And he looks good in those tight pants.
An Open Letter to GreatBagwellsBeardGreatBagwellsBeard (if that is your real name),
I have a favor to ask of you. Ok, it's not so much a favor as I'm willing to compensate you to do (or in this case, stop doing) something.
I understand that you have a penis, and in having this penis, you feel a right to address the professional ballplayers for the Houston Astros as being gender/sex specific; as referenced in your desire to Brad Ausmus' slave and whatnot.
That's all fine and good. Fantasy is fine and that's what the interwebs are for.
That being said, I will build many Church's Chicken Shack Flavoured Products in your honor if you stop calling Michael Bourn "Sweet Baby Bourn."
I'm not sure what you mean by it, whether it be sexual, some sort of Oedipal thing, or something else entirely. But I've taken a poll, and it, to a man, makes the rest of us gag mightily each time you say it.
We are witnessing a professional American sporting event. This involves large roided up men doing manly things like hitting and throwing and diving and getting dirty and patting each other in the ass in a way that is not at all sexual. Except for the giant orgies that happen in the shower at the end of every professional sporting event. But I digress.
Name your price. I will pay it. Not because I give a fuck about this year's Astros team or because I'm trying to dictate what you call "fun" on the interwebs (truth is, I have no issue with you as a poster at all and am quite glad you're here). But the Sweet Baby Bourn thing touches me in my no place.
Thank you.
And Mr. Happy -- stop making it worse.
Sincerely,
Me.