By Craig Elliott
Well it took a little more drama than was totally necessary, but the Astros popped the Cubs just hard enough and held on to the wildcard. Playoff time, baby! Fuck the Phillies, fuck the Mets, they’re all just color analysts now.
The Astros have knocked off everyone else in the NL East, so now we can make it a clean sweep by dumping the Braves. The Atlanta Cocksucking Braves. Don’t be misled by all that rookie talk. These are still the same moronic-chanting, wide strike zone-having, ugly as Bobby Cox’s ass, rocking on the bench, motherfucking Atlanta Braves.
But still, they do have some young sprouts. I mean, a couple of these guys are so young, their girlfriends are totally still in love with Chipper Jones. And they have to get Julio Franco to take them to R-rated movies. Which is handy, though, because he can get the senior discount.
Wednesday, October 5, 3:00 p.m. CDT – ESPN
MLB Extra Innings – Knowing my cable company, I’m probably already getting charged for next season.
Where: The Edifice of Greed
Even if they hang bunting all over it, The Turd is still the same old shithole. The only difference is that there may be fewer empty seats this year because of all the hoo-hah over the rookies. And despite the heavy coat of gloss, there are still some cracks showing in the Braves’ lineup. After hitting his 50th homer, AndrUw went 4-for-47 with no extra-base hits. And the team itself finished 7-12 over its last 19.