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General Discussion => Beer and Queso => Topic started by: Duman on August 09, 2018, 07:26:46 am

Title: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Duman on August 09, 2018, 07:26:46 am
We dropped off our son at college (War Eagle) and also attended a welcome luncheon with our daughter for Vet School (also War Eagle) on Monday of this week.  Mrs. Duman and I are now adjusting to the life of empty nesters.  Any wisdom from folks who have navigated this stage of life? 
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Snuffy on August 09, 2018, 10:23:09 am
Quote from: Duman on August 09, 2018, 07:26:46 am
We dropped off our son at college (War Eagle) and also attended a welcome luncheon with our daughter for Vet School (also War Eagle) on Monday of this week.  Mrs. Duman and I are now adjusting to the life of empty nesters.  Any wisdom from folks who have navigated this stage of life?

Our kids have kids now - we now enjoy eight grand kids - and I am still having to learn how to keep my mouth shut as they discuss their situations.  Certain questions are OK, but suggestions are not welcome unless requested.  As my wise-beyond-her-years daughter expressed years ago,

"I don't want you to "fix" it, Daddy.  I just want you to listen."

I should have followed her advise.  What do you anticipate as being the biggest challenge?
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: juliogotay on August 10, 2018, 09:52:05 am
Quote from: Duman on August 09, 2018, 07:26:46 am
We dropped off our son at college (War Eagle) and also attended a welcome luncheon with our daughter for Vet School (also War Eagle) on Monday of this week.  Mrs. Duman and I are now adjusting to the life of empty nesters.  Any wisdom from folks who have navigated this stage of life?

I remember that day well 18 years ago dropping our daughter off at college. Wearing sunglasses in the elevator in the dorm  to hide the watery eyes. It was hard for a while and, ultimately, I have no advice. In time it will become the new norm.
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Snuffy on August 10, 2018, 10:26:05 am
Quote from: Duman on August 09, 2018, 07:26:46 am
We dropped off our son at college (War Eagle) and also attended a welcome luncheon with our daughter for Vet School (also War Eagle) on Monday of this week.  Mrs. Duman and I are now adjusting to the life of empty nesters.  Any wisdom from folks who have navigated this stage of life?

It comes in stages, I remember getting on the elevator with our daughter on her wedding day.  I was in a trance until finally one of the brides maids observed, "We're not moving."

No one had pressed the down button.  Our precious daughter was beginning to build a nest of her own.

We had a code growing up:
"Do you know what?
"What?"
"I love you!"
"I love you too, Daddy!"

Now it is shorter response to "Do you know what?"  - An adult version of my daughter says "I love you, too, Daddy?"

PS: Just writing this, 20 years after the fact, brings a tear to my eyes.

Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Snuffy on August 10, 2018, 10:44:56 am
There may still be "pros" in your circle that could help, if they are still alive. 

I received a draft notice on graduation day in the 1960's.    Instead of heading to CA to work on another degree, I was headed to Ft. Bliss for basic training.  I thot it was a death notice.  As I road the bus for the hour drive to Houston I was in another trance.  I felt all alone. 

It was not until decades later, during a conversation, that my Dad shared that he followed me all the way to Houston!  So thankful to have had that conversation with him.
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: BudGirl on August 10, 2018, 12:35:57 pm
Quote from: Snuffy on August 10, 2018, 10:26:05 am
It comes in stages, I remember getting on the elevator with our daughter on her wedding day.  I was in a trance until finally one of the brides maids observed, "We're not moving."

No one had pressed the down button.  Our precious daughter was beginning to build a nest of her own.

We had a code growing up:
"Do you know what?
"What?"
"I love you!"
"I love you too, Daddy!"

Now it is shorter response to "Do you know what?"  - An adult version of my daughter says "I love you, too, Daddy?"

PS: Just writing this, 20 years after the fact, brings a tear to my eyes.



Thanks for making me cry.  The 16th is my Daddy's second anniversary of his passing.  He loved me too. 
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Snuffy on August 10, 2018, 01:03:21 pm
Quote from: BudGirl on August 10, 2018, 12:35:57 pm
Thanks for making me cry.  The 16th is my Daddy's second anniversary of his passing.  He loved me too.

I worked with youth FT for a decade or so and somewhere along the way, I learned someone told me that the father's love can be a great protection for his daughter, keeping her from seeking his love from someone else.  So I have tried to remove all doubt of my love for my girl, even when she's 40.

Thankful, BudGirl, that you KNEW/KNOW your Dad loved you!  Tks for sharing!
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: Fredia on August 23, 2018, 02:19:51 pm
grandchildren help greatly
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: VirtualBob on August 24, 2018, 03:35:41 pm
Quote from: Fredia on August 23, 2018, 02:19:51 pm
grandchildren help greatly
Grandchildren are your reward for allowing your teenagers to live.
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: juliogotay on August 24, 2018, 08:33:55 pm
Quote from: VirtualBob on August 24, 2018, 03:35:41 pm
Grandchildren are your reward for allowing your teenagers to live.

It's also payback.
Title: Re: Empty Nest Wisdom?
Post by: austro on August 24, 2018, 08:48:43 pm
Quote from: juliogotay on August 24, 2018, 08:33:55 pm
It's also payback.

When my girls were teenagers, i just kept telling them "you'll get your turn". And now they are, and it's both endearing and hilarious to watch.