Author Topic: Roy's Restaurant (Read 23665 times)

pravata · « **on:** April 30, 2009, 02:02:12 pm »

Roy is putting up a restaurant in his hometown. Not for the money but because they're so few places to have a night out in Weir. Roy cleared the land with his bulldozer (details of the fateful deal are in the article) but is leaving the construction work to the pros. He is going to dabble in naming menu items and right off he blows it,

"I'm going to name a lot of things on the menu after people I've played with," he said. "I might have a double cheeseburger named after Baggy [Jeff Bagwell] or something. I'm going to ask guys what they like to eat and kind of go from there."
Link

D'oh! Double cheeseburger is a "Biggio" Roy!

TheWizard · « **Reply #1 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:05:18 pm »

Can't wait to try The Eusebio.

MusicMan · « **Reply #2 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:05:45 pm »

Quote from: pravata on April 30, 2009, 02:02:12 pm

D'oh! Double cheeseburger is a "Biggio" Roy!

Only because the chef withheld the third patty to improve his stats.

JimR · « **Reply #3 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:06:38 pm »

Quote from: TheWizard on April 30, 2009, 02:05:18 pm

Can't wait to try The Eusebio.

hard to order it without some daring, though, because the item's description is unintelligible.

MusicMan · « **Reply #4 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:07:26 pm »

Quote from: JimR on April 30, 2009, 02:06:38 pm

hard to order it without some daring, though, because the item's description is unintelligible.

That's why you get a side of Ausmus.

Ty in Tampa · « **Reply #5 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:08:36 pm »

The "Fat Elvis", a fried Twinkie.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #6 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:09:54 pm »

A 'coon burger named The Wags?

MusicMan · « **Reply #7 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:10:57 pm »

Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #8 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:17:11 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on April 30, 2009, 02:10:57 pm

Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.

Drinks are four for the price of one.

The chili pie is the "Carl Everret", because it tastes good, but burns coming out.

TheWizard · « **Reply #9 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:17:51 pm »

Ordering The Pence will require signing off on a release waiver and wearing a protective helmet.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #10 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:18:06 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on April 30, 2009, 02:10:57 pm

Happy hour will, of course, be the Oswalt Inning.

Don't they usually have a buffet during happy...I see what you did there.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #11 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:19:56 pm »

The Backe Platter: Fried Oysters available all year round, but only worth ordering during the playoffs.

JimR · « **Reply #12 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:23:52 pm »

Quote from: Andyzipp on April 30, 2009, 02:19:56 pm

The Backe Platter: Fried Oysters available all year round, but only worth ordering during the playoffs.

and the waitress beats you up

(sorry)

Andyzipp · « **Reply #13 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:25:28 pm »

Didn't mean to edit that...

MusicMan · « **Reply #14 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:29:08 pm »

Warning: The Rocket and the Pettitte are NOT organic.

They are, however, served uncomfortably close on the plate.

utastro · « **Reply #15 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:35:43 pm »

During Lima Time, all the waiters and waitresses get up on the tables and dance to salsa music.

Duke · « **Reply #16 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:37:30 pm »

boleeb it

Andyzipp · « **Reply #17 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:44:01 pm »

Quote from: utastro on April 30, 2009, 02:35:43 pm

During Lima Time, all the waiters and waitresses get up on the tables and dance to salsa music.

Doesn't this already happen at Casa Ole?

subnuclear · « **Reply #18 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:46:40 pm »

The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.

pots · « **Reply #19 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:49:01 pm »

If you order the Ensberg platter you are only allowed to eat what falls off the plate. Everything else you take home.

austro · « **Reply #20 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:52:34 pm »

Quote from: pots on April 30, 2009, 02:49:01 pm

If you order the Ensberg platter you are only allowed to eat what falls off the plate. Everything else you take.

I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.

das · « **Reply #21 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:54:40 pm »

Quote from: subnuclear on April 30, 2009, 02:46:40 pm

The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.

As is La Cabrito with Cub fans of Greek descent that roll into town.

JimR · « **Reply #22 on:** April 30, 2009, 02:59:06 pm »

Quote from: austro on April 30, 2009, 02:52:34 pm

I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.

no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.

pots · « **Reply #23 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:00:35 pm »

Quote from: JimR on April 30, 2009, 02:59:06 pm

no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.

And your forced to change your seating position every 10 minutes

Andyzipp · « **Reply #24 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:05:27 pm »

Quote from: JimR on April 30, 2009, 02:59:06 pm

no, you just sit and stare at the food. you get no utensils because you do not need them.

Served with a side of pigeon shit.

Jacksonian · « **Reply #25 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:06:28 pm »

Quote from: subnuclear on April 30, 2009, 02:46:40 pm

The El Caballo is popular with European tourists.

Always served with Ranch.

JackAstro · « **Reply #26 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:08:24 pm »

Quote from: Jacksonian on April 30, 2009, 03:06:28 pm

Always served with Ranch.

Actually ranch comes on the side with everything on the menu.

MusicMan · « **Reply #27 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:12:56 pm »

You know what? Screw this place. They cook with electric.

pravata · « **Reply #28 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:23:16 pm »

Quote from: austro on April 30, 2009, 02:52:34 pm

I figured it would be some sort of fish that just stares at you.

2 eggs sunny side up. "Gimme an ENSBERG! burn the toast!"

Taras Bulba · « **Reply #29 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:39:04 pm »

The Soup de Jour is simply known as the Cooper.

pots · « **Reply #30 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:45:00 pm »

The Chacon isn't bad for the price but it's kind of weak for an entre. If you order it as a side the cook comes running out the kitchen and kicks your arse!

pravata · « **Reply #31 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:46:37 pm »

Quote from: Taras Bulba on April 30, 2009, 03:39:04 pm

The Soup de Jour is simply known as the Cooper.

The Blue Plate Special is the "Jimy". Stuffed Jalapenos, "The Dierk".

MusicMan · « **Reply #32 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:49:52 pm »

Unfortunately, someone keeps walking up to the patrons and asking what the chef should do better.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #33 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:50:58 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on April 30, 2009, 03:49:52 pm

Unfortunately, someone keeps walking up to the patrons and asking what the chef should do better.

On the plus side, if you boo your waiters, they're fired immediately.

MikeyBoy · « **Reply #34 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:56:06 pm »

There's a jumbotron to prompt the patrons when to chew.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #35 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:56:23 pm »

The Pam Gardener is Tuna Helper.

The featured wine is a Wandy Shiraz, which can only be ordered by itself (no food). It's delicious by itself, but it gets no support.

strosrays · « **Reply #36 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:58:43 pm »

The Spiers is a sampler platter, I guess.

The Barker always gets to the table just a little late. The Abercrombie gets to the table on time, but someone usually knocks it onto the floor before it gets eaten.

The Alyson is cheesecake of course, strawberries on top; and the Yvette Caceras is a fruit salad with melons.

pravata · « **Reply #37 on:** April 30, 2009, 03:59:41 pm »

The Garner, fried gar balls.

MikeyBoy · « **Reply #38 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:02:03 pm »

The Adam Everett is the catch of the day.

strosrays · « **Reply #39 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:04:25 pm »

There is a heavily salted pork butt called the Terry Collins. I tastes pretty good at first, but ends up driving up your blood pressure.

Noe · « **Reply #40 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:09:11 pm »

(patron) "I'll have a Timah"
(waiter) "A Timah?"
(patron) "Yeah, a Timah... red arse snapper with an over-sized head of lettuce"
(waiter) "I'm sorry, that's not on the menu..."
(patron) "Why you...." (punching waiter in face and walking out)

Ty in Tampa · « **Reply #41 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:09:56 pm »

The Meatball Suba.

Noe · « **Reply #42 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:13:12 pm »

(patron) "I'll have a Carlos Hernandez"
(waiter) "A Carlos Hernandez?"
(patron) "Yeah, bring out some cherries jubilee, set it on fire, watch it go up in smoke and then take it away"

Lurch · « **Reply #43 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:16:07 pm »

JD & Brownie for dessert.

strosrays · « **Reply #44 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:17:04 pm »

The Kevin Bass is a, um. . . well, it's a bass. You can get it either grilled or fried.

There is also a seafood dish called the Derek Bell. It is normally only served up out on the terrace, at this coffee table thing you sit at (low and outside.)

Jacksonian · « **Reply #45 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:18:25 pm »

Quote from: strosrays on April 30, 2009, 04:17:04 pm

The Kevin Bass is a, um. . . well, it's a bass. You can get it either grilled or fried.

There is also a seafood dish called the Derek Bell. It is normally only served up out on the terrace, at this coffee table thing you sit at (low and outside.)

But, they only serve it when they're shutting down.

strosrays · « **Reply #46 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:22:30 pm »

Quote from: Jacksonian on April 30, 2009, 04:18:25 pm

But, they only serve it when they're shutting down.

The Chris Truby is a souffle that is brought out at a crucial point in the meal, then immediately deflates.

Ty in Tampa · « **Reply #47 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:30:05 pm »

Scotty's Meatballs. The waiter brings them right to you then they fall off the table.

strosrays · « **Reply #48 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:30:48 pm »

You can order the Lemongello to clean your palette before the wine guy brings out the white Zaunfindel.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #49 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:31:51 pm »

Quote from: strosrays on April 30, 2009, 04:30:48 pm

You can order the Lemongello to clean your palette before the wine guy brings out the white Zaunfindel.

On Friday nights, the sweet jazz sounds of "Sambito" are featured on the veranda.

VirtualBob · « **Reply #50 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:33:26 pm »

The Bateman Special goes down easy but clogs up the system for weeks.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #51 on:** April 30, 2009, 04:34:21 pm »

Quote from: VirtualBob on April 30, 2009, 04:33:26 pm

The Bateman Special goes down easy but clogs up the system for weeks.

The Valverde - Spaghetti with balls.
The Bochy - Spaghetti, drop the balls.

Ebby Calvin · « **Reply #52 on:** April 30, 2009, 05:23:23 pm »

The Kaz -- Rump Roast

seib22 · « **Reply #53 on:** April 30, 2009, 05:29:39 pm »

The Miggy - a nice Veal platter. Turns out this cut of beef is actually much more aged than originally thought when you ordered it.

otterjb · « **Reply #54 on:** April 30, 2009, 06:49:06 pm »

The Berkman - a pack of sunflower seeds, two twinkies and your pick of what's in the vending machine that day.

JimR · « **Reply #55 on:** April 30, 2009, 07:54:18 pm »

The Wandy wine is listed as a 10 year vintage, but it really is 25.

Matt · « **Reply #56 on:** April 30, 2009, 08:40:58 pm »

Quote from: JimR on April 30, 2009, 07:54:18 pm

The Wandy wine is listed as a 10 year vintage, but it really is 25.

And its actually beer and not wine at all.

Noe · « **Reply #57 on:** April 30, 2009, 09:21:16 pm »

The "Melusky Special", grilled tongue sandwich cooked over a profane grill... what... huh... oooohhhhh... propane! Ahum... nevermind.

Gizzmonic · « **Reply #58 on:** April 30, 2009, 10:03:53 pm »

This thread is pretty fantastic, but I think otterjb is the leader at the quarter pole.

Now I'll try my own (weak) hand at this. The Leg of Mike Lamb: it tastes really good in small bites or for a late night snack, but you get tired of it really quick if you try to eat it every day. Although as soon as you quit eating it, you wish you had room in your fridge for it.

Astroholic · « **Reply #59 on:** April 30, 2009, 10:12:18 pm »

Ryan Ventura Beef Steak...Slightly Pounded.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #60 on:** April 30, 2009, 10:19:13 pm »

The Knepper - roasted ass. Only worth ordering on odd numbered days. If you're a female patron, go home and serve this to your husband.

Jacksonian · « **Reply #61 on:** April 30, 2009, 10:25:30 pm »

The Ryan. On the menu but inedible. It's way too tough.

Noe · « **Reply #62 on:** April 30, 2009, 11:55:32 pm »

Quote from: Gizzmonic on April 30, 2009, 10:03:53 pm

This thread is pretty fantastic, but I think otterjb is the leader at the quarter pole.

Now I'll try my own (weak) hand at this. The Leg of Mike Lamb: it tastes really good in small bites or for a late night snack, but you get tired of it really quick if you try to eat it every day. Although as soon as you quit eating it, you wish you had room in your fridge for it.

Is that the one where they serve it to you in a skillet and the waiter will toss in the air for you so you can hear it clank?

utastro · « **Reply #63 on:** May 01, 2009, 12:50:04 am »

The Miggy Piggy pulled pork sandwich doesn't sit too well in the 2 hole.

OregonStrosFan · « **Reply #64 on:** May 01, 2009, 02:33:42 am »

The Coop du jour - a fanastic lineup of soups that changes daily at the whim of the manager.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #65 on:** May 01, 2009, 08:24:33 am »

Quote from: OregonStrosFan on May 01, 2009, 02:33:42 am

The Coop du jour - a fanastic lineup of soups that changes daily at the whim of the manager.

The Cabrera Special - Changes daily, but you've had it before, sometimes during the same day.

David in Jackson · « **Reply #66 on:** May 01, 2009, 08:27:43 am »

The Hidalgo: I don't remember this being so big?

The Meiske: Only available on VHS with no subtitles.

das · « **Reply #67 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:04:46 am »

Gerald Foo Young: Comes out of the kitchen fast but only contains 24.6% of the ingredients.

Limey · « **Reply #68 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:08:57 am »

The Roger Cedeno: a variation on egg drop soup.

EasTexAstro · « **Reply #69 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:18:23 am »

Order the Burke, but you have to finish everything else on the table first. By that time, the Burke has been wasted and sent to another table.

BTW, no one has ever been able to finish the Bottenfield.

MikeyBoy · « **Reply #70 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:25:40 am »

The DWARD: A (un)healthy portion of ToFOO!

Tralfaz · « **Reply #71 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:30:22 am »

The Clark: A new menu item that no one really cares for.

Look for it to be replaced by Spack-n-Cheese.

EasTexAstro · « **Reply #72 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:32:07 am »

The Lidge Sliders...served from 12-6.

Noe · « **Reply #73 on:** May 01, 2009, 10:39:06 am »

The Wade Miller Plate - Milwaukee Bratwurst smothered in cheese

Andyzipp · « **Reply #74 on:** May 01, 2009, 11:00:45 am »

The Berley Visgar - Sausage Plate, served with all you can drink beer. When you order it, Mike Hampton kicks your ass.

Astroholic · « **Reply #75 on:** May 01, 2009, 12:26:45 pm »

Quote from: Andyzipp on May 01, 2009, 11:00:45 am

The Berley Visgar - Sausage Plate, served with all you can drink beer. When you order it, Mike Hampton kicks your ass.

The Curious George -- Sausage on a stick served with a wink and a smile.

Matt · « **Reply #76 on:** May 01, 2009, 12:38:17 pm »

You can get any item on the menu "Jeff Kent Style" which is just the cook spitting in your food.

Guinness · « **Reply #77 on:** May 01, 2009, 12:40:38 pm »

Just don't ask for a Moises at the bar...

Waldo · « **Reply #78 on:** May 01, 2009, 12:59:27 pm »

The Hipolito Pichardo - Just one bite and you're done.

BlownRanger · « **Reply #79 on:** May 01, 2009, 01:44:47 pm »

The Larry Andersen: All-you-can-eat of those little sliders.

Biggios: The Larry Andersen served only outside.

Tralfaz · « **Reply #80 on:** May 01, 2009, 02:34:55 pm »

Steer clear of the El Beltran though. It's just over priced Mole.

MusicMan · « **Reply #81 on:** May 01, 2009, 02:35:30 pm »

Quote from: Tralfaz on May 01, 2009, 02:34:55 pm

Steer clear of the El Beltran though. It's just over priced Mole.

We have a winner.

das · « **Reply #82 on:** May 02, 2009, 10:40:33 am »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 01, 2009, 02:35:30 pm

We have a winner.

Agree. Great, great thread and an excellent example of what makes this place such fun.

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #83 on:** May 02, 2009, 01:30:18 pm »

The Dickie Thon - Blackened Eye of Round Roast

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #84 on:** May 02, 2009, 01:59:21 pm »

Quote from: Guinness on May 01, 2009, 12:40:38 pm

Just don't ask for a Moises at the bar...

The bartender recommends the Rusty Staub, it's 1 1/2 oz. Scotch, a 1/2 oz. Drambuie over ice, with an orange slice stuck to the rim.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #85 on:** May 02, 2009, 03:25:08 pm »

The Red Rooster, a baked bird that leaves turds on the table.

JimR · « **Reply #86 on:** May 02, 2009, 03:48:15 pm »

Quote from: Mr. Happy on May 02, 2009, 03:25:08 pm

The Red Rooster, a baked bird that leaves turds on the table.

or in your dessert

94CougarGrad · « **Reply #87 on:** May 03, 2009, 08:23:18 am »

My side hurts and there are tears streaming down my cheeks. Y'all are the best. I kept trying to come up with one to join in, but I was laughing too hard. Thread Of The Season.

Houston · « **Reply #88 on:** May 06, 2009, 10:25:05 am »

I'm very late to this thread, but it never stopped me before.

Doc Gooden and Sid Fernandez Specials

They both were popular items on other restaurants' menus, but as soon as he's added to yours, you realize the cheap price you paid was because of an unannounced FDA beef recall. You're forced to remove from your menu immediately.

Limey · « **Reply #89 on:** May 06, 2009, 12:24:12 pm »

Quote from: Houston on May 06, 2009, 10:25:05 am

I'm very late to this thread, but it never stopped me before.

Doc Gooden and Sid Fernandez Specials

They both were popular items on other restaurants' menus, but as soon as he's added to yours, you realize the cheap price you paid was because of an unannounced FDA beef recall. You're forced to remove from your menu immediately.

I would've thought the Doc Gooden would be a fruitcake liberally dusted with powdered sugar.

strosrays · « **Reply #90 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:00:25 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 06, 2009, 12:24:12 pm

I would've thought the Doc Gooden would be a fruitcake liberally dusted with powdered sugar.

Something pickled.

MusicMan · « **Reply #91 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:01:07 pm »

Has anyone told the Astros that we've basically set up the entire menu for the Five Seven grill for them?

pravata · « **Reply #92 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:03:20 pm »

Quote from: strosrays on May 06, 2009, 04:00:25 pm

~~Something~~ everything pickled.

JimR · « **Reply #93 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:08:56 pm »

the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #94 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:13:27 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 06, 2009, 04:08:56 pm

the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.

Nominated. Pretty damn funny Jim.

MusicMan · « **Reply #95 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:18:19 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 06, 2009, 04:08:56 pm

the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.

The patrons rarely call for it, but when they do, they will run over anyone in their way to get it.

Matt · « **Reply #96 on:** May 06, 2009, 04:33:23 pm »

The Jared Fernandez is a bunch of slop that usually doesn't find it's way to your table and the waiter ends up wandering around before just dropping it off anywhere.

94CougarGrad · « **Reply #97 on:** May 06, 2009, 07:29:55 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 06, 2009, 04:18:19 pm

The patrons rarely call for it, but when they do, they will run over anyone in their way to get it.

See da Jello. Eat da ~~waiter~~ Jello.

pots · « **Reply #98 on:** May 07, 2009, 12:13:24 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 06, 2009, 04:08:56 pm

the Carlos Lee: a large tower of jello in your choice of flavors that absolutely will not move off the plate, even if the table is jostled. perfect for dessert on the patio in high winds or an earthquake.

Seranaded by Bill Cosby riding around the table on a stick horse.

JimR · « **Reply #99 on:** May 10, 2009, 08:55:38 am »

the Bo Belinsky: all the matinis you can drink at the bar, all the time

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #100 on:** May 10, 2009, 01:17:16 pm »

The Jerry Grote - A hastily and sloppily prepared still throbbing bloody slab of meat brought to the table before it's ready, then returned to the kitchen where it is seasoned, cooked, and sold (Roy's also receives a rotting piece of veal that never makes it to the table) to a competing restaurant where it becomes one of the most popular items on their menu.

strosrays · « **Reply #101 on:** May 10, 2009, 02:28:43 pm »

Quote from: Sphinx Drummond on May 10, 2009, 01:17:16 pm

The Jerry Grote/John Mayberry/Nate Colbert/Kenny Lofton, etc. - A hastily and sloppily prepared still throbbing bloody slab of meat brought to the table before it's ready, then returned to the kitchen where it is seasoned, cooked, and sold (Roy's also receives a rotting piece of veal that never makes it to the table) to a competing restaurant where it becomes one of the most popular items on their menu.

Fixed

Noe · « **Reply #102 on:** May 11, 2009, 11:00:17 pm »

A "Roger Metzger" - grilled rainbow trout, however does not come in a kabob because this plate comes with no stick.

Noe · « **Reply #103 on:** May 11, 2009, 11:10:05 pm »

The "Cheo Cruuuuzzzzz" - arroz con pollo, when the waiter brings it out to you, he mutters "Somebody's gonna pay!"

Astroholic · « **Reply #104 on:** May 12, 2009, 09:08:21 am »

Daily Special-- Juneberno!

Craig · « **Reply #105 on:** May 12, 2009, 09:22:39 am »

The Jeff Bagwell Shoulder Roast -- So tender it just pulls off the bone.

or

The Jeff Bagwell RiB-I Steak -- it just squats there on your plate and forces you to take a step back. Only served at the table nearest the bathroom because it almost always produces the runs.

Señor Stan · « **Reply #106 on:** May 12, 2009, 09:30:29 am »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on May 11, 2009, 11:10:05 pm

The "Cheo Cruuuuzzzzz" - arroz con pollo, when the waiter brings it out to you, he mutters "Somebody's gonna pay!"

He also loses his cap on the way to pick up the plate

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #107 on:** May 12, 2009, 10:48:32 am »

There is a table with 3 inch long table legs and no chairs in a back corner called The Matsui Table, where those who dare can order exotic dishes like The Nellie Fox, The Joe Gibbon, or The Aaron Pointer.

Astroholic · « **Reply #108 on:** May 12, 2009, 10:49:54 am »

Quote from: Sphinx Drummond on May 12, 2009, 10:48:32 am

There is a table with 3 inch long table legs and no chairs in a back corner called The Matsui Table, where those who dare can order exotic dishes like The Nellie Fox, The Joe Gibbon, or The Aaron Pointer.

I mistook 3 in long legs for three legs....which led me to think the Artest.

Noe · « **Reply #109 on:** May 12, 2009, 11:10:49 am »

Quote from: Astroholic on May 12, 2009, 09:08:21 am

Daily Special-- Juneberno!

Actually, the plate is called "The Joaquin Andujar" and it's a mystery meat surprise. Some days, the waiter will serve it to you with his left hand and then the next time, he'll probably serve it to you with his right hand.

Señor Stan · « **Reply #110 on:** May 12, 2009, 01:35:49 pm »

They will also have the "Chris Holt" where they serve you nothing but Taters.

austro · « **Reply #111 on:** May 12, 2009, 01:41:29 pm »

Quote from: Señor Stan on May 12, 2009, 01:35:49 pm

They will also have the "Chris Holt" where they serve you nothing but Taters.

And sulk about it.

Señor Stan · « **Reply #112 on:** May 12, 2009, 01:42:07 pm »

You can also order the Michael Bourn.

It's a appetizer, and you order it expecting it at the beginning of your meal, but it doesn't actually get to the table until just before dessert. Prepared by Chef Cooper.

Señor Stan · « **Reply #113 on:** May 12, 2009, 01:49:13 pm »

When you order the "Spiers Plate", you get a little bit of everything off of the menu. It's freaking spectacular.

It is not to be confused with a Purpura Platter, which has got a sampling of items that are being considered for the main menu. The only problem is they bring it out to your table and then trade it for someone elses overpriced/half eaten steak. You get to pay the bill for the steak.

Astroholic · « **Reply #114 on:** May 12, 2009, 02:02:18 pm »

The Charley K. A hot dog served in the "bullpen".

JimR · « **Reply #115 on:** May 12, 2009, 02:06:09 pm »

the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.

Noe · « **Reply #116 on:** May 12, 2009, 03:10:40 pm »

The "Terry Puhl" - nothing fancy, just two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a bowl. Never misses hitting the spot, is the best ice cream you've ever had. Makes you remember that the best things are the least complicated things.

Astroholic · « **Reply #117 on:** May 12, 2009, 03:20:51 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on May 12, 2009, 03:10:40 pm

The "Terry Puhl" - nothing fancy, just two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a bowl. Never misses hitting the spot, is the best ice cream you've ever had. Makes you remember that the best things are the least complicated things.

The Mike Scott -- Dry Rubbed rawhide ribs.

JimR · « **Reply #118 on:** May 12, 2009, 03:37:35 pm »

the Joe Niekro--pickled pig's knuckles

Jacksonian · « **Reply #119 on:** May 12, 2009, 03:55:15 pm »

The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.

JimR · « **Reply #120 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:10:13 pm »

Quote from: Jacksonian on May 12, 2009, 03:55:15 pm

The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.

but if you send it back to the kitchen, you get two great dishes.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #121 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:13:03 pm »

The Cesar Cedeno - An authentic Domincan delicacy of Rice, Pigeon Peas and Coconut. It's outstanding, but you're going to keep thinking it should have been a little better than it actually was.

strosrays · « **Reply #122 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:24:57 pm »

The Danny Darwin "Dr. Death": a cocktail made of 3 parts mescal (worm optional), 2 parts Seagrams gin, 2 parts Everclear, 1 part each Night Train, Thunderbird, and Boone's Farm Country Kwencher®, a splash of Mogen David 20-20, and garnished with your choice of habanero, scotch bonnet, or cayenne peppers. Served with a nasty glare by the bartender.

The Aurelio Lopez "Senor Smoke": a burrito made from a 15" flour tortilla stuffed with 1/3 lb. refried beans, 1/3 lb. shredded beef, three cheeses, and three or four tablespoons of sour cream. It looks a little sloppy on the plate, but, thanks to a secret ingredient, New Mexican green chile salsa, it delivers surprising heat. Also available in chimichanga. A complimentary bucket of longnecks served with each order.

The Juan Agosto: cabrito, but cooked on a spit

The Billy Wagner: A chicken fried steak that spontaneously combusts. Alternately, beef tongue.

The Chuckie Carr: A shrimp dish. It gets to the table quickly, has a loud, brash flavor, but is ultimately not very filling. You'll probably need to get an order of Thomas "Tank" Howard (mixed greens, flavored with a ham hock) and/or the James Mouflon (a cajun-flavored mutton dish) to go along with it.

MusicMan · « **Reply #123 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:26:32 pm »

For special occasions, you may request the chef's Candaele-light dinner.

strosrays · « **Reply #124 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:29:30 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 12, 2009, 04:10:13 pm

but if you send it back to the kitchen, you get two great dishes.

Two drinks:
A Chilly Willy Tavares (one of those tropical drinks, with a lot of rum in it) and a Luke-warm Scotch.

homer · « **Reply #125 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:44:04 pm »

Quote from: strosrays on May 12, 2009, 04:29:30 pm

Two drinks:
A Chilly Willy Tavares (one of those tropical drinks, with a lot of rum in it)

Often confused with the Willy Taveras.

Astroholic · « **Reply #126 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:48:10 pm »

The Creigngh Bigsgio. _ a healthy portion of whatever Harey was drinking in the booth that night.

pots · « **Reply #127 on:** May 13, 2009, 11:07:46 am »

Quote from: JimR on May 12, 2009, 02:06:09 pm

the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.

And the waiter takes away the entre and brings out desert before you are finished

pots · « **Reply #128 on:** May 13, 2009, 11:29:04 am »

The Paulino: Cheeseburger chowder

Tasted great the first few times you had it. Then the Chef screwed with the recipe and now it's inedible.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #129 on:** May 13, 2009, 12:56:21 pm »

My day is ruined by a Juan Disgusto reference.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #130 on:** May 13, 2009, 12:57:12 pm »

Quote from: Mr. Happy on May 13, 2009, 12:56:21 pm

My day is ruined by a Juan Disgusto reference.

Oddly, I remember Juan Agosto being a very good relief pitcher.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #131 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:19:36 pm »

Quote from: Andyzipp on May 13, 2009, 12:57:12 pm

Oddly, I remember Juan Agosto being a very good relief pitcher.

He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.

MusicMan · « **Reply #132 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:20:57 pm »

Quote from: Mr. Happy on May 13, 2009, 01:19:36 pm

He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.

In that vein:

The Powell Plate, which is actually fairly tasty, but is never ordered because all of the patrons hate it for no damn reason.

JimR · « **Reply #133 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:22:40 pm »

Quote from: Mr. Happy on May 13, 2009, 01:19:36 pm

He blew a bunch of games in his last year as an Astro as I recall. I have a similar recollection of the late Senor Smoke, who we used to call Senor Shit when he was brought in.

man, i liked Senor Smoke.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #134 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:26:17 pm »

Senor Smoke was a seemingly likable guy, but he was really on the way out by the time that we got him. A 4.5 ERA pitching half time in the Dome? You had to be serving them up in order to do that!

Noe · « **Reply #135 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:52:17 pm »

The "John Hudek" - bar-b-que short ribs, with one missing.

MusicMan · « **Reply #136 on:** May 13, 2009, 02:03:33 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on May 13, 2009, 01:52:17 pm

The "John Hudek" - bar-b-que short ribs, with one missing.

Bravo.

94CougarGrad · « **Reply #137 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:40:53 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 12, 2009, 02:06:09 pm

the Cecil Cooper: this is a "pot luck" selection because one cannot understand the waiter's description of the entree.

It's stuff like this that just brings a tear to your eye.

das · « **Reply #138 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:10:42 am »

Quote from: Jacksonian on May 12, 2009, 03:55:15 pm

The Jeriome Robertson - vastly overrated serving of 15 meatballs served right down the middle of the plate.

FIFY.

Taras Bulba · « **Reply #139 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:20:06 am »

The Roger Metzger: table well covered but a modest dish with very light utensils.

Astroholic · « **Reply #140 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:26:46 am »

The Enos Cabell - meat balls slightly dusted and adjusted often on the plate.

strosrays · « **Reply #141 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:51:29 am »

The Jimy Williams Experience™. A sandwich filled with indeterminate contents of unknown origin, arranged in no discernable pattern (if you ask, the waiter will tell you, "Chef's decision.") They don't care if you order it or not. If you do, it has a funny aftertaste, and leaves you feeling confused and vaguely pissed off.

The Jimy Williams Experience™ Blum-Ensberg Platoon Sandwich®. Sliced prime rib on one side, bologna on the other. The customer forms his own strong opinion on which is which.

Stephen · « **Reply #142 on:** May 14, 2009, 10:24:58 am »

The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.

JimR · « **Reply #143 on:** May 14, 2009, 10:35:39 am »

Quote from: Stephen on May 14, 2009, 10:24:58 am

The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.

good one

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #144 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:52:50 pm »

Quote from: Stephen on May 14, 2009, 10:24:58 am

The Moises Alou: To prepare it the chef first will, well, umm... Just don't order it. Trust me.

Nice job!

JimR · « **Reply #145 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:54:12 pm »

the Jim York: the description and pictures look fabulous, but when the dish arrives at the table, it falls apart and is awful

Andyzipp · « **Reply #146 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:56:37 pm »

Be careful...When the kitchen runs out of the Nolan Ryan, they'll try to serve you the Jim Clancy claiming it's just as good.

David in Jackson · « **Reply #147 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:04:48 pm »

When you order the Mike Scott, one of the most acclaimed items on the menu, something mysterious falls out of the waiter's back pocket.

I'm out of here. Going to eat at Lima Time!