By Craig Elliott
Now that the Astros have eliminated the entire NL East, and the Jakes performed a mercy killing on the pathetic NL West, we can finally get back down to business. A best-of-seven series with the fucking shitbird Jakes.
But this time we’ve got Starin’ Andy on the hill in Game One, and the Astros are riding that wave of Holy Fucking Shit. It’s hard to believe we got not one, but THREE more Great Astro Homers in one game. All in the 8th inning or later. And Bobby Cox had to watch every fucking one of them.
Meanwhile, the Jakes destroyed the Padres and have been laser-focused on getting back to the World Series this year. Or at least that’s what their website says. (Do you guys realize that when I write these previews, I have to go to the other team’s website and root around in the muck? I walk in the shit so you don?t have to.)
Anyway, we’re back for the rematch and a long-ass series, so put on your good-luck gear and clear the living room. It’s League Championship time, and Houston Astros baseball is on the air!
Wednesday, October 12, 7:00 p.m. CDT – Fox/FX
Where: Old ‘n Busted Busch Stadium
We all knew that a successful Astros playoff run would go through Busch, and now it’s time to knock that fucker down and piss on the stinking rubble. We just need to make sure we don’t leave Lance Berkman out there still wandering the bases.
There’ll be a sea of bright red fans for the next two days, so I’ll just mention the same thing I said last year at this time, because it’s oddly comforting. Somewhere today, maybe even at Busch, there are St. Louis fans wearing my farts. Because whenever I’m at the St. Louis airport, I make it a point to accidentally back my ass into the rack of Co-Ard T-shirts, and leave a little sump’n sump’n.
And by the way, if any St. Louis fans are reading this, I always anoint the shirts that are solid red. Hope you don’t have any of those.