By Craig Elliott
The Astros just lost a series to the Royals, and are seven games behind the Co-Ards. But never fear Astros fans, because it’s time to buy shit! The Orgy o’ Roger is pulling into the station, and there’s someone in your family who doesn’t have a #22 jersey yet. Or at least one of the neighbors.
The Twins are at .500 but they’re already 11.5 games behind the Tigers. They’re on a seven-game winning streak, and have won 9-of-10. They just swept the Pirates, right after sweeping the Red Sox. Catcher Joe Mauer is leading the majors in batting at .380.
Tuesday, June 20, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 21, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, June 22, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN/ESPN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. And Thursday’s game will be broadcast worldwide live on ESPN, so that even African tribes and Euroweenies can see Roger pitch. Even if it interrupts their little soccerball tournament. (Though I must say I enjoy Limey’s World Cup updates; when the finals roll around, I’ll know who to cheer for.)
The Orgy o’ Roger will finally arrive at Minute Maid in a stunning burst of pure marketing energy. Yvette won’t be able to go on-camera because the brilliant radiance of her Inner Marketing Synergy will cause her to actually glow. She’ll be cooled off by 22 interns, who will fan her with rhinestoned pink towels from the Debbie Clemens collection.
And, hey, look, it’s also UT Night when Roger’s pitching! Why, what are the odds? 22:1, I guess.