By Craig ElliottThe Astros just took two of three from the dumbass Cubs, somehow managing to miss the sweep despite another complete game from Roy. Houston is still four games behind the Shitbird Jakes, who are somehow still in first place despite going 9-16 in June.
The Jakes are staggering around like a cardinal with its head cut off, but they still need a good kick in the balls to speed up their pending descent. And since the Astros are four games back with a four-game series staring them in the face, this seems like a perfect time for Jake-Breaking. Meanwhile, the Co-Ards also just picked up Jeff Weaver, so don't be surprised if he starts in this series, maybe in place of Sidney Pontoon.
When:Thursday, July 6, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Friday, July 7, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Saturday, July 8, 3:05 p.m. CDT ? Fox
Sunday, July 9, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? ESPN
MLB Extra Innings ? Thursday's and Friday's games will be on Fox Southwest. The other two are national broadcasts.
Where: MMPUSYvette is busting out the goodies this weekend, including NL championship rings, tote bags, fireworks, K-cards, Pettitte posters, and rally towels. And by the way, I'm disappointed that Fox Southwest now seems to show Yvette only from the centerfield camera. Those long-range cameras tend to ... eh ... compact things.
Projected Matchups
Sidney Ponson (4-3, 5.60) v. Taylor Buchholz (5-6, 5.36)Pontoon has lost his last three decisions and hasn't won since May. In his last start, against the mighty Royals, he gave up 6 ER in less than three innings. He hasn't faced Houston this season, and is 0-1 overall against the Astros.
Current Astros are only 12-for-51 (.235) against Pontoon. Orlando Palmeiro is 4-for-9 with a double against him, and Mike Lamb is 5-for-15 with four doubles. Preston Wilson is 0-for-10 and Biggio is 0-for-3.
Buchholz went five innings against the Jakes on May 31, giving up 3 ER and getting a no-decision. David Dickstain is 2-for-3 against him, and Rolen and PooHoles are each 1-for-2.
Jason Marquis (10-6, 5.78) v. Wandy Rodriguez (9-5, 4.97)Marquis won his last start against Kansas City, but lost the two previous starts. He's 1-1 against the Astros this year, and 6-3 for his career. Current Astros have a whopping 249 AB's against Marky, with 70 hits for a .281 average.
Lance Berkman is 12-for-22 (.545) against Marquis with two doubles, a triple (!) and a homer. Morgan Ensberg is 10-for-24 (.417) with two homers. Biggio is 10-for-32 with a homer, while Mike Lamb is only 1-for-12, but the one hit was a homer. Preston Wilson is only 4-for-22, with six strikeouts.
Wandy hasn't faced the Shitbirds this season, and he's 0-2 against them overall with an ERA well above 12. Dickstain is 3-for-5 against Wandy, and Marquis is 2-for-3 with a homer. PooHoles is 0-for-3 against Wandy.
Anthony Reyes (1-3, 3.30) v. Roger Clemens (1-2, 2.76)Reyes has started five games for the Jakes since getting called up in late May. He started against the Astros on May 30 and gave up 3 ER in 6+ innings. He got a no-decision in that game. Biggio, Ausmus, Berkman, Burke, and Taveras are all 1-for-3 against him. Ensberg is 0-for-3 with two strikeouts.
Clemens is 4-1 against the Jakes in nine appearances. Current Co-Ards are barely Mendoza-worthy against Roger, going 43-for-213 for a .202 average. They have five homers against Clemens ? three from Edmonds and two from Rolen.
Rolen is 5-for-16 (.313) against Roger, and PooHoles is 6-for-21 (.286). Edmonds is 12-for-50 (.240), and So Taguchi is 4-for-8. Scott Spezio is only 3-for-34 against Clemens, while Dickstain is 3-for-24.
Chris Carpenter (7-4, 2.88) v. Andy Pettitte (7-9, 5.37)Carpenter is 3-1 at Minute Maid with an ERA of 1.66. He's 4-2 against the Astros in eight appearances, and 0-1 this season. In his last start, Carpenter only gave up 1 ER but got a no-decision.
Current Astros are 54-for-222 against Carpenter for a .243 average. That includes five homers ? four from Berkman and one from Lamb. Biggio is 9-for-25 (.360) against Carpenter, and Everett is 7-for-24 (.292). Lamb is 6-for-18, with four doubles to go with that homer. Berkman is 5-for-18, and has a double to go with those four homers.
Pettitte is 3-1 against the Jakes, and 2-0 this year. It's a good thing Bigbie won't be playing today, because he's 11-for-14 against Andy. Juan Encarnacion is 13-for-31 (.419) with a double and a homer, while Rolen is 7-for-21 with two doubles and two homers. PooHoles is 2-for-17, and Fat-Lip Edmonds is 4-for-33.
Key injuries:
St. Louis ? Mark Mulder, Larry Bigbie, Rick Ankiel, and Ricardo Rincon are all out.
Houston ? Brandon Backe is rehabbing in Round Rock.
Other shit* Brewers pitcher Matt Wise was recently sidelined after cutting his finger on salad tongs. Which you know is a bullshit story, because no one in Milwaukee has ever eaten a salad. Unless it had sausage in it or something.
The Link* Dusty Baker is feeling the heat in Chicago, despite being a black man and thus better equipped to handle it. Rumors say the Cubs may clear all that choking Dusty-ness out of the air during the All-Star Break. Which won't heal their rotation, but at least it will give them a scapegoat. And you know how the Cubs are about goats.
* And that brings us to the All-Star Break, and if recent history holds true, the Astros should be starting the regular season any time now.
Show Posts
