball to start the 3Q.

"The best thing Garrett has going for going for him is occasionally he gets to coach against Bill O'Brien"
-KTCK postgame.

[Limey]

In addition to being the worst offensive mind and QB coach  in the history of football, BOB is completely situationally clueless. Earlier in the 2nd quarter the Texans have fourth and goal and THAT was the time to go for it, when you have the lead, and if you don’t make it, you pin the Cowboys at the goal line with 6 minutes left and a chance to get the ball back before halftime.

You don’t go for it in the last play of the half when a field goal puts you up by a touchdown and you’re getting the ball to start the 3Q.

Kick that field goal at the end of the half and overtime isn't necessary.  BOB reacted to the pressure resulting from him being terrible at his job by doing something worse.  The FG at the half would've been somewhat deflating, but would that have been worse than giving the Cowboys the lift of that goalline stand?

[MRaup]

The Cowboys are not going to gift the win like the Colts did last week.

About that...

[Limey]

About that...

Reverse jinx?

[Bench]

In addition to being the worst offensive mind and QB coach  in the history of football, BOB is completely situationally clueless. Earlier in the 2nd quarter the Texans have fourth and goal and THAT was the time to go for it, when you have the lead, and if you don’t make it, you pin the Cowboys at the goal line with 6 minutes left and a chance to get the ball back before halftime.

You don’t go for it in the last play of the half when a field goal puts you up by a touchdown and you’re getting the ball to start the 3Q.

Every game there is at least one mind-blowiningly obviously preposterous decision by BOB.  Even somebody with a passing familiarity with playing Madden wouldn't fuck that up.

[Lefty]

In addition to being the worst offensive mind and QB coach  in the history of football, BOB is completely situationally clueless. Earlier in the 2nd quarter the Texans have fourth and goal and THAT was the time to go for it, when you have the lead, and if you don’t make it, you pin the Cowboys at the goal line with 6 minutes left and a chance to get the ball back before halftime.

You don’t go for it in the last play of the half when a field goal puts you up by a touchdown and you’re getting the ball to start the 3Q.

This.  The sad/crazy thing is that the AFC South is so terrible again that we might be the favorites to win it.

"Doesn't matter, Brian.  9-7."

[Gizzmonic]

This.  The sad/crazy thing is that the AFC South is so terrible again that we might be the favorites to win it.

"Doesn't matter, Brian.  9-7."

Being a Texans fan is a lot like Groundhog Day. Same poor coaching decisions, same records year after year. The only real change is that it's Watson and Hopkins' precious years being pissed down the drain instead of Andre Johnson and Arian Foster's.

[Limey]

Bill’s defense is a combination of stifling and self-destructive.  They drive the Texans backwards, then commit a dumb foul that gifts a 1st down. 

[austro]

I feel sorry for whomever is sitting next to HH right now.

[Limey]

Bill’s have fumbled two kicks already, so go ahead and boot that kick off through the end zone. 

[Limey]

I feel sorry for whomever is sitting next to HH right now.

Especially if it’s his server. 

[Limey]

Watson not looking good.  At this point, he might want to protect him and send Whedon out for the 2nd half. 

[HudsonHawk]

Especially if it’s his server.

It’s my wife. People feel sorry for her all the time.

[austro]

Mind-boggling incompetence.

[HudsonHawk]

Mind-boggling incompetence.

Three wins in a row.

[Lefty]

Gonna get Watson killed.

[jbm]

Certainly nice to get the win, but it’s so frustrating watching their shitty pass protection and inability to get a meaningful yard.

[Lefty]

Certainly nice to get the win, but it’s so frustrating watching their shitty pass protection and inability to get a meaningful yard.

College coach calling college plays inside the 5.

[austro]

JAX in complete disarray. This really is anybody's division.

[MusicMan]

Three wins in a row.

The strategy of “just wait for the other team to be dumber” is... paying off?


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[HudsonHawk]

The strategy of “just wait for the other team to be dumber” is... paying off?


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It did today.  And it isn't college, it's the NFL.  Style doesn't count, only results. 

[HudsonHawk]

For once, the Texans go out and stomp someone else’s dick into the dirt. Good win on the road against defending division champs. First place!

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

For once, the Texans go out and stomp someone else’s dick into the dirt. Good win on the road against defending division champs. First place!

First place in a shitty division but it's still first place and a good turnaround from 0-3.

[chuck]

First place in a shitty division but it's still first place and a good turnaround from 0-3.

First place, Brian.

Four wins in a row, Brian.

[hostros7]

First place in a shitty division but it's still first place and a good turnaround from 0-3.

Almost all of the divisions are shitty this season.

Brock is starting in Houston on Thursday night.


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

What just happened?

[austro]

What just happened?

As incredible as it seems, they scored a red zone touchdown. In the 1st quarter.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

That was the most beneficial pass for the Texans that Brock ever threw.

[austro]

That was the most beneficial pass for the Texans that Brock ever threw.

We mustn't forget the completely-out-of-the-blue 4th quarter comeback against Indianapolis (?). I think that came almost exactly two years ago.

[austro]

Looks like the Astros' replay luck has transferred over to the Texans.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Looks like the Astros' replay luck has transferred over to the Texans.

The rule on tucking a forward pass attempt is pretty ambiguous, I think they got the call right on review but surprised they overturned it.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Nice Geto Boys drop going to break,

[Lefty]

Nice Geto Boys drop going to break,

Oh, I heard that too.

Where has *this* OL and offensive scheme been all year?

[jbm]

It’s hard to be critical about much in this game. Even though they’re saddled with injuries, they still look good.

Osweiler is brutal.

[Limey]

The rule on tucking a forward pass attempt is pretty ambiguous, I think they got the call right on review but surprised they overturned it.

I was watching without the benefit of sound.  WTF was the ruling there?   Even if it was a pass, the ball went backwards making it live on the ground, no?  I’ve seen a dropped lateral pass ruled live...

[HudsonHawk]

I was watching without the benefit of sound.  WTF was the ruling there?   Even if it was a pass, the ball went backwards making it live on the ground, no?  I’ve seen a dropped lateral pass ruled live...

If the arm is going forward when hit, it's an incomplete pass. Period. The direction the ball goes after the arm is hit is irrelevant. The rule is pretty unambiguous actually. It was right call.

[austro]

If the arm is going forward when hit, it's an incomplete pass. Period. The direction the ball goes after the arm is hit is irrelevant. The rule is pretty unambiguous actually. It was right call.

That's certainly true, but there were arguments to be made that a) his arm wasn't moving forward when he was hit (it looked like he might have already started his bizarre path just before contact), and b) it wasn't a pass at all, but a fumble (it looked like he was trying to tuck it back in and it popped out of his hand). I guess the replay guys didn't find those arguments persuasive.

[Limey]

That's certainly true, but there were arguments to be made that a) his arm wasn't moving forward when he was hit (it looked like he might have already started his bizarre path just before contact), and b) it wasn't a pass at all, but a fumble (it looked like he was trying to tuck it back in and it popped out of his hand). I guess the replay guys didn't find those arguments persuasive.

...and it had been ruled that way on the field, so it was hard to see how they get to a point of certainty enough to overturn it.  No matter in the end, but still a weird moment. 

[jbm]

...and it had been ruled that way on the field, so it was hard to see how they get to a point of certainty enough to overturn it.  No matter in the end, but still a weird moment.

Agreed.  It seemed pretty obvious that Osweiler, who missed seeing the blitzer crashing down on him, finally realized (man, his circuits are slow) that the receiver was covered and gave up on the idea to deliver the football.  Therefore, his "throwing motion" became a pump fake where he lost the ball.

[Limey]

Agreed.  It seemed pretty obvious that Osweiler, who missed seeing the blitzer crashing down on him, finally realized (man, his circuits are slow) that the receiver was covered and gave up on the idea to deliver the football.  Therefore, his "throwing motion" became a pump fake where he lost the ball.

If they decided it was an incomplete pass, why was it not intentional grounding?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

The ref doesn't know the intention of the forward motion. Is it a pump fake, a tuck, or a pass?

[jbm]

I thought there was no longer a "tuck."  And, his intent seemed pretty clear to me: if he had intended to pass it, he would have released it.

I guess one can argue about "intent."  I'll agree that when he started his throwing motion, he intended to pass it, but it is pretty clear that midway through the motion (once he realized it would likely be a pick), he intended "not to pass it."   

[HudsonHawk]

That's certainly true, but there were arguments to be made that a) his arm wasn't moving forward when he was hit (it looked like he might have already started his bizarre path just before contact), and b) it wasn't a pass at all, but a fumble (it looked like he was trying to tuck it back in and it popped out of his hand). I guess the replay guys didn't find those arguments persuasive.

Doesn't matter if he's actually trying to throw a forward pass or not. If the arm is moving forward, even if he's pulling the ball down trying to tuck it away, it's an incomplete pass. That's the rule

[HudsonHawk]

I thought there was no longer a "tuck."  And, his intent seemed pretty clear to me: if he had intended to pass it, he would have released it.

I guess one can argue about "intent."  I'll agree that when he started his throwing motion, he intended to pass it, but it is pretty clear that midway through the motion (once he realized it would likely be a pick), he intended "not to pass it."

There is no longer the old "tuck rule", but that when a QB is hit by a defenderas his arm is moving forward, it's almost impossible to determine his intent was to never release the ball. I thought it was a pass live and on replay it was clear as day to me.

[Limey]

There is no longer the old "tuck rule", but that when a QB is hit by a defenderas his arm is moving forward, it's almost impossible to determine his intent was to never release the ball. I thought it was a pass live and on replay it was clear as day to me.

So why not intentional grounding?

[Limey]

Meanwhile, Fuller our for the season with ACL twang. 

[Limey]

Here's the two parts to the rule:

(a)  If, after intentional forward movement of his hand, contact by an opponent materially affects the passer, causing the ball to go backward, it is a forward pass, regardless of where the ball strikes the ground, a player, an official, or anything else.

(b)  If, after an intentional forward movement of his hand, the passer loses possession of the ball during an attempt to bring it back toward his body, it is a fumble.

So, the official on the field ruled - correctly, IMHO - (b); Osweiler was trying to bring the ball back in.  The replay dudes somehow saw overwhelming evidence that it was (a) and overturned the rule on the field.  Regardless of whether you're hearing Laurel or Yanni, there's no way there's enough in the replay to overturn the on-field ruling.  This would have been true if they ruled (a) on the field - there's not enough to overturn it.

When you take this, plus the call on the Dolphins opening field goal that gifted them a TD instead, and the offensive PI on Hopkins, and incorrectly applying the penalty on the opening kick-off, and dragging everyone out of the tunnel at the end of the half to make the Texans re-kneel, and the failure to flag the Texans for the clear-as-day trip tackle on a punt return, means that these refs - on-field and replay - all had a terrible day at work just after the NFL fired a ref for having a terrible day at work.

Maybe they were trying to get the fired ref his job back by proving that he is no worse than the rest of them.

[Limey]

Perspective.

Ball already pointing backwards at moment of contact.

[Bench]

So why not intentional grounding?

Because he was getting hit as he was "throwing."

[Limey]

Because he was getting hit as he was "throwing."

But isn’t throwing the ball to no one while being hit the essential elements of intentional grounding?

[Bench]

But isn’t throwing the ball to no one while being hit the essential elements of intentional grounding?

It's usually to avoid getting hit.

[Limey]

It's usually to avoid getting hit.

It’s not the Texans fault that Osweiller has no idea what’s happening*.

* It might be partly the Texans’ fault.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

But isn’t throwing the ball to no one while being hit the essential elements of intentional grounding?

I’m sure he had a target up until he realized he was about to get blown apart. About the time he’s hit you can his wrist rotates as if to stop the pass and maybe try to tuck or cradle the ball. I bet he was thinking, "oh shit."

[HudsonHawk]

But isn’t throwing the ball to no one while being hit the essential elements of intentional grounding?

Defensive contact caused him to lose possession of the ball.  When that happens, it doesn't matter how good the "throw" is, or whether or not it heads backwards.  There is no more intentional grounding, just like there is no more pass interference.  The defensive contact changes the dynamic of the play.

[austro]

Meanwhile, Fuller our for the season with ACL twang. 

About the only bright spot on my OWA fantasy team, and now he's gone too.

[Bench]

Texans acquired Demaryius Thomas?

[Limey]

Texans acquired Demaryius Thomas?

He can just stay home and wait for the team to get there.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Texans acquired Demaryius Thomas?

Would have preferred Emmanuel Sanders.

[HudsonHawk]

The idiot play caller is back for the Texans.

[Limey]

The idiot play caller is back for the Texans.

Texans tripping up and down

[Limey]

Got “lucky”, in that the made the interception and got a TD.  Doesn’t make it right that they didn’t kick the FG.

[HudsonHawk]

BOB is not the worst head coach out there, but there are two areas of football at which he is an unmitigated disaster; coaching quarterbacks and calling plays.

[HudsonHawk]

Got “lucky”, in that the made the interception and got a TD.  Doesn’t make it right that they didn’t kick the FG.

I don't necessarily mind going for it on fourth and inches. But someone should get fired for calling the play they ran.

[Limey]

Can someone please make a tackle and hold on!

[Limey]

That FG exchange was fucking hilarious. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Vance Joseph is a worse coach than BOB. There might be 5 or 6 dumber than BOB.

[HudsonHawk]

Deshaun Watson may be the dumbest man to ever play QB.

[HudsonHawk]

#43 is awful. He's going to cost the Texans this game.

[HudsonHawk]

Watson can't hit the side of a fucking barn.

[Limey]

How many missed tackles in the backfield?

[Limey]

The irony is that the Texans are going to lose this game by dint of missing an extra point. 

[Limey]

The irony is that the Texans are going to lose this game by dint of missing an extra point.

And by dint of allowing a 1st down from 1st and 25. 

[HudsonHawk]

Or they might win their sixth in a row.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fucking kickers.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Or should I say, world class athletes knock each other around for 60 minutes and it comes down to, fucking kickers.

[chuck]

Idiot kicker, I think, is the phrase.

[hostros7]

Vance Joseph is a worse coach than BOB. There might be 5 or 6 dumber than BOB.

He comes from the storied Texans Tree of Dicksteppery.


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[Limey]

Fucking kickers.

I was putting the hard hex on that one. 

[Limey]

Or should I say, world class athletes knock each other around for 60 minutes and it comes down to, fucking kickers.

In the end, that was two teams trying hard to lose, but only one was successful in that endeavor. 

Texans missed an extra point, failed to convert a 4th and 1 and scored only 3 points in the 2nd half. 

The Broncos gave us and interception after the failed 4th down conversion, tried to ice our kicker on a FG he missed which he then made on the do-over, went backwards 20 yards in 2 plays when driving inside the last 2 minutes and then missed the game-winning FG. 

Tip the cap and move on. 

[Limey]

Bye week, then at the Redskins, then the Titans, Browns and Colts all at home, then at the Jets and closing with the Jags at home.  It’s going to take a riverdance of dick-stepping to miss the playoffs from that schedule. 

[chuck]

It’s going to take a riverdance of dick-stepping to miss the playoffs from that schedule.

He said flatley.

[Bench]

Is there are term that is the opposite of out-coaching the other team? Where one team's dumb coach wins only because the other team's coach is dumber? The Texans are on a nice streak where BOB is not the worst strategist in the game.

[Limey]

Is there are term that is the opposite of out-coaching the other team? Where one team's dumb coach wins only because the other team's coach is dumber? The Texans are on a nice streak where BOB is not the worst strategist in the game.

"Kubiak"

[chuck]

Kubiak looks like Vince Lombardi crossed with Bill Walsh compared with these jokers.

[Limey]

Kubiak looks like Vince Lombardi crossed with Bill Walsh compared with these jokers.

Garrett?

[HudsonHawk]

Kubiak looks like Vince Lombardi crossed with Bill Walsh compared with these jokers.

Kubiak was a terrible game manager and preparer, but he knew how to run an offense.  O'Brien is a decent game planner, but is an offensive idiot.  We really need both those guys to be co-head coaches...

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Kubiak was a terrible game manager and preparer, but he knew how to let Peyton Manning run an offense.  O'Brien is a decent game planner, but is an offensive idiot.  We really need both those guys to be co-head coaches...

FIFY

[Limey]

Dez Bryant tore his achilles in practice with the Saints.

[Limey]

Mrs Limey knows the person who rented a house to Tyrann Mathieu (who just gifted the Redskins a 1st down with a ridiculous holding penalty when they’d been stopped outside of field goal range to keep the shutout intact).  The standard lease limits the size and number of pets and the number of guests allowed at any one time. 

Mattieu has been violating the lease in multiple ways.  For example, he’s using a bedroom to breed puppies and he’s had party after party.  How does the owner know?  Mattieu instagram’s everything.  The owner is following him and building a vast library of screenshots. 

Bottom line - if it wasn’t obvious from that holding penalty - Mattieu isn’t very bright. 

Oh, and the Redskins scored a TD on that penalty-extended drive. 

[Lefty]

Mrs Limey knows the person who rented a house to Tyrann Mathieu (who just gifted the Redskins a 1st down with a ridiculous holding penalty when they’d been stopped outside of field goal range to keep the shutout intact).  The standard lease limits the size and number of pets and the number of guests allowed at any one time. 

Mattieu has been violating the lease in multiple ways.  For example, he’s using a bedroom to breed puppies and he’s had party after party.  How does the owner know?  Mattieu instagram’s everything.  The owner is following him and building a vast library of screenshots. 

Bottom line - if it wasn’t obvious from that holding penalty - Mattieu isn’t very bright. 

Oh, and the Redskins scored a TD on that penalty-extended drive. 

You can take the guy out of LSU but you can't take the LSU out of the guy.

[Limey]

Apparently, only holds by Houston are being called.  Clowney can get carried 10 yards up field with no flag. 

[jbm]

I wonder if I’ll live long enough to witness a dependable FG kicker for this team.

[austro]

I wonder if I’ll live long enough to witness a dependable FG kicker for this team.

You already got a World Series. Don't get greedy.

[austro]

Is BOB calling these plays?

[Limey]

That “holding” call against Washington is just pay back for the rest of the game when hold after hold went unflagged.

Also, WTF was up with that fumble recovery of an incomplete pass?

[Limey]

Oh my fucking God. 

[Lefty]

Also, WTF was up with that fumble recovery of an incomplete pass?

The TV ref/replay specialist was also bumfuddled by that decision.  They got the call wrong on the field and then doubled down on the wrong after the replay review.

[Limey]

7 in a row, and Pittsburgh just came back and beat the Jags. 

[jbm]

A win is a win. I hope Watson makes progress, both in consistent accuracy and decisions. I like that bad decisions don’t seem to faze him though.

[Limey]

Next three games:  Titans, Browns and Colts.  All at home. 

[austro]

Next three games:  Titans, Browns and Colts.  All at home. 

The Titans are going to be pissed, and the Colts are looking dangerous.

[Lefty]

A win is a win. I hope Watson makes progress, both in consistent accuracy and decisions. I like that bad decisions don’t seem to faze him though.

He tries to make plays, every play.  Discretion will come with experience, I'm hoping.

[Limey]

The Titans are going to be pissed, and the Colts are looking dangerous.

Despite the epic dick-stepping going on today by both sides, Washington are no mugs at 6-3, now 6-4.  While nowhere near being emphatic, the Texans deserved that win and should have been over the hill and far away before halftime.  It was, in a fashion, a statement win.  Don't miss those field goals, and the ending is a ho-hum running out of the clock.

Playing the Titans and Colts is always going to be intense,  I'm happy that the Texans record has been achieved while playing a lot on the road, such that 4 of the remaining 6 games are at home - including those two.  My biggest concern is that the Titans game is a Monday night, because the Texans suck on national TV and suck at night games - particularly Monday nights when the stadium will be half-empty until the 2nd quarter.

[Mr. Happy]

You can take the guy out of LSU but you can't take the LSU out of the guy.

And that's a bad thing???

[HudsonHawk]

Despite the epic dick-stepping going on today by both sides, Washington are no mugs at 6-3, now 6-4.  While nowhere near being emphatic, the Texans deserved that win and should have been over the hill and far away before halftime.  It was, in a fashion, a statement win.  Don't miss those field goals, and the ending is a ho-hum running out of the clock.

Playing the Titans and Colts is always going to be intense,  I'm happy that the Texans record has been achieved while playing a lot on the road, such that 4 of the remaining 6 games are at home - including those two.  My biggest concern is that the Titans game is a Monday night, because the Texans suck on national TV and suck at night games - particularly Monday nights when the stadium will be half-empty until the 2nd quarter.

Night games really suck for fans.

[MusicMan]

I don’t ever want to see that Alex Smith play again.


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Night games really suck for fans.

Yep, night games are not about asses in seats, they're about asses on couches.

[Limey]

Night games really suck for fans.

Sunday nights aren't too bad; the fans have time to get to the stadium and the tailgating is epic.  Getting home and the next day aren't so great, though.  Monday nights, however, are a mess as ticket holders are trying to get to the stadium while everyone else is trying to get home to watch the game.  Thursday night games are an abomination.

[hostros7]

Sunday nights aren't too bad; the fans have time to get to the stadium and the tailgating is epic.  Getting home and the next day aren't so great, though.  Monday nights, however, are a mess as ticket holders are trying to get to the stadium while everyone else is trying to get home to watch the game.  Thursday night games are an abomination.

There’s also so much dead time during the game. Most of the time, the fans are watching the players stand around waiting for the game to return from a commercial break.


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[HudsonHawk]

There’s also so much dead time during the game. Most of the time, the fans are watching the players stand around waiting for the game to return from a commercial break.


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During a standard NFL game, the ball is in play around 11 minutes. 

[Limey]

During a standard NFL game, the ball is in play around 11 minutes.

True, and they're +/- 3 hours.  Night games, extended by the additional commercial timeouts, run longer.

FWIW, "boring" soccer runs < 2 hours and the ball is in play for ~65 minutes.

[austro]

During a standard NFL game, the ball is in play around 11 minutes. 

I get a kick out of football fans that bitch that baseball is too slow and lacks action.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I get a kick out of football fans that bitch that baseball is too slow and lacks action.

Ball/puck in play time for different sports listed.

Baseball 17 minutes 58 seconds
Football 11 minutes
Soccer 57.6 minutes
Basketball 48 minutes
Hockey 60 minutes

[Limey]

Ball/puck in play time for different sports listed.

Baseball 17 minutes 58 seconds
Football 11 minutes
Soccer 57.6 minutes
Basketball 48 minutes
Hockey 60 minutes

Soccer has updated its rules over and over again to counteract time wasting.  Every time they do, teams find new ways to keep doing it (or just keep using the old ways because referees simply cannot keep up with it).  If the ball is in play for ~60 minutes, just have a 60-minute play clock!  Why there's so much resistance to it, I do not know.

They're adding VAR to the Premier League next year, which will bring with it extended stoppages while film is reviewed.  The clock is stopped for injuries.  Time is automatically added for goals and substitutions.  Referees will mime adding time for perceived time wasting.  It's so convoluted.  And then there's the unwritten rule that refs will not stop the game when the home side is losing but on the attack - they wait for the visiting team to take possession or at least clear the ball.

Just have a fucking clock so everyone knows how much time there is and the game ends when the game ends!

[HudsonHawk]

True, and they're +/- 3 hours.  Night games, extended by the additional commercial timeouts, run longer.

FWIW, "boring" soccer runs < 2 hours and the ball is in play for ~65 minutes.

In soccer, the  ball is technical "in play" when nothing is happening or when guys are rolling around on the ground like they were just shot nine times in the back after getting grazed by an opponent's arm hair.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

In soccer, the  ball is technical "in play" when nothing is happening or when guys are rolling around on the ground like they were just shot nine times in the back after getting grazed by an opponent's arm hair.

Like this guy?

[Limey]

In soccer, the  ball is technical "in play" when nothing is happening or when guys are rolling around on the ground like they were just shot nine times in the back after getting grazed by an opponent's arm hair.

At least, under a clock, the rolling is done with the clock stopped.  It wouldn't end the nonsense, but it would take away the time-wasting motivation of feigned injury, leaving only the acting to get an opponent a yellow card motivation.

Meanwhile, even though the ball may be idling at someone's foot, because it's in play there always the chance of things like this.

[Nate Colbert]

Had McNair been in ill health?

[HudsonHawk]

Had McNair been in ill health?

He'd been battling brain cancer for a few years.

[Bench]

He'd been battling brain cancer for a few years.

I thought I had read it was skin cancer.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I thought I had read it was skin cancer.

It might have been a Cutaneous Melanoma. Because cutaneous melanoma cells can spread to organs, such as the brain, where they form secondary tumors and damage the organ.

[HudsonHawk]

I thought I had read it was skin cancer.

I think he's had multiple kinds of cancer.  I know he's had leukemia as well, and brain cancer, I thought.  Not sure which was worse at the fatal moment.  He's been in rough shape for the last couple of years. 

[austro]

I'm guessing that 97 yards is the club record for longest run from scrimmage.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Did I hear that right? The Texans are 28-1 when leading at the half with BOB as coach?

[Limey]

I'm guessing that 97 yards is the club record for longest run from scrimmage.

Miller is the only player in NFL history with two TD runs of over 95 yards. 

[Limey]

Wow, the Titans screwed that pooch.  Up 10-0 after about 5 minutes, they got only one more score...in garbage time. 

Statement win for the Texans.   As usual, the whole stadium was flat until the crowd arrived mid-way through the 2nd quarter.  Then it all turned around.  8 in a row is impressive stuff. 

[HudsonHawk]

Wow, the Titans screwed that pooch.  Up 10-0 after about 5 minutes, they got only one more score...in garbage time. 

Statement win for the Texans.   As usual, the whole stadium was flat until the crowd arrived mid-way through the 2nd quarter.  Then it all turned around.  8 in a row is impressive stuff.

Damn Monday night games. 

Terrific win against the team right behind you in the standings.  Don't overlook the Browns. 

[Limey]

Damn Monday night games. 

Terrific win against the team right behind you in the standings.  Don't overlook the Browns.

Nope.  But beat the Colts and the division is locked up.  Beat the Jets and Jags and that's 11 wins which should be good enough for a first round home game.  Beat the Browns and/or Eagles and that could be enough for a first round bye.

It's all so tantalizing and all so fragile.  8-8 is still a real possibility.

[HudsonHawk]

Nope.  But beat the Colts and the division is locked up.  Beat the Jets and Jags and that's 11 wins which should be good enough for a first round home game.  Beat the Browns and/or Eagles and that could be enough for a first round bye.

It's all so tantalizing and all so fragile.  8-8 is still a real possibility.

All division winners get at least their first playoff game at home.  A first round bye is an extreme longshot at this point due to having lost to the Patriots earlier. 

But let's worry about the Browns. 

[HudsonHawk]

Miller is the only player in NFL history with two TD runs of over 95 yards.

There have only been six runs that long in NFL history.  Miller has two of them. 

[Bench]

It's all so tantalizing and all so fragile.  8-8 is still a real possibility.

That would be vintage Texans. Start out 0-3, run off a record breaking 8 game winning streak, and then drop the next five against a favorable schedule to crash out of the playoffs.

[hostros7]

Damn Monday night games. 

Terrific win against the team right behind you in the standings.  Don't overlook the Browns.

The traffic was a real clusterfuck last night, likely due to the closing of the bridge over Braes at Buffalo Speedway. I left my house, which is 3 miles north of the stadium, at 6:20 and didn’t make it to my seat until 10:00 mark of the first quarter. There was no wait at the security entrance either. I don’t remember the last time I was late for a game.


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[Bench]

The traffic was a real clusterfuck last night, likely due to the closing of the bridge over Braes at Buffalo Speedway.

/puts on glasses
// pushes them up further

It's Brays Bayou, notwithstanding the fact that it runs between N. and S. Braeswood.  I noticed the Buffalo Speedway bridge was closed on Sunday and I am shocked it remained closed through Monday, especially given the Monday night game.

[hostros7]

The AFC east is a real dumpster fire, so the Pats’ schedule is cakewalk other than at home vs. the Vikes this week and at Pitt in week 15. While the bye is unlikely, a 3 seed would be huge because it would probably avoid a first round match with the Chargers. Normally, the maxim “one game at a time” vexes me, but the Texans should adhere to it now that all the remaining game are winnable but not dick-step proof by any means. Carter tried to stomp on his pecker to give the titans the ball on the Texans’ half of the field with a 10 pt lead, but fortunately disaster was averted since we typically save that particular brand of failure for key matchups against the pats.


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[hostros7]

/puts on glasses
// pushes them up further

It's Brays Bayou, notwithstanding the fact that it runs between N. and S. Braeswood.  I noticed the Buffalo Speedway bridge was closed on Sunday and I am shocked it remained closed through Monday, especially given the Monday night game.

Thanks for pointing out; I know this most of the time...Tuesday morning homophonic mishaps happen.


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[Ty in Tampa]

Tuesday morning homophonic mishaps happen.

NTTAWWT

[austro]

You've got to love Kareem Jackson's consistency.

[Limey]

You've got to love Kareem Jackson's consistency.

Matthieu and Jackson with dumb-ass penalties that help the Browns move the ball (for the first time) and then the takeaway.  It’s fun, but a better team would’ve burned the Texans there. 

[austro]

What the fuck was O'Brien doing there? Besides his usual obliviousness?

[Limey]

This has been a satisfying, but not flawless, half.  Another potentially dangerous, banana skin of an opponent being manhandled. 

And as I was typing this, BOB forgot to call a timeout with the half coming to an end and points to be had. 

[Limey]

What the fuck was O'Brien doing there? Besides his usual obliviousness?

Yeah.  He wasted two or three plays worth of time. 

[austro]

Yeah.  He wasted two or three plays worth of time. 

Or one more Watson sack.

[Limey]

Double-up another (theoretically) dangerous opponent.  Nine in a row.  Colts next week, who are now on life support having lost to the Jags 6-0 (how does that score even happen?), Texans ahead by 3 games with 4 to play. 

[austro]

Texans looked good today. They still wound up giving up almost 400 yards passing, but it's difficult to tell how much of that was because they were just playing "keep him in front of you" because of the score.

That Indy performance is a head-scratcher. They had really been playing a lot better recently.

[hostros7]

Texans looked good today. They still wound up giving up almost 400 yards passing, but it's difficult to tell how much of that was because they were just playing "keep him in front of you" because of the score.

That Indy performance is a head-scratcher. They had really been playing a lot better recently.

If they were playing “keep him in front of you,” the secondary may have missed the memo.


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[hostros7]

All in all, that was a pretty thorough beat down. Baker’s uniform doesn’t need to be washed, and the offense is scoring more FGs than TDs, but I’m not going to quibble.


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[Lefty]

All in all, that was a pretty thorough beat down. Baker’s uniform doesn’t need to be washed, and the offense is scoring more FGs than TDs, but I’m not going to quibble.

3rd straight game the Browns OL has not allowed a sack, and only 2 QB hits in that span.

[jbm]

All in all, that was a pretty thorough beat down. Baker’s uniform doesn’t need to be washed, and the offense is scoring more FGs than TDs, but I’m not going to quibble.


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The prick is pretty elusive, unless you’re an Arkansas cop.

I assume they give Clowney lots of freedom on where to rush, or disrupt in his case. Seems like he is increasingly choosing the inside gaps. It probably works against certain teams, but he’s a better edge rusher, IMO. I bring this up only because it seems like their rush could be better than it is.

[HudsonHawk]

3rd straight game the Browns OL has not allowed a sack, and only 2 QB hits in that span.

Didn't allow a sack, but that was because the game plan was 3 steps, throw the ball. But pressure caused two of the three interceptions he threw, and the other was just a really bad decision by Mayfield. Almost all of the Browns' offensr came after the Texans basically put the game away midway through the 2nd quarter.

[Limey]

Didn't allow a sack, but that was because the game plan was 3 steps, throw the ball. But pressure caused two of the three interceptions he threw, and the other was just a really bad decision by Mayfield. Almost all of the Browns' offensr came after the Texans basically put the game away midway through the 2nd quarter.

So this.  The amount of Mayfield cock being sucked yesterday was disturbing.  He was a cat on a hot tin roof all day, was picked and batted down many, many times, yet was getting all manner of gloss from the booth and sideline folks. 

I’m sure he’s a decent fellow, but all that fluffing told me that he wasn’t having a good day and that was screwing with the pre-set media agenda. 

[HudsonHawk]

So this.  The amount of Mayfield cock being sucked yesterday was disturbing.  He was a cat on a hot tin roof all day, was picked and batted down many, many times, yet was getting all manner of gloss from the booth and sideline folks. 

I’m sure he’s a decent fellow, but all that fluffing told me that he wasn’t having a good day and that was screwing with the pre-set media agenda.

The media loves guys like Mayfield because he's a "character".  But he and Kitchens got schooled yesterday by pretty good defensive coordinator.  If Mayfield wants to become the guy he thinks he is, he'll recognize this and learn from it.  He's got the tools. 

[HudsonHawk]

Watson and BOB...both too fucking stupid to even run the clock out.

[Lefty]

Watson and BOB...both too fucking stupid to even run the clock out.

Watson's young, I don't know BOB's excuse.

[Limey]

Watson's young, I don't know BOB's excuse.

Not his job?

[HudsonHawk]

Watson's young, I don't know BOB's excuse.

If he's too too young to count to three, he shouldn't be playing quarterback in the NFL

[MusicMan]

If he's too too young to count to three, he shouldn't be playing quarterback in the NFL

One, two, five.


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[Lefty]

If he's too too young to count to three, he shouldn't be playing quarterback in the NFL

You're not wrong, but he did do a better job today, half of the time, of getting rid of the ball and not taking the sack.  Is that progress from a QB who has spent his whole life avoiding sacks with his legs?  Can't a coach teach him to do that, was more my point?

eta:  O’Brien: “Our first-down offense was terrible. It was awful.”  Who was calling the plays?

[austro]

You're not wrong, but he did do a better job today, half of the time, of getting rid of the ball and not taking the sack.  Is that progress from a QB who has spent his whole life avoiding sacks with his legs?  Can't a coach teach him to do that, was more my point?

eta:  O’Brien: “Our first-down offense was terrible. It was awful.”  Who was calling the plays?

Every first-down play was a hand-off to Murray. Even Reich can figure that one out.

[HudsonHawk]

Every first-down play was a hand-off to Murray. Even Reich can figure that one out.

Who is Murray?

[HudsonHawk]

You're not wrong, but he did do a better job today, half of the time, of getting rid of the ball and not taking the sack.  Is that progress from a QB who has spent his whole life avoiding sacks with his legs?  Can't a coach teach him to do that, was more my point?

eta:  O’Brien: “Our first-down offense was terrible. It was awful.”  Who was calling the plays?

But the other half of the time he was awful and got sacked, taking his team out of a chance to score points and win the game.  That's like saying "half the time his slider was great" after giving up 8 home runs on hanging sliders. 

As for teaching Watson, my guess is no.  He's not teachable.  And not because of his attitude.  He's just limited intellectually. 

[austro]

Who is Murray?

Sorry, Miller. Finger/brain connection obviously not working well.

[chuck]

As for teaching Watson, my guess is no.  He's not teachable.  And not because of his attitude.  He's just limited intellectually.

Nice.

[Lefty]

Nice.

Too dumb to be coached.  Got it.

[Astros Fan in Big D]

One, two, five.


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Three,  sir.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Too dumb to be coached.  Got it.

He is way smarter than Ryan Mallett.

[MusicMan]

He is way smarter than Ryan Mallett.

That’s not saying much.

But HH, I have seen nothing to say Watson is limited intellectually.


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[austro]

But HH, I have seen nothing to say Watson is limited intellectually.

I think he has a little too much confidence in his ability to escape trouble, and he hasn't yet learned what the limits of that ability are.

[hostros7]

I think he has a little too much confidence in his ability to escape trouble, and he hasn't yet learned what the limits of that ability are.

He also has a subpar offensive line and a pretty boring offensive scheme within which to work.


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[HudsonHawk]

1Q in New York and the fix is in. They're not even being subtle.

[Limey]

1Q in New York and the fix is in. They're not even being subtle.

It’s because no one is watching; they buried it on Saturday afternoon on the NFL Network. 

[HudsonHawk]

Good thing Perfesser Field Goal is calling plays for the Texans.

[austro]

Why do they keep pretending that Watson is a drop-back passer? Move the pocket around a little bit, make the defense worry that Watson might pop out of there. That 3rd and 7 inside the Jets 10 after Miller left the game would have been a perfect opportunity.

[austro]

Quite the disappearing act by the secondary at the end of the half.

[HudsonHawk]

Quite the disappearing act by the secondary at the end of the half.

They played the same soft zone last week and got shredded.  Apparently they forgot.

[HudsonHawk]

And BOB wastes a time outon the third fucking playof the half. Brilliant

[jbm]

Timeout on 3rd and 11 on first series. So fucking sick of BOB

[HudsonHawk]

Good thing Charise Wright is guarding Kareem Jackson, otherwise the latter might cover a receiver.

[austro]

This is embarrassing. I expect dumbfuckery from BOB, but what is Crenel doing today?

[austro]

Good thing Charise Wright is guarding Kareem Jackson, otherwise the latter might cover a receiver.

Kareem Jackson cover a receiver? That's a cute idea, but I'm not buying it.

[HudsonHawk]

This is embarrassing. I expect dumbfuckery from BOB, but what is Crenel doing today?

Same thing he did last week. Because it worked so well.

[HudsonHawk]

Watson is probably the dumbest football player I've ever seen.

[austro]

Damn it, roll out just once please.

[HudsonHawk]

Watson has to be the all time leader in completed passes for negative yards.

[HudsonHawk]

Last 11 plays: -10 yards.

[HudsonHawk]

Who ties Watson's shoes for him?

[austro]

Free tip for Crenel: they're going to throw to Anderson.

[jbm]

Only BOB can pull this shit off. A loss is on him.

[HudsonHawk]

I would fucking fire O'Brien right now, mid fucking game. He's too fucking stupid to finish it.

[austro]

I would fucking fire O'Brien right now, mid fucking game. He's too fucking stupid to finish it.

I"m hopeful that McNair's son will clean house, but that may be naive. This team does so many things that reflect piss-poor coaching  that something has to be done.

[jbm]

If nothing else works out for this team,  watching Hopkins is a real pleasure.

[chuck]

BOB abandoned the run. I can’t believe it.

[austro]

If nothing else works out for this team,  watching Hopkins is a real pleasure.

Hopkins is amazing.

[HudsonHawk]

Hopkins is amazing.

Despite the problems at head coach and QB we have been spoiled at the WR position.

[austro]

Well, a win is a win, I guess, but I doubt that these guys are putting much fear in the hearts of the other playoff candidates.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Well, a win is a win, I guess, but I doubt that these guys are putting much fear in the hearts of the other playoff candidates.

They're all hopeing to get matched up against the Texans.

[Limey]

Sitting in the #2 seed but still in danger of missing the playoffs.  Crazy.

Colts play NY Giants next week and Titans play Washington.  Then they play each other.  They can’t both win out but the Texans go to a rejuvenated Philadelphia next week and could potentially drop into a tie come season’s end with a loss to the Eagles and a dick-stomp vs. the Jags.

Anyone know the tiebreakers?

[Lefty]

Anyone know the tiebreakers?

Texans need to win out, of course, and would have the tiebreaker over the Chiefs if they lose to Oakland and the Chargers if they lose to the Broncos.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/playoffs/machine

After conference record, it goes to common opponents.

[Limey]

Crazier than I thought.   The Texans can still clinch the #1 seed in the AFC but, even as the #2 seed, which they currently control, they get a home game throughout the playoffs against anyone not called the Chiefs. And yet they still haven’t clinched a playoff spot and are on the wrong side of tiebreakers to both the Colts and Titans.  They need 1 more win or both the Colts and Titans losing next week (or playing to a tie the week after) to clinch. 

[Limey]

Presumably the #2 seeds plays the “loser” of the Chiefs/Rams shootout.  Wow.

[Lefty]

Crazier than I thought.   The Texans can still clinch the #1 seed in the AFC but, even as the #2 seed, which they currently control, they get a home game throughout the playoffs against anyone not called the Chiefs. And yet they still haven’t clinched a playoff spot and are on the wrong side of tiebreakers to both the Colts and Titans.  They need 1 more win or both the Colts and Titans losing next week (or playing to a tie the week after) to clinch. 

I know it exists, but I can't figure out the scenario that causes the Texans to miss the playoffs.

[jbm]

I think the scenario is both the Steelers and Ravens win out along with either the Colts and Titans winning out and of course, the Texans losing both.

After watching the Eagles last night, and that pass rush, I'm giving the Texans a 35% chance in Philly.  It might well come down to whether they can beat the Jags at home.

[HudsonHawk]

I know it exists, but I can't figure out the scenario that causes the Texans to miss the playoffs.

The only scenario involves the Texans losing to both the Eagles and the Jags, AND Colts and Titans both winning next week, AND the Colts and Titans not tying in Week 17, AND the Steelers beating both the Saints and the Bengals, AND the Ravens beatng both the Chargers and the Browns.  If all of that happens, the Texans would be tied with the Ravens for the final wild card, at which place tiebreaker rules go into effect:


1.  Conference record:  The Texans and Ravens would be tied
2.  Record against common opponents: Texans and Ravens would be tied
3. Strength of Victory:  Right now the Texans hold the lead at .454 to .425.  But of course that could change being that the Raven would have beaten two teams with a winning record, plus it would also depend on what other teams that other teams each have beaten do in the next couple of weeks.

So A LOT has to happen for the Texans to not make it at all. 

[Lefty]

The only scenario involves the Texans losing to both the Eagles and the Jags, AND Colts and Titans both winning next week, AND the Colts and Titans not tying in Week 17, AND the Steelers beating both the Saints and the Bengals, AND the Ravens beatng both the Chargers and the Browns.  If all of that happens, the Texans would be tied with the Ravens for the final wild card, at which place tiebreaker rules go into effect:


1.  Conference record:  The Texans and Ravens would be tied
2.  Record against common opponents: Texans and Ravens would be tied
3. Strength of Victory:  Right now the Texans hold the lead at .454 to .425.  But of course that could change being that the Raven would have beaten two teams with a winning record, plus it would also depend on what other teams that other teams each have beaten do in the next couple of weeks.

So A LOT has to happen for the Texans to not make it at all. 

This explains exactly why I could not figure it out.

Good work!

[Limey]

So A LOT has to happen for the Texans to not make it at all.

Here's hoping that BOB doesn't take his foot off the gas.  The #2 seed is probably going to have the "gift" of a home game against the Chiefs or Rams Chargers (after they have rolled over whichever poor sap of a franchise gets them in the wildcard round), so the #1 seed - possible but unlikely - has real value.

[austro]

Here's hoping that BOB doesn't take his foot off the gas.  The #2 seed is probably going to have the "gift" of a home game against the Chiefs or Rams (after they have rolled over whichever poor sap of a franchise gets them in the wildcard round), so the #1 seed - possible but unlikely - has real value.

Aren't the Rams in the NFC? I imagine you're thinking Chargers and typing Rams. Too many LA teams.

[Limey]

Aren't the Rams in the NFC? I imagine you're thinking Chargers and typing Rams. Too many LA teams.

Yes.  Fuck LA.

[Limey]

Aren't the Rams in the NFC? I imagine you're thinking Chargers and typing Rams. Too many LA teams.

A home playoff game for the Chargers, in their little league stadium, will be embarrassing.

[austro]

Yes.  Fuck LA.

By the way, I screwed up fantasy picks at least twice this year by looking at some player with a matchup against "LAR" and thought to myself "going up against the Raiders? check!"

[MusicMan]

By the way, I screwed up fantasy picks at least twice this year by looking at some player with a matchup against "LAR" and thought to myself "going up against the Raiders? check!"

Next year, Raiders will be LVR, just to increase your confusion.


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[hostros7]

Here's hoping that BOB doesn't take his foot off the gas.  The #2 seed is probably going to have the "gift" of a home game against the Chiefs or Rams Chargers (after they have rolled over whichever poor sap of a franchise gets them in the wildcard round), so the #1 seed - possible but unlikely - has real value.

If the seeding stays the same as today and chalk advances, wouldn’t the #2 seed Texans face the #3 seed Pats—assuming they defeat the 6 seed Ravens—at NRG? The #1 seeded Chiefs would get the winner of the Chargers/Steelers 4/5 match-up.


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[Limey]

If the seeding stays the same as today and chalk advances, wouldn’t the #2 seed Texans face the #3 seed Pats—assuming they defeat the 6 seed Ravens—at NRG? The #1 seeded Chiefs would get the winner of the Chargers/Steelers 4/5 match-up.

I didn't know if the bracket is fixed, or if the teams dosey-doe so that the #1 seed gets the weakest opponent.

[HudsonHawk]

I didn't know if the bracket is fixed, or if the teams dosey-doe so that the #1 seed gets the weakest opponent.

It's the latter. 

[hostros7]

I didn't know if the bracket is fixed, or if the teams dosey-doe so that the #1 seed gets the weakest opponent.

The bracket isn’t fixed. The highest seed faces the lowest remaining seed.

It would add some intrigue if the highest seed was able to select its opponent from the winners of the wild card round, but that’s not the system today.


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[austro]

It would add some intrigue if the highest seed was able to select its opponent from the winners of the wild card round, but that’s not the system today.

I would love this.That's a genuine advantage worth busting your hump for during the regular system.

[Limey]

I would love this.  That's a genuine advantage worth busting your hump for during the regular system.

I doubt there's much of a delta between the team the #1 seed would pick and the one they would get anyway.

[hostros7]

I would love this.That's a genuine advantage worth busting your hump for during the regular system.

And it would it would make the storylines for those covering the playoffs even better and ratchet up the intensity between the teams maybe even a notch higher. For example, what if Andy Reid were to have the option between the Chargers and Pats? If you’ve watched the NFL recently, the Chargers seem like the team to be feared, but are you really going to invite Brady and Belichick over to your house for the divisional round?


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[austro]

I doubt there's much of a delta between the team the #1 seed would pick and the one they would get anyway.

Most of the time that's probably true, but it seems like there's sometimes a team that peaks late and squeaks in that nobody wants to face. Indy this year might be an example.

[Limey]

Crystal Palave went to the home of the reigning champions, and beat them.  Texans, you’re up. 

[austro]

Crystal Palave went to the home of the reigning champions, and beat them.  Texans, you’re up. 

Did you see their second goal? Amazing.

[Limey]

Did you see their second goal? Amazing.

Mrs Limey thought I’d fallen off a ladder or something. 

[Lefty]

Good thing Charise Wright is guarding Kareem Jackson, otherwise the latter might cover a receiver.

Wright is inactive today, so the secondary should be better simply through his absence.

[austro]

Miller is out. Is Foreman active today?

[Lefty]

Miller is out. Is Foreman active today?

Yep.  He and Blue are the only 2 real RBs active.  Buddy Howell is a UDFA they picked up off waivers and has only played special teams.

[Lefty]

On the bright side, our kicker is 10 FGs away from setting the NFL record.

[MusicMan]

On the bright side, our kicker is 10 FGs away from setting the NFL record.

Nominated for the Alan Ashby Memorial “Remember, those runs are unearned” Award


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[Lefty]

Nominated for the Alan Ashby Memorial “Remember, those runs are unearned” Award


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BOB has 5 1/2 quarters to make this happen.  Totally doable.

[Limey]

On the bright side, our kicker is 10 FGs away from setting the NFL record.

He may also be in the running to set a record for missed PATs. 

[HudsonHawk]

1.  Deshaun Watson has to have to lowest football IQ of any player in history.

2.  The Texans' punter is simply awful. How he won a job is a mystery.

[HudsonHawk]

He may also be in the running to set a record for missed PATs.

That was what...his second miss on the season?

[MusicMan]

Keep punting, BOB. Certainly you don’t have a QB who can pick up 2 yards.


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[HudsonHawk]

Dickstomp complete.

[MusicMan]

Keep punting, BOB. Certainly you don’t have a QB who can pick up 2 yards.


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QEDMF


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[HudsonHawk]

Just cannot get off their dicks.

[HudsonHawk]

Touchdowns come pretty easy when you allow recievers to just tackle defensive backs down the field.

[austro]

Not that it's going to change the outcome of this game one whit, but why does Jeffrey get away with road-gradering DBs while the ball is on the way to Ertz? That was one of the most blatant offensive pass interference violations you'll ever see, and they completely ignored it.

[HudsonHawk]

They simply cannot win with Watson.  He doesn't have the arm or the head.

[MusicMan]

They simply cannot win with Watson.  He doesn't have the arm or the head.

Complete and utter bullshit.


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[HudsonHawk]

Complete and utter bullshit.


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Evidence to the contrary.

[chuck]

Complete and utter bullshit.

He's totally wrong on both counts, of course.

I never knew that he was a racist fucking redneck dumbass, but I suppose there's all sorts of shit I don't know.

[HudsonHawk]

He's totally wrong on both counts, of course.

I never knew that he was a racist fucking redneck dumbass, but I suppose there's all sorts of shit I don't know.

What the fuck does race have to do with any thing, neck?

[Lefty]

Hopkins is such a badass.  I'd like to shake his hand just to see how strong the grip is.

[MusicMan]

Evidence to the contrary.

10-4, and he and Hopkins are literally the only talent on offense.

Saying he doesn’t have the head is a bad opinion. But saying he doesn’t have the arm is so comically bad that, given your knowledge of football, shows a simple vendetta against him.


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[HudsonHawk]

A pooch kick?  Are you fucking kidding me?

[HudsonHawk]

10-4, and he and Hopkins are literally the only talent on offense.

Saying he doesn’t have the head is a bad opinion. But saying he doesn’t have the arm is so comically bad that, given your knowledge of football, shows a simple vendetta against him.


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If youre happy with his accuracy, then fine. It doesn't cut it for me.

[chuck]

10-4, and he and Hopkins are literally the only talent on offense.

Saying he doesn’t have the head is a bad opinion. But saying he doesn’t have the arm is so comically bad that, given your knowledge of football, shows a simple vendetta against him.

Literally no one has ever said he is not intelligent, football intelligent or otherwise. Quite the opposite, in fact. Which has not always been the case with Texans quarterbacks. So, as you say, there is an obvious agenda.

The he doesn't have an arm bit is self-evidently idiotic.

[MusicMan]

What a gift by the Eagles.


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[HudsonHawk]

My only agenda is wishing Watson would make better decisions and not throw the ball at guys' feet or 9 feet over their heads.

[MusicMan]

Holy shit. There’s those “bad decisions”. How the hell did he get away?


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[MusicMan]

Poor accuracy. Can’t win with him.


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[HudsonHawk]

My only request is that my crow be heated first.

Tremendous drive.

[MusicMan]

My only request is that my crow be heated first.

Tremendous drive.

Your waiter will sit at your table to serve it.


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[austro]

Texans' secondary still has to cover people for two minutes. I'm scared.

[Lefty]

Your waiter will sit at your table to serve it.


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With a ballcap on.

[HudsonHawk]

Your waiter will sit at your table to serve it.


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He can wear a fucking hat and fart in my dinner if the defense gets a stop here.

[HudsonHawk]

Texans' secondary still has to cover people for two minutes. I'm scared.

Longest two minutes. Ever.

[HudsonHawk]

That's the worst fucking roughing call ever.

[MusicMan]

That call was “the QB just died so it must be roughing”


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[MusicMan]

That draw was utterly predictable.


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[HudsonHawk]

Well, the officials made their presence known.

[MusicMan]

Well, the officials made their presence known.

The officials didn’t let Zach fucking Ertz eat their lunch.


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[austro]

The officials didn’t let Zach fucking Ertz eat their lunch.

I guess Matthieu was trying to jam him up, but he got destroyed. Poor decision.

[HudsonHawk]

Well, gotta win next week.

[MusicMan]

Bye bye, bye.


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[HudsonHawk]

One play away from a bye, 3rd and 10 from the 10 yard line, to having to win the last game just make the playoffs.

[austro]

Well, the good news is that they probably won't get the Chargers in the first round. The bad news is that they'll probably get the Ravens. They may get shut out by that defense.

[chuck]

Well, the good news is that they probably won't get the Chargers in the first round. The bad news is that they'll probably get the Ravens. They may get shut out by that defense.

Let's get there first.

[HudsonHawk]

Well, the good news is that they probably won't get the Chargers in the first round. The bad news is that they'll probably get the Ravens. They may get shut out by that defense.

They may get the Colts or Titans on the road.

[HudsonHawk]

Texans are in.

[Limey]

Texans are in.

...but still may pay the Colts or Titans on the road.

[Navin R Johnson]

If the Texans beat the Jags, they will host the winner of Indy/Ten.   If they lose they play at the winner of Indy/Ten.   There is also a chance they could get a bye, but that involves the Pats and Chiefs losing to the Jets or Raiders and the Chargers losing to Den.

[hostros7]

If the Texans beat the Jags, they will host the winner of Indy/Ten.   If they lose they play at the winner of Indy/Ten.   There is also a chance they could get a bye, but that involves the Pats and Chiefs losing to the Jets or Raiders and the Chargers losing to Den.

Do the Texans have the tiebreaker over the Chiefs if both finish 11-5?

Anyways, there’s almost no chance the Jets or Raiders win. The Texans need to avoid stepping on their dicks against the Jags, who are showing some late season life.





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[hostros7]

If the Texans beat the Jags, they will host the winner of Indy/Ten.   If they lose they play at the winner of Indy/Ten.   There is also a chance they could get a bye, but that involves the Pats and Chiefs losing to the Jets or Raiders and the Chargers losing to Den.

Do the Texans have the tiebreaker over the Chiefs if both finish 11-5?

Anyways, there’s almost no chance the Jets or Raiders win. The Texans need to avoid stepping on their dicks against the Jags, who are showing some late season life.





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[HudsonHawk]

If the Texans beat the Jags, they will host the winner of Indy/Ten.   If they lose they play at the winner of Indy/Ten.   There is also a chance they could get a bye, but that involves the Pats and Chiefs losing to the Jets or Raiders and the Chargers losing to Den.

They could be a 1 seed, a 2 seed, a  3 seed or a 6 seed.  Most likely they are the 3 or the 6, depending on the outcome of their game against the Jags. There is also the slim possibility that the Colts and Titans tie, which could allow Pittsburgh back into the mix, I think. 

All of the unlikely events to get them the 1 seed fell into place this weekend, except one thing...the Texans winning. 

[HudsonHawk]

Do the Texans have the tiebreaker over the Chiefs if both finish 11-5?

Anyways, there’s almost no chance the Jets or Raiders win. The Texans need to avoid stepping on their dicks against the Jags, who are showing some late season life.

I think the Texans would have the tiebreaker over any team other than the Patriots. 

[HudsonHawk]

If the Texans beat the Jags, they will host the winner of Indy/Ten.   If they lose they play at the winner of Indy/Ten.   There is also a chance they could get a bye, but that involves the Pats and Chiefs losing to the Jets or Raiders and the Chargers losing to Den.

For the Texans to get a bye, they have to win and EITHER 1) the Patriots lose OR 2) both the Chiefs and Chargers lose. 

[Limey]

Referees blowing hard already.  They seem to get wise each week. 

[austro]

Referees blowing hard already.  They seem to get wise each week. 

I'm not going to blame that one on the refs. That blocker has one job to do, and he didn't do it.

[Lefty]

I'm not going to blame that one on the refs. That blocker has one job to do, and he didn't do it.

No conclusive evidence which player touched the ball first = should not overturn the call on the field.

[Limey]

I'm not going to blame that one on the refs. That blocker has one job to do, and he didn't do it.

The refs said he blocked the gunner into the kicker, which is clearly not the case.  The blocker was backing out of blocking in the back while the gunner was diving in on a receiver calling a fair catch.  They blew two calls on one play. 

[austro]

Ok, now that one I'll blame on the refs. But third down I'll blame on BOB.

[Limey]

Texans best weapon today?   Give the ball to Jacksonville. 

Man they suck. 

[MusicMan]

Someone explain to BOB that if Watson gets hurt, they’re fucked.


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[Limey]

Someone explain to BOB that if Watson gets hurt, they’re fucked.

It’s ok.  He’s finally fully recovered from when BOB tried to kill him before. 

[jbm]

BOB is in the highest percentile of stupid. Just run the fucking ball, without using the QB.

[MusicMan]

BOB is in the highest percentile of stupid. Just run the fucking ball, without using the QB.

Even the ref was patting Watson like “I don’t know why you’re in here, bro”


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[MusicMan]

I don’t care if they win the division. Keeping Watson in here, and throwing, is a firing offense.


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[jbm]

I don’t care if they win the division. Keeping Watson in here, and throwing, is a firing offense.


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Agreed.  It’s amazing how little awareness he has.

[Limey]

We are going to get our asses kicked by the Colts next week. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

We are going to get our asses kicked by the Colts next week.

I expect a close game throughout, giving the Texan fans hope and then falling short in the end.

[HudsonHawk]

We are going to get our asses kicked by the Colts next week.

Against any QB not named Blake Bortles (or maybe Blain Gabbert), the Texans give up 300 yards in the air and lose that game today. Luck is going to fucking shred the Texans secondary next week.

[Limey]

Against any QB not named Blake Bortles (or maybe Blain Gabbert), the Texans give up 300 yards in the air and lose that game today. Luck is going to fucking shred the Texans secondary next week.

I'm looking forward to watching time run out with the ball in Texans' hands and 3 timeouts in the bank in the first half, and then having to take a timeout early in the third quarter - despite being at home - and running out of time in the do-or-die drive at the end of the game.

Basically a BOB, clock management, penis river dance.

[hostros7]

I'm looking forward to watching time run out with the ball in Texans' hands and 3 timeouts in the bank in the first half, and then having to take a timeout early in the third quarter - despite being at home - and running out of time in the do-or-die drive at the end of the game.

Basically a BOB, clock management, penis river dance.

If TY Hilton manages to have >200 yds receiving and the Texans lose, all of the coaching staff that is responsible for potentially preventing such an occurrence by developing an effective strategy should be relieved of his or her duties. The probability is 75% he does and 0% they do.


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Ugh. Terrible start.

[austro]

Totally embarrassing, totally predictable.

[MusicMan]

Totally embarrassing, totally predictable.

Yep. Same old Texans.


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[austro]

Has there ever been a head coach that made the playoffs and got fired? Because BOB deserves it.

[Limey]

Penis Riverdance

[MusicMan]

Has there ever been a head coach that made the playoffs and got fired? Because BOB deserves it.

I’m actively laughing at y’all thinking the Texans ever hold anyone accountable.


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[MusicMan]

BOB committed to going down 35-3 to get revenge on Reich.


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[Limey]

I’m actively laughing at y’all thinking the Texans ever hold anyone accountable.

New owner, new GM.  Hope springs eternal.

[austro]

New owner, new GM.  Hope springs eternal.

Yeah, I have a tiny sliver of hope that McNair junior will be more demanding.

[Ty in Tampa]

Brutally bad.

[Limey]

4th and 1.  I know....shotgun. 

[MusicMan]

4th and 1.  I know....shotgun.

Horrible play call, horrible decision by Watson... had a wide open lane to run.


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[HudsonHawk]

New owner, new GM.  Hope springs eternal.

What makes you think Mrs McNair will have more balls than her husband?

Snyo e who did not see this debacle coming has never seen a football game.

[HudsonHawk]

On a halftime note:  I swear I thought Flo Rida was a girl.

[Limey]

On a halftime note:  I swear I thought Flo Rida was a girl.

Of course.  Lots of girls sing about getting their dick sucked. 

[MusicMan]

Of COURSE he fumbled it.


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[austro]

Of COURSE he fumbled it.

I'm amazed that wasn't overturned. It would have been so perfect.

[HudsonHawk]

Of course.  Lots of girls sing about getting their dick sucked.

Did you honestly think I knew a Flo Rida song?

[Limey]

Did you honestly think I knew a Flo Rida song?

Did you watch The Hangover?

[HudsonHawk]

Did you watch The Hangover?

Yes, but I don't have the soundtrack.

At any rate, he turned out to be the highlight of the game.

[chuck]

Did you honestly think I knew a Flo Rida song?

I thought the chances were Low.

[hostros7]

I’m actively laughing at y’all thinking the Texans ever hold anyone accountable.


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The organization has to address the management of the offense and play calling.  Sometimes — I don’t like to admit this—I catch myself daydreaming about Kubes’s play action passing game. Imagine the wide open receivers/marginal, white TEs from Colorado Stare streaking (ambling, frolicking perhaps) down the middle of the field and not waiting for Schaub’s 30 yard eephus pitch to land because Watson threw the pass.

I’m not advocating for a Kubiak return, but OB’s offense, expect for the short stint last season, has always seemed unimaginative, ineffectual, and constipated at best. But he has a butt chin and barked at Brady one time, so he makes ex-PE coaches all excited about his “fiery” nature.


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